It’s hard to believe it’s been a year without Funky Winkerbean. Then again, has it really been a year without Funky Winkerbean? Those “new original Funky stories at from time to time” Tom Batiuk promised on his website never arrived. Because all the “new Funky stories” are going straight into Crankshaft. Why have web-exclusive content when you can just submit it as your day job?
Speaking of day jobs: my day job is working with financial data. Sports handicapping is a side interest. So I love making half-assed guesses from non-specific data. The great Comic Book Harriet has inspired me to apply these skills to the Funkyverse.
We just saw her third annual breakdown of character appearances in the Funkyverse. She also did this for the 2022 and 2021 years of Funky Winkerbean. I will to try and predict what the character appearances in Crankshaft in 2024 will be. I’m only interested in Funky Winkerbean characters, though. Characters like Lena and Keesterman belong in Crankshaft, so I don’t think they’re worth talking about here.
The count of FW characters in Crankshaft is a good data point to view how far Tom Batiuk is going to convert Crankshaft into The New Funky Winkerbean. For example: Pete Roberts/Reynolds was the sixth-most popular character in Crankshaft last year, behind only Ed, Lillian, and the Murdoch family. And all he did was go to Comic-Con, write Lillian’s author blurb, and re-open Montoni’s. In light of what we know about Montoni’s and Pete, that story arc only makes sense in ways that can be divided by zero. But Batiuk wanted Montoni’s back, so it’s back. I’ll speculate why in a moment.
Here are my predictions for the most prominent Funky Winkerbean characters in Crankshaft in 2024. I won’t guess exact counts, but a ranked order, and the probability each character will appear at all.
#1 Pete Roberts/Reynolds (probability of appearing at least once in 2024: 99.9999%)
A lot of things point to Pete being the most prominent Funky Winkerbean character in Crankshaft in 2024:
- Pete revived Montoni’s. Montoni’s has always been a
half-assed product placementplace for characters to meet, after high school ended. And if Pete’s in charge of it now, he’ll assume Funky’s old role of standing in the background while conversations happen around him. This will greatly pad his appearance count. - Montoni’s as a location for The Burnings to unfold. “The Burnings” is the vague post-apocalyptic event that ended Funky Winkerbean. Batiuk has said it will be explored in Crankshaft in Fall 2024. My guess that is Montoni’s came back because Batiuk needed a location for some of that story to play out. Lord knows we haven’t seen any other reason for it.
- Pete will continue to be a comic book artist, as if he’d never left Atomik Komix. Batiuk never dealt with the implications of Pete quitting AK, and taking Mindy (their colorist) with him. Batiuk also set Pete up to be a freelancer, as unrealistic as that is for someone running a restaurant full-time. This smacks of another “elegant solution” that will let Pete continue to be involved in AK’s output. Which means he’ll be part of weekly “comic book cover” arcs.
- The focus of the Burnings is likely to be comic books. We just said Pete will continue to work for Atomic Komix. And given what we’ve seen from Batiuk over the years, there’s a very good chance the catalyst will be a Fredrick Wertham-style, anti-comic book demagogue. (What Batiuk thinks Wertham was, not what he actually was.) And Atomik Komix seems this person’s most likely target.
#2 Mindy Murdoch (99.9999%)
I was surprised to learn from Harriet’s spreadsheet that Pam and Mindy appeared more times than their spouses Jeff and Pete in 2023. But don’t let that fool you. Mindy is a lot like Pam. They serve the same purpose as characters:


Women in Crankshaft have two jobs: talk about what Ed’s doing, and go along with whatever stupid crap their husbands want to do. But this lets Pam and Mindy both do well in the appearance count. I think some combination of the factors I listed for Pete will push him over the top this year. But Mindy is a solid medal-winner.
#3. Les Moore (probability of appearing at least once: 99%)
If Les Moore was a stock, Jim Kramer would be screaming at you to buy it. (And he’d be right, just like he is 50% of the time.) Les had zero appearances in Crankshaft in 2023, but he’s primed for a big rally in 2024.
What we saw of at the end of Funky Winkerbean implied a book burning scenario. There must have been some book that aroused the public’s ire. And if that wasn’t a comic book, it must have been Lisa’s Story. If the Burnings turn out to be a reaction to Falling Star, Murder In The Bookstore, Dinkle’s autobiography, his Claude Barlow books, Singed Hair, the reporting in the Centerview Sentinel, or The Phantom Empire, I’ll be very surprised.
But I don’t think Lisa’s Story will be the main cause of The Burnings. That’d be tricky to pull off, and the tiniest degree of difficulty in writing sends Tom Batiuk running for the hills. He also doesn’t have enough self-awareness to make Lisa’s Story into anything negative. Even in a “make a negative into a positive” way they tell you to do in job interviews.
It’s too bad Batiuk can’t think that way. Because there are a lot of non-snarky reasons why Lisa’s Story would get some Hype Backlash. Oscar winners tend to attract this. Especially obscure out-of-nowhere winners, like Slumdog Millionaire. Marianne Summers giving Les her Oscar award for no coherent reason would bring him to the attention of the national entertainment news media. (And we know from the Frankie arcs that TMZ-style reporting exists in the Funkyverse.) The troubled history of the production would become public knowledge, as well as the fact that these troubles were almost entirely caused by Les. Also, Lisa’s Story obnoxiously promotes itself, like a cultish religion or a pushy lifestyle brand. Even if there were nothing objectionable about it, it would still annoy some people, because highly successful projects do that by their nature. To say nothing of Les and Lisa’s appalling behavior towards the people of Westview.
Batiuk can’t make Lisa’s Story the source of anything bad. But he can sure as heck make Les the martyr of anything bad. I envision Les becoming the story’s mouthpiece of “why book burning is bad,” despite the burnings not being about his book at all. That would fit perfectly into Les’ character (making everything about himself) and Batiuk’s storytelling M.O. (making Les and Lisa beyond criticism at all times).
I give Les a small chance of being omitted in 2024, because he was omitted in 2023. And maybe, just maybe, someone convinced Tom Batiuk not to build any more stories around this disgusting character. Which would make my guess at The Burnings way off. But I’m delighted to be wrong, if it means no more Les.
#4 Lisa Crawford Moore (probability of being mentioned 99%; probability of actually appearing 20%)
This one depends on what counts as an “appearance.” Harriet didn’t count mention of Lisa’s Story as a Lisa appearance, like when Mason Jarre name-dropped it while buying Valentine Theater. It’s unlikely Lisa will appear as herself, via flashback/ghost/video tape/unexplained phone call. But there’s a good chance Lisa’s Story will hover over everything, as it often did in Act III. So I’m slotting her here in terms of overall importance, if not legit appearances.
#5 Harry Dinkle (has already appeared in Crankshaft in 2024)
This is another stock that’s due to rise, if it isn’t already too late to buy it at the low. Dinkle only had 6 appearances in 2023. He’s already had one this year, on January 21. That puts him on a pace for about 14.
Some of this analysis depends on what you consider a FW character vs. a CS character. I consider Dinkle a Funky Winkerbean character, given his deep roots there. Feel free to beadily pick nits with me in the comments.
I think Tom Batiuk is sensitive to criticism about FW’s invasion of Crankshaft. But he also likes to rules-lawyer his way out of problems. I imagine Batiuk sees Dinkle as a non-FW character because he took a job in Centerville in 2021, almost two years before FW ended. In Batiuk’s strange mind, that justifies Dinkle stories in Crankshaft.
Also, Batiuk needs Dinkle as a character. He’s a crutch, almost as much as Lisa is. But I’m fine with that. Dinkle is the symbol of what was once good about Funky Winkerbean.
And there are a lot of ways to use Dinkle. The Ohio Music Educators Association half-assed product placement arc is in due a couple weeks. The door-to-door selling shtick is a longtime staple; we’ve previously seen it applied to the choir. Other choir arcs aren’t out of the question. Dinkle lends himself well to one-off Sunday strips, as we just saw. Dinkle could get ambitious about some random thing and easily consume three weeks, like he did in the Rose Parade arc. Finally, he’s technically an author, so he could have a role in The Burnings arc.
Maybe it’ll be “Oskaloosa” that sets off the book-burning mob. That would be a legit good twist.
#6 Flash Freeman, Phil Holt, Darin Fairgood (55%)
If the Burnings are about comic books, which I think they will be, these guys will be back to defend the flag. Batiuk made the effort to establish Pete as a freelance artist, which he’ll use to justify his involvement in future Atomik Komix arcs. It’ll be like he never left.
Here’s something that won’t happen in 2024: any exploration of Pete splitting from his lifelong friend Darin. They’ve been mere coworkers for years; their friendship has been forgotten in the long-term story. Nor will we see any implications of Pete and Mindy’s departure on Atomik Komix. Small-town people suddenly having their jobs threatened isn’t a source of drama Tom Batiuk is interested in. I guess it’s not realistic enough.
#7 Pizza Box Monster (98%)
Batiuk planted this half-assed product placement seed into the rebirth of Montoni’s. So you’d better believe he’ll be back for at least a Halloween appearance. I also think he’ll get a few random days where his role with the business is blathered about, without anyone ever saying what it actually is. That would put him at about 10-12 appearances total.
At this point, we’re down to one- or two-week arcs and random spot appearances. This post has gotten long, so I’ll end it here for now. Coming up next: the follow-up, about which remaining Funky Winkerbean characters will appear in Crankshaft at all in 2024. Your thoughts are invited.
Dick Facey probably will have a 0.0001% chance of appearing
Last spring I very confidently predicted That Thing being in the strip by 6/30/23. Due to all the “Mayonnaise Jarre Buy Him Movie House Cuz Wants To Show Lisa’s Boring” arc. I was thankfully wrong.
But why have Les and Cayla here when Jeff and Pam have completely become them? “I’m a whiny old man who only cares about comics!” (Pammie nods) “ALWAYS AGREE.”
If the Valentine arc starts again, oh, he will sear us with his infernal presence. The very abrupt ending of the Funkvasion in mid-2023 makes me wonder if the Syndicate or Davis just said “No.”
The very abrupt ending of the Funkvasion in mid-2023 makes me wonder if the Syndicate or Davis just said “No.”
Someone probably asked Batiuk to dial it back. But the amount of effort he put into rehabilitating Montoni’s, and the sheer implausibility/pointlessness of it, tells me Funky Winkerbean isn’t going away. If anything that feels like a passive-aggressiveness of it.
passive-aggressiver reply to it
Regarding the implausibility of Pete freelance writing while simultaneously running Montoni’s, I will point out that whatever Pete and Mindy are doing now is already impossible. We’ve not seen any indication that Montoni’s has any other employees besides Pete and Mindy, who are only shown standing at the counter and greeting customers. Maybe the PBM is in the back making the pizzas? Why not bring back the old gang – Cory, Wally, Rachael, and Adeela?
Like I said to Harriet below, his mind just doesn’t work that way. Batiuk frequently blunders into situations that are ripe for exploration. Like how Montoni’s closure affected several cast members (including two who just married each other). Then he ignores them to go talk about Lisa and comic books some more.
I think the best odds of anything Crankshaft this year belong to “the burnings” being significantly dumber than anything any of us imagine they will be.
and possibly incredibly lacking in tension, suspense and drama
The severity of the Burnings as far as how we’ve been hyped by how the Funky epilogue has treated it can go two ways:
-The immediate guess’s way is that it’s a legit societal disruption disaster where literature of a sizable amount gets angry mobs (be it the sort of political hubbub we generally avoid talking about or a Funkyverse “eighth-inch” interpretation of social media witch hunts or even a parody of the likes of how us snarkers torch the funny pages) that cripple the industry of written world, the kind of “World War III before the survivors rebuild the pieces into a utopia” that Star Trek wrote itself as. Either this will be a major status quo changer to the general Crankshaft narrative that could or could not herald the end of that strip as well, or this will be a Timemop-provided flash-forward that will be forgotten in 3 weeks as we return to some antics about Ed’s “Bean’s End” ordering habits.
-The minority guess is that the Burnings is a less-serious incident that actually doesn’t involve the world’s literature becoming scarce, and turns out just to be some major but otherwise inconsequential incident. Something like Ed’s grill antics setting another disaster record (though it’ll be hard to top nearly getting Earth hit by and then saving it from an asteroid) or his chimney fires setting the Centerville sewers alight. This man’s an arson problem. Could have the consequence of finally ageing/injuring himself into Hector Salamancha at the nursing home though, who knows.
(And there’s a comedy bit for ya; wheelchair-bound Cranky tries one last time to grill inside his room and ends up causing the BrBa explosion. Dunno who’d be the one to get half their face blown off like Gus though)
This is something I’m actually going to write about more. I was assuming scenario A. But the more I think about the Burnings, the more scenario B looks right. It’s something you do at the end of a strip’s run. And with no evidence that Batiuk is retiring or CS is being cancelled, B becomes the more likely explanation. Especially since Batiuk is so inept that he doesn’t even realize that the Burnings can only end Crankshaft.
Amazing analysis BJ6K, and I’m looking eagerly forward to the next.
You’re right in that Batiuk is never going to examine what it means for Mopey and Darin to have put some distance in their lifelong friendship. Though Darin and Jess did show up to help redecorate Montoni’s. They are going to be married to identical cousins after all.
I’m guessing that they’re working off the consensus that most newspaper casuals will be familiar with just Crankshaft, so any Funky exclusive backstory needs either explanation or to be shunted to the background for one off references. Which is a shame because while I hated Mopey and was indifferent to Darin, I did feel more than any other two characters that these two guys were lifelong friends and bros.
As for Crankshaft on Thursday. LOL. Thanks for sending me back to the Funky Car Accident plot in the comments yesterday. Because it lets me know that Batiuk has an obsession with the potential viciousness of therapy dogs.
For the record, I like today’s punchline better, where the dog is sad and disappointed with what an asshole Crankshaft is.
Geez, did Tom’s mother feed his comics to a therapy dog or something?
As a great sage once said, “Dogs are great!”
It’s a really strange point to make in any strip, much less multiple strips spread out between two titles. What’s worse is that it could actually be an interesting part of Funky or ‘Shaft’s character if TB seemed to grasp why a real person might be afraid of a trained therapy dog… that is, being irrationally afraid of dogs in general.
Heck, it’s got all of the hallmarks of one of those “substantial ideas” TB thinks he is so good at tackling. It is a deeply embarrassing and socially crippling thing to be afraid of dogs, especially as an adult. It is a fear exacerbated by well-meaning friends and family who want to try and fix it and by dog owners and dog lovers who are understandably baffled as to how anyone could be afraid of their beloved household pets. It is a fear not easily dealt with and even less easily conquered.
But, of course, we get nothing so interesting. Instead, it just looks like TB and his characters simply loathe dogs. Now, there are people like that just as there are people genuinely afraid of dogs… but it is far more interesting for a character to lash out at something because they truly fear it rather than because they have a deep disdain for it.
Someone pointed this out on one of truefan forums: Crankshaft once had a dog. So he really shouldn’t find dogs this off-putting.
Batiuk is never going to examine what it means for Mopey and Darin to have put some distance in their lifelong friendship.
Yeah, his mind just doesn’t work that way. He never thinks about how events impact people, unless they’re the things he cares about.
I’m guessing that they’re working off the consensus that most newspaper casuals will be familiar with just Crankshaft
And with that, Batiuk found a new way to make the Funkyverse incoherent: his twisted ideas of “what people are familiar with.”
They are going to be married to identical cousins after all.
Isn’t every woman in the Funkyverse an identical cousin?
Every major young woman character has to go through the
beautificationBatiukification process. Number 12 Looks Just Like You!One of my favorite episodes.
1. I got that reference.
2. TZ with Rod Serling was cutting edge.
3. Richard Long always reminds me of Gig Young. I may ask Anonymous Sparrow to watch “Kid Galahad” with me. (I would ask BWOEH to join us, but she might have a fainting spell due to the excess of fighting. We can’t have that.) I must admit, any movie with Charles Bronson, Roy Roberts, and Edward Emhardt is a winner in my book. Be sure and catch Emhardt in Alfred Hitchcock Presents S5e11 “Road Hog”.
4. “The Burnings” I hear from SOSF, is going to be written by John Byrne. I have huge respect for his comics art. Especially his take on the New Gods, and X-men. Not so much on FW. Due to no continuation of the story in Crankshaft, I read the last week of FW, as a fevered nightmare by Lillian or Summer. If TB doesn’t immediately retire, I agree the “Burnings” will have no lasting impact upon any storyline in Crankshaft.
5. It turned 40° in KC. Everyone went outside and stared at the sky. No one could remember it ever being this warm. I don’t know if the KCChiefs can play in mild weather.
BeHave!
3.) I’ve seen ‘Raging Bull.’ I’m grateful Scorsese elected to film the movie in black & white.
4.) The nightmare I have about the final week of ‘Funky Winkerbean’ is that the robot in the Village Booksmith isn’t a robot at all. It’s a cyborg, hosting Lillian’s brain!
Nooooooooooooo!!!😱😱😱
Lillian is so unworthy to have such an adversary. 😎😎😎
Lillian: Lisa Jr., did you think that the Byrnings had finished me off? Well, THINK AGAIN!!
(Lisa Jr. grabs a copy of Lisa’s Story and smashes Lillian’s robotic shell and then rips her head off)
@csroberto2854
Now this is exactly what I was talking about when I mentioned ‘Scenes We’d Like to See’ the other day.
I ‘d like to add, if I may:
And then Lisa Jr. and her mother gathered all the copies of ‘Lisa’s Story’ and set them afire.
…and there was much rejoicing. Yaaaaaay. (pennants waving)
SP:
Richard Long is also the star of “Person or Persons Unknown,” one of my friend Doug’s two favorite “Twilight Zones.” (The other is “Stopover in a Quiet Town.”)
Gig Young has a “Twilight Zone” credit himself: “Walking Distance.”
I went through the whole of “The Big Valley” on YouTube not too long ago, in which Long was Jarrod, the eldest Barkley son (reuniting with Barbara Stanwyck twelve years after “All I Desire,” an obscure Douglas Sirk melodrama, in which she plays — ulp! — Naomi Murdoch). It still amazes me that of the five principals on that show, none are in all 112 episodes. Here are the numbers:
Barbara Stanwyck — 103
Richard Long — 98
Peter Breck — 98
Lee Majors — 98
Linda Evans — 84
Before there was Chuck Cunningham, there was Eugene Barkley, who’s only in seven episodes and never mentioned again after the first season
(Breck never made it to “The Twilight Zone,” but he is in an episode of “The Outer Limits” called “O.B.I.T.”)
I’d be up to watching the 1962 “Kid Galahad” if I could watch the 1937 version, too.
And then maybe “The Stranger” from 1946, in which Richard Long also appears.
(Phoebe Figalilly is a silly name, come to think of it.)
So I also will watch “Kid Galahad” tonight. I will invite BWOEH to join us. She does not know, being a mere youngster, that it is one of Elvis better movies. (If she is old enough to know who is Elvis. I believe BWoEH is in her 30’s) I would add “Love Me Tender” to that list, along with my personal favorite, “Follow that Dream.” We watched that on TV in the early 1960’s on the ABC network, Sunday Night Movie. It has a terrific explosion, plus helpful instructions on practicing self control when you find yourself in a romantic situation with the opposite sex.
This weekend, I also must try out “King Creole.” How can I pass up Walter Matthau and Carolyn Jones. ( heard that she gave the censors for ABC’s “Batman” fits!)
I hope you are staying warm, my friend.
SP:
“Jailhouse Rock” is probably the best regarded of Presley’s movies; however, Baz Luhrmann, the director of “Elvis,” is more partial to “King Creole.”
The source material for “King Creole” is Harold Robbins’s *Stone for Danny Fisher.*
Squeeze references “a Harold Robbins paperback” in their song
“Pulling Mussels (from the Shell).”
I wasn’t aware that Carolyn Jones caused problems when she appeared on “Batman” as Marsha, Queen of Diamonds. Tom Batiuk, of course, would be furious that she was playing a character who wasn’t in the comics, and would be extra-offended if you asked him to weigh in on whether Jones’s “Addams Family” co-star John Astin was a better Riddler than Frank Gorshin.
Three for the Addamses on “Batman,” with Ted Cassidy’s Lurch turning up on a wall-climb.
I succumbed to laryngitis for a few days. Soup, tea and hot apple cider helped.
Get and stay healthy, my friend.
Gig Young was also the first choice to be The Waco Kid in Blazing Saddles.
sorialpromise
I do remember where I was when I heard Elvis died. It was shortly after I got my drivers license. I was willing to drive any family member anywhere. I was driving my brother to summer band practice when I heard it on the radio.
In my 30’s.😂 I wish. You flirt.
I learned of Presley’s death in the kitchen. I was helping set the table and my sister came in with the news.
My Aunt Gloria was a big Presley fan.
I think I felt more sorrow the following day when Groucho Marx took the cigar out of his mouth for the last time.
Likewise: Syd Barrett of Pink Floyd died the day before Irv Kaplansky. Kaplansky was primarily a mathematician, but he was an occasional songwriter, and his daughter Lucy often performed one or two of them in her performances at City Winery.
Kaplansky’s death hurt more than Barrett’s, even if I’m more apt to listen to “Shine On, You Crazy Diamond” than to “A Song About Pi.”
Anonymous Sparrow,
1. Walking Distance is a sad tale.
2. Peter Breck was my wife’s favorite Barkley as she was growing up. She always liked the strong, dark, silent, solve your problems with guns and violence. The closest I get to her ideals is “opinionated”.
3. My older sister was the same way with Heath. So I watched a lot of Big Valley.
4. I had never heard of Eugene Barkley. Welcome to my world, Charles Briles. AS, I am always impressed with your knowledge.
5. Barbara Stanwyck was hot and evil in Double Indemnity. She is matched, but not surpassed by Kathleen Turner.
6. 😢😭😢 I could not find anyone streaming “Kid Galahad” 1962 with Elvis. So I did the next best thing. I watched the 1937 version from Amazon Prime. I had not seen it before. Good film. Edward G and Bogart are magic. The boxing is believable. I had forgotten that refs didn’t use 8 counts back then on a knockdown. I love watching Harry Carey. The only drawback for me was writing Fluff out of the story. She was an emotional weight that Jane Bryan couldn’t hold up. I thought she did well as Robinson’s sister. When they visited Momma’s, I fell in love with the tall piece of furniture against the wall. I am probably wrong, but I think it is a shrine.
7. I trust you are back to health. You are appreciated. Be Ware of Eve Hill said she is willing to take family for trips. I would include you and me as her family. Perhaps, she can pick us up and go 3,000 miles to Graceland.
♥️💖❤️🫂🌺💐🌹
(Lisa Jr. grabs a copy of Lisa’s Story and smashes Lillian’s robotic shell and then rips her head off)
Wally (who would beat Crank to a bloody pulp)
Les waddles off but gets dragged by two hooded men, thrown inside a gasoline-soaked St. Spires, and both the entire church and he is set ablaze while “Freezing Moon” by black metal band Mayhem plays
I like you.
Re Gig Young and Blazing Saddles—it’s so hard to imagine him instead of Gene Wilder. But, can you imagine what it was like on that morning when he showed up drunk on the set?
The DVD commentary I watched didn’t exactly say Gig Young was drunk. Just that he was old, and didn’t react well to the “hanging upside down his bunk” scene where he meets Sheriff Bart.
But how fortuitous that was! Gene Wilder wanted the part all along, but Mel Brooks insisted on a credible western movie veteran, much like he cast Slim Pickens. Brooks had to call Wilder to drop everything and fly out to take over the part in shooting, which he did. And the rest is history. I don’t know why Wilder worked so well in that role, but he did.
Another movie that benefitted like that from massive casting changes is Ghostbusters. It was originally conceived for John Belushi as Venkman and Eddie Murphy as Zeddemore. But Murphy was busy with Beverly Hills Cop, and we all know what happened to Belushi.
The role of Louis Tully was originally assigned to John Candy, who wanted to play him as a German guy with a dog. Holy cow, was that wrong! They couldn’t bring themselves to fire Candy, but he left to make Who’s Harry Crumb or some shit, and they gave the part to Rick Moranis. He and Sigourney Weaver and Ernie Hudson don’t get nearly enough credit for how great they were in that movie.
“Isn’t every woman in the Funkyverse an identical cousin?”
(Csroberto starts retching and then starts vomiting)
Yeah, his mind just doesn’t work that way. He never thinks about how events impact people, unless they’re the things he cares about.
Not even in things he cares about. He has to care about a very specific element of the event in order for it to have an impact on his characters.
Look at how none of his characters besides Les seems to miss Lisa after she died. Even Summer seems oddly indifferent to the death of her mother, who died when she was a small child but nonetheless old enough to understand the implications of things.
Bull had Linda and in a limited sense, Les. Even Bull’s best friend Buck didn’t seem to be all that sad after Bull’s death, instead putting the moves on his widow. What does he think Bull would have thought of that?
No more Moores! Ever!!!
This really should have been a condition of the new syndicate taking on Crankshaft. Along with “no more comic books” and “no more book publishing stories.”
Perhaps it was. So far, neither Les nor Lisa have physically appeared, there have been no sideways-Sunday comic book covers, and any book-publishing stories have (I think) only involved already-established Crankshaft characters.
I’m predicting that “The Burnings” will in no way be fully explained. Most likely some lame time jump again, like happened at the end of FW. Hopefully I’m wrong but with the history of these strips…
Based on the current strip, what are the odds that Buddy The Poorly-Trained Therapy Dog will show up, and will it involve Ed running him over with the bus?
three hundred thousand to one because I don’t think the act of Crankshaft murdering a dog would sit well with anyone, especially Wally (who would beat Crank to a bloody pulp)
Do not tempt me with a good time.
Burning Les at the stake with a pile of burning Lisa’s Story would be amazing.
Les: Some children WERE left behind!
(waddles off but gets dragged by two hooded men, thrown inside a gasoline-soaked St. Spires, and both the entire church and he is set ablaze while “Freezing Moon” by black metal band Mayhem plays)
Just an observation. The physical therapist seems preoccupied with Ed’s legs. Especially the left one.
Monday: Leg exercises utilizing a resistance band.
Tuesday: Standing on one leg. This one I kind of get. Ed might have balance issues due to a concussion.
Wednesday: The physical therapist is seen working on Ed’s extended leg.
I thought Ed was having trouble with his back and neck. Did the physical therapist pick up the wrong chart? Is there a patient in another room who’s performing neck and back exercises after knee surgery? We all know how much TB likes the chart mix-up plot device.
<i>We all know how much TB likes the chart mix-up plot device.</i>
That’s a really good point. Batiuk is always bludgeoning the reader with the heavy drama, then turns around and presents the same situation as a joke.
If <i>Lisa’s Story</i> was as powerful as Batiuk thinks it is, he should recognize that hinting at a misdiagnosis is uncomfortable to anyone who identified with that story. Ditto for the death of Pop Clutch. And Wally Winkerbean’s real PTSD makes Mary Marzipan’s “bus driver PTSD” joke grossly distasteful.
It’s weird how Batiuk tries to have it both ways. He tries his hand at both comedy and drama, but he is no longer any good at either.
While I am glad to see a story arc featuring Crankshaft, I’m annoyed by the half-assery. We are seeing recycled plots and highly inconsistent artwork. In some panels, the physical therapist resembles an Olympic swimmer. In others, she resembles a high school freshman. If she wasn’t wearing the same outfit, I’d think it was a different character. Does anybody at Batiuk, Inc. give a damn anymore, or as I suggested, is it just a paycheck?
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“Type / to choose a block”? Where did these formatting thingamabobs come from? It’s the first time I’ve ever seen them. Are they new? They’re more of a hindrance than a help.
Your italics text formatting tags didn’t work? M’wha?!
I am signed into WordPress.
BWOEH,
I am sure you are the only poster who noticed Crank’s legs.😎 Yet everything you say is true and accurate. Crankshaft follows the Batiuk trope of insulting those people who try to help his character. I believe Funky was the main perpetrator in his own strip. Didn’t he spend a week acting rude to an advisor for a pension fund? Wasn’t there another one where he clowned with a surgeon? I find those arcs imbecilic, and as you know, I have a very low threshold of humor.😜
*I use WordPress on my phone. I do not notice any new instructions.*
Yeah, in the final years of FW, Funky often acted as a smarmy jerk in medical offices, investment seminars and especially his AA support group. It negatively changed how readers felt about him.
I can’t get those “formatting thingamabobs” to show up again. Godd riddance.
@billthesplut tried to make a hyperlink but the formatting appears within the text. See his comment below at
January 26, 2024 at 8:40 pm. What’s happening?!
Batiuk seems to have almost figured out that people don’t like Les. He can’t understand why but he at least is aware of a thing that baffles him. It’s like how he doesn’t want to get that having a man with no redeeming characteristics isn’t funny.
I can be funny. It can be frikken hilarious. Anybody here see Puss in Boots The Last Wish?
It works, but only when the writers are aware they have no redeeming characteristics.
And yet again, Batiuk doesn’t realize that he’s accidentally revealed why a character is a steaming turd. It would appear that Crankshaft actually does seem to see all of those people he craps all over to be a mortal threat to him. Small children who want Santa to fix their family? A threat because no one never did nothing for him! Therapy dogs? A threat because a dog barked at him when he was a kid. Teenagers on buses? Threats because they could swarm him.
Ed Crankshaft can’t come up with any excuse to why he is such an asshole
Oh, the Burnings. Only TB would think that critics would see comic books as a major threat to American culture and youth in 2024. I mean, while not the hits they were 10 or even 5 years ago. it’s not as if some of the most successful movies in the U.S. are based on comic books or anything. It’s not as if they are a core part of pop culture. Do you know what TB should include in the Burnings? How about all those straw men he constantly wants to wrestle with!
Do you know what TB should include in the Burnings? How about all those straw men he constantly wants to wrestle with!
Well, they are a fire hazard.
Today’s Funky Winkershaft:
Crank: Where’s the golden retriever at?
Cass McCarthy: He’s in dog therapy, so some fat fuck named Orville Snorkel gave me his dog as a temporary replacement.
(a dog in a U.S. army uniform walks in the room on his hind legs)
Ed: (trying not to laugh) Wow, Otto. You look really fucking stupid.
Otto: GROWF!! (WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY TO ME?!)
(Otto bites Crank’s genitals off and starts tearing him apart limb by limb)
Cass: OH GOD NONONONONONOTAGAINPLEASESTOPNONONONONO-
Do you ever wonder “What happened to the Dilbert guy?” you’d likely say “No, I obsess on only one cartoonist, the pretentious weirdo awards-slut one.” Well, for some reason during lunch with my Mom today, I did. And, oddly, this was in one of my daily reads.
It’s <a href=”https://boingboing.net/2024/01/26/dilbert-cartoonist-says-everything-wrong-with-the-country-is-due-to-batshit-crazy-womens-desire-for-additional-sperm.html“>really short</a>, but it’s good to know he’s an equal opportunity bigot. And that I believe that when CS inevitably ends, “Komix Thots” is going to stay being about the Flash and bad photos of Ohio.
Just sayin’ we hitched our wagons to the correct falling star.
SP:
“Opinionated” is one of my favorite adjectives. Credit that to Sylvia Plath, who in commenting on Adrienne Rich’s poems in her Journals, used the word to describe them.
(Plath calls her “Adrienne Cecile Rich.” I can hear George Carlin’s ghost wondering whether “Cecile” joined the “‘n’ Roll” in disappearance. Perhaps with the “John” Ross Macdonald abandoned. Or…dare I say it?…with Sadie Summers {I guess I dared, because it was there.})
Nick Barkley was my favorite Barkley as well. Fittingly, in the very last episode of the series, “Point and Counterpoint,” he’s the topic of conversation in the final scene.
Nick’s full name is Nicholas Jonathan Barkley. The only other Barkley to have a middle name is Jarrod (Thomas).
Charles Heckelman wrote a “Big Valley” novel in 1966 and Eugene plays a significant part in it. Had he written it a year later, he’d be absent. Given that Heckelman lets Audra do some serious riding here, perhaps in 1967, Victoria would have taken Eugene’s place.
In most of the movies Bogart made with Robinson, he didn’t fare well. ”Key Largo” must have been very sweet for him.
John Huston directed that. His father Walter’s last role was in “The Furies,” which he described as “a grand picture with a grand girl.”
The “grand girl” was Barbara Stanwyck, who is magnificent indeed in “Double Indemnity.” I trust you know “Ball of Fire”? If you don’t, remedy that and regain the name of squirrely cherub!
Harry Carey, Sr. gets the dedication of John Ford’s “Three Godfathers.” Two of his finest moments for me are his President of the Senate in “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington” and his cattle buyer Mr. Melville in “Red River.” In the former, he wordlessly sustains Jimmy Stewart and gets to grin us out of the gleeful finale; in the latter, he’s downright eloquent:
Mr. Melville’s “I like that boy, too” about Matt Garth ups the stakes just a little bit more in regards to the fury of Tom Dunson.
Thank you for your concern about my health. Talking is easier now, but, boy, are my feet killing me…
Well, looks like skunk head is charging hard out of the gate as well.