Failure in Blog Day!

On the one hand, a striking image…

(Of Crankshaft devouring this poor stranger’s head.)

On the other hand, did Crankshaft need another sexual assault controversy?

(Or have we become too sensitive to things like this?)

Is this only funny because one is a bunny? Or because it’s two dudes?

My suggestion for fixing this.

Make the lady Lillian McKenzie.

Seriously, and hear me out.

So a strip from earlier in the week made me scoff.

And not just because if you’re gonna make a joke about people being crazy, you should at least make it good.

For example…

Ya see, Lillian has had her own shipping fever in the past. Becoming so addicted to buying from Amazon that she had to join a support group.

So, my idea. Rather than a truncated arc that only lasts a week, instead have a week showing that Lillian has fallen off the Amazon Anonymous wagon, perhaps under the guise of restocking her store with used books. Then have the week of the strike, showing both of them becoming increasingly agitated and depressed because they can’t get their fix. End with both of them standing outside the UPS office, haggard and forlorn.

Then the news comes that the strike has ended.

And BAM! The grossest, most horrific, most awkward kiss of all time! Completely spontaneous. Completely consensual.

Okay, maybe the SECOND most awkward.

And the next day’s strip, they cringe in disgust and agree to never speak of it again.

Panel of the Year.

46 thoughts on “Failure in Blog Day!”

  1. Today’s Funky Crankerbean

    It could’ve been much worse

    Crankshaft could’ve done this to either Chien or Ally, and either of them would’ve reported his fat ass to human resources

    1. Still Today’s Funky Crankerbean:

      Old Lady That Crankshaft Kissed: HELP! POLICE! SOMEBODY! PLEASE! SOME FAT RACIST CURMUDGEON KISSED ME ON THE LIPS!!

      (note: I think Crankshaft would be extremely racist towards people of either Japanese, Italian, German, Russian or Vietnamese descent because he’s incapable of letting go of grudges towards Vietnam, The Soviet Union, Italy, Germany and Japan because of WW2, the Cold War and The Vietnam War. I also think that would end up getting Crankshaft fired from his job, which he rightfully deserves)

      1. I don’t think Crankshaft is racist, for the same reason I don’t think Dinkle is racist. They’re both sociopaths who view all other human beings only as tools in their self-serving schemes. Racism would be counterprodcutive for them. It wastes resources.

        Also: Crankshaft was a legit friend to black players during baseball’s integration, which is a huge part of his backstory.

        1. *checks TB’s Crankshaft character notes*

          “Some of Ed’s best friends are black.”

          *nods understandingly*

          1. LOL, it’s a meme, but it’s also true. Cranky has never been shown to be racist.

            Now sexist on the other hand…

  2. Is this only funny because one is a bunny? 

    That’s exactly it. Non-human characters can get away with more outrageous behavior than human characters. This concept goes back as far as Charlie McCarthy. Edgar Bergen observed this about audience reactions to the dummy, and used it to good effect. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn the personalities of those early Warner Brothers characters were influenced by Charlie McCarthy.

    And it’s still true. I’ve seen the makers of Futurama say the same thing about Bender. Jeff Dunham would no doubt agree.

    1. It’s true! I used to be “Al E. Kat”, mascot of the Augusta State University Jaguars and wore a cartoon jaguar costume. I GOT AWAY WITH THINGS THAT WOULD HAVE GOT ME ARRESTED UNDER OTHER CIRCUMSTANCES. I’ll leave it at that.

    2. TB’s take on this concept are things like Holtron and the Pizza Box Monster. Yikes. Well, at least the former had some moments back in Act I…

  3. I love that CBH!
    Inappropriate? Nope! Just the truth.
    You should have a contest. We can vote on the arc you suggested of Crankshaft inhaling Lillian’s head. Versus a new original spontaneous arc of Les talking about Dead Saint Lisa in a conference. Crankshaft could be sitting in the audience. Then after the conference, Crankshaft could inhale Lillian’s face. Which would be the most revolting? TB, are you reading this?
    Spontaneous kissing does occur. Be Ware of Eve Hill can testify about this. Now, BWOEH was not a participant, but we were walking down the street, and these random women stopped me, swooned me off my feet, and gave me their kiss. Big women. Small women. Women of all segments of society. I don’t know why. I don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. (Although, they certainly did!) [these events lasted days in my imagination.]

    Anonymous Sparrow,
    This has been a special week for me streaming. I saw actor Paul Richard’s in 2 different shows. The first was a season 3 episode of “Perry Mason”. The second was last night, Paul was in a season 1 episode of “One Step Beyond”. That one was very topical. He was caught in a mudslide in California. Paul was the spitting image of Johnny Cash. He also had a resemblance to 1960’s baseball star, Dick Stuart. Played for several teams, one of which was the Mets. You and the Drake of Life probably saw him play. Great hitter, but his fielding gave him a nickname of “Hands of Stone”.

    Last of all, for everyone:
    CBR.com has an article about Bill Watterson being so good with “Calvin and Hobbes” because he knew when to end the strip. Good read. I wonder if it has any relevance to Tom Batiuk’s writing? Good thing that it doesn’t. Who would I be writing this essay to, if he ended FW & CS early? (a time conundrum!)
    ComicBookHarriet, name the first calf after me.

    1. Spontaneous kissing does occur. Be Ware of Eve Hill can testify about this.

      Sorial Promise

      Yeah, I can confirm (unwelcome) spontaneous kissing has happened to me. Like at a New Year’s Eve party where the guy was so liquored up you could get drunk off his breath. Just a peck on the lips. It’s the grabbing of the face I really don’t appreciate. They’re friends, so you kind of take it in stride. However, you do take note of their behavior and prepare your defences if they’re invited again the following year. I’m not sure how I’d react to a complete stranger doing the same thing on the street. A knee to the groin? Mace?

      I have never been spontaneously put in a headlock and dipped as in that famous V-J Day photo. Not even by my husband at our wedding. Not cool.

      1. BWOEH,
        If I remember correctly those VJ Day kissers were not identified until much, much later. I wonder if our SOSF historians can tell us if there was any blowback on the sailor for taking advantage of the girl in that situation?
        Some of you know that my son has been unemployed since April. He got a job today! Whew!

        2. There are two different angles of the famous kiss by two different photographers, one is in the public domain because the photographer was a government employee. The other is not.

          There was no blowback on any of the numerous drunk and kissing men running around Times Square that day. And if you look at a series of pictures from the day mass kissing, consensual or otherwise, was rampant.

          Though no one stepped forward at the time, decades later a few different people have stepped forward calming to know or BE the people in the picture. Though some have more evidence to support their claims than others, the final identification is still not universally agreed on.

          Personally, while I don’t condone any kind of forced physical contact, I think that learning you’re not going to die in horrific Pacific amphibious assault is a powerful mitigating factor.

          1. “I think that learning you’re not going to die in horrific Pacific amphibious assault is a powerful mitigating factor.”

            I think being a 2000s incel means you can do anything you want! No FEMALES like them, even though they’re “good guys!” MITIGATING–FACTOR!

            Remember just a few years back, when that college incel killed 3 random coeds because they were hot blondes? It’s okay, “IT WAS A DIFFERENT TIME”

          2. I read one account of the alleged woman in the picture who was adamant that he was kissing her and she definitely was not returning the affection. I don’t condone randomly smooching women either, but I think if it were me in 1945 and a serviceman was celebrating the end of the war by still being alive and kissing some gals, I might cut him a little slack. Hard to say though. It’s difficult if not impossible to judge the collective consciousness of a nation coming out of a world war while sitting in 2024.

            The Crankshaft strip is a spoof and that’s the entire joke. Nothing Crankshaft does would ever be tolerated in real life anyway, so I just rolled with the spoof on this one. 

          3. Still Gabby says

            At the end of the war my dad was in New Guinea and would have been in the invasion force (ended up in the occupation).Honestly I have no idea how he reacted but I admit kissing random strangers wouldn’t be unusual behavior under the extremity of the circumstances

      2. I’m not sure how I’d react to a complete stranger doing the same thing on the street. A knee to the groin? Mace?

        I think macing them in the balls would be a good idea

  4. Somehow, Ed’s Beans End addiction is even worse than the comic book addiction the Funkyverse runs on. Comic books come out every week, don’t cost very much, and have collectible value.

    Gardening tools are more substantial, more costly, utilitarian and season-specific (at least in Ohio). And he can’t survive five days without buying new ones? How does he even afford this many tools as a bus driver (never mind the massive amount of property damage he does with them)? How he is not on a domestic terrorism watch list, or at least Hoarders?

    How does this story even work?

    1. The amount of fertilizer he must buy weekly would by itself get him constant r̶a̶i̶d̶s̶ “visits” from *multiple* federal alphabet organizations.

  6. 1. Where does Krankenschaaften get all this money to buy this neverending tidal wave of bullshit anyway?? And what happened to the tons of shit he already bought over the years? There can’t be enough room to keep it in the house!

    2. Yeah, way to show some of that blue-collar working class solidarity with your brothers in labor, Eddie…

    1. 1: I think he steals the lunch money of the poor (figuratively) students who have the bad luck to be attending his bus

    2. 2: Ed would probably be thrown into prison

      not related to CS but related to GC: I had a dream today that curse words were unbanned

  7. I think the Bugs Bunny kisses are funny because:

    • Bugs is a cute bunny. A cartoon rabbit in a comedy.
    • Both Bugs Bunny and the kissee are male.
    • The kissee finds it insulting and annoying. After the initial shock it makes them angrier.
    • The kiss comes unexpectedly from out of nowhere during the heat of a chase.

    I assume the kiss between Bugs and Michael Jordan was from Space Jam. That’s quite a kiss. Bugs is going to suck the front of Michael’s face off. Hoo-boy he stay kissed

    Would the Bugs Bunny kiss be as funny if the victim was Lola Bunny? Eh… not really. Not even if she was mad and chasing Bugs. Not to me.

    1. And I have just discovered, as have @Banana Jr. 6000 and @The Drake of Life, the bullet point feature does not work.

      Dear WordPress,

      You cannot have bullet points without the bullets. You are shooting blanks with this update.

      😡🤬

      1. Quote I remember from the late 70s/early 80s about “Does violence in cartoons make children violent?”

        Psychologist: “Show a child a cartoon of Bugs Bunny being thrown off a roof. They’ll laugh. Show them film of a REAL rabbit being thrown off a roof, and they will cry for days.”

        1. Unlike a real rabbit, would Bugs actually fall if thrown from a cliff? Seems to me he’d stand in midair and walk back to the cliff. I’m sure Bugs lost a fracas or two, but I don’t remember seeing many. I can recall Bugs defeating even Daffy and Porky. Perhaps Bugs lost a kerfuffle with the animator?

          These alleged psychological experts annoy me. “Comic books make kids violent.” “Cartoons make kids violent.” “Video games make kids violent.” Give me a break. Parents doing a poor job of raising their kids allows them to develop violent tendencies. I wasn’t the world’s greatest parent, but I made adjustments when needed. I didn’t blame someone or something else.

          ————————-

          Say Bill, a couple of questions:

          What’s a splut?

          You seem quite knowledgeable of the Batiukverse. Were you by chance one of the Funky Winkerbean snarkers on the Comics Kingdom? *sigh* Good times. Good times.

          1. I’m sure Bugs lost a fracas or two, but I don’t remember seeing many.

            This compilation doesn’t even include the famous “What’s Opera, Doc.” Though that one may not count since Bugs and Elmer Fudd were playing roles in a stage performance.

  8. The quote I made in the post meant that No, cartoon violence does NOT lead to RL violence.

    “would Bugs actually fall if thrown from a cliff?”

    I suggest watching “Gorilla My Dreams,” a really funny and VERY VIOLENT cartoon. With a bad guy so bad, Gruesome Gorilla, that they never used him again. “I think I’ll take Junior for a WALK!” begins…umm… Let’s say Bugs’ abusive father let’s him fall.

    1. The list leaves out “Hare Brush,” in which Bugs and Elmer switch roles, with the IRS taking away Mr. Bunny and Mr. Fudd reflecting that while he may be a scewy wabbit, he’s not going to Alcatwaz!

      No doubt a great disappointment to Robert Stroud, the celebrated Birdman,

  9. Having Ed and Lillian quip at each other over their consumption compulsions would have been far more interesting and in character. Pity that TB didn’t bother with that at all.

    Instead, we’re treated to Ed committing sexual assault after he is recorded telling another woman that she’s too old to worry about being sexually assaulted. Then there’s the strange way to conflate that iconic WW2 image with this scenario of a man being so deeply affected by 72 hours of a delivery drivers’ strike, as if the situations are remotely comparable. But, hey, more comments than usual today over in GC, so TB must be running the bases in his brain today. Good for him. No bad press and all.

  10. Today’s Funky Crankerbean:

    (very sarcastic tone) Ha ha its funny because Crankshaft cant haul his shit into the house because he has so many stuff he ordered from Bean’s end

    1. I prefer to think the UPX delivery guys have deliberately walled him in… forever.

      Let us raise a glass of amontillado!

      1. Can you tell amontillado from sherry?

        Luchresi can’t.

        I shall mark the passing of Ramona Fradon by listening to the “Metamorpho” song on YouTube. Rex Mason may be able to turn into copper, cobalt or tin, but without Fradon, he would never have gotten out of that Pyramid in old Egypt land.

        R.I.P., ma’am.

    2. Related to The Batiukverse: What I Think The Characters Sound Like

      Jeff Murdoch: Jerry Smith
      Harry L. Dinkle: R. Lee Ermey as Sgt. Hartman
      Wally Winkerbean: Adam Sandler
      Les Moore: Randy Marsh
      Owen Miller: Rodrick Heffley (the one from the 2021 animated DOAWK movie)
      Cody Fletcher: Devon Bostick as Rodrick Heffley
      Heather “Chien” Parks: Tara Strong as Raven, but slightly wearier
      Darin Fairgood: Josh Keaton’s Peter Parker/Spider-Man voice
      Pete Reynolds: A mix between Ryan Drummond as Sonic and Harry Belchen as Morty Smith, but slightly nasalier
      Roland(a) Mathews: Andrew Garfield as Peter Parker (Act I), Snapcube/Penny Parker (Act III)
      Stuart Starkweather: What most americans think british people sound like, with a small hint of australian in his accent
      James Kablichnick: a mix of Ian Cadroni as Rick Sanchez and Ryan Reynolds
      Nate Green: Keith David

  11. I just learned that the great Ramona Fradon died earlier today at 97. I always enjoyed her distinctive art.

    1. Thanks for letting us know.

      I remember reading so much about her in my Women in Comics deep dive. She was a wonderful artist, and the snippets of interviews about being a mother and a freelancer were so interesting to read.

      I feel for her family, but hope they can celebrate a long life well lived.

      1. Green Luthor,
        I always enjoy your posts. Thank you for the Mark Evanier link. I have had the pleasure of asking Mr. Evanier email questions. He always answered promptly. DC put him in a rough position to follow up Jim Starlin who unexpectedly left New Gods. Evanier having worked with Jack Kirby on the original stories, believed his work did not match up with Jack’s. I wrote and complimented his work. If I remember correctly, Mark invented a new character to strike fear into Darkseid, his father, Yuga Khan. (Or if TB was writing, Kahn!)
        Very pleasant man. Did a lot in TV. Write a great book on Jack Kirby. Great stories about Ramona Fradon.

  12. Today’s Funky Crankerbean:

    (walks up to Crankshaft’s house, walks to his bed, and pees all over him, and then walks away)

    1. Still Today’s Funky Crankerbean

      Why does the last panel look so familiar?

      CsRoberto2854: (sigh)

  13. Read today’s GC CS comments, especially the replies on the featured one.

    I referred to 2/25’s strip as “Marvin Crankerbean.” This is the real direction you take the strip, Tom. “Old Man Goes Wee-Wee.” They love this shit! LITERALLY, they love his SHITTING. Just make it about this malignant sociopath’s bodily functions! Here’s a free “punchline”:

    Ed’s on a date with Mary Marzibland, but he can’t go, because “I swallowed the WHOLE BOTTLE of Viagra, and my trousers won’t let ME stand up!”

    It’s a Crank joke. That means there is no joke.

    Of course, then every GC comment is going to be personal stories about…((involuntary shudder))

  14. Ahem. Regarding the Monday, 2/26/24 “Crankshaft,” a few cinematic references and my own interpretation:

    George C. Scott, Hardcore: “Turn it off. Turn it off! TURN IT OFF!!!”

    Mark Hamill, The Empire Strikes Back: “No. No, that’s not true! THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE!!!!”

    J.J. O’Malley, reading today’s ‘Shaft: “No, not the Komix Korner again! Not the back of DSH John’s head! Not Batton Thomas, Creator of the Nationally Syndicated Comic Strip “Three O’Clock High” and yet another flawless Batiuk avatar! Not a heretofore unknown second strip to increase said resemblance! And NOT ‘I stand in line’! THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE!!! TURN IT OFF!!!”

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