Since my normie galpals and I were up doing our EPIC FRIDAY GAMING NIGHT, I elected to stay up long enough to watch the last strip of this abysmal week come creeping out of it’s slimy little internet hole.
To say this week has been weird, would be an understatement.
To say this week has been pointless would be an understatement so far UNDER the concept of a STATEMENT that it would be a blank empty void deep enough to prove the hollow earth theory.
Allow me to messily slap together some barely thought through concepts I’ve been mulling over and present them as narrative theory.
Crankshaft is supposed to be a a strip that is part plot, part ‘gag’-a-day.
Plot strips are built on the characters being either, ‘I want’, ‘I need’, and performing an action to get there. Or the character saying ‘I was…but THEN.’ and an obstacle comes up and they have to react to it to get back to an acceptable state.
The only real constructed plot we’ve gotten so far this year in Crankshaft is Crankshaft slips and falls on the ice. There we had the obstacle event, the slip, then several weeks of getting back to status quo. It wasn’t good, but there was progression. One week on the ice, one week at the doctor, one week at the masseuse, one week at the physical therapists traumatizing a dog.
I don’t count the UPX nonsense from last week at all. We’re dumped into ‘the conflict’ in medias res, Crankshaft suffers without taking any action, then the strike ends and we’re all treated to elder abuse.
So the rest of the last two months I would call ‘gag a day’.
Now because Crankshaft is a sentimental and purportedly thoughtful strip too, you get some ‘one-day-only’ strips where the point isn’t ‘HA’ but ‘D’AWW’. You get some single day strips that are supposed to convey a universal message that the audience is supposed to relate to or learn from. The Hallmark Card or Inspirational Quote or propaganda poster type of strip.
So while this strip isn’t a gag, it does serve a similar function.
NOW LET US LOOK AT THIS WEEK.
Does Monday introduce a plot? No. No one has anything that they’re trying to achieve. There are no conflicts or obstacles.
Does Monday have a joke? No. Other than the fact that it exists at all.
What DOES Monday do? It introduces the character of Batton Thomas to the Crankshaft strip and lets the audience know explicitly that he’s the author avatar.
This would only be acceptable if it is service of setting him up for a plot to be introduced tomorrow, (“I’m Batton Thomas and I need your help to defeat the Comics Industry.”) Or if we will use this character for decent gags we couldn’t get otherwise.
Does Tuesday introduce plot? NO. There is still no conflict. No call for anyone to act. Instead one author avatar is kissing another author avatar’s ass while Crazy Harry smirks. We learn Jeff like ‘Wrinkles’, big woop. We already knew he was a nebbish little twerp.
Does Tueday have a joke? It tries. The exuberant reaction by Batton is supposed to be the punchline, but it falls flat because of Jeff’s creepy little grin. I know what they were going for, that Jeff kind of understands and also finds it amusing. But surprise and reversal are the heart of humor.
Does Wednesday introduce a plot? No. Even if Batton is expressing a negative emotion, there’s nothing that anyone is going to do about it. Except make a cringeworthy pun to attempt to defuse the tension of hearing a man compare half-retiring at a retirement age with vehicular trauma. All we learn is that Batton, and by extension Batiuk, took the ending of his strip hard. But not too hard. Not so hard that he isn’t able to smirk like a dental patient straight out of surgery.
Does Wednesday have a joke? Again. It tries. And fails harder than Tuesday. It whips the shambling zombie corpse of one of Batiuk’s favorite puns onto the stage to twitch limply around for a panel. Jeff’s done terrible wordplay before. It’s in character for him. It’s part of his detestable lack of charm.
Thursday? Plot? No. We don’t even know if Batton is being serious, so we’re not learning anything character-wise except that DSH John has seen Frozen.
Thursday? Joke? Not really. The unless the joke is that it’s too late for Batton to achieve anything because he’s unappealing and close to death? HA.
Joke? Debatable. Batton’s unfunny malapropisms are buried in the conversation and not given the space they’d need to breathe if they were actually funny. Which they’re not. And the weak ‘joke’ of anyone reminded of an absent Crankshaft quirk is really, really, tired by now. Referencing a joke is not, actually a joke. It’s just THING YOU KNOW.
And we come to Saturday. Still not plot. Six whole days of no one having goals, motivations, needs, or even wants that they can work toward. No conflict. No obstacles. Just the banal chit chat between a room full of old dudes who kinda know each other and share one personality between them.
And the joke is that this ISN’T written by AI?
This is real. A real human being wrote this situation, this dialogue, these characters.
The Joke is that AI would never produce something this terrible and flawed?
So I guess we did get one good solid joke this week.
Son of Stuck Funky 
At least in this week’s Luann, we had a conflict: professional gloombird Piro wanted very much to spend his days feeling as if the world was crushing him and didn’t want to be cheered up but he didn’t want to do the smart thing and just plain tell Luann that her attempts to cheer him up got on his nerves……and he swore Bernice to silence about that to be a big, passive-aggressive knob. Is it contrived? Yes. Is everyone involved a lead-poisoned simpleton? To quote Kite Man, HELL, YEAH!!! BUT it is a plot even if of the idiot variety.
This is just Batiuk regurgitating a boring conversation about something tedious.
By the end of this year you will all be begging to start up a Luann snark blog.
I dunno, maybe TB needs to draft his kid into the writing process. I’m not saying it did Luann a world of good but it doesn’t have the same problems.
I wouldn’t go that far. There’s a reason I call Greg Evans “Dumbfuck”: his insistence on making the title character a sort of unstuck-in-time Gidget from the fifties in a modern setting she can’t cope with.
I think folks might enjoy Greg’s apparent excruciating embarrassment at having created Luann (the character) and his constant desire to focus on anyone and anything except her.
But more to the point it’s a semi-continuity driven strip where characters still do things as opposed to this meandering, which is getting harder and harder to snark on week by week.
It’s not just Greg’s embarrassment at creating a character he has no idea what to do with. Y’see, Karen Evans hates Luann with an abiding passion because she was a lampoon of her as a child. One hopes in vain for her to realize that making the title character into a bad joke won’t give her back the perceived loss of status implicit in being made into a stock comic moron.
I dont think Brian would want to take over his father’s strip
Free money has an allure all it’s own
You hire an artist (or clip artist) at page rates, spitball a few weak jokes you’ve already heard a million times and have them fill in the blanks and post them. The checks, such as they are, roll in.
Batiuk should have had the second word balloon in panel two read: “I know…I do that on puprose.”
That might have actually made this one strip actually somewhat funny.
But-but-but-but that would have been breaking the fourth wall! It would totally suck the reader out of the stor—HAHHAHHAA I CANT EVEN TYPE THAT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE.
But you’re right, that would been a good meta-gag.
I workshopped your joke:
It’s much better!
Nice job, BJr6k — and thanks!
He’s making mistakes on his blog, too — must be so that we don’t ever think its crafted by anyone but Batiuk. Or they’re the warning signs of a stroke.
Have fun with these word salad sentences:
“She still thinks she has been stood-up by her fiancé Barry, is shaken but the attempt on her life, and then finally collapsing as the press begins to hound her and the Flash.”
“With the help of inker Dennis Jensen, he make these Silver Age villains come alive on the page again.”
And the piece de resistance, the outro:
“It’s a first rate return to form as Bate’s story stays true character to the while taking things to a whole new floor. Stay tuned, Flashinados.”
Tom’s key to ensuring that no-one thinks his writing is being done via Artificial Intelligence? Make sure it isn’t intelligent.
“taking things to a whole new floor“
Look. I regularly use the cuss word “CRIMINEY!” because I am an 1849 prospector. (See my LinkedIn! I have many burro skills) It’s…”LEVEL” writey guy! Not “floor.”
My c.1900 born grandma would say things like “He’s a queer duck!” without irony. (Irony was invented in November 1929) TB doesn’t talk like he’s 76, he talks old-timier than my MOM, who is NINETY. She talks like her kids and grandkids, just with less swears. I once saw her struggle to say the initials “POS,” just because she knew what they stood for. I have never heard her say anything as antique as “wet blanket.” But yeah Tom, you’re the bee’s knees cat’s pyjamas full of Moxie like the Pep Boys (MannyMoe&Jack), golly wouldn’t it be funny if Fibber McGee opened that closet!
Is he some companion the Doctor said “Well, here’s 1972, out you go!” and shoved him out the TARDIS and into bell-bottom land?
TOM, actually from Ohio 1872, says “BY CRACKEY! This is a fine kettle of fish!” A squad of Daleks cruise by. “ALIEN! WE MUST EXTER–Oh wait, this guy’s not worth it.”
(sings) “Candy-coated popcorn, peanuts and some crap! That’s what you get with Batty-Whack!” (C)
There’s a well-known theory that old-fashioned “grandma” names (eg, Shirley, Linda) are uncool until they become “great-grandma” names and few people alive have them (eg, Evelyn, Beatrice).
I have the same attitude towards slang. I won’t use outdated slang from 10 years ago, but I will say “groovy” or assert that “my dogs are barking” when my feet are sore.
Baby names in general are a ball of pretentiousness. Especially for girls’ names. Emma has always sounded like a grandma name to me, but it’s gone full circle and is now a young person’s name again.
At least Emma sounds like a human being. Spare me the generation of Brooklyns and Neveahs, and obnoxious spellings like “Madysyn.” Do these parents WANT their daughters to be pole dancers? They sure name them that way.
Linda is a grandma name?
Life comes at you fast.
https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fimgix.bustle.com%2Ffatherly%2F2018%2F01%2Flinda-graph.png
Well, that sure didn’t work. Let’s try again.
https://i.ibb.co/BKv3bn3/linda-graph-2172709035.jpg
It looks like the former method of inserting a graphic doesn’t work any more. Can someone enlighten me about how to do it now?
@Drake of Life
When you create a new line in the comment box there should be a small black box with a plus sign. Place your cursor over the black square. It should turn blue and some text should pop up saying, “Add block”. Click the blue square with a plus sign, and you’ll receive some options.
One of the options is “image”. Left click on “Image”. Paste in the link to your image. You even get a preview before you hit reply.
The name “Linda” peaked in the 1940s. At its peak (1947), 5.48% of girls born in the US were given the name. In 2021, only 0.018% of girls born were named Linda.
PS: Bless you, bwoeh! Very clear and helpful instructions, thanks!
Only mentioned that because I’ve dated three women named Linda and none of them are Grandmas. (Although one became a great aunt shockingly early due to coming from an enormous Irish-Catholic family)
I don’t feel that old yet.
Yeah, this one seems even more in need of proofreading than usual. And then he treats us to this gem:
Sure, Tom, let me scour through all of your Flash Friday entries to find that discussion. Most people would make the effort to link us to their previous blog post, but Tom Batiuk isn’t “most people”, that’s for sure.
CS 3/2:
“Be a wet blanket”! Another phrase people haven’t used since the 1950s! And also something something AI, to keep it the cat’s pajamas! 23 Skidoo!
Who…does he think his audience is? Seriously. 105 year olds who know what AI is? Raccoons who found a flip-phone, and were completely baffled when they washed the cotton candy in the stream? Some great-grammy who just discovered the Hampster Dance, and put it on Facebook with her Minion memes?
This is the only funny Crank strip I’ve seen, because TB has no idea why it’s funny! (wry half-smirk to indicate that this is the last panel, so it must be the joke; thus, you laugh)
The use of “wed blanket struck me as odd too. Why didn’t Batiuk have DSH say, “I hate to be a beady-eyed nitpicker here, Batton…“? That would have amused even the most jaded Batiuk snarker.
Is it me, or is DSH’s hair looking more and more like a bird’s nest? It’s reminiscent of the awful wig worn by “The Ghoul,” a late-night horror host in Northeast Ohio. How long has DSH’s Friar Tuck bald patch been there and why is it white?
The bald patch has been there since the start of Act III (the Byrne character guides for Act III show it, though how he managed to develop a bald spot in 10 years that never grew in the next 22 is a mystery). It’s white because apparently no one bothered to tell the colorist it was supposed to be a bald spot and not more skunkiness. (There’s plenty of examples of the colorist just not caring, but I’m not going to hold it against them; if the writer doesn’t care about doing a good job, and the artist can’t even be bothered to draw the comic himself, why should anyone whose name doesn’t appear in the credits put forth the effort, either?)
The GoComics “Color Monkeys” aren’t the best. Even the Comics Kingdom colorists are (were?) better. Many times I’ve witnessed GoComics not getting colored at all.
Additionally, I’ve noticed numerous GoComics cartoonists prefer to color the comic themselves, i.e. Mike Baldwin (Cornered) and John Deering (Strange Brew).
“Sad, and makes no sense.” That’s my stock review for anything featuring Batton Thomas, and I see no reason to change it for today’s entry.
Is TB saying he’s well aware of his spelling and grammatical errors, and does them on purpose? Is this his way of sticking it to the Twitter Tots and Beady-Eyed Nitpickers? If so, why is good guy DSH John doing the nitpicking?
Does he think that an AI is incapable of writing a couple dozen words without spelling errors? Spelling errors aren’t what identifies AI writing.
Anyway, it’s self-focused gibberish, as usual, as TB talks to himself through various characters, apparently forgetting that other people read this stuff as well, and that “I meant to do that” is an excuse that fools no one.
Side note: Doesn’t “Wrinkles” sound a lot like “Pluggers”? I’m surprised he didn’t call the other strip “Camshaft” or “Distributor Cap” or something. Subtlety isn’t his strong suit.
Today’s Funky Crankerbean:
Batton Thomas: AI BAD!
(john shows Batton an AI-generated image of Sonic The Hedgehog, causing Batton to freak out)
Dude, I have no idea why you want us to think of AI Sonic images so much, and I ain’t gonna find out!
As we said in the Olden Days of the web: “Fool me into looking at Goatse.cx once, shame on you! Fool me twice, never gonna give you up, never gonna–“
Also, I’ve seen a bunch of AI art featuring either busty women, grotesquely terrifying Sonic.exe art and/or quarter-assed attempts to make coherent sentences
AI can certainly misspell words. I take it Batiuk wrote this strip months ago, but I hope he’s since seen the posters for the “Willy Wonka Experience” in Glasgow. The AI-generated posters for that event promised “Enchirining Entertainment,” “catgacating live performances,” “cartchy tuns,” “exarserdray lollipops,” and “a pasadise of sweet teats.”
Good point – bad spelling is just as likely to be an indicator of artificial intelligence, not the absence of it. We’ve all seen the “wacky foreign translation” memes.
As usual, Batiuk tried to write about something he doesn’t understand, completely missed the point, and made himself look ignorant.
Admittedly, I’m the furthest thing from an AI expert, but I’ve seen a ton of Chat GPT output and similar, and I haven’t noticed misspellings.
I do see them almost constantly in AI-generated art — in other words, if the prompt were to do a Funky Winkerbean’s Homecoming poster, you might end up with FUU[random marks]YWW NKARN”’hSCMOMG.”
Either way, I think we can all agree that it’s a pretty sad attempt at (self-effacing?) humor(?).
It’s the worst kind of self-effacing humor: the kind that pretends to be self-effacing while actually being an attack on others (namely, the whole concept of AI).
If there’s any work AI could write credibly, it’s Funky goddam Winkerbean. It already has no narrative coherence, no basic knowledge of storytelling, and no human element whatsoever.
This week’s Crankshaft was so disappointing for me. I was expecting a smorgasbord of snark fodder. Another one of Batton Thomas’ hamfisted whine festivals. Something along the lines of the “climate damage” fiasco. What TB gave us was the equivalent of being given an unwashed raw potato for dinner. A hodge-podge of his favorite plot points that failed to create much of anything. I admire anyone who was able to generate any snark this past week.
Here’s what this week’s Crankshaft was to me:
It’s similar to the Cheech and Chong sketch ‘Sister Mary Elephant,’ in which a “young man” reads his unfinished essay on how he spent his summer vacation.
At least that tale had a funny payoff. “The Young Man” got a job keeping people from hanging out in front of the drugstore. However, most of what Batiuk wrote this week was a waste of bandwidth. Besides inflicting Batton Thomas to a new audience, what was the point? The wordplay was terrible, and the whole thing was nonsensical
I mock TB quite a bit for his lost sense of humor. Apparently, he’s lost his ability to write a coherent story too. He writes about whatever he wants using whatever character he wants, even if they’re in the wrong title. TB doesn’t take responsibility if the reader doesn’t enjoy the content; he believes it’s the reader’s fault.
The highlight of the week was his admission that Funky Winkerbean was canceled by the syndicate, which was unexpected.
And, as always, he’s ready to throw canon, characterization, and coherence straight in the garbage, just to squeeze in some tired pun that wasn’t funny when he first used it in the 70s and isn’t any funnier now.
Besides inflicting Batton Thomas to a new audience, what was the point?
That was exactly the point. I’ve argued in the past that Batiuk seems to have a new rule: Funky Winkerbean characters must be introduced into Crankshaft by existing Crankshaft characters. And since John Howard and Atomik Komix are now “existing Crankshaft characters” (eyeroll) they can introduce Batton Thomas. Ugh.
<i>I mock TB quite a bit for his lost sense of humor. Apparently, he’s lost his ability to write a coherent story too. </i>
Batiuk never had the ability to write a coherent story. He doesn’t appear to have any idea of how a story is constructed or of what fundamental elements exist in a story. He has a very vague understanding of cause-and-effect but uses it in the most slipshod, haphazard fashion.
He’s only ever been a gag writer.
But he won’t admit it. He won’t admit that there is a valued place for gag writers. Gag-a-day people who know what they are happen to be if not revered, at least respected for being honest tradesmen. Mort Walker didn’t have his hang-ups because he knew what he was. Jim Davis knows who he is and what’s expected of him.
Commenters, like @Banana Jr. 6000, have mentioned a lack of acknowledgement for Batiuk’s achievement for 50 years of Funky Winkerbean.
Back in 2022 there was a blog in the Comics Kingdom and the Daily Cartoonist celebrating 40 years of Marvin. A gag-a-day comic strip primarily focused on the bodily secretions of the title character.
The creator of Marvin, Tom Armstrong received the Elzie Segar Award in 1996. This award was presented to a person who made a unique and outstanding contribution to the profession of cartooning. The winner was selected by the NCS Board and later by King Features Syndicate, in honor of “Popeye” creator Elzie Segar. It’s a high honor for a cartoonist. Batiuk never won one.
Tom Armstrong used to work for Tom Batiuk on John Darling. Is that ironic or just a coincidence?
It makes me wonder what Tom Batiuk’s reputation would be today if he continued Funky Winkerbean as a gag-a-day comic strip. Even zombie strips like Beetle Bailey and Hi & Lois are held in higher esteem. Kings Features Syndicate didn’t cancel them.
Odds are that he’d be more respected than he is now. He’d probably be thought of as writing :”Archie: Reality Sort Of Ensues.”
Just today, GoComics.com has a banner “Congratulations to Drabble for 45 years!” I don’t remember any of the comics websites giving a nod to FW on its 50th.
And I thought Drabble ended sometime in the 90s.
Batiuk is a bundle of odd career choices.
His Bachelor’s degree is in Fine Arts, majoring in painting. He didn’t go into being a studio artist. He became a teacher, then a cartoonist. Has anyone ever seen a Tom Batiuk original painting? Does he produce any paintings for some local event like a Medina Town Fair? Are there any Batiuk originals hanging on the walls of his ‘Comics Castle’?
Although he had no formal training in writing, Batiuk made the decision to shift his focus from art to writing and hire an artist to illustrate his comic strips. Despite being relatively skilled at writing humor strips, he abandoned the gag-a-day format to pursue drama. He received only minor attention for his work in this new format, but has been striving for recognition ever since.
Despite his readers’ apparent preference for Crankshaft, Batiuk has made the strip a Crankshaft/Funky Winkerbean hybrid. Which might not be so bad, but he continually choses the most unbearable elements of Funky Winkerbean to live on.
If Tom Batiuk was giving me driving directions and told me to turn right, I’d seriously think about turning left.
Brb, gonna name my new account “WheresWrinkles” and post that query for every strip next week (year).
Does it count as meta if all it really is is TB browsing Yahoo! News for something to excuse his complete disinterest in copy editing?
Today’s Funky Crankerbean:
Ed, you’re just jealous because Rocky beat your record
If I were Ed I’d be all too happy to let Rocky beat the record.
The less focus on the previous record attempt including literal third degree murder from which he walked away scot free, the better.
Related to the Batiukverse: What I think the characters should be voiced by
Funky Winkerbean (Act I and Act II) and Matt Miller: Jason Griffith
Les Moore (Act I and Act II), Owen Miller, Roland Mathews (Act I) and Bernie Silvers: Jack Quaid
Funky Winkerbean (Act III), Les Moore (Act III), Fred Fairgood and Frankie Pierce: Trey Parker (the co-creator of South Park)
Rolanda Mathews (Act III): Penny Parker/SnapCube
Pete Roberts-Reynolds: Harry Belchen (the actor who currently voices Morty Smith from Rick and Morty)
Darin Fairgood: Ross Lynch
Holly Budd, Cindy Summers and Marianne Winters andAlex The Goth Girl: Alex Borstein
Eric “Mooch” Myers and Tony Montoni: Kevin Afgani (The current voice actor of Mario, Luigi and Wario from the Mario Bros franchise)
Jeff Murdoch: Chris Parnell
Batton Thomas: Tom Batiuk
Heather “Chien” Parks: Karen Fukuhara
Jinx Bushka and Ms. Lee: Jenny Yokobori
Jess Darling: Milla Kunis
Nate Green and : Keith David
Wally Winkerbean and John Darling (who was murdered): Adam Sandler
Mason Jarre: James Arnold Taylor
Cody Fletcher (I dont think Cody has a confirmed surname and I think his surname is Fletcher) and Rocky Rhodes (Crankshaft’s co-worker): Sam Witner
Ed Crankshaft and James Kablichnick: Ian Cardoni (the current voice actor of Rick Sanchez from Rick and Morty)
I like the thought you put into everyone, especially Morty Smith as Mopey Pete. “Hey, Rick, you know, um, the Lord of the Late visited me again, and-and-and-and this Rip Tide Scuba Cop cover just isn’t Silver Age enough!”
But I think you just hire Billy West and Tara Strong and let them voice everyone. There’s hardly any difference in any of the characters, so why should any of them sound different?
Mark Hamill could sell the hell of a Dinkle portrayed as a proper villain.
Oh, thanks a heap, Billy. From now on, every time I see Dinkle, I’ll imagine him using Mark Hamill’s trademark voice as the Joker.
Dinkle: CHURCHES ARE FOR CHOIR PRACTICE!
Huh. You’re right. It works.
I still think your idea of Eddie Deezen voicing Act III Les Moore was spot on.
Beckoningchasm has been the one long advocating for Eddie Deezen. Which I totally agree with.
Sorry about that, Beckoningchasm. Credit where credit is due.
The Comics Kingdom now features an ‘ALL CREATORS A-Z’ list. It’s kind of interesting reading their bios and checking out their appearances.
In many of the portraits, the cartoonist is shown holding an Inkpot Award from the SDCC. Isn’t the Inkpot Award the only award listed on Batiuk’s Wikipedia page? 🤔
Somebody said on GC (Eve, maybe) that Tom suddenly cares about AI because his strip is the one most easily replaced by it. A very good point, but imagine this: “Garbage Ape floats on a gum bubble while wearing a helmet labeled HAM. Birds deride him.”
It’s that comic with the orange cat who has no opinion on Mondays. But that strip is *supposed* to be insane. Somebody once wrote that 1940 was when movies were silent and monkeys talked, and he seriously meant it.
It’s another thing Tom thinks he knows but don’t! AI is perfect? I’ve read pages that I think “I thought this was written by someone using Google Translate because English is like their 3rd language, but I think *Human* has never been their language.”
As Duck/Drake/Waterfowl said, you can tell AI art from any attempt at text it wildly stabs at. It’s already becoming a regular joke: “Look at the hands!” Huh, 7 fingers on each hand, and I mean fingers, because none of them are thumbs. I’m pretty sure that Davis/his intern are scraping the hell out of his art with AI.
Tommy Boy, start looking into AI. It’s the only way your strip will survive to 2025. The T-800 might be back, but I doubt you will.
At least this week we have actual conflict: Lilian Lizard versus having to mess with a login terminal like it’s a dehumanizing defeat.
Today’s Funky Crankerbean:
Woman Who Looks Dead Inside: We had so many robocalls, that we need to do this shit every time a human being comes inside.
Lillian: DAMN YOU, TECHNOLOGY!!
Batty should get an iPhone already. While he is up there wasting people’s time, I have the app for our medical group which sends me a text as soon as it detects I am in the building and it lets me auto check in. I can even get notified that I am in next in line in case I prefer to wait outside.
But for Batty, technology = bad.
It’s the classic Funkyverse conflict: characters who wish they were dead, versus characters you wish would die.
The latter always win.
Related to the Batiukverse: What I think the characters should be voiced by (Part 2)
Harry L. Dinkle and Wade Wallace: Al Pacino
Darin Fairgood (Act III), Bulk Dombrowski and Max Axelrod: Matt Lanter
Cayla Williams: Gina Torres
Pam Murdoch, Roxanne Rhodes and Lena: Lacey Chabert
Crazy Harry and Ed Crankshaft: Christopher Daniel Barnes
Kevin Brown and Big Mac: Peter Dinklage
Keisha Williams and Linda Lopez-Bushka: Tessa Thompson
Mickey Lopez, Dr. Amy Johnson and Becky Blackburn-Winkerbean-Howard: Tara Strong
Lord of The Late (masked), Buddy The Wonder Dog, and Tinkerbell (Rose Murdoch: Dee Bradley Baker
Andy Clark (the bus driver), Malcom, and Pop Clutch: Kevin Michael Richardson
Lenny Gant, Wedgeman, Jarod Posey and Martin Johns: Chris Pratt
Rose Murdoch: Mila Kunis
Lois Flagston, Maris Rogers, Cindy Summers, Mary Marzipan and Mallory Brooks: Jennifer Hale
Reed Roberts-Reynolds: Andy Samberg
Zanzibar The Murder Monkey, Lillian McKenzie, Harley Davidson The Time Traveling Janitor, Wally Jr., and Al Burch: Trey Parker
Danny Madison, Michael (Wally’s friend in high school) and Robbie/Billy Winkerbean: Matt Stone
I like that you have Zanzibar The Murder Chimp and Lillian McKenzie voiced by the same person. A man. 🤣
I never pictured Lillian McKenzie sounding like Eric Cartman.
Lillian: Screw you guys, I’m going home!
This one’s for BJr6K, in reference to something we were taking about on a previous thread:
I’m not finding any evidence Batiuk was nominated for a Pulitzer prior to 2008. In 1987, when Berkeley Breathed won, it was for Editorial Cartooning — the other nominees in the category were David Horsey, Henry Payne, and Jeff Danzinger. The Pulitzer website, which is quite extensive, lists Batiuk’s only nomination as having occurred in 2008.
Perhaps you’re thinking of some other award he was nominated for in the mid-to-late 1980s?
There’s a letter from King Features’ Jay Kennedy nominating TB to the Pilitzer Committee on January 26, 1998.
It was one TB’s website, but like TB, I can’t be bothered to find it. I have a copy of the image, though.
So if I’ve got this straight, he was nominated (by his editor) to be nominated for a Pulitzer. He ultimately didn’t get a 1998 Pulitzer nomination, but he did get the nomination to be nominated.
Huh. I suppose I could write a letter to the Pulitzer committee and nominate him to be nominated again. But instead, I nominate Comic Book Harriet to nominate someone to nominate Tom for a Pulitzer.
I don’t know. It’s all, like, <i>complicated</i> and stuff. Makes Hulk’s <i>head</i> hurt.
So if I’ve got this straight, he was nominated (by his editor) to be nominated for a Pulitzer.
That is correct.
I think its kinda like a, “For Your Consideration,” campaign that a movie studio would put out for the Oscars. King’s Features picked the Teen Pregnancy arc to be their Pulitzer push for that year.
Now with the Lisa’s Story, he actually made the official Pulitzer shortlist, as decided on by the Pulitzer people.
I’m going to write a post about this, and also to answer Y. Knott’s question.
Thanks for your confirmation of my understanding of the situation. Looking forward to your future post, and delving into this somewhat deeper!
I just read an article that I think was AI-generated. In almost every paragraph, it used the phrase “there are many forgotten wars no one remembers.” Infinity War:
Eitri : You understand, boy, you’re about to take the full force of a star. It’ll kill you.
Thor : Only if I die!
Eitri : Yes. That’s what… killing you means…?
Among the forgotten wars that no one remembers was the Anglo-Zanzibar War, which sadly did not involve a battle between a talking chimp and Harry Potter. It’s actually quite famous if you’re into history, as it was the shortest war ever–38 minutes! About the same amount of time that Tom spends without thinking about The Right Comics.
“Future events, such as these, will affect you in the future.”
That line of dialog was written by a 100% certified human. AI is only now catching up to the rambling incoherence of our most beloved gibberish purveyors.
I don’t think in HERE, we should talk about this. The saucers are up there… and the cemetery’s out there… but I’ll be locked up in there!
(LAWN FURNITURE FALLS OVER IN FRONT OF SHOWER CURTAIN)
I thought Ed Wood was an “AI” – Angora Idolizer.
I’ll be quiet now.
“Inspector Clay is dead – murdered – and somebody’s responsible!”
Just when I think GoComics is the epitome of comic strip websites. I can’t even sign in tonight and I’ve been trying for 45 minutes. I guess I read today’s GoComics tomorrow. *sigh*
#FirstWorldProblems
Apologies for the delay in a new post! Both BJ6K and I are working on bigger posts at the same time, but neither are ready yet. It’s a race to see whose pet peeve wins first!
Love every single one of you. Like a fat kid loves cake.
No matter who finishes first, loyal SoSF readers will ultimately be the winners. Looking forward to both posts!
This ‘people who lose patience with my weak bullshit are dead inside’ bullshit comes from his not admitting that he’s doing things to make people lose patience with him. He hasn’t changed since he was a sulking infant pissed off that his mother didn’t feel like dropping everything to wait on a spoiled brat hand and foot while he decided when she could do what she actually HAD to do.
I don’t think Batiuk has any clue that people lose patience with his weak bullshit. I imagine he lives like his characters do. They just going about town taking unfunny, insulting shots at every hard-working person he encounters, and sits back waiting for laughs that never come. Then he can’t figure out why everyone seems surly toward him all the time.
It’s like how his mother’s behavior still mystifies him sixty years after the fact. He can draw Rose being enmeshed in drudgery but he can’t connect his own behavior with why she was pissed off.
As the saying goes: If you meet an asshole first thing today, you met an asshole. If everyone you meet is an asshole that day–You’re the asshole.
Tom does not grasp this. I went to the doctor yesterday, and they asked me just for my name and birthdate. I didn’t touch a thing. Took, OMIGOD, like 90 seconds, 90 WHOLE SECONDS I could’ve been bitching about something!
Why does anyone in this universe even GO to doctors? They’re going to misdiagnose you and switch your X-rays. Treatment here is standing in front of Keesterman’s mailbox and hoping it’s quick.
And he makes a complaint out of EVERY. SINGLE. THING. I don’t want to check in electronically. I don’t give to give my insurance information. I don’t want to use the app instead. Even though these things all make the patient’s life easier.
By Wednesday the receptionist would have gone into “difficult customer mode” and just processed Lillian manually rather than listen to her complaining about the automatic signin.
Why do they go to the doctor? So they can be snarky jerks, of course. Same reason they go to financial planning seminars.
Who had “Raging Bitchily Against the Medical Profession” on their bingo card this week?
Today, Lillian is aghast that apparently there is some kind of insurance that can be obtained for medical treatment, and you need to pay for it, of all the outlandish things!
Um, the American health care system does seem outlandish, at least to many non-Americans.
Maybe Lillian’s secretly Canadian?
I can only imagine an Canadian version of Lillian to be just like Anthony “Blandthony” Caine
Lillian: AWEHHHHH HAWEEE NAAAHHOOHOOHOO HAWEEEEEE!
Apparently the gripes are #relatable enough that even on ArcaMax it brings out the more earnest CS fans to go “you go Lillian, these fancy-schmancy modern gizmos are so annoying, geeze!” It’s basically clickbait in comic strip form with that kind of subject matter.
And the audience. If you want easy praise and no pushback from anyone being targeted as the butt of the joke because they don’t read the strips, just piss on the young and cling to the past. Fish in a barrel. Boomer Fuel.
It’s no wonder that Pluggers namedrops Lawrence Welk as if he’s had any cultural relevance in the past thirty years, SNL skits notwithstanding.
Strange. It’s all Tom has to do and he does it, but only sometimes. Other times, it’s beneath him. Can’t just stay in that lane.
If Funky Winkerbean stayed in its in lane, it would be Pluggers. And Dustin. And 9 Chickweed Lane. All these strips have the same basic problem. They push a worldview that appeals to no one other than the authors themselves, and the people who share their particular sickness.
The problem with this week’s CS isn’t Batiuk’s screed against modern medical offices. It’s that we’re once again dealing with a “Lillian McKenzie Is an Elderly Woman and as Such Is Totally Unfamiliar with Post-1950s Technology” arc. This is the same worn-out trope Batiuk hauled out last February when the Grady Twins and Min-dull showed her how to set up a website; later in ’23 when she went work desk shopping; March of 2020 when she was asked to guest on a podcast; April of 2019 when she didn’t know how to pose for a selfie; and so on. I would say it never gets old or tiresome, but that’s only because it was born old and tiresome…much like Lil herself.
Today’s Funky Crankerbean:
Lillian: “angry gibberish over having to use technology”
Related to the Batiukverse: What I think the characters should be voiced by (Part 3)
James Kablichnick: James Rolfe/The Angry Video Game Nerd (I feel like AVGN would fit Kablichnick more)
Harry L. Dinkle: John DiMaggio
Peter Mossman (AKA Plantman): Dan Castellaneta
Kurt Cameron: Deven Mack
Dick Tracy: Warren Beatty
Sam Catchem: Brad Garett
LOTL (Unmasked) and Bernie Silvers: Harry Belchen
Stuart Starkweather: Jason Issacs
Allison (Lisa’s friend from france) and Sherry Carlyle: Florence Pugh
Le Chat Bleu (both Human and Cat forms), The Holtron and Phil the Weather Man: Trey Parker
Today’s Funky Crankerbean:
Lillian: But I dont know how to use a app!
Lady: You had a website that your neighbor’s grandson in law helped make!
Related to The Batiukverse: What I think the characters should be voiced by (Part 4)
Owen Miller: Robert Capron Jr. (The actor who potrayed Rowley Jefferson in the DOAWK film trilogy)
Cody Fletcher: Zachary Gordon (The actor who potrayed Greg Heffley in the DOAWK film trilogy)
Tony Montoni: Al Pacino
Cassidy McCarthy: Tara Strong
Ms. Lee and La Choi San: Lucy Liu
Liu Lin: Gemma Chan
Zhang Li: BD Wong
Khan/Kahn: Riz Ahmed
Today’s Funky Crankerbean:
Lillian Goes To The Doctor Part 4: I’d Rather Watch Ed Go Bowling Instead of Lillian Going To The Fucking Doctor
First Lillian is baffled and befuddled by “screens”…
(ridiculous! they look nothing like those things they project The Phantom Empire on)…
… that are in some place apparently called an “office”…
(a real office would be full of businessmen with stock tickers)…
…where a so-named “doctor” practices …
(a “doctor”? Pish-posh! They didn’t have any of this nonsense when I was a child! Why, cod liver oil was good enough to cure dropsy, ague, and polio! What do we need “doctors” for?)
Today, we find that she apparently sees enough doctors, often enough, to accumulate a list of prescriptions so lengthy it looks like a printout of the entire Physician’s Desk Reference.
This is my 2nd most hated feature of the Batiukverse, after the loathesome smirks: The lack of any fixed personality or history for his characters.
A character with no personality and no history is not a character, just a human-shaped cue card with lines written on it.
If indeed Lillian has such an extensive list of medications, she should be no stranger to the modern doctor’s check in process. TB also loves to greatly exaggerate things like the medication list or the 49 insurance questions for comedic effect, but I personally find it irksome.
Another thing that I find particularly irksome is the way that every anonymous receptionist/physician’s assistant/doctor/bank teller/postal clerk that appears in the strip is depicted as a miserable soulless drone who displays absolutely zero interest in their job or dealing with the public.
That’s the latter-day Funkshaftiverse in a nutshell.
There are only three types of characters:
Dear WordPress:
Why do you commandeer the process when I’m trying to make a numbered list, so that I can’t make one myself?
And then why do you remove the numbers when I post? Is this your idea of a practical joke?
WordPress, you stink.
FYI, I can see your numbered list via my phone.
These new editor “tools” must be optimized for iOS and Android.
Way to half-ass it, WordPress.
Related to the Batiukverse: More Miis
The lady from the 02/04/2014 strip from Crankshaft: https://www.gocomics.com/crankshaft/2014/02/04
Roxxane Rhodes-Winkerbean (version 2)
Masone Jarre
Marianne Winters
Maddie Klinghorn
Funky Winkerbean (Act I)
Dr. Leslie Hallett
Les Moore (Act I)
Buck Bedlow
Jan Darling, Wife of John Darling, Who Was Murdered
Question concerning the Buck Bedlow Mii. Don’t they offer a cinder block head model? A more squarish, Frankenstein’s monster thingie shaped head?
I like these Miis. Keep up the good work!
Related to The Batiukverse: What I think the characters should be voiced by (Part 5)
Max Axelrod, Mayor Kane and George Keesterman: Kienan Kowalski/Poofesure
Hannah Murdoch: Anna Taylor-Joy
Ralph Meckler and Flash Gordon: Troy Baker
Ed Crankshaft: Mark Hamill
Max Murdoch and Bulk Dombrowski: James Arnold Taylor
Mindy Murdoch and The Little Johnson Girl’s Mother: Catherine Taber
Donald (the kid who used to take Crankshaft’s bus) and Martin Johns: Ben Giroux
*Ed Crankshaft: Mark Hamill*
But which Hamill voice? The only Old Man one I’ve ever heard him do is his flawless Harrison Ford one. He would make a good Frankie via Joker combo.
Just cast Billy West and Tess MacNeille, job done.
I didn’t mean them as Crank, but as EVERYONE.
Ever see that Star Wars table read? No Tess, and 2 of the actors only have that one voice (Bender/Adventure Time dog; My Little Pony), but they’re funny. Maurice LaMarche ad libs are great. Yes, it is almost as long as the movie.
Guess you’ll have to Google, as a direct link is giving the comments a seizure.