Boy, the last couple Cranky strips have sure been botched. Like, there’s an anemic attempt at humor, but the punchline boils down to ‘Pop Culture Reference + Mundane School Bus x Unnecessary Cruelty = Humor’
As soon as I read Wednesday’s strip, I knew where the punchline should have been located. But it seems Batty and his editor misread the schematic. Like Lucy pulling the football away at the last moment, the line in the second panel sets up a joke that the third panel completely botches.
Here’s my attempt.
See? We all know that huge, poorly maintained machinery runs pretty dirty. It’s silly to think that Crankshaft’s bus doesn’t already spew coal black exhaust and piss engine oil like an incontinent C-3PO. You show me Cranky asking a guy for a bus that can shoots smoke and oil and I scream at my screen, “It already does that, you moron!” And that should be the joke, because it gives you a reversal in the last panel: one of the strongest structures for a gag strip. If you want your lame James Bond punchline then use something like this:
I think it’s weaker, because there’s no third panel reversal. This is more like Batiuk’s pet ‘bad wordplay gag’ structure, where the second panel has something dumb, zany, annoying, or weird, and the joke is a bland, sarcastic, shocked, annoyed, or flat straight man reaction to it in the last panel.
These aren’t great. In fact, I am open to any of you tweaking these punchlines to make them even better. But it shows that in Wednesday’s strip there was at least something to work with, a basic idea to edit and punch up. I’m not even sure WHAT can be done about today’s strip.
It’s bad. It’s just so bad. With the smirks at the end being the slimy corny nugget atop this shit sundae.
The beginning of the joke, the first two panels, are just like yesterday’s. Cranky asks for some weird gadget on his bus.
And then, in the third panel, the mechanic just drops an extremely generic pop culture reference and they smirk at each other like shills doing a shitty podcast. The grins imply that, yes, Crankshaft has been watching Star Trek (even though he’s not supposed to be another sci-fi sucking nerd), and the mechanic finds this amusing, but in a way that indicates he doesn’t disrespect Cranky’s nerdy inspiration. No conflict, no reversal. Smirks.
The only way a strip like this would have any utility if it begins or furthers a relationship between the mechanic and Cranky. Either the start of a bond over shared interests, or old friends able to suss out their pal’s idiosyncrasies.
But no, after this week the mechanic guy will be gone. And even if mechanic guy had been replaced with Rocky or Andy, those guys’ relationships with Cranky never have any weight.
The best that I can do, without completely chucking the joke, is to take it into ‘bad-pun-gag’ territory.
The joke here is that they hate each other. Which, while not explicitly funny, is at least relatable. I hate them too.
But no, instead we got this monstrosity, again.
Son of Stuck Funky 
Of course, the real problem is not understanding WHY Crankshaft delights in driving off leaving mothers and children racing behind him. A throw-away line in a flashback has him say that it would be his idea of Hell on Earth to do so because he wanted to be a big-shot ball player, not a flunky driving around other people’s spoiled children. After all, he didn’t need a school bus so why should other people’s requirement for his services affect his life?
The problem is that the man played hooky like a big jerk because he thought that not doing what was expected of him made him smarter. He lost his chance at the majors because he didn’t know how to read until he was in his early sixties. His wife and son died because of his illiteracy. Where is his being smart parked?
Wait, his wife and son died?
Cranky had a short lived son, Ed Cranky Jr, who died at two days old, and was the first of his three kids, born so soon after Cranky’s marriage to Mary, I wonder if he was supposed to be a shotgun baby.
Ironically Cranky had a final shot at a Tiger’s training camp after coming back from war, and went with his then pregnant wife, but then his experiences almost dying in the war and presence of a supportive Mary make him quit because he thought baseball didn’t matter so much any more.
Mary died before the strip started, but pictures of her and stories about her seem meant to indicate she lived into middle age.
I haven’t read any story where Mary or little Eddie Jr died because Crankshaft couldn’t read, but I’ll admit my Cranky Compendium is incomplete, so if PJ has some hot Cranky deets about how illiteracy killed his wife I AM SO THERE.
Ed Jr. probably died in infancy, And I have no idea how Mary Crankshaft died
Why does everyone in the school system support the idea of keeping kids from getting to school?
And what happened to all but one kid now not taking the bus? Batiuk ended last school year with that and then dropped it.
Batiuk doesn’t much like having to wait in traffic behind buses so exaggerates how unpleasant they are. After all, they’re in the way of his driving so they must be bad people.
Batty takes pride in the fact that he can just change history on a whim at any moment. He’s even said as much.
The comments section is heating up over on GC. The complainers are out again and are totally appalled that anyone would criticize this wonderful strip.
But Crankshaft is not the worst strip this time around, that honor goes to Mary Worth who has spent the last three weeks recapping the prior story arc—which also sucked.
Yes, someone told me it would be more pleasant without me, solely because I predicted we were heading towards Ed just eventually trying to run parents over.
Today’s Crankshaft/Funky Crankerbean:
Starship Log, 2266
James T. Kirk: Starfleet, I dont know where I am, but It does not look good.
(a redshirt gets strangled by Crankshaft)
Kirk: GODDAMNIT! HOW MANY MORE MEN HAVE TO DIE!?
Like Crankshaft would ever watch Star Trek. That trippy hippie fantasy show…no way…he is too busy watching Bonanza reruns.
Hey! Don’t knock Bonanza! One of only four times I have EVER seen my father cry was at an episode of Bonanza. That Dan Blocker sure could act.
Fun fact, many Star Trek actors and extras also appeared in Bonanza. Including Ricardo Montalban AND Leonard Nimoy.
Oh I’ve got nothing against that show and yes I know many of the actors were in Star Trek.
I have nothing against Star Trek either. I just don’t think Ed would know anything about Star Trek and it wouldn’t be the type of show he would watch.
I feel like Crankshit would be screaming at his TV in rage when Bonanza is on
Still Today’s Funky Crankerbean/Crankshaft
Crankshaft: How about giving me that thing that turns people into cubes, and then I can shoot Grandma Johnson and make her grandaughter watch as I crush the cube that used to be her grandmother! (evil laughter)
No bus that small has a cloaking device!
Whoops, wrong sci-fi franchise…
Y. Knot,
This is a response to you about M. A. S. H. from the previous post. Your analysis was superb. MASH succeeded as both a film and as a TV show when they gave weight to the antagonists. Frank Burns by Robert Duvall was a great balance to Hawkeye. Hot Lips held her own. (Apparently, she was a blonde.) Other doctor conflicts and the football game gave the film gravitas.
The TV show did not hit the ground running. The protagonists were good, but the other characters could not compete with them. Larry Linville as Frank did not get writers that supported him. Same with Blake. Weak. Much better script for him in the film. (Both men are fine actors.)
Then the departures. Blake’s was shocking. Frank’s was magnificent. It’s only failure, is it was Frank Burns finest episode and Linville wasn’t even in it. Y Knot, your remarks about Winchester and Potter were spot on. Here were 2 different characters coming from 2 different directions that were more than capable to stand up to Hawkeye and BJ. So much better scripts!
This is what Batiuk lacks. I think BJ6000 mentioned this at one time. FW & CS have no real antagonists. He writes about Lisa’s rapist, but no one begs for more arcs with him. Marvel and DC who are Batiuk’s idols, have tons of emails begging for the return of villains. Batiuk does not understand conflict. Watterson does. Breathed does. Schultz did. Even Mary Worth gets it. Whoever writes Dick Tracy has always gotten it. Hagar the Horrible gets it.
That brings me to my final point. If you haven’t, check out “the Comics Curmudgeon” for Saturday March 16, 2024. He highlights Hagar the Horrible discovering that his mother in law is his trial judge. But then Josh does the unexpected. He gives a link to ‘I got that reference’. It is a link to the absolute worst FW of all time. Only Be Ware of Eve Hill would disagree. Her choice is when Lillian the Lizard tries to seduce Mort Winkerbean. Les is giving a book talk about his dead wife St. Lisa and mentions Dick Tracy. Then the spawn with no name shouts out, “I got that reference!” Stomach churning. Then the Curmudgeon rakes Batiuk over the coals. He should post here. Perfection. As BWOEH would say, “Check it out!”
That’s my second reference to Be Ware of Eve Hill. She has let me know that if I mention her 3 times in the same post, she will send me a gift in the mail! 🍒🥳🍎 (I hope it’s brownies.)
Thanks for the kind words, SP!
M*A*S*H always impressed me as the first TV show I can think of that deliberately tried to introduce very different replacement characters for cast members who were leaving. Prior to M*A*S*H, the formula always seemed to be to replace a character with a (usually inferior) carbon copy. Barney Fife being replaced by Warren Ferguson, for instance. M*A*S*H didn’t do that, and I think was stronger for it.
Oh, and if it really is brownies, then count me in. Beware of Eve Hill! Beware of Eve Hill! Beware of Eve Hill!
🤩🤩🤩I think we just gave Be Ware of Eve Hill a second job! She is contagious, isn’t she!
Sorial Promise owes you a pan of brownies for getting your hopes up. This just goes to show that SP should never be allowed to go online without Mrs. SP’s permission.
The thing that used to confuse me about what happened to Burns is that part of me thought that he was lying. Then I remembered that he doesn’t lie. He just doesn’t realize what’s happening around him. You juxtapose Pierce and Hunnicutt telling Margaret to feel sorry for her asshole husband because he cannot handle her past and you start to realize that the general he attacked took pity on him.
pj202718nbca,
Yes. I believe you are correct. The general did take pity on him. That is the only way Frank can defeat Hawkeye, Trapper, and BJ. Good things happen to Frank for no reason. Boy! Does that ever sound familiar in the FW universe. Notice that Winchester can stand toe to toe with Hawkeye, Potter, and BJ. Many times, he actually outplays them. He is an effective adversary. One that TB can’t even imagine.
(PS: Don’t forget to get on the brownie list.)
Meanwhile, the actor who portrayed him was rather missionary in his zeal to convince people how dangerous the character was.
Ahhahahahahaha! You think I can bake! 🤣🤣🤣 (Seriously though, I’m allergic to chocolate.)
I still have a busload of hot dogs and peas from the last time you volunteered my cooking services. I’m more than happy to ship some of those over your way. Cooked? Frozen? You can take your pick.
Also, wasn’t it about if you looked in a mirror and said my name three times? I’m forgetting what I was supposed to do. Wasn’t it something about a knife and blood?
As annoying as the “I got that difference lady” was, I’ve survived far worse. As much as I dislike Lillian, Les Moore makes her look like a Sunday school teacher. Certain Les Moore story arcs have literally ruined my day. Case in point, when Marianne Winters told the crowd at the Academy Awards that she was giving her statuette to Les, it almost killed me. Just as bad is when Marianne actually hand delivered the statue to Les. The look on Les’s face made me physically ill. I almost had to call off sick from work. I’d say those two are some of the absolute worst of FW. The Dead St. Lisa waltzing off the mortal coil with Masky McDeath is up there too. Bleeaah!
Happy Friday
I’m still thinking of that final panel in the “Summer is In Dis-dress” strip. (Distress! DIS…DRESS? GEDDIT? I HAVE BECOME CRANKSHAFT, THE DESTROYER OF WORDPLAY)
Any normal family-themed comic would end with “Clueless Dad Apologizes,” but well, the Keyword is Normal. It really looks like he’s continuing to scream invective at her. IN PUBLIC. Why else is she running away with tears streaming down her face? It made me think of some film we saw in high school in the 1970s–err, 5 years ago. Heartless Father to Runaway Daughter: “I didn’t mean it when I called you a whore! Whores are smart enough to CHARGE MONEY!”
Yes. Yes, very much barf.
And I think that’s the idea. Notice how those “snowflakes” suddenly proliferate in the last 2 panels? In Established Comic Book Law, he’s grawlixing at her. An already insecure teenager, and he’s swearing in PUBLIC. There is NO in-strip indication that this isn’t happening. Quite the opposite. Guy screaming at running kid that she’s a slut–Where’s store security?
I leave it to csRoberto to imagine Les’ punishment.
I think Les’s punishment would be him brutally beaten within a nanometer of his life
Sorry, I forgot: In that last panel, Les Moore’s Nightmare Acid Flashback OH GOD MOMMY, THE VOICES ARE BACK AGAIN–Sorry, I meant “Lisa”–says “…from under control to totally losing containment.” Who says that?
Is this some solo car vendo with sportos thing? Is he trying to establish “losing containment” as a thing? No, I know: he’s that obnoxious 6th grader who has a thesaurus. You can’t say “under control” and then “out of control”! You need another word! That’s Called WRIT– I mean Chirography! Cuneiform, Hieroglyphics, Wordo-Dates!!
Also, Les may be right about the dress. Because the way it’s drawn, that may NOT be Summer’s left elbow popping out.
I said SORRY
I look on your works, ye Mighty, and despair!
Okay, I pass on Horace Smith’s much-less famous “Ozymandias” poem:
In Egypt’s sandy silence, all alone,
Stands a gigantic Leg, which far off throws
The only shadow that the Desert knows:—
“I am great OZYMANDIAS,” saith the stone,
“The King of Kings; this mighty City shows
The wonders of my hand.”— The City’s gone,—
Naught but the Leg remaining to disclose
The site of this forgotten Babylon.
We wonder — and some Hunter may express
Wonder like ours, when thro’ the wilderness
Where London stood, holding the Wolf in chace,
He meets some fragment huge, and stops to guess
What powerful but unrecorded race
Once dwelt in that annihilated place.
If Adrian Veidt is the smartest man on Earth, Lex Luthor would hate to meet the dumbest.
Cranky continues to do more antics on wanting to have an aggressive anti-kids bus (It was funnier when I dug enough into the GoComics archive to see the week where mothers went to a boot camp just to deal with catching buses with Ed in particular), but Batiuk’s blog has another bemusing nugget of a post; the “Annotated Funky” is back, and is both informative and misinformative!
Somehow Tom has gotten totally confused about an old strip where Funky digs up the “I Chong” book from a very one-note Act 1 running gag, and comments that it “ran late in 2022” as he was looking back on his 50 years of work… yeah, no, incorrect. As the date on the strip might remind us (though conveniently missing the year that usually the syndicate copyright would included), the first of November 2022 was deep into the strip’s over-month-long devotion to Summer’s Westview research that led into the Timemop rabbit hole, Funky was busy rambling about his photos that were ultimately auctioned on loan to the people of Northeast Ohio. Instead, as a modestly tedious dive through our own “snarchives” indicates, this I-Chong return strip ran all the way back in 2013, nearly a decade earlier than what this blog claims.
As far as strip quality, Epicus Doomus said most of what could be said when he snarked the strip over 10 years ago. Dated joke while Funky forgets his responsibilities as if he had found a precious old comic book. Beyond his date snafu, Batiuk’s “annotations” amount to mild backstory on the origin of the I-Chong gag (it was relevant because hippies were using the I-Ching for philosophy, thus an excuse for wordplay that young Funky properly responds with the Ol’ Funkyverse Aside(c)), and then amusingly pointing out he inadvertently copied the gimmick of a ’20s comic strip that from the title alone sounds more uncomfortably-dated-stereotyping than “I-Chong” ever did
“When this strip ran late in 2022, Funky’s final year, I was in the process of looking back over my shoulder at things that had taken place in the early days of the feature. So when Funky finds a copy of the I-Chong in his attic, it brings back memories of reading it when he was a high school student.”
What.
no. seriously.
What.
For Batiuk to misremember something SO BADLY that he is basically making up memories of motivations that couldn’t have even existed.
It’s honestly concerning. If it’s not an out and out troll.
We know Tom’s memory has been on a downhill slide for some time. I don’t think this is a troll.
I do hope he has the support and resources to help him through this. Unlike what’s happened to Mort, there isn’t a real-life way this magically turns around and gets all better. But exercise, diet and — sometimes — medical attention can help slow or stall the mental deterioration.
I’ve always liked the I Chong strips. They fit in perfectly with the zeitgeist of act 1.
Here’s my attempt at fixing Wednesday’s strip.
Today’s Funky Crankerbean:
Mechanic: I’m afraid I cannot do that. The school district said so.
Crankshaft: (starts shitting himself in fear)
Related to the Batiukverse (specifically Cindy Summers): I think Cindy is extremely racist, and that’s why she was fired by Channel 1 News/ABC News in 2015
Related to Funky Crankerbean/Crankshaft: The April 5th 2007 strip of Crankshaft
I’m sure Chuck Ayers aimed for “shock” but ended up hitting “furiously masturbating” (and it was a bullseye)
Today’s (Friday) Six Chix: can anybody explain what this is supposed to signify? Usually Tuesday and Thursdays are the baffling, worthless strips, but I can’t make head nor tail of this one. I’m completely stumped. Anyone?
I thought that Comics Kingdom was messing up the Sundays with the weekdays. As that is another unexpected FeatureNotBug we’re paying for.
I’ll tell you what it is. FUCKING BEAUTIFUL. For those who haven’t seen it, it’s a teenaged demon surrounded by massive amounts of golden treasure. I mean, A LOT. The craft that went into this one strip is worth a thousand Davis AI-scrapings! THIS IS TALENT
Oh, the joke? Is that what’s baffling? I think it’s “Surrounded by all this treasure, the teenager just stares at his phone.”
That’s not worth the work to figure out it’s just another “These (demon) Kids Today!!”
But, Crimeny! LOOK AT IT. Would you rather have to look at this lovingly done work of art? Or a silkscreen lovingly showing clipart of Crank’s syphilitic nose?
Well, it’s funny because…a demon has amassed a horde of ancient golden treasure in her millennia-long lifespan and now sits on a bed with a teddy bear and a laptop computer? At least the loot is well drawn.
Frankly, Smaug did it better.
I submitted that strip to CIDU. We’ll see what they have to say about it.
And we end the week with Ed being too stupid to realize that other people can play with high tech toys too. Typical dumb guy, right?
Be Ware of Eve Hill,
Now Mrs. Be Ware of Eve Hill, you will certainly go down in my estimation, if you engage in false modesty. A great chef, (that would be you, Be Ware of Eve Hill) [See what I did!] can cook any meal, mix any drink, or bake any brownie, regardless of any obstacle. Can’t bake? Pshaw! Allergic to chocolate? Pish! Posh! Too many hotdogs and peas? Piddle-Paddle! Just send a package of dogs and peas to anyone that upvotes you.
Think of your glory! Post your recipe for brownies on SOSF, and write on your resume that your recipe was published on a national website. Send all the brownies to my address, and I will distribute most (or some) of the brownies. Hook up with CBH and voilà! Brownies and fresh milk! Or come at CBH from a different angle, and you have Steak and Bake!
Your crown awaits thee, Madam!
👑 🚀🍒💝🎯👑
Oh, well. Sorry to disappoint. Not false modesty. A true lack of talent. My numerous dietary restrictions make cooking for others difficult. Mr. bwoeh has always been a better cook than me. As a meat and potatoes kind of guy, he had to learn to cook for himself. He’s “The Grillmaster.”
be ware of eve hill’s recipe for brownies. I’m gonna be famous!
Say, if I’m going to ship packages of brownies, peas, and hot dogs all across the country, I could use a sponsor. Would you be willing to volunteer? 🥺🙏 Send me lots of money! 💰💰💰
Disappointment Part II: The sight of most meats, especially red meats, makes me queasy. 😝
May the spirit of Palm Sunday fill your heart with peace, joy, and blessings.
Thank you, my dear BWOEH’s
Enjoy Palm Sunday also!
♥️💝❤️✝️🫂🌺💐🌹
A passing thought on Sat. 3/23’s ‘Shaft:
Well, for the second Saturday in a row, I was genuinely amused by the capstone to a wearying weeklong Ed-centric arc. The drone made sense (I liked the control peeking out of Frau Johnson’s housecoat in Panel One) and was nicely drawn. Once again, though, just imagine if Batiuk had done a Sunday strip of Cranky in the garage wondering how Granny kept intercepting his bus, then seeing the drone hovering above. Maybe BT should pull a Trudeau and do his remaining strip as a once-weekly affair, since he seems incapable of maintaining a story for a full week.