Day 4 of The Great Dinkle Ohioana Disaster of ’24. After the unfortunate repeat of an incident with an errant brick and a computer, be ware of eve hill has been asked to stay home from work for the rest of week. Her stylist is optimistic that he will be able to hide the bald patches with some strategic combing. csroberto has been wearing out the capslock on his keyboard writing purgatorial fanfiction to get the bad feelings out. Sorial Promise is searching for just the right emoji to express his singular brand of jovial disgust. Banana Jr is fuming in the background preparing a screed of epic proportions. And, as always, Epicus is holding his hands in front of his eyes refusing to take a peek at the horrors beyond imagination masquerading as Crankshaft on GoComics.
And how have I been coping? Of course, with an archive dive.
Because this is a tragedy we really should have seen coming and prepared better for.
After all, Dinkle was pecking out crimes against literature decades before Loathsome Lil, or Lamentable Les were ever bitten by the radioactive writing bug. Dinkle’s autobiography goes all the way back to March 1979.
Overtaking the autobiography gag by the 80’s was Dinkle’s book Famous Composers.
In Famous Composers, the subject of Chapter 10 was the fictional sixteenth century Bavarian composer, Claude Barlow, who took up the vast majority of the Composers strips. Despite a concrete date of 1543-1627 given for Barlow’s life, the jokes told at this poor failed musician’s life were always rife with anachronism.
Nowadays Batiuk would probably paste all this over with Claude being one of his Time Travel Custodians. In fact, (wait a second as I put on my tinfoil,) maybe Harley and Claude are one in the same? Yup, this is CANON.
Eventually Dinkle must have realized he had enough Claude Barlow material for a completely separate book, because he started working on The Life and Times of Claude Barlow, concurrent to his Famous Composers.
While these Barlow gags were being written, Batiuk got it in his head that it would be funny if this supernaturally awful musician was the original composer for ‘A Hundred Bottles of Beer on the Wall’. He ran with this gag, and ran it right into the ground by dragging it out for decades.
Dinkle thought that ‘A Hundred Bottle of Beer’ was apparently worthy of serious academic research. And insisted on having his scientific findings published in book form and available to the masses.
Dinkle also seemed to be the head of some kind of Claude Barlow fanclub? Historical society? Snark blog? Whatever it was, he wrote articles for it
And in 1995, Batiuk rolled out what I believe, (and correct me if you find I’m wrong,) was his first example of using metafiction to promote a real life book by having it appear as someone’s biography in the strip. And following continuity, (SHOCK,) the title of the autobiography was Gone With the Woodwinds.
And, setting another early precedent, you can’t have a book without a book tour…
And who read this ego stroking magnum opus of self aggrandizing drivel? Why none other than budding author himself, Les Moore.
I don’t know when the title of the autobiography changed from the real life book Gone with the Woodwinds to Drums along the Sidelines, which has no purchasable equivalent.
Though the cover art for the new book is pulled from an Act II collection of Dinkle strips.
We know the autobiography, at one point, had multiple volumes when they where schlupping it door to door in 2014. For these strips the autobiography was definitely a stand in for The Complete Funky Winkerbean volumes. Maybe each volume has a different title?
Or maybe ol’ Batty just forgot again.
Would have been nice if he’d just forgotten that Dinkle was an author period. But if Batiuk is going to remember just how much time and effort he spent showing a crazed writer typing away the entire life history of a failure and a nothing and rub it in his audiences face this week, well then TWO can play at that game, mister.
How’s that for being meta?
Son of Stuck Funky 
I assumed that the title “Drums Along the Sidelines” was loosely inspired by the film “Drums Along the Mohawk” and/or the novel it was based on.
Coincidentally, both the novels “Gone with the Wind” and “Drums Along the Mohawk” were published in 1936 and their respective films were released in 1939. So both references are equally old, although “Gone with the Wind” is a lot more famous and thus seems somewhat less outdated.
His go to response for being called on revisionist history is whining about being bullied.
“Screed of epic proportions”? Harriet, have you been reading my drafts? 🙂
😉
CBH, thank you again for deep diving where few can go, or even might choose to.
These Act I strips mostly seemed funny to me, and the selections suggest why Dinkle has gone from amusing (I also have a band director or two in my past) to tedious. It’s the hat! Once (Act II?) Becky took over as BD and Dinkle turned into a lurker with the insane grin and smug eyes pretending to lend a hand (sorry, Becky) the minor bloom dropped right off the stalk, and the shark took a leap.
Do you have any explanation for the bearded Dinkle? Cool find!
Please carry on – we love it out here.
Thanks! It’s comments like this that keep me trucking along at it.
Dinkle was briefly Extra Hairy Dinkle in 1989. He showed up at band camp that August with the self-made face warmer that starred in about fifteen beard related humor strips over the next couple months before the whole thing was torched off by a flaming baton accident in October.
(There was a continuity error in this time, where was he was face-nude for a day due to recycled teachers’ meeting art.)
In Act 1, most characters, even the ones we’d think of as normal, have frequent moments of absolute dickery that they get away with because of the tone of that era. It’s very Simpsons/South Park/Seinfeld in that way. The characters are inconsistent for the sake of a joke, but still have their recognizable traits. Dinkle was a great example of this.
It’s funny how, in Act III, the characters do and say waaaaay less reprehensible things on paper, and yet seem like such gargantuan assholes.
Ruining Dinkle was one of BatYam’s worst mistakes. Dinkle was a one-note character, and his entire shtick was being the fanatical, insane band director. That was all he was, everyone was fine with it, it needed no explanation, and there was no need to change that.
But, at a time when Batiuk was going increasingly insane with the wild, pathos-driven story arcs, he decided to humanize Dinkle, and proceeded to viciously castrate the character, totally ruining it in the process. Then, when Act III trudged around, Dinkle was another feeble old coot, who reminisced fondly about older, funnier stories that happened a long time before, in a comic strip far, far away. And it sucked, big time.
Like that arc that focused on his deranged marriage to Harriet (get it?), and their sad, dreary 50th anniversary. The gag was that Dinkle was a shitty husband, which was supposed to be humorous, but only in a fanatical, deranged context, which didn’t exist anymore. So it was pretty much just terrible jokes about finally spending time with his wife, jokes no sane human could possibly enjoy or even relate to. Which was true of his entire Act III tenure.
Good ol’ BC totally dreaded getting a Dinkle arc. I even apologized to him about it a few times. Dude kept getting socked with Dinkle arcs there for a while. I can’t say I blamed him, as they were always a real disappointment when I first saw them. Especially those Claude Barlow ones, which were like the kiss of death.
YES! Another believer in the theory that Harley IS Claude Barlow!
I believe Dinkle’s Claude Barlow shtick dates back all the way to the Carter administration. Here’s Dinkle in January 1981 presciently writing about Barlow’s deafness… a fact that was, of course, completely ignored the next time TB wanted to run a Barlow gag (“It’s like poetry… Every stanza kind of rhymes with the last one.”).
To be fair, pretty much everything about Dinkle other than the hearing loss dates back to/was established during the Carter administration. TB can certainly claim consistency there.
OK, since wordpress doesn’t like it when I try to post pictures, here is that 1981 Dinkle-Barlow strip linked.
Today’s Funky Crankerbean:
Harry L. Dinkle: (who is heavily bruised) LISTEN UP YOU DUMB FUCKS! BUY MY BOOKS OR ELSE I WILL HAVE MY GOONS HUNT YOUR ASSES DOWN AND THEN THEY WILL MAKE YOU BUY MY BOOKS OR ELSE THEY WILL FUCKING KILL EVERY LAST FAMILY MEMBER OF YOURS!
(nobody responds)
Random 17 year old: I WAS TOLD THAT DREAM WOULD BE HERE! I WILL SACRIFICE ANYBODY FOR HIM!
(Someone tosses Les’s corpse onto Dinkle, which then causes a shouting match with Dinkle and the guy who tossed the body at him, which escalates to a brawl that spills over to all of Westview High School)
Still Today’s Funky Crankerbean:
The Daily Bleak
Harry L. Dinkle Found Dead After Being Beaten By Angry Mob of Former Band Students
Always enjoy these overviews of FW history, CBH! I’ve said this before, but I never saw FW at all until a few years ago … I was around and reading comic strips in the 70s, 80s and 90s, but FW was simply not carried in my city (which had three daily newspapers.) Always astonishing to find further proof that at one point, Batiuk had a moderate grasp of how to write.
Is there a pun hidden in the name “Claude Barlow” that I’m missing?
And the general feel is clearly ̶r̶i̶p̶p̶e̶d̶ ̶o̶f̶f̶ ̶f̶r̶o̶m̶ ̶an homage to P.D.Q. Bach, yes? Only not as funny?
I wondered if that date range of 1543-1627 was a PDQ Bach reference. I remember a joke about PDQ’s birth/death years being reversed, but that was <a href=”https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Schickele_Presents_an_Evening_with_P._D._Q._Bach_(1807%E2%80%931742)%3F”>1807-1752</a>. If Barlow’s lifespan was really 1543-1627 – and I trust Harriet to get this right waaaaaaaaaaaay more than I trust Batiuk – then <a href=”https://tombatiuk.com/komix-thoughts/claude-barlow/”>Batiuk’s backstory for him makes zero sense</a>.
He supposedly visited Oskaloosa, Iowa (and TB went out of his way to specify that it was Iowa) where a lost fragment of music was found. The first documentation of anything you could someday call Iowa was in 1673, almost 50 years after he died. Jamestown, Virginia barely existed. Batiuk can’t even retcon right!
By the way: Peter Schickele, the creator of PDQ Bach, died just this January. By the way, he won five Grammy Awards.
If Barlow’s dates were 1543-1627, his “rivalry with Mozart” would also be wildly anachronistic. Mozart wasn’t even born until 1756 … 129 years after Barlow’s death.
Of course, if Dinkle’s book is meant to be a terribly researched, unreadable piece of crap (i.e., because that might actually be funny), then the dates don’t matter. And the ‘philanthropic publishing’ bit makes it clear that it IS a terrible book.
But I assume that By The Power Of Batiuk, Harry’s book has mystically now become a Toweringly Great Work Of Literature, as all material written by a Batiuk character must be…
It is sobering to consider that when Mozart was TB’s age he had already been dead for 42 years…
I doubt Batiuk is trying to reference PDQ Bach, but he’s definitely doing the same schtick that the late, great, Peter Schickele did. The difference being that Schickele had the musical chops to really pull it off.
So much this. Batiuk is always making his characters award-winning world-class experts of things he can’t be bothered to put any effort into portraying believably. This also true of writing, law, filmmaking, comic book publishing, and comic book collecting. Pretty much every topic he loves to write about.
And of course, we remind ourselves that when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Dinkle never met a group of people he didn’t want to shout at for ‘disobeying’ ‘the only person fit to organize people’s lives.’
He can’t not act as if everything is a elbows-out battle for supremacy and he can’t not treat people like his minions. The worst of it is that he’s not even really aware why he does it any more. Deep down, Era I Harry remembered that he had an inferiority-superiority complex. By broadening the comedy, Batiuk flattened the character.
And because it’s the Funkverse, people can only react to it with resigned acceptance. Fuck, the whole point of characters like Dinkle is to create conflict! What purpose does he serve in a conflict-free world?
None at all. If you just stand there and mournfully wail about being steamrolled over because you’re not wearing a red onesie with a lightning bolt on it, the only purpose he serves is to remind people that Batiuk let comet bwoots mess with his mind.
A Harry Dinkle deep-dive? During a story arc featuring an painfully obnoxious Harry Dinkle? Oof!
Harry Dinkle = DEEEEEP HAAAATRED!!! 😡🤬😡
“beware of eve hill” digs her way out of the rubble of what used to be her home office before a self-inflicted one-woman hurricane passed through. She brushes herself off, sweeps her hair back, puts her glasses back on, and declares, “Comic Book Harriet is trying to kill me!”
My minds eye can see my death certificate now. Cause of death: Death by Dinkle.
A deep-dive on Lillian McKenzie, why don’tcha?
Seriously, CBH, it’s great to take a break from all things Crankshaft and continue to revisit the good ol’ days of Act I Funky Winkerbean. Thank you so much!
Harry Dinkle was an entertaining character within the confines of a gag-a-day strip. Batiuk gave Dinkle the traits of an overbearing, egotistical band director. Real-life band members found the exaggerated, over-the-top exploits of Harry Dinkle to be funny.
The character of Harry Dinkle in this week’s Crankshaft comic strip is similar to previous appearances but with an even more obnoxious personality. His obnoxious meter is pegged on “11.” In a world meant to be “a quarter of an inch from reality,” Dinkle’s behavior towards other adults is not amusing. It’s annoying. In addition, the decision by Batiuk to have Harry always come out on top is frustrating. We strongly desire to see Harry face consequences for his rude actions, but unfortunately, this never happens.
Boo Harry Dinkle. Boo.
Always new material from yesteryear to find. It’s the first time I’ve seen him bearded. Yet another Bingo Sherlock posting.
The Claude Barlow character is consistently presented as an awful composer. OK – so who are the people who want to read about that? “Here’s ten thousand pages about a shitty musician”; gee thanks? Thinking about it though, I guess it makes sense to Tom, seeing as how KSU will print anything he writes, so sure, Westview Press will publish anything Harry writes. That’s swell.
Between the stilted subject matter, presentation, and leaning on exclamation points to end every sentence, it really doesn’t feel like Act 1 or Act 2 material is that much better.
Thanks for taking the time to post this, regardless. It is interesting to see just what kind of quality this strip has had all this time.
Today’s Funky Crankerbean:
(csroberto2854 pulls out a $3,000 dollar acoustic guitar and smashes it over Lillian’s head, The Three Stooges-style)
Lillian, You dont know shit about Victor Frankenstein
I made a post on Sunday’s GoComics Crankshaft concerning the murder of the hated Harry Dinkle. That means it’s only a matter of time before Jack the Moderator sends my comment off to bit heaven.
Look Ma! I made Featured Comment! My ten minutes of fame. Woo-hoo!
I saw that. Congratulations. Ah a sidewise book cover strip. The Funky crossover continues. Just waiting for Les and Lisa to show up.
I keep looking for Les to show up in the background somewhere at a table with the Lisa Story artwork visible. Or worse, be introduced to Lillian or Dinkle as if they don’t already know him.
Be Ware of Eve Hill,
Wow, Eve! At least 2 mentions by CBH on the opening post. Now, featured comment!
Holy cow! Go out and buy a lottery ticket! You will hit the Trifecta.
🌺💐🌹🫂❤️💖🩷
I was joking about having the “Featured Comment.” It was way too premature to make that boast. My comment was the third of three and became the FC simply because it was the only one with a reply.
The featured comment is usually the one with the most replies. I have seen people posting multiple short comments just to get or prevent someone else from getting the featured comment.
Sometimes, the comic’s creator can overrule when they want to make an announcement. For instance, check out today’s Furbabies.
Beware of Eve Hill,
You were joking? Well, I guess I was a stranger, and you took me in. In honor of your featured comment, Mrs. SP and I broke out our 1919 Chianti, and toasted the night away till dawn. To finish the celebration, Mrs. SP ended the celebration by singing “the Faithful Hussar.” This is from Kirk Douglas film, “Paths of Glory”. Mrs. SP sings fairly well in German, but my humming needs work. However, Madame, tears flowed. Tears flowed.
I will do my best to check out “Furbabies.”
I sometimes sing in German too. Like when I’m listening to German bands Rammstein and In Extremo.
Dadgummit. I meant the featured comment on Saturday Furbabies.
I read two days’ worth of GoComics today and mixed them up. Sorry about that chief.
To be fair to the GoComics moderator, there is a no violence clause in their comment policy. This policy shockingly extends to the character Dr. Harry L. Dinkle.
The other day in the Crankshaft discussion, I posted a comment that was a mock TV news teaser about Dinkle’s body discovered in the Men’s room at the book fair. He had been bludgeoned, stabbed, shot, eviscerated, decapitated, skinned and set on fire. Festival attendees were quoted saying Dinkle got what he deserved. Police were on record stating they have dozens of suspects. Understandably, the GoComics moderator believed I went too far and deleted the comment.
Here on SoSF, violence towards Harry Dinkle is not only permitted, it is heartily endorsed. 😁
Was the March 9, 1996 comic the first time Dinkle’s garage with the Treble Clef made an appearance?
The treble clef garage is a pretty early gag. I flipped through my Volume 3 and found it first on January 26, 1979.
If it showed up earlier than this, I’m not sure. I don’t have Volume 2 yet, but I did manage to finally snag a cheap used one off Amazon this week.
Thanks, CBH. The snowman with the band director’s cap and baton made me laugh.
My mom and dad had an American eagle like the one over Dinkle’s garage. It must have been a 1970s thing.
Years ago near the house where I grew up neighbors handpainted Snoopy getting shot down by the Red Baron on their garage door. Snoopy had the famous “Curse you Red Baron!” thought balloon. Google Streetview shows the garage door has been painted over or changed. ☹️
Been having a busy few days, haven’t had much to say in the comments but keeping up with the blog. Hope the blog enjoyed a happy anniversary and all that, and there’s been some great blog postings in the meantime. Cranky really is an enimga when he’ll bulk buy gardening supplies but not hardware ones. Also Grandson flub lmao.
Today we’re spared the author convention at least as we see the rare “Cover Sunday” in Crankshaft format, this time for Lillian’s books. No idea if that’s ever been a thing before for Lillian’s writing or not, but it seems Batiuk is trying to keep the Funky traditions alive in some form. Except now he doesn’t bother to look for anyone who can accurately do cover art in the vogue of what actual cozy mysteries do and just had Davis draw something himself, which of course has had predictably lame results compared to the impressive work of the comic book artists commissioned in times past. Maybe this is more fitting in-universe, but it also could be said that this demonstrates how inferior Crankshaft’s art feels compared to past years or Funky’s Sunday strips that at least had some modest shading to spruce them up.
Sunday Crank:
At the risk of my neck, I craned sideways and the joke—Oh Lordy, brace yourselves, boy howdy it’s a good’un, the joke is a-comin’: Pam: “BOOK!” Hideous Spawn of the Ancient Ones: “YES, IS BOOK!” Gosh. And Tom still doesn’t get why he never got a Pulitzer.
What is…WHERE is the joke? Did Tommy misunderstand the rules of Beetlejuice and Bloody Mary, and think “Yell ‘BOOK!’ 3 times”, and a joke will manifest itself in panel 3?
It’s the manifestation of the WORST non-joke that Looney Tunes ever did (except the super racist ones), The OOMPH! Girl.
Today’s Funky Crankerbean
The Daily Bleak
Ed Crankshaft Run Over By Random Man, Whole World Cheers And Celebrates
RE: Monday’s (4/22) Funky Winkershaft:
Good Lord, is there an Batiuk trope missing from this strip? It’s set in a Komix Korner whose sole patron is Batton Thomas (Creator of the Once-Syndicated Comic Strip “Three O’Clock High), who is standing around reading hardcover reprints, In walks Jfff (in his Blue Bombers sweatshirt), who of course has to refer to BT as “the famous cartoonist.” And topped off by Crazy Harry calling them “Captain Silver Age” and “Kid Silver Age” (which makes no sense, since both Batton and Jfff were kids in the early ’60s and seem to be within 10 years of each other’s age now. Oh, and DSH John is there, too. There is no real joke, of course, just the stage being set for a week or so of Silver Age comic book schmaltz. Can we go back to the Ohioana Book Festival?