Taking a break from Batiuk’s little nonsensical trip down memory lane in Crankshaft sounds nice, right?
So how about continuing our little nonsensical trip down memory lane in Act I Funky Winkerbean, following the Sweet Polly Oliver of the arcade consoles, The Eliminator.
After the one-off strip in June 1983 that just rehashed the already broken-in joke of the arcade cabinets in Montoni’s being afraid of The Eliminator’s skills, we next get the weeklong Return of the Jedi arc I covered this May. So I won’t reprint it all here. But from July 26th to July 30th, 1983, we were treated to the little brat using her stolen helmet to budge in line for tickets and snacks. Probably ruining the experience for everyone around her by blipping in and out of the theater during the movie itself, like a proto-zoomer doomscrolling DoorDash during Dune.
Following their outing to a galaxy far, far away, The Eliminator is never again seen at a video game cabinet. Seriously.
I guess Batiuk, consciously or subconsciously, realized he was out of jokes for his one-note sci-fi character, and decided to put them through a bit of retcon. And so The Eliminator goes from a grade-school-aged, video game wiz, to a high-school-aged hacker. Who mainly hangs around with future husband Crazy Harry.
The week of February 13th, 1984 saw an arc where Crazy and The Eliminator try to hack into the school’s computer. Like they’re best buds. I wonder if this stuff is supposed to be in the memory hole? What has the Time Mop sponged from history, and what remains?
The first two strips, you may think that Crazy asked his much younger hacker friend to help with this. But on Wednesday of that week it’s confirmed that The Eliminator means to get back at teachers they’ve had classes with.
After days of being ‘hacked’ the computer seems to have cracked completely, either giving in to Stockholm Syndrome, or attempting to torture it’s tormenters in return.
Though Crazy and Limmie’s computer breach is noted, they’re not directly caught. Indeed, Fred Fairgood and Principal Al Burch seem pretty blasé about cyber security.
Batiuk enjoyed this little hacker arc so much that a week later, on February 26th, he dropped an entire Sunday strip where he could rehash the concept and the art for a bit of preachy teacher pandering.
Then, Eliminator disappears for the rest of the school year, only showing up again August 1st, 1984, in order to put their hacking skills to work stealing a last minute marriage license for Fred Fairgood and Ann Randall.
All of Eliminator’s hard work did net her an invitation to the worlds cringiest wedding ceremony.
August 29, 1984, we see The Eliminator standing up for the first time in an entire year. They’re first in line in the yearly tradition of the student registration/schedule changing strip.
The strip confirms that they’re now drawn just as tall as Funky. So it doesn’t seem like the Eliminator is just a super genius preteen that’s taking high school at a younger age. I guess you could say that The Eliminator was 11 in 1982, so they’d be 13 or 14 now. Except that they would have been the only one to have grown out of an age bracket in those years.
Batiuk deciding he wants The Eliminator to be the same age as the rest of the cast makes sense. Now you can show the character in the high school. Now you can show the character interacting with all members of the cast. I don’t think the subtle retcon was a bad decision.
Except, The Eliminator will hardly ever show up in Act I again.
They’re in a single strip on January 12, 1985. In the context of a week of various students getting their SAT scores.
Then they disappear again until May 12, 1985, when Batiuk decides to once again recut the ‘Crazy watches Limmie at the computer’ tableau from more than a year ago.
Coming Soon….the final days of The Eliminator.
Son of Stuck Funky 
This is about where his instincts fail him. He is about to let his need to prove a stupid point ruin a character.
Yes, this is exactly why nearly all of his characters suck, he bends them to fit whatever points he wants to make at that time. ( Tomorrow he will then make a different point and bend the same character the other way.)
It’s something he appeared to have cribbed from Archie Comics that doesn’t really make sense in the real world.
In one sense, “eraser” is the opposite of “pencil”.
Today’s Crankshaft
Ha ha it’s funny because Eugene is trying to rent a canoe and he can’t because it’s called writing
But he talks about Akron history. That place is just thirty minutes from my house! Golly gee.
https://www.beaconjournal.com/story/lifestyle/around-town/2020/07/06/local-history-tragedy-at-summit-beach/113372702/
Related to the Batiukverse: Behold, what I think is dumbest storyline of Funky Winkerbean Act II (Fresh from the Toledo Blade archives)
Props for Cindy for keeping calm. If I was in that position, i’d be shitting myself in fear
Cindy: Buddy, you’re really lucky that Dick Tracy WASNT around, because he would’ve pumped your ass full of lead.
Bonus: A couple of strips i pulled out of the Toledo Blade archives
Coming to your nightmares near you
I also have this image in higher quality, thanks to v7.https://comicskingdom.com (which is now gone because of the CK asswipe/”overhaul”)
It looks more terrifying when it’s from the Toledo Blade, no?
Harry, just let the fucking trophy go and lose with grace
Didn’t you just post this series of strips?
I barely got any comments the first time
To elaborate, I didn’t think many people on here saw these strips the first time
Also, cindy is instantly an expert hostage negotiator.
Saw them. Found them unreadable. I mean, I literally look at them, and they are just so stupid and uninvolving that I can’t get past the first panel or so. I’m not exaggerating — I quite seriously can’t actually absorb any information these panels are trying to convey. I’ve tried to read them maybe three or four times now. My eyes just slide right off them. I have no idea what they’re about, what they are trying to say, or anything.
I’m completely serious.
Act I? Sure.
This crap? No.
I saw them the first time but didn’t comment. They are so bad that to comment would be like kicking a puppy.
As BJ mentions, Cindy is suddenly a hostage negotiator when we all know hir first instinct would be to protect herself at the cost of everyone else.
Cindy, a once devout disciple of hairspray, fails to use the power of fluorocarbons against this would-be gunman?! Shocking!
John Darling, meanwhile knew how to handle these situations. Pity he didn’t have his hairspray with him the day Plantman ambushed him…
Cindy probably stopped using hairspray after graduating from high school
Cindy: You don’t really know me and have no reason to trust me. Give me the gun.
Idiot with a Gun: (glibly) Sure thing! Here! Gee, thanks!
🙄 Uh-huh. Does Batty actually think somebody can hold a television studio full of people at gunpoint and walk away scot free? Nobody but Cindy has any say in the matter? Does Batty not understand being held at gunpoint is a death threat?
Puh-leeze!
If this were real life, the man with the gun who threatened Cindy would’ve been tackled to the ground, simply arrested or just been shot to death
Yeah one of the lighting guys could just drop a stage light on him from the rafters.
If I were the guy with the gun who Cindy talked to, I would’ve just shot her square in the chest immediately because she’s a piece of shit
Even when Batiuk has a decent joke, and even in Act I, his delivery is terrible. Compare the “teachers salaries” joke to Bloom County‘s version. And the hacker jokes to the many Oliver Wendell Jones/Banana Junior 6000 plots.
Batiuk starts from a good position, but his characters just fill space with transactional conversation words, and restate the premise at each other. Berke Breathed used that space to tell a richer story.
Ha, I remember that strip. I was working as a garbage man back then! They paid us well.
The cracks are showing here in mid to late Act I…
Limmie (dig the nickname, CBH) can teleport, so I’ll allow it… but FUNKY beat Barry Balderman to the student registration line?! You used to KNOW your characters, TB!
Bull appears to be holding Les at gunpoint using the old “robber keeping the gun in his pocket, does he even really have a gun, best to err on the side of caution” trick, so I’ll return a few of the points lost.
By the time the Eliminator hit high school age, I would’ve thought the boys would have started to notice her curves.
But as @Rusty Shackleford mentioned above, Batty obliterates years of canon for the sake of one story. Hey! The Eliminator is actually a girl! Oooooo!
If I remember correctly, in Act II, despite wearing tight leather motorcycle gear, people still didn’t know the Eliminator’s gender until she removed her helmet and let her hair cascade down. Really?
Crazy Harry: Say, Eliminator, you’re looking rather buxom today.
The Eliminator: I’m a woman.
Crazy Harry: M’wha?!
smh
———————
Fishstick Annie’s fashion choice to wear a tube top at her age? Bold, daring, dashing, and unafraid!
If I remember correctly, in Act II, despite wearing tight leather motorcycle gear, people still didn’t know the Eliminator’s gender until she removed her helmet and let her hair cascade down. Really?
I think Donna wore a breast binder during that time
Binding her breasts for years? Talk about dedication to the lie.
A lie for what purpose? It doesn’t make any sense. I’ve never understood Batty’s insistence about the alleged need to lie about her gender. It’s not like the arcades had bouncers at the front door keeping the girls out.
Bouncer: Welcome to our arcade, sir. Your girlfriend will have to wait outside. We don’t serve their kind.
Male Video Game Player: Hands off the machine, bitch. Video games are for dudes!
I’m just funnin’ ya, but the truth is, frequent chest binding can lead to health issues.
Like Judy Garland in The Wizard of Oz. She had tissue damage from that binding for the rest of her life. Because, who’s gonna believe a movie in which a 14 year old is playing a 10 year old if she has boobies, in a movie with a talking pile of horse food?
Of course, they also made her smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day to keep her awake. When that stopped working, eh, let’s just put her on uppers first thing in the morning, then give her downers at night to sleep.
If you want your heart put in a vise, watch her (I believe) last live interview, on Johnny Carson. She’s clearly on every legal intoxicant. The audience knows it, Johnny knows it, Judy doesn’t. Maybe don’t watch it. It’s…not fun. I haven’t seen it in 10 years, and it’s still pretty clear in my memory.
Less depressing, but you can see her seams starting to tear open: Judy and Lena. (search if this shit system doesn’t load the link)
Judy Garland in The Wizard of Oz had tissue damage from that binding for the rest of her life.
See also: Anissa Jones. Awful story, that.
I was thinking of poor Judy while I was writing about chest binding leading to health issues.
While growing up, The Wizard of Oz was my favorite movie. Back in the days before VCRs, one of the big three broadcast networks aired the movie once a year. I always hogged the TV the night the movie was on. Mom used to say, “You’ve seen that movie so many times you could act it out.”
Then as an adult, you read about the production issues and studio abuses of the cast. As you mentioned, the abuse Judy went through to play a young girl (she was 16!). Buddy Ebsen’s serious allergic reaction to the Tin Man’s makeup that required hospitalization and an oxygen tent. Margaret Hamilton getting badly burned from the pyrotechnics, then being asked to do another fire scene immediately after her return to the set. The use of asbestos in the poppy field scene. The cast should have received hazard pay.
There was a rumor that one of the munchkins hung themselves on set. It was claimed you could see them swinging in the background after the Wicked Witch confronts the heroes on the yellow brick road. The rumor turned out to be false.
What did Lena Horne use to whiten her teeth? In every photo, video and movie I’ve seen, her teeth are ridiculously white. They almost glow in the dark.
Name any child star, from Jackie Coogan to Drew Barrymore to Culkin/Spears who didn’t turn out pretty fucked up, almost all because of the parents. (Christina Ricci, from Addams Family maybe? I don’t count “kinda weird” as being “F’d up”)
Tommy fetishizes Studio Hollywood because he doesn’t want to know anything about it. Only what he thinks is real is real. Movies are silent, but chimps talk, where’s my Best Actress Oscar.
Kurt Russell? Jodie Foster? Elijah Wood? Scarlet Johansson? Daniel Radcliffe?
There’s Emma Watson too, but she’s not much of an actress, IMHO.
If it wasn’t for that infamous outburst on set, I might have included Christian Bale.
Name any child star who didn’t turn out pretty fucked up
Mara Wilson, from Ms. Doubtfire, Matilda, and one of the Thomas The Tank Engine movies. She was from an ordinary family, mostly walked away from movies at age 14, and talks candidly about her experiences. She wrote this article, which has a lot of good insight into why child stars usually do turn out pretty fucked up.
Or we could give Batiuk the credit he deserves and recognize that the Eliminator was a boy until it no longer served his purposes and made him a girl.
When Batiuk has Les receive the Oscar for Best Actress, I know he’s half-assing it. I don’t assume and/or look for evidence that he’s got some grand plan underneath the surface where it all makes sense.
The point is the violence that this half-assed decision did to his continuity. Don’t give him credit he hasn’t earned.
Related to Ed Crankshaft: What song do you think fits him the most?
“Mean Old Bus Drivin’ Man” (or whatever Crankshaft’s song is officially titled) from the Funky Winkerbean’s Homecoming musical.
I finally found my old download of a long-since-deleted Youtube video of a performance of Funky Winkerban’s Homecoming and got it playing again! Here are the lyrics (as best as I can hear them) to “Mean Old Bus-Drivin’ Man”.
I think Asshole by Denis Leary fits Crankshaft for me
(WARNING: NSFW)
I find this question unclear. Ed the Character, or Funkshaft the strip? If that, then this is my reaction.
I believe James Taylor had a song, “Mean Old Man.” The song title reminds me of Sorial Promise. 👋😜
Be Ware of Eve Hill,
What a week! First, Anonymous Sparrow sends me a trumpet solo by Gabe Jones from Sgt. Fury. Then BWOEH thinks of me after listening to a James Taylor song. It’s clean living I tell you. I tell you what. I feel lucky. I’m gonna go play *In the Mood* with Mrs. SP. 😎🤪😘
This is begging to be an AI song. (I made one about Les once, but I used a not-so-nice word I thought was OK for a 90s song.)
Ah, the joys of Batiukontinuity. First The Eliminator is five years younger than Crazy Harry, then they’re the same age. Then their age difference fluctuates depending on Batiuk’s whims. The “Meet the Cast” for Act III keeps the “five years younger”, but Timemop’s flashbacks would imply the “same age” scenario, and the recent “new Funky” strips established the “five years difference” again. (And let’s not even get into “Crazy Harry’s Bogus Journey”, which managed to contradict its own internal timeline…)
And, y’know, it’s fine for creators to adjust details like that; Schulz did it all the time (Snoopy wasn’t originally Charlie Brown’s dog, until he was; Schroeder was introduced as significantly younger than Charlie Brown, until they were the same age). But the important thing is, other creators don’t waffle back and forth on those details. They may change them, but then they usually don’t “unchange” them on a whim. If Batiuk wanted to age up The Eliminator to be the same age as the main Act I cast… hey, go right ahead. But you kind of need to KEEP them that age now. ESPECIALLY if you’re going to be so prideful of your attention to continuity.
Yeah, yeah, It’s Called Writing™!
(Of course, there would also be the question of how The Eliminator was registered at school; I doubt they were listed in the files as “Eliminator, The”, and I also doubt they got registered under “Donald”, so having them as classmates with the Act I gang can’t really work logistically without them knowing her actual name…)
My dear Anonymous Sparrow,
It takes a real detective to figure out TB’s reasons. So I went to one, a Mister Sherlock Holmes, version 1955 on Amazon Prime. Short, tight episodes quite well done.
But it is Episode 4 that brings me to you. “The Case of the Texas Cowgirl”. Said cowgirl is played by Lucille Vines. She was married to Yves Bonnefoy the extraordinary French poet. You also may know their daughter, film editor Mathilde Bonnefoy (*Run, Lola, Run!*) He is also famous for translating the Works of William Shakespeare into French. I am willing to say that you have considerable knowledge of this man and his work. Be Ware of Eve Hill knows macarons, I know French fries, but I am willing to bet ComicBookHarriet’s next calf that you are fluent in French.
As they say in Paris (according to BWOEH):
Arrivederci!
SP:
My feet of clay are showing.
Most of the names you mentioned I didn’t know, and while I am a Holmesian, this version of the Great Detective was unfamiliar to me. “The Texas Cowgirl” sounds very close to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s source material, and I can almost hear Hatty Doran of “The Adventure of the Noble Bachelor” telling TV audiences not to miss it. The author found Americans fascinating but, as one critic noted, invariably made them sound like people from another planet.
To use a comics analogy…John Ostrander was writing a *Suicide Squad* script and had Dave de Vries, who though born in New Zealand, lived in Australia from an early age, vet the dialogue for Captain Boomerang (who comes from the land Down Under). De Vries read it and returned it to Ostrander.
Half of Boomerang’s dialogue was crossed out.
“But, Dave,” said Ostrander, “these are all Australian expressions! I’ve heard Australians use them.”
“That’s right, John,” said de Vries, “but not in the same five minutes.”
Charles Baudelaire translated Edgar Allan Poe into French. I wonder what he made of William Shakespeare, and whether he was better disposed towards him than Voltaire. (Voltaire translated a speech from *Hamlet* in one of his essays and left me with the feeling that he admired the Bard of Avon but didn’t entirely approve of him.)
Elsewhere in the comments here, there’s a nod to Archie Comics, and as I’m rereading John Keats, I can’t get the strip’s joke about the “Ode on a Grecian Urn” out of my head. Shame on you for falling for it, Miss Geraldine Grundy!*
*
I see that Miss Grundy, while usually identified as “Geraldine,” has had several other first names over the decades, such as “Amanda,” “Elizabeth,” “Gertrude” and “Grisensnable.” Jealous much, Peter Roberts/Reynolds?
Anonymous Sparrow,
A little more enticement for
Sherlock Holmes 1954-1955:
1. The tv show was filmed in France for an American audience. Some French locations were used, but mostly studio lots.
2. You will like this point. Ronald Howard is playing a younger version of Sherlock. He is quite deductive, yet not so sure of himself, and makes mistakes. Ronald is Leslie Howard’s son!
3. Doctor Watson is very eager to get involved. Younger, stronger. Has his wits about him. Not much similarity to the fine actor Nigel Bruce.
4. Most are original stories, but there are adaptations from the books.
5. Episode 2 has Paulette Goddard making her TV acting debut.
6. To close—I am writing this while my grandkids are playing.(chess of all things!) My 6 year old granddaughter stopped playing and asked what am I doing? I told her I was writing a letter to Anonymous Sparrow. She repeated your name. Then said, “That is a cool name.”
7. That should be a good start to your weekend.
SP:
That is indeed an excellent start to my weekend, and please tell your granddaughter that even if she lost that particular game of chess, she is and shall always be a winner in my book.
Merci beaucoup, chere fille. I think you’re very cool.
Leslie Howard’s son as Holmes! Wow, that’s following in a heroic tradition, as Leslie Howard was the Scarlet Pimpernel in the 1934 film. (Not to mention Henry Higgins in the 1938 “Pygmalion.”) When I get free of the Feli from Germany videos my friend Carey is sending me, I will have to make my way back in time to the 1954 Baker Street.
(In 1955, John Gielgud and Ralph Richardson were Holmes and Watson on radio. Orson Welles turns up in “The Final Problem” as the Napoleon of Crime.)
Nigel Bruce plays the future George IV in “The Scarlet Pimpernel” (it’s a good performance: the Prince is brusque, but not obnoxious: he’s doing what he can to help the French, but sensibly notes that when a country goes mad, it’s not necessarily the responsibility of other nations to restore it to full sanity; in the same year, Bruce was also Squire Trelawney in “Treasure Island”); his Dr. Watson is iconic, yet I prefer the actors who undertook the role with Jeremy Brett: David Burke (who looks like the Watson described in “The Adventure of Charles Augustus Milverton”: middle-sized, strongly built, square jaw, thick neck, moustache) and Edward Hardwicke (who looks more like Bruce, clearly intended to be older than Holmes, though in real life Bruce was younger than Rathbone). They convey what John Javna in his study of TV detectives described so well: the average — perhaps even above-average — man in the company of an extraordinary man. Of course he can’t keep up…but how close he comes, and if he can’t solve the crime, he can understand the motives behind it after his friend has.
The game is afoot, but this poem is from Vincent Starrett:
221b
Here dwell together still two men of note
Who never lived and so can never die:
How very near they seem, yet how remote
That age before the world went all awry.
But still the game’s afoot for those with ears
Attuned to catch the distant view-halloo:
England is England yet, for all our fears—
Only those things the heart believes are true.
A yellow fog swirls past the window-pane
As night descends upon this fabled street:
A lonely hansom splashes through the rain,
The ghostly gas lamps fail at twenty feet.
Here, though the world explode, these two survive,
And it is always eighteen ninety-five.
Anonymous Sparrow,
Loved the poem you sent. Of course, the famous quote “the game’s afoot” originates in Shakespeare, Henry V. (One of the greatest films of our time!) But I believe Shakespeare got it from the original Klingon, as quoted by Chang in Star Trek: the Undiscovered Country.
The St. Crispen’s Day speech has always touched me deeply. I taught it to my son at age 6.
“We few. We happy few. We band of brothers.”
Sounds like it is directed at SOSF with ‘brothers’ used in the figurative sense.
SP:
Stendhal dedicated his second great novel, *The Charterhouse of Parma,* “To the Happy Few.”
My father said that the “once more unto the breach” speech in Olivier’s “Henry V” made him want to attack the French…and he was a Francophile from an early age.
Kenneth Branagh’s take on the same material forty-plus years is also exceptional. (I believe that Branagh looked to Orson Welles’s “Chimes at Midnight” in creating the battle sequences.)
According to William S. Baring-Gould, the only Shakespeare play Holmes quotes more than once is *Twelfth Night.*
So glad you liked the Starrett poem. Here are two poems about the adventures Dr. Watson never recorded officially. The first is Jay Finley Christ’s “Old Tin Box”:
In the vaults of Cox was an old tin box
With Watson’s name on its lid.
What wouldn’t we pay for that box today
And the secret notes there hid?
Old Russian dame, Ricoletti the lame.
The famous aluminum crutch;
For Alicia, the cutter, the parsley in butter,
What would you give for such?
Story of Randall, the Darlington scandal,
The coptic patriarchs.
The opal tiara, the Addleton barrow —
Dollars? or francs? or marks?
The tale of the pinch of Victor Lynch,
The furniture warehouse mob,
The case at the Hague, the murder at Prague
The powderless Margate job.
The giant rat, the cardinal’s hat,
The Patersons (first name Grice),
The cormorant’s bill, the Hammerford will —
We’d take ’em at any price.
The Phillimore fella who sought an umbrella,
The steamer Friesland (Dutch);
For Col. Carruthers or Atkinson brothers
One never could give too much.
The Vatican case and its cameo face,
The slithering, unknown worm,
The Abergavenny were none too many —
Where is this Cox’s firm?
Oh, wonderful box in the vaults of Cox!
You come with a touch of salt!
But I offer two blocks of the choicest stocks
For the treasure of Cox’s vault.
The second is Jim Duval’s “At Charing Cross”:
Christopher Morley most regretted never learning “the story of the politician, the lighthouse and the trained cormorant.”
One of the great pleasures of the 1940s radio series featuring Holmes is that the new stories often looked to the untold tales, thus giving us the Paradol Chamber and the Amateur Mendicant Society, to say nothing of showing us that Holmes could err (as Watson notes in “The Yellow Face”) with “The Demon Barber,” where Holmes gets his killer…but almost dies in the process
I have the oddest craving now for detective stories with Watson-like narrators — perhaps I should seek out Agatha Christie’s eight Hercule Poirot novels (I had the short stories, but the volume disappeared in the second harrowing of my apartment) in which Captain Arthur Hastings undertakes that chore and then see whether Raymond Chandler was correct about the foolishness of Dr. Christopher Jervis in R. Austin Freeman’s Dr. Thorndyke stories.
“You see, but you do not observe…”
Anonymous Sparrow,
1. The power and beauty of Holmes, is one reads these short titles, and one begins imagining a story to go with them.
2. My favorite film Holmes is Christopher Plummer in *Murder by Decree*. Loved James Mason. A short throw away line is Holmes calling out to Mary. Plummer plays a bad man just as powerfully *Somewhere in Time*.
3. My favorite TV Holmes is Jeremy Brett with the 2 Watsons. My favorite episodes are *the Six Napoleons* with Marina Sirtis. She is an absolute beauty at any age, except for this episode. She is full of rage and bitterness. I must admit, she does ugly very well. It’s called acting.
The second favorite TV episode is *the Musgrave Ritual*. I loved the Math part. Do not do a woman wrong.
4. Thank you for the nice words to my granddaughter. She is old enough to understand and appreciate your words.
SP:
James Mason’s Dr. Watson is a dear, no two ways about it.
Fittingly, since I mentioned John Gielgud’s Sherlock Holmes, I should say that Mason acted with him in the 1953 “Julius Caesar,” playing Brutus to Gielgud’s Cassius. Since Mason was so often cast as a villain (in Hitchcock’s “Rope,” some characters suggest how good he is as a villain…and as Philip Vandamm eleven years later in “North by Northwest,” he’d be one of Hitchcock’s best), he shouldn’t have worked as “the noblest Roman of them all” — who has to be urged into joining the conspiracy — but he pulls it off.
He reveals nice dimensions in his villainy in “The Verdict.” His favorite role, as you probably know, was in “Odd Man Out.” (My sister sent me a postcard from Ireland the other day. I should refer her to the movie, even if the setting is Northern Ireland.)
I have a Christopher Plummer story for you. Film Forum hosted a tribute to him around the time of the release of *In Spite of Myself,* his autobiography. I got him to sign my copy and asked:
“You called your autobiography *In Spite of Myself.* What do you think you would have become if you’d applied yourself?”
He laughed and said: “Don’t ask!”
Oh, I made sure to see him as Leo Tolstoy in “The Last Station” after that. (Helen Mirren as his wife was superb.)
I’d forgotten that Marina Sirtis was in “The Six Napoleons.” (No analyses, please, Counselor Troi. I am not your imzadi.)
T.S. Eliot made use of “The Musgrave Ritual” in his play *Murder in the Cathedral.* Elsewhere he wrote:
How delightful to meet Mr. Hodgson!
(Everyone wants to know him )—
With his musical sound
And his Baskerville Hound
Which, just at a word from his master
Will follow you faster and faster
And tear you limb from limb.
How delightful to meet Mr. Hodgson!
Who is worshipped by all waitresses
(They regard him as something apart)
While on his palate fine he presses
The juice of the gooseberry tart.
How delightful to meet Mr. Hodgson!
(Everyone wants to know him ).
He has 999 canaries
And round his head finches and fairies
In jubilant rapture skim.
How delightful to meet Mr. Hodgson!
(Everyone wants to meet him ).
When Eliot won the 1948 Nobel Prize for Literature, a reporter asked: “What did you get it for?”
“I don’t think they give it for anything specific,” Eliot replied, “but for the entire corpus.”
“When did you write that?” asked the reporter.
Eliot explained what “the entire corpus” meant, but admitted that it would make a good title for a mystery…perhaps one a violin-playing detective could solve with some help from an ex-Army doctor with a sturdy service revolver.
I have no granddaughters, but I do have four nieces and one great-niece, so I like to think I know something about the importance of kindness.
Anonymous Sparrow,
Just this year, I watched James Mason in *Julius Caesar*. Last year, I watched *Odd Man Out*. He gives it his all. There is no higher compliment to an actor.
I have a story of my niece meeting Martin Short. Now I am telling the truth, I had no love for Mr. Short. Hated every film and TV appearance I saw him in. I despise overacting, of which in my opinion, he exceeds the container. Also, I do realize I am in a microscopic minority. He is very much beloved. So keep that in mind as I tell this story.
Mr. Short was appearing in KC. My niece worked at the hotel that he stayed in. They met as she was working. They struck up a conversation that lasted quite a while. He was a gentleman. He answered every one of her questions. He was funny in a natural conversational sort of way. Not performing. He was kind to her.
So obviously I am wrong about Martin Short. My niece’s story totally impressed me to re-evaluate my first impression of the actor.
One last aside: my copy of *Hicksville* just arrived. I have good reading this weekend.
SP:
My friend Carey is very fond of “Only Murders in the Building,” in which Martin Short is one of the three leads. I look forward to sharing the Short story with him.
Mason was also a powerful anti-hero as Captain Nemo in “20,000 Leagues under the Sea.”
I hope you find *Hicksville* rewarding.
Still Gabby says—Interesting about the show being made in France. A couple of years earlier a version of Flash Gordon was made in Germany for US audiences. I have taught International Communication, and TV Programming, and have to do some research to find out more about these types of arrangements. Of course, there was the Richard Greene version of Robin Hood, but that originally aired in Britain
Nice to connect with another fellow SOSF’er! Gracious weekend.
Today’s Funky Winkerbean
This week feels like waiting in line for food from McDonalds or Popeyes as in it’s incredibly fucking boring
It’s another classic instance of “old ways good” too, as you’re getting the guy discarding modern for-offer kayaks for some old wooden boat that’s been left at the side of the river for aesthetics and little sign that it’s in good condition upkeep. Guy’s going to go out for his nostalgic paddling and start sinking in the middle of the lake as water spouts start bursting out of the bottom.
Theodore Dreiser gave us *An American Tragedy.*
John Collier gave us “Another American Tragedy.”
Groucho Marx references the 1931 movie version (not as well-known as 1951’s “Place in the Sun”) in “Horse Feathers” and throws Thelma Todd a Life Saver.
Could *Crankshaft* be setting us up for “Yet Another American Tragedy,” or is Beelzy doing the refuting this time?
I wonder where he’s going with it. The segue from Lillian to Eugene made no sense. She’s reminded of her sister and boyfriend going to the beach and then we switch to a flashback that she’s not even in. I’ll be curious to see if they run into each other and TB does another retcon in an attempt to redeem Lillian.
One of the things that really stands out upon re-reading those old FW arcs is how they’re honestly a lot less funny than I remember them being. Perhaps my standards were just lower then. Like when you put on an old Saxon or Scorpions album you liked in 1982, only to discover how poorly it’s held up. But worse.
But anyway, you can see in those stupid Eliminator strips how his insistence on “realism” had already taken root in the strip, which was bad news for characters whose whole appeal was not being rooted in reality, like Dinkle, Crazy, and (ahem) The Eliminator.
Batiuk should have done what George Costanza did that one time, and just done the opposite of every idea he ever had. Don’t get Lisa pregnant, don’t have her die, don’t do the time skips and etc. It certainly couldn’t have been any dumber. And who knows, maybe he would have landed that coveted Hollywood screenplay, and done a whole bunch of arcs about how swell showbiz is, instead of the dreary dreck he opted to go with instead. Too late now, I suppose.
I’m seeing these Eliminator arcs for the first time, and — at least so far — they’re a solid B to occasional B-plus.
Sure, Batiuk clearly never, ever possessed the gifts of Breathed or Schulz or Trudeau or Kelly, etc. Granted. These strips are absolutely not at that level. But it’s still fair work, worthy of a few one-time chuckles.
Work that’s worth $45 to obtain in a handsomely bound hardcover volume? No, of course not. But for a one-shot disposable cartoon? I’ve seen a lot worse cluttering up comics pages.
Comic strips suffer from the same thing as sketch comedy shows. You always think things were better 15, 30, years ago because you’re shoving together in your mind the cream of those years.
You read an entire year of any strip, and not every single one of those strips is going to be a winner.
Batiuk had some solid strips. I’d say about 20% of the material of Act I is A to B+. And a lot of C grade filler in between.
Yeah, I know you’re cherry picking to some extent, but the Act I material you’ve been posting so far has been usually at least good. Not awesome, or very good, but at least a solid “good”.
I’ve said it before, but every single time you post this material, it amazes me to see that (four to five decades ago) Batiuk used to have a handle on how to make a comic strip.
Yeah nobody expects A+ material every day, but I think the main reason Act 1 was good was that there was a “ liteness” to it with a nice helping of silliness.
When he turned dramatic, all that vanished and the strip became a selfish expression of Batty’s beliefs.
I once got my hands on a complete run of Monty Python’s Flying Circus. All the famous bits were there, but a lot of it… just didn’t work. There was this long story about blancmanges from space winning Wimbledon. The entire point was “Scottish people are bad at tennis.” And a lot of it was outdated (SEE ALSO: Murray, Andy). Or it referred to aspects of British culture and politics I wasn’t familiar with.
It’s the same with Saturday Night Live. I’m old enough to remember when Chevy Chase was the good old days, and Adam Sandler sucked. Now Adam Sandler was the good old days, and whoever they have on it now sucks. Before I die, whoever they have on it now will be the good old days.
Comedy is hit-or-miss by its nature, and we cherish the hits.
Of course, Act I having only 20% A to B+ material is still a vastly better ratio than what we got by Act III…
If Batty stayed on target with Funky Winkerbean Act I, I think FW’s reputation could be similar to that of the comic strip Broomhilda. Odds are, you’re probably thinking to yourself, “Broomhilda? is that comic strip still around?”, but please hear me out.
Broomhilda preceded Funky Winkerbean in 1970 by a couple of years. In 54 years, Broomhilda has had one cartoonist, Russell Myers. Broomhilda‘s reputation isn’t in the same stratosphere as Calvin and Hobbes, Peanuts, or Bloom County either, but the comic has its fans. Broomhilda can be found on GoComics. It’s a solid comic strip that elicits a chuckle once in awhile. There’s no snarking in the comments.
Instead Batty had delusions of grandeur that he was a talented writer. A lack of hubris made him believe he could be a trailblazer and go where no cartoonist had gone before.
Part of me is happy Batty made the decision he did. Snarking on Funky over the last several years has been a lot of fun, and introduced me to a lot of interesting people (that includes you too, SP).
I’d like to know who is buying the volumes of ‘The Complete Funky Winkerbean’. If a Funky Winkerbean historian and archivist like Comic Book Harriet isn’t interested in shelling out the full $45, who would be?
On Amazon, ‘The Complete Funky Winkerbean, Vol. 13’, the most recent volume that came out in January, has already been marked down %22 to $35.20.
From Amazon: Best Sellers Rank: #1,586,475 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) 1,194 in Graphic Novel Anthologies (Books).
I firmly believe the price could be cut in half if the book came out in paperback. How about an eBook version?
I always enjoyed Broomhilda. I agree, it was a solid strip.
To an excellent judge of character:
Be Ware of Eve Hill,
1. I do wonder about the people buying these Complete Volumes. I believe they are up to number 13 and at $45 a pop. Wow. I wouldn’t pay that price for an author I loved.
2. I know you have sworn off of CS. But I want you to modify your oath just enough to read this week’s arc, particularly 7/20. It is very dark. I hope it has a successful end on Sunday.
Have a great weekend. (You are the first person to tell me that I am vastly, incredibly interesting.) Thank you.
You want me to read a week’s worth of Batty’s current strip? In one sitting? Are you insane? I thought you liked me.🤣
Sorry, I’m in a good mood and don’t want it ruined. I kindly refuse your invitation to read that car wreck of a c̸o̸m̸i̸c̸ strip. CBH’s blog was about the Eliminator. Let’s not sully the discussion with talk of the that c̸o̸m̸i̸c̸ strip.
First you want me to read that c̸o̸m̸i̸c̸ strip, then you hope I have a great weekend. Pick a lane, dude. 😁
Seriously, have a great weekend. 🤟
Today’s Funky Crankerbean
The Daily Bleak
Local Sadman Found Dead After Going On Ill-Fated Canoe Ride
The long row…just like that long letter opening bit from FW.
It’s been a long, hot summer. From this crap on Crankshaft to the Wilbur fest in Mary Worth, it’s been dry and dusty. I am thirsty for some humor, for a good story.
I suppose I am like Batty in that I think comics were done better in the past. Well at least during the golden age of Bloom County and Calvin and Hobbes.
Today’s Funky Crankerbean
This week has felt drier than a popeyes biscuit
Related to FW: What I think the heights and weights are for the cast of Act I
In honor of the late, great Bob Newhart, here’s his routine that does the premise of Crankshaft better than Crankshaft…