Comic Book Harriet here!
First, an apology. I know I’ve been scarce in the comments section lately. To the point of being lax in moderating duties. August was a busy month for me. My parents ran away to the blazing hot south to dunk their latest grandchild in devil-repellent. I had a friend from out of state stay for several days and we swam our way through the swarming crowds at the State Fair to heckle obese livestock. There was the usual moo-based shenanigans.
But it was more than that. This arc just has me cringing from it. Deep, deep in my soul, I want to avoid eye contact with it. Like it’s a suspiciously young ‘Veitnahm Vetran’ with a cardboard sign loitering at the endless red light I’m stuck at.
It’s an election year. I’m in a purple state. And I’m so exhausted by the shrill cries of, what feels to me, like two different flavors of Karens squalking at each other from across the wasteland of navel gazing that is the ‘culture war.’ I was dreading the careful effort it would take me to thread the needle of ‘no politics’ while dealing with a badly written political plotline, while weighing whether or not to elaborate on my own views, where the complexity and nuance of my position is only balanced out by how little I actually care. Plus. LES FREAKIN’ MOORE WOULD BE FEATURED.
I can only drop to my knees and thank Aspergius, the god of weird obsessions, that Banana Jr. 6000 was super gung ho and fired up by this arc. It meant he could whip up passionate and hilarious take downs while I ran away to the local Old Thresher’s Convention to stare at hundreds of steam engines all puffing away at the same time.
Yet, while wandering through the grounds eating Amish fried pies and spitting on John Deere tractors, who should I run into but an old High School friend I hadn’t seen in a few years. So we sat on a bench and spent a few minutes catching up.
There she was, in her ‘Read Banned Books’ t-shirt, telling me how the High School English class she was teaching had to start the year with no books in the classroom, because of a new state law banning pictures or descriptions of sex acts in books. They hadn’t had time to review them yet, so the books should be trickling back in once they confirm there’s no porking in Charlotte’s Web.
I had to bite my tongue a bit, commiserating with the obviously exhausting hoop jumping all this drama was forcing on her. But I couldn’t help but notice that behind her very real frustration was also the subtle undertone that her (self?)-righteous indignation was giving her a bit of twisted joy. I kept my opinions to myself. Because she was a close friend in high school, and I still consider her a fond acquaintance. Because her complaints do have merit. Because she has a dog (job) in this fight and my childless ass doesn’t. Because the conversation was a reality check to me. I was ready to write off the topic of this arc as a nothingburger just because Batiuk has a 99% chance of fumbling it.
As my former classmate and I went our separate ways, I turned to my roommate and sighed.
“I just can’t get away from the Funkyverse!” I said, “No matter where I go!”
For the rest of The Burnings, my plan for my posts is to take us through the earlier Funky Winkerbean censorship arcs that Batiuk himself admitted he forgot about. Barring, of course, the DSH Sells Porn arc I covered last year. I hope my dear co-captain Banana Jr will continue to bring the heat and the Media Law faqs when he’s up to bat.
Now. I heard complaining on my last post that I had MENTIONED baby cows and hadn’t posted any pics.
HAPPY?
CBH out!
Son of Stuck Funky 
Still Today’s Funky Crankerbean
Day Ten of the Byrnings
CAN THIS STORYLINE JUST END RIGHT NOW!? IT’S BEEN OVER A WEEK SINCE WE SAW CRANKSHAFT
I am so Happy! Pretty babies! Strong mommas!
But let’s be honest, you had me at: “I ran away to the local Old Thresher’s Convention to stare at hundreds of steam engines all puffing away at the same time.”
Man! ComicBookHarriet living the dream!
She had me at “heckling obese livestock.”
If you’re ever in the area around Labor Day, I cannot recommend the festival hard enough. Great food, free entertainment, tons and tons of demonstrations, and enough steam powered equipment to raise the ambient temperature of the entire grounds.
What area is the festival in, CBH?
At a risk of exposing myself to slim chance I have some really niche stalker, Southeast Iowa.
Beautifully written, CBH, and I shall set up an altar to Aspergius, the god of weird obsessions, the household god I didn’t know I needed. (Side note: How did “weird” suddenly become the pejorative of the day? I’m proudly weird, and intend to remain so. All my close friends are also proudly weird. [Even Austin, TX, used to be proudly weird.] It’s too late for me to learn to be a conformist now.)
I also love the photos of the ancient steam engines. They remind me of the OG Thomas the Tank Engine books by Rev. W. Awdry, which I used to read to my son. Perhaps those would be “banned” today because of their emphasis on being a Very Useful Engine, which is… ableist? Pretty sure it’s oppressive somehow.
Anyway, every time I see the words “Read Banned Books,” I have a somewhat similar reaction to yours; perhaps a bit more exasperated. “Sigh. I’m pretty sure it’s a crashing bore, but okay, The Turner Diaries it is.”
At the height of Grant Morrison’s run on Doom Patrol, ads used to challenge readers if they were “weird enough” for it.
And it was a good thing!
Ah, well, next year is the centennial of The Great Gatsby. Meyer Wolfsheim, Gatsby’s partner, works out of “the Swastika Holding Company,” and the company would be sure to have another name in 1935…
There was actually a minor league baseball team called the Swastikas, since it was a neutral (to Americans) symbol at the time. Needless to say, this was pre-1933.
There was a time when you could actually buy team baseball caps for the Swastikas online, from one of companies that specialize in weird retro sports gear. I can’t help but wonder who they were intended for. I suspect the buyer wasn’t going for the “I’m really into obscure retro minor league sports” look.
A good friend of mine is from Swastika, Ontario (pop. 500). The provincial government tried to rename the town “Winston” during WWII, and even put up new road signs with the new name. The townsfolk took ’em down, and put up signs with the Swastika name and the legend: “To hell with Hitler, we had the swastika first.” The town name of Swastika exists to this day.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swastika,_Ontario#/media/File:Swastika_ON.JPG
Looking back at our old newspapers from the 1920s, i find a lot of ads with borders of tiny swastikas.
A chain of interlocking swastikas is an ancient decorative motif. You’ll find it wrapped around the plates in many Greek restaurants (by which I don’t mean just places that serve Greek food; I mean traditional greasy spoons that are owned by short fat Greeks, the folks the late great Mike Royko observed make the best short-order cooks).
It is also an ancient Indian (subcontinent) motif. Forty-some years ago, before it seemed every motel clerk was straight from Delhi, a friend of mine and I stopped into an Indian-owned motel on a motorcycle trip. My friend practically freaked out at the chain of swastikas around a poster of Indian scenery behind the desk. “What kind of Nazi place did you bring me to?” he whispered as we left. I told him it was an Indian tradition that’s thousands of years old, but he still wasn’t completely satisfied, so I also told him the swastikas in the poster frame were going the opposite direction of the Nazi swastika. I’m not entirely sure that was true, but it calmed him down.
Thanks Ducky! I wish I knew exactly to the right combo of Sorial flavored emojis to convey wry yet heartfelt genial affection.
I’ll never forget the day I learned that my last name basically meant ‘weirdo’ in it’s native language.
Suddenly everything made sense. I come from a long line of weirdos.
Good to hear you from the Blogosphere again, CBH. It’s a fair concern to have, that it’s easy to get caught up in the snarking and dismiss any merit the intentions of this arc has. It’s a prevalent issue, just not with the exact circumstances being illustrated here. I have some strong words on the choice of Fahrenheit 451 as the “poetic” lynchpin of this parable and what it means for the Funkyverse’s reaction to things, but I’ll wait for later in the arc to comment.
For now I’ll comment on just today’s strip, as Les curates the student reading rebellion. Yes it’s a good demonstration of reverse psychology and Streisand Effect, but just how thrilled are these students going to be to check out this book that’s now not even part of their class anymore? (Nate having put his foot down off-panel, robbing us of someone chewing Dick Facey out, annoyingly) It may be timely in how the dystopian consumerist culture works and amuse the kids on the irony of its banning, but it’s still a very talky narrative that doesn’t really thrill until the climax. Talk up the mechanical Hound all you want but with his past luck teaching English to kids I struggle to see how he could up sell them on the book beyond “it’s too cool for your school.”
Also is the continuity snarling again by assuming Lillian’s store is the “Booksmeller” in Westview? We’re two days away from her confirmed Saturday appearance, according to the interview previews; if this isn’t a mixup then in two days this Booksmeller has to be scared out of giving the books out, leaving her to step in and get targeted by angry mobs. A rapid escalation for how long the arc has left to run.
If the Booksmeller is in Westview, then it’s not Lillian’s store, because Lillian’s store is in Centerville. Or at least that would be true in a world with continuity.
And if the story unfolds as Andrew suggests, why didn’t Les just order the books from Lillian in the first place? Rude, especially considering she just hosted a book signing for him.
Maybe the story will handwave this with “I didn’t want to subject you to that controversy” or “I didn’t want to make my students drive all the way to Centerville.” Even though the distance from Centerville to Westview is never an obstacle when somebody wants to go to Montoni’s.
I will add an addendum since I hadn’t looked up the Saturday comic while typing (was on mobile and the page could reset on me while switching taps, a hazard to wipe progress); Saturday is just reporter Lefty interviewing Lillian about the Westview bookstore being attacked, so our local old lady’s not actually going to be in danger this week (why is she being interviewed then? I guess he needs someone relevant in Centerville for a Sentinel opinion piece)
So at the least we’re going to see one of two strips where the anti-intellectual “think-of-the-children” hate mob of that’s about to descend on Funkyverse America goes on the rampage. I’m still eagerly awaiting to see a protest sign to match the audacity of “No Gay Old Time At Our Prom!”
So it’s actually the opposite? Les got an unseen bookstore attacked (in a way that would seem highly short-fused to me) AND THEN asked Lillian to face the mob? Wow.
I have some strong words on the choice of Fahrenheit 451 as the “poetic” lynchpin of this parable and what it means for the Funkyverse’s reaction to things, but I’ll wait for later in the arc to comment.
I’m interested to hear this. I have my own thoughts on F451, but I’ll let you go first, whenever you are ready.
Second that.
I, too, have lots of thoughts about how (in)appropriate this book is for the sermon Batty seems to be trying to preach here. It is made even more peculiar by the fact that the parents of the Worstview High kids are mostly GenXers and more likely than not read Fahrenheit 451 in their high school lit classes.
Welcome back CBH! Love those old steam engines. You can see them here at most Ohio county fairs. I’m glad you steered clear of the politics and just enjoyed yourself at the fair.
What else can be said about this smelly arc? Batty gonna Batty.
The irritating thing about this garbage fire of a story is that it has less to do with the panicky dread a lot of people have that their children will be made a hazard by a bullshit strawman and everything to do with Les still being the ass he was in High School.
Judging by panel 2, I can name a book Les hasn’t read in a while. Whether you take the tale literally, allegorically, or completely non-religiously: Eve is generally viewed across the board as being quite content before being tempted by the serpent who was the first to tell her she COULD take the forbidden fruit.
Good to see an Owen tracing in panel one. I see he bleached his hair and ran his face through the Jules Rivera Mark Trail filter. I think it suits him.
Good to see an Owen tracing in panel one. I see he bleached his hair and ran his face through the Jules Rivera Mark Trail filter. I think it suits him.
Looks like being a jerk to Cody and Wedgeman caused Owen to be held back for a couple of years
Harriet, your feelings about politics match mine about comic books. I could never do the comic book and Funkyverse historical commentary you do such a great job with. My eyes would glaze over if I tried. I love the idea of us simultaenously tackling this arc from different angles!
We each have a specialty that corresponds to a major weakness of the Funkyverse. I guess that kind of makes us a superhero team! In an ongoing struggle against the dreaded Battom-Man! Our mission: To fight comic bad strips, to point out that which is bad, and to snark for the betterment of all mankind! There, Atomik Komix, make a Sunday comic book cover of that.
Couldn’t have pulled off the last year without ya, my partner in snarkery. We have separate areas of interest, focus, and strength. Different ways of approaching the material. And even differing views on Batiuk and his universe.
I think it helps to keep this place a place of discussion and not an echo chamber.
ComicBookHarriet,
I know there is pork in Charlotte’s Web. I don’t believe there is porking.
My immediate question: why does someone want schools and parents to approve of porking in libraries of elementary and secondary schools?
There is a place for it in high schools. It’s called Senior Lit. Adolescents are quite capable of reading, seeing, and discussing adult material. Students should be at least 17 years old, perhaps with parental approval if necessary . It is not rocket science. I taught groups in an acute adolescent mental health hospital for 13 years. My patients held quite mature opinions. Thoroughly enjoyable discussions. Something that TB, Les, and Westview won’t encounter.
I know there is pork in Charlotte’s Web. I don’t believe there is porking.
Now that’s funny.
🤪
SP:
A large portion of the pork will go to Templeton, I trust.
(That’s what’s in it for me!)
It is not often that someone comes along who is a true friend and a good writer. Charlotte was both.
Would E.B. White, the author of Charlotte’s Web, say that about Leslie P. Moore?
Would William Strunk, Jr.?
😉
I want to cue the Animaniacs sound bite that Rich Koz uses on Svengoolie at least once each week: Slappy the Slap-Happy Squirrel saying “Now that’s comedy!”
That is a high compliment!
Anonymous Sparrow,
Paul Linde made a superior rat in the animated film!
Yay! Baby cows! I am indeed happy. Thank you for the adorable pictures.
You’re welcome! :). I’ll remember that I have an audience for these.
We’ll never allow political football-kicking here, goodness gracious no. However, the Batiukiverse transcends politics and belief systems, as it offends everyone equally. Assuming you enjoy good storytelling, that is. And who doesn’t?
(Looks directly at BatYam, smirks)
I know this is an off-topic question,but to whoever owns that really cute Eliminator t-shirt:where’d you get it? And what size? Since I only have a “Homecoming” advertisement sweater and want more FW shirts (I’ve only found two Harry Dinkle ones,and they’re super expensive,and the CafePress store shut down) Like you guys hate-read FW and CS,I dislike-read and see what your viewpoints are. I don’t agree on your viewpoints or comments (unless you count Harley and the week of December 26-31st 2022,as we all know Christmas 2022 is the REAL ending),but I’ll respect you and be polite. Honestly,I’m liking the book banning arc,but can’t wait for the OG Funky to come on GoComics (I discovered it 10 months late,and aside from the four books I own,Newsbank papers who carry it from 2018-2022,and Google Archives,I have no idea where to read it). But yeah,back to the shirt questions–how much did it cost? My sweater was $55 (but has lasted me for the last 9½ months)
EVERYONE REMEMBER, WE RESPECT DIFFERING VIEWS HERE. PEOPLE ARE FREE TO LIKE CRANKSHAFT IF THEY WISH. PEOPLE ARE FREE TO THINK Y’ALL ARE BEING TOO HARD ON TOM. ANYONE HARASSING THIS PERSON IS GONNA HAVE A BAD TIME.
Are you the one that bought the Homecoming sweater with the Scapegoat on it? Can’t tell you how long I was staring at that one and weighing my options.
I bought the Eliminator off of Ebay after a long time waffling over it. Don’t remember how much it cost, but it was over $50 and it’s too small for me to wear. But I’d never seen it before or since and I know it is from the 80’s. And since The Eliminator is kind of my avatar I pulled the trigger.
I’ve got a 25th Anniversary Funky Winkerbean shirt I snagged off of Ebay a couple years ago. That thing is triple XL and I wear it as pajamas and lounge wear. Sorry if it distresses anyone to know I’ve drifted off to dreamland with Toni Montoni and Les Moore on my chest.
I’ve also got an old Lisa’s Legacy run shirt off of Ebay that I haven’t worn yet.
I know EXACTLY which Dinkle shirt I think you’re talking about. Because I’ve looked at it too. Still haven’t bought since it’s soo expensive.
I was about to link you the King’s Features Cafe Press store which had Act II merch up FOREVER. But it looks like it was finally shut down. Bummer
ComicBookHarriet,
“I bought the Eliminator off of Ebay after a long time waffling over it. Don’t remember how much it cost, but it was over $50 and it’s too small for me to wear.”
Crap! Damn! How small was it? 🫡🤪😎💜
It’s SMALL. It’s sized small and I think from a time when small was smaller.
And I…alas…am not as small as I once was.
Yet you are smaller than me!
Yeah,it was actually my mom who bought it for me since I fell in love with it. But it’s my favorite,most comfy,warmest sweater (I actually wear a kids 18 and an adult large,but I love XL and XXL). I don’t even need my coat (I hate the way coats feel with my ASD). The Dinkle shirt I found on Etsy was ovef $100,and one of the shirts was $48 then brought down–but I’m not a band kid. But WHY do people sell barely 50-year-old clothes for soooo much when they’re literal T-SHIRTS? (Don’t get me started on how expensive Volume 4 is,but I think it’s because the foreword is done by Stan Lee)
Also,thanks for not being snarky to me and thinking I’m too sensitive. I think I mostly struggle with trying to see different viewpoints if it’s worded in other ways. I even tried looking up shirts and clothes,but nothing. I actually thought over the CafePress shirts and tote bags for a bit.
Me too. I thought about getting a Crazy Harry playing the air guitar shirt, just to wear around the house. Too late now. Now I’m feeling the regret.
My last bit of merch I keep eyeing is a Crankshaft Toledo Hens bobble head. I think when I someday do my planned tour of Funkyverse locations in Ohio it would be fun to have a Cranky bobblehead in every picture.
I know we’re harsh on Tom here sometimes. I’m pretty sure a couple commenters here genuinely despise him. Others, like me have a more bemused ironic fondness for the guy.
I, for one, am glad he does have genuine fans. You keep doing you, Alexa. If you have any lore or merch questions in the future don’t hesitate to ask!
If Alexa – or anyone – wants Funkyverse merch, I would just try reaching out to Tom Batiuk himself via tombatiuk.com or his social medias. Harriet said she’s gotten pleasant replies from him. I suspect he’ll be happy to point you in the right direction.
Just want to say thanks for not snarking to me. In fact,while I think sone of SOSF is a bit “mean”,it’s not to the degree of Crankshaft commenters on GoComics. Back in January,someone made a really crude comment about Ed getting CTE after getting Bull’s helmet,and driving a bus full of kids off a cliff. I agree with some of SOSF (like the movie star trying to jump off the sign near Christmas,or the June 17th 2022 strip being gross due to Funky’s rear showing. Though not sure if FW is adult-aimed or teen-aimed,considering it can get iffy but not to the degree Doonesbury’s gotten due to the politics),and I don’t agree sometimes,but I thought the comment on GoComics was ableist. (I read about CTE,and unlike the military thing,Tom did the research on Bull’s dementia) Oh,and I’m redesigning some of the characters and fixing the timeline as fanfics! They’ll be 53,their kids will be 22 (Maddie would be 20,as she was born in ’04 but the timeskip messed that up),and Wally and Becky are still married. And anyone else notice the disability rep in tons of characters? I love John’s friend/co-worker with dwarfism for some reason–though I wish there was a neurodiverse character. Also,there are actual Centervilles in Ohio,one being Northeast.
I’ve always wanted a genuine Lisa’s Legacy Cancer Fun Run shirt. Or a Montoni’s shirt. I’d wear the shit out of one of those. Alas, all I have is the Go Crazy! mug I won in a parody strip contest. And, as I am always obnoxiously obligated to point out, I remain the ONLY SoSF commenter to win TWO SoSF contests. And neither one of them was rigged, you wise guys.
BatYam really does have some sad, sad merch, though. Marching band shoes…LOL. Talk about niche. You know how they have those bootleg Calvin decals where he’s peeing on things? I’d like to design a series of bootleg decals where things are peeing on Les.
Well, today was a letdown. We’re going immediately to the Village Booksmith as we get a whole strip of Lillian and Skip meeting to discuss the news, complete with the 2nd panel being completely dedicated to introducing all the “excited” “new readers” to the latter character, and reintroducing him to anyone who forgot about him in the 2 weeks since his last arc. I’m counting on some flashbacks, maybe an eventful Sunday splash image, but otherwise we’re already stuck with “tell don’t show” speech bubbles because it was felt the time wasn’t ready to draw riots. Or Davis couldn’t find enough reference to trace (that’s something I could’ve added to an expanded Bingo board: Tracing of the gay prom arc protest scenes for this arc)
Yesterday it looked like something was actually about to happen, so Puff Batty had to slam on the brakes and give us his patented, “Look who it is! [Name], the [awkward exposition of character]!”
Oh, sorry. This isn’t bringing the momentum leading to a potential interesting action to a dead stop. No, not at all. It’s “nonlinear storytelling.”
Just another shocking innovation Pulitzer Boy brought to the comics page.
Today’s Funky Crankerbean
Day Eleven of the Byrnings
Cs grabs a sledgehammer and swings it as hard as he can at Skip and Lillian’s skulls
“Well, if it isn’t Skip Rawlings…the publisher-editor-reporter for the Centerville Sentinel.”
“Well it isn’t Lillian McKenzie…the neighbor of the ‘protagonist’ of the series, owner of a bookstore, and super handy dandy narrator and barely breathing exposition device.”
Seriously. Nobody talks like this. I get TB is trying to shove Funky into the square peg of Crankshaft but there have got to be better ways of doing it than this.
Except in this case, Skip is a regular Crankshaft character who has already appeared numerous times this year. He shouldn’t need such an exposition, but we all know that the long winded, unnecessary exposition is one of TB’s trademarks.
Skip was just shown 2 of the 3 weeks before “The Burnings” “started!” Where he also did the “hi, I’m a reporter” shtick to justify his “interview” of “Batton Thomas.”
When you write about the Funkyverse, a lot of things require scare quotes.
Skip had better be there to investigate Lillian’s attempt to murder Rose Murdoch…
Or maybe he’s going to play being there about a “real-life crime” into a cringey pickup line: “It’s a crime that you’re still single.” I would hate this, but I would also read it, so shame on me.
How Batiuk could have gotten the exposition in, without resorting to painful dialogue:
Panel 2: “Hi, Lillian! I’d like to interview you for an article I’m writing for the Sentinel.”
Panel 3: “Is this about my new mystery novel, Skip?”
“Actually, I’m here about a real life crime!”
Admittedly, this revision doesn’t mention Skip’s surname, or the fact that he is also the publisher and editor of the newspaper, or what city the Sentinel is published in.
But guess what? None of that information is likely to be relevant to this story, especially not to casual readers who are unfamiliar with Skip.
I’m sure knowing that “the BookSmeller Bookshop bookstore is in Westview” is UTTERLY CRUCIAL TO THE PLOT. Why else hit us over the head with it TWICE?
I can’t even wrap my head around it. Why would Batiuk talk up Lillian as the hero of the story, and then have the attack happen to an unseen, unknown, off-screen bookstore with a demeaning name?
Is he (meaning both Les and Tom Batiuk) going to spend another week re-ordering the books from Lillian, when the story could have just done that in the first place? Sheesh, he was JUST THERE to do yet another book signing!
Why would Batiuk talk up Lillian as the hero of the story, and then have the attack happen to an unseen, unknown, off-screen bookstore with a demeaning name?
In part because he painted himself into a corner by having said during his rushed and awkward wrap-up to FW that Lil’s store was the only one that survived The Burnings. That’s a gaffe even TimeMop®, the Rather Elegant Solution™, can’t undo.
Related to the Batiukverse: A Week-Long Storyline from the Funky Winkerbean 2003 year where a robot Wreaks Havoc on WHS
The Daily Bleak
Local Cheerleader Gored By Renegade School Robot
Mooch: I TOLD YOU NOT TO ADD WEAPONS ONTO THE GUARD-BOT!!
Darin: FUCK YOU!
Fred: I SHOULD’VE JUST FIRED YOUR MARK TWAIN-LOOKIN ASS WHEN YOU SHOT AT THE BALLOONS CONTAINING BILL COLLINS’S ASHES!!!
That job? to kill everyone in Westview, Ohio
If only Holtron were here
He would’ve crushed the guard-bot in seconds
(Crazy Harry’s robot then tears Fred apart)
That’s not even a quarter inch from reality; they’re just building Battlebots/Robot Wars machines with more arms and blades than what’s usually doable there. Wouldn’t stand a chance against Sir Killalot, though.
Also how Tom could write his characters being robot obsessed and then just forgetting about it seems wasteful with how many robots are elsewhere. C’mon, wouldn’t be that outlandish for a regular robot/computer character in the strip. Ctrl Alt Del had a robot made out of an Xbox and it totally handled the drama of-oh wait.
Biohazard, Overkill, or Atomic Wedgie would make quick work of that bucket of bolts.
Lord, how I miss Battlebots.
And you know what, I kind of like that little arc. It’s silly, whimsical, and structured well. Look at the pacing and art in the first strip.
1 — Cheerleader runs in terror through the halls, we don’t know why
2 — Vicious-looking robot appears, coming after her
3 — Worried Kaputink & students appear, trying fruitlessly to find and control the robot with a remote
Today, here’s what we’d see:
1 — Kaputnik, in a long word zeppelin, explains that his class made a robot. Les smirks.
2 — Kaputnik explains at length that it threatened a cheerleader. Les smirks.
3 — Les, smirking, pompously and incorrectly alludes to Asimov’s rules of robotics.
Nothing stood a chance against Sir Killalot, but bless Rex Garrod for trying.
This was a funny central idea, with mostly C to B- execution. The second strip genuinely works! But the other strips seem to have been written by … well, by a fuzzy logic program with a sort of rudimentary artificial intelligence. It’s heard of humour alright, but it doesn’t quite yet grasp the concept of how it’s all put together.
Also, I think we’re all a little baffled that the last sentence of the last strip doesn’t end with “vendos”.
Aw, to Heck with you all! I’ll bet The Phantom’s “Ian Mollusk”‘s crazed deathbot–subtly named “Avarice”–would wipe the forest floor with any and all BattleBots! Now, it’s unleashed a Boston Robotics robo-murder dog! So, it’s the Phantom and his wolf buddy Devil to fight them! Man, if Avarice unleashes a robot HORSE to fight Hero next–I’ll need some Immodium! (Because I will poop myself)
(Avarice scans for cell phone signals, then insults you in a crank call. It’s odd that The Phantom strip is intentionally funnier than anything Tom’s written in years)
What the hell is a “vending machine”? He meant vendos, right?
Did the robot scare that cheerleader’s wig off? Her hair looks like it’s lifting off her head in one piece. Does she have cancer too?
Say…who’s that third guy with glasses with Fred Fairgood and Les Moore?
And before there was “Harry-Kiri,” was there “Sep Pooka”?
I think the guy with the glasses and gray hair is the security officer at WHS
Hey, Josh is on vacation at CC. And replaced by Uncle Lumpy, who linked to SoSF and that’s the whole reason I’m here, whether you think that’s a good thing or not!
GUESS WHICH STRIP HE FEATURES TODAY. OH…FUCK YAH!!!
I was wondering if Josh would be nudged enough to break the trend on comment on it, but I suppose his system works for him atm to glaze over it.
Cool to see Lumpy will be able to spotlight it the next few weeks, at least.
Today’s Funky Crankerbean
Day Twelve Of The Byrnings (with actual burnings)
Skip: Did you hear about that morbidly obese fuck known as John Howard?
Lillian: What about it?
Skip: He’s dead. Someone torched his store with him in it.
(everyone smirks, and then cs hucks a grenade into the place, blowing both Skip and Loathsome Lizard Lil)
The Burnings – An event of such significance that people in a neighboring town are unaware that it had just happened yesterday.
The Burnings – Where one single book store had a fire incident, and we’re not even sure if it’s completely ruined or not.
And it’s clearly been about 24 hours, since it’s shown as nighttime and Skip says “last night.”
Lillian doesn’t watch the news? None of her customers watch the news? None of her friends thought to warn her that there may be a bookstore arsonist on the loose in this sleepy little corner of Ohio? No police came to ask her if she’d seen anyone suspicious or had any threats?
Well I guess now we know… Plantman is out of the clink.
Okay, we’re confirmed for arson, but with how chipper Skip is in dropping the news tonight you’d think he’s the one who threw the molotov. Also, kinda feels the closest Batiuk’s got to the real press’s vanity by having him hound a random old lady for her thoughts on the breaking news just because she’s a bookseller too. How many people is he actually going to ask for opinions on this report, or does he think Lillian is just “cool” enough to be the focal point of an article where it’s all about her in reaction to the First Burning?
Related to the Batiukverse: a couple Act II FW strips
*Insert GTA passed music here*
Mooch: I’m telling you, Mr. Kablichnick, I don’t think any of the primate species before Homo habilis used tools.
Jim: You’re a fucking idiot.
The Daily Bleak
Local Asshole Band Director Cries Like A Little Bitch, Gets Fired From His Job
The old, competent Batty would have shown us something along the lines of:
p1 — The bookstore at night, deserted street
p2 — A gloved hand hurling a Molotov cocktail
p3 — Plate glass shattered, fire leaping out of the front of the store
The new, barely-even-phoning-it-in Batty gives us talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, and boring talk at that. How do you make arson and book-burning boring? Watch and learn.
p4 – Les running down the street yelling “USA!”
I wonder if Bats in the Attic has changed his writing schedule. It used to be–or so he’s long bragged–he wrote it 11 months in advance, and then casually flicked it off to his art slave Ayers 2 weeks ahead of publication. What’s it now?
TOM, 6 months ago, meekly to DAN: “Can you draw this?”
DAN: “Bitch, I ain’t drawn SHIT for 2 years. Pay me what you paid Ayers, AND what you pay me.”
“But…but…You must draw the Burnings!”
“PER MY LAST EMAIL: You pay me what I’m WORTH, not what you pay your maid to scrub your 400 sq-foot bathroom. If Ayers didn’t draw it, and my intern’s AI can’t scrape it for me, NO.”
“Can…can you at least draw Skip the Dip without a smirk while he delivers horrible news…?”
“Well…No. Guess it’s just up to you to draw it then. Maybe pay some washed-up 80s comics artist to do an Atomik Komix issue #1 about it.”
“Maybe…just have everything happen off panel?”
“Oh, you finally got it. I’m reusing old art you don’t pay for, so SURE. Also–HAPPY NEW YEAR.” (hangs up phone) “Christ, 12/29 can’t come fast enough!”
Oh, if only it was boring.
Batiuk has Skip Dumbass covering an arson by showing him going to a bookstore in a neighboring town the day after the crime in order to get a quote from a woman who doesn’t know the first thing about the incident. He drives over there! It’d be dumb if he called her for a quote, but he actually takes the time to drive over to her to find out that she doesn’t have the first idea of what he’s talking about. He’s not investigating the actual location, interviewing the actual victim, interviewing the fire fighters or police to figure out what happened (and would they really know for sure that it was arson so soon after the incident?). He’s interviewing some lady with a very tangential relationship to the type of store that got burned, who, again, doesn’t know anything.
And how much do you want to bet that Skip’s just going to know the motivation of the arsonist despite having no reason to know it? It’s not insurance fraud. It’s not petty revenge specific to the store owner. It’s not faulty wiring. Nope, it’s going to be because someone rando didn’t want high schoolers reading Fahrenheit 451 and decided that the best way to stop it is to commit a felony that could put him in prison for decades; even more if you kill someone inadvertently while doing so.
And then Batiuk’s going to get all doctrinaire and preachy. It’s going to be bad. The fact that it’s inevitably going to be boring on top of everything else is the least of it.
Think of the most repressive regime you can imagine. Soviet Russia? Nazi Germany? North Korea? Mao’s China?
Even in those regimes, they didn’t ban ALL books willy-nilly. There were certain books that were approved, if not effectively required. Books are part of propaganda, after all. Perhaps disobedient book store owners would be arrested or “disappeared,” but just blowing up entire bookstores really impedes the flow of books that the State wants citizens to read.
The Centerville/Westview metroplex is more authoritarian/dystopian than any regime that’s ever existed on the face of the Earth.
Sounds about right.
That makes a lot of sense. I think of Lisa’s Story as Westview’s Ruhnama, a book that is forced on the population despite having no literary, moral or social merit.
People in Turkmenistan had to demonstrate their knowledge of Ruhnama for basic tasks like getting a drivers license. Lisa would have liked that.
How does Skip know it was arson? I have it on good authority that some of the worst fires are started when a golf club gently touches a small rock. Maybe there was a golfer nearby.
Or, just as likely, Frankie’s back and set on burning every copy of Dead St Lisa’s Story.
GO FRANKIE!
I had considered going through all the Banned Books seen in the 2023 strip, but with other people having gone through them (I find the anecdote about The Alchemist‘s ban funny, and in general it’s funny that I don’t hear about Beloved often these days beyond this mention), but it’s not a topic I feel that strongly about researching, plush I found a great bit of personal anecdote in this snapshot I grabbed in the display my local library put up for Banned Books week this month:
All the topical banned books as determined by our librarians and their resources. Only Maus seems to match up with the display Batiuk/Davis came up with. Note the lack of Bradbury, I found F451 it in the shelves of the teen section (due to required readings no doubt) as normal for a regular unchallenged book.
Fahrenheit 451’s last high-profile pushback was in 2006 when people in Texas had issues against it for religious beliefs (and Bibles being burnt in-story). A Quora user claimed it’s been challenged/banned at least ten times since 1992, but beyond that it seems the book’s been spared attention by modern censorship trends. Last thing I could find was a 2018 story where some mother in Santa Rosa County, Florida tried to push to it over vulgarity “filth” replace it with another book about an Amish community surviving the apocalypse. Perhaps the exact irony that Tom found “almost too poetically perfect not to use” for the Burnings is exactly why any organizations wanting to limit school reading courses tends to avoid it?
Which begs another question: What sort of world then would defy the perceptions and charge full-steam-ahead at banning F451? We’re made to assume the Funkyverse “quarter-inch” reality has developed a radical “think of the children” movement from today’s chaotic political climate that’s become convinced the kind of material that Bradbury wrote 70 years ago and has been a staple of literature education since then is a prime example of what’s no longer appropriate for even high schoolers to read. Be it from the book’s vulgarity, minor Christian heresy, “oh too scary” mechanical Hound or just the general notion of defying authority, resisting dictatorship or not, it’s now “too much”, and at least in this suburban Ohio school district, the people want it out. And if we want to take Lillian’s “Banned Books” display as an implicit sign of their activity, they’re attacking a bunch of literary classics that for years had simply faded into the norm, no matter if they’re sci-fi WW2 novelized memoirs (Slaughterhouse Five, I fell in love with that from my HS class, slavery trauma drama (Beloved), or even the historical standard of dystopian fiction itself (what, is the movement all Macintosh devotees?)
So this movement has grown enough that this suburban Ohio town’s high school (the administration of which had successfully defused a “no gay old time at our prom” protest with a single speech in 2012) has either caved to pressure or been infiltrated by its members to the point where they can now mandate their required book bans. Les Moore, noble proponent of literature and free speech that he is, defies these rules right up to the day of his class before the principal finally shuts down his lesson plan. Having been devoted enough to order a class’s worth of copies himself, he then gives away the books anyway, and his entire class is either completely filled with literature enjoyers who agree with him, are anti-establishment enough to think reading to defy authority is a cool strat (or at least have the idea pose with the book for TikToks) or are otherwise swayed by Streisand Effect-psychology to come out in droves to the local bookstore to get their copies. Somehow the news of this spreads fast enough that within an evening or two, the Bradbury-hating public is mobilized in enough capacity to not only be clearly seen as protesters but be openly spotted launching an arson attack in a defiant statement of their cause.
I’m being distinctly reminded of God’s Club, a 2015 Christian movie starring Stephen Baldwin that depicted a high school teacher spearheading a bible study club being as controversial as a conversion therapy camp to the predominantly-atheist town. The townsfolks growl at Baldwin and his daughter as trying to convert the student body (which he slightly does, due to the earnest power of faith to even one-up medication and cure depression), his club gets challenged by the school board (which fails of course), protesters vandalize his classroom and car with “WORST TEACHER” graffiti, and it weakly culminates in the teacher’s house getting hit by a Molotov cocktail. It’s not the dumbest kind of persecution complex this genre of films have, most of the “war on Christmas” films are a lot worse, but the vibe of strawmanning outrage over what seems like an incredibly overblown issue, and I can see echoes of it in how we’re meant to be understanding the hate wave that’s sprung out of the woodwork against Westview’s school reading list.
Without getting too political, it can’t be denied that things are getting hectic and chaotic out there, and movements to fight against influences in media that people don’t like, including what’s been put in public schools, can’t be denied as happening. Most of outrage in that avenue is still focused on specific hot button topics like representation, LGBTQ+ concepts and how “mature” they are, paralleling current affairs with historical “repetitions” and the implications of that, and the nature of authority and force. F451 certainly touches on those matters, and in ways that probably could be challenged today on the themes of defying authority or something, but with it so established in literary culture it would take a lot for it to cause such a reaction in reality. That it’s seen as outrageous almost seems on purpose to get the intended reaction, looking at the GC/Arcamax comment feeds, the pure “irony” being too delicious not to bite on. We’re not really learning why people are mad about the book, we’re learning that the Funky world is just mad enough to want to unironically burn it to keep kids “pure” or something.
With today’s strip released, we’re officially out of the sneak preview offered with the news article, and only have the word of Tom and the inferences drawn from how the Burnings was mentioned in Funky’s epilogue to know where things will go with the rest of this arc. We know Lillian’s going to step into the ring, Crankshaft will do some vague sort of standing with her, and that ultimately her bookstore’s going to make it out unsinged. Tomorrow might be revelatory even if it’s a basic illustration of the burning bookstore and/or just Skil and Lillian yapping, but otherwise practically anything could happen now with potential surprise Batiukian narrative twists. The Funkyverse is going Burning crazy before our eyes, and the question now is how far will it go?
Read it all, loved it all.
What’s awful is how much of these unanswered questions could have been resolved by now and were being asked before the arc started, and here we are now in the middle of it with it all remaining unanswered.
I fully agree and see the same things you do over at the other commentary sites regarding F451 being the central book for the theme. From what we’ve seen, it’s nothing but a completely hollow pot-shot for the topic, and some of the public just gobble it up. “Calling out the [political subdivision adherents], wow, he’s so brave.” It is pathetic that it works, even if only a little bit.
before the principal finally shuts down his lesson plan
Did he, though? He told Les that it was “not approved to teach”, but Les ordered the books anyway. If he’s defying Nate, then Nate needs to be giving him a R. Lee Ermey-style speech right now.
I’m running on the assumption the first 3 strips this week were all the same day. Even if each strip was on their own day, Les says on Wednesday he “can’t teach [the book] in this class” before “subtly” slipping where to get the copies anyway, and this is after on Monday he told Nate he had already ordered the copies of F451 and proudly explained his loophole avoidance. Way I read it is that he was told firmly off-panel that he had to cancel his lesson plan, and thus we were robbed of him being chewed out just because we had to have the Tuesday strip of Les and Cayla being ironically smug of how dumb this plot is.
Today’s Funky Crankerbean
Day Thirteen of the Byrnings
Skip, I’d recommend burning Lillian’s godawful store down right now
More of the same and getting pissy about the evil interwebs of calling Batiuk inept.
So many problems here …
If your answers to #1, 2, 3, 5, and 6 were “probably relatively few,” you’re thinking like me.
Well, so much for my plan to number the questions.
Try tricking the hateful WordPress bot by using hyphens, em dashes, or parens, eg:
1 – Use a hyphen
2 — Use a double hyphen
3 — Use an em dash
4) Use a parenthesis
Well, isn’t that courteous. The bot converts double hyphens to em dashes. Maybe it’s trying to make up for its 975 other ghastly failings.
Related to the Batiukverse: a week of Act II FW strips from 2003
Les: Why do I even bother with these dumbasses?
Funky-Lookalike Student: You were absent that day, Mooch.
Les then goes apeshit and starts smashing everything in the room, causing him to get fired
Darin: Dude, how old WERE those?
Mooch: I think I’ve had them since middle school.
Chien rushes to get a bucket for Pete to puke in