Starting in the late 80’s, Batiuk’s obsequious period would end…and his smugly self-righteous period would gradually pick up steam.
The response to ‘Lisa’s Very Special Story About Teen Pregnancy’ was overwhelmingly positive. By Batiuk’s own admission, greater than any response he’d ever gotten. But, of course, there were a couple letters to the editor from people annoyed that their funny pages were being used for edu-tainment pamphlet.
And Batiuk took that criticism like an underbalanced weeble-wobble, dancing joyfully at receiving a weak slap.
Act II stared in June of 1992, and for the first few years it wasn’t appreciably different in plotting and theming from late Act I, just with some additional focus on the teacher characters from the grown up Act I cast. Many of the new student body were functional copies of Act I counterparts. Wally Winkerbean replaced Funky. Monroe Madison replaced Barry Balderman, Sadie Summers replaced Cindy Summers. There were Dinkle gags and football gags and popular girls being heartless sociopathic monsters gags.
But over the first couple years, Batiuk gradually got a big ‘ol drama ball rolling and slammed it right into the an endless set of VERY SPECIAL ARC ON HOT BUTTON ISSUE DU JOUR pins. And one of the earliest of these prestige arcs, sandwiched between Guns in School and Teen Suicide, was the censorship of the Poetry Club’s school literary magazine that ran in the spring of 1995.
What I will say positive about this arc, it wove together several ongoing stories at once, including Susan’s budding crush on Les Moore (barf), Les’ long distance relationship with Lisa (barf), the reintroduction of Cindy Summers as a newsperson. And after the concept is introduced the literary magazine runs in the background for about a month while other things happen, before blowing up into its own drama storm. Plotlines rotating in and out done tolerably.
So, enjoy Roberta Blackburn’s FIRST moral crusade.
Son of Stuck Funky 
Wow. The longer the Literary magazine story goes, the more pretentious and preachy it gets.
The Olympics strip — featuring John Darling, Jessica’s father who would be murdered but not yet — is actually kind of amusing. I love how Batty manages to suck the fun out of it with his write up. There’s no light that shines that he can’t hide under a bushel, is there?
What’s more, it reminds us that Batiuk has a black and white view of events.
Like I said, it all loops back to a stupid and selfish little boy’s outrage as regards how his mother wanted there to be more out of life than going bonkers playing maid and nanny to slope-browed white men.
Also, it should be remembered that he’s still the dumb kid unable and unwilling to see that bullying and constructive criticism aren’t the same thing.
Thanks for the trip down memory lane, CBH! One thing that strikes me about these strips: There are actually stakes in this story. Les worries about being fired. And there is actually a concrete complaint: Roberta doesn’t want her kids reading other students’ ruminations about teen pregnancy. The current story has neither stakes nor an actual complaint.
And the “We Hate Ray Bradbury” protests are a ridiculous strawman, whereas I can imagine actual humans protesting work they feel is normalizing or glorifying teen pregnancy.
Hey, want a laugh? I wondered whether anyone in recent memory has actually burned books in protest. Grandpa Google reveals there have been some recent book burnings: LGBTQ folx burning J.K. Rowling books in protest over her perceived anti-trans statements. Betcha we won’t see TomBa tackling that one. Just as we’re not seeing him tackle the most recent major school board controversy, Muslim parents protesting LGBTQ content in school materials in Dearborn.
Bravely bold Sir Tommy. When actual controversy reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled.
And, Roberta has an arguable point here. Some parents don’t want their underage children exposed to sexual content in school. This story is a case of Strawman Has A Point.
In fact, a lot of 2020s book controversy is about exactly that, namely LGBTQ content. It’s also arguable that this “think of the children” act is just a trojan horse for anti-LGBTQ bigotry. I don’t know where you draw the line, but I think both positions have some validity.
NO! Anyone who doesn’t agree 100% with Tom Batiuk’s views (of the moment) on parenting, censorship, climate damage, or comix is ABSOLUTELY WRONG, DANGEROUS, and UNHINGED.
Why don’t you fools understand?!
Of course, there’s a pretty decent chance that Tom won’t actually TELL you what his stances on these issues are (except comics), so it’s impossible to know if you actually agree with him or not. (Like his “climate damage” Subterrarium cover, where it’s not entirely clear if Subterrapin is trying to stop the fire, or if he caused it. Is the message FOR or AGAINST “climate damage”? Because it honestly could go either way.)
Like, what even IS the point of this story? Is it that Fahrenheit 451 shouldn’t be kept out of schools? If so, why? Or is it that NOTHING should be kept from schools? Again, if so, why? Are SOME things okay to be kept out of schools, but not others? Then what is and what isn’t okay? And why are they (ineptly making an attempt at) burning bookstores? Why aren’t they firebombing the Taj Moorehal, since Best Actress Academy Award Winner Les Moore is the one who’s attempting to expose the children to the forbidden book? And why is Les so insistent on teaching it in the first place?
But, of course, Tom won’t bother to explain anyone’s motivations, despite it being a pretty crucial part of the narrative. But he’ll certainly blame US for not “getting it”, I’m sure. It’s called writing!
Today’s Funky Crankerbean:
Day Thirty Six of the Byrnings
Lillian: I TOLD YOU TO STOP PROTESTING AGAINST FAHRENHEIT 451!
Protestor: IT WAS NEVER ABOUT THAT, YOU REPTILIAN BITCH! IT’S YOU WE WANT GONE! (tosses molotov cocktail at Lillian’s shitty bookstore, causing it to burst into flames)
Lillian and Crankshaft: YAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
This is a far more believable scenario.
That whole literary magazine arc was worth it for that one glorious panel with the close up of Funky’s ridiculous mullet and Les’ saying “Yeah… me and O.J.!” Of all the things that should be in TB’s CafePress store…
Aw, bugger. Apologies to the folks who read this post on the previous SoSF blog this morning, but I spent too much time writing it not to repost.
Lesson learned: Always check to see if there is a new blog before posting a comment.
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Holy schnikes! Where do I start with TB’s latest fiasco?
There’s no police tape indicating there’s an ongoing investigation into the fire at The Village Booksmith. Lillian and company can just go about their merry way and tromp all over what should be an active crime scene? Did the Centerville authorities just blame the fire on Ed Crankshaft and call it a night? Did they say we’ll pick up the investigation in the morning? Have the investigators simply thrown in the towel?
Fire investigator: (shrugs) Ha, ha. Arsonists will be arsonists. What can ya do? (winks)
Where did this unruly mob come from? Did they spontaneously pop up out of the ground after the firemen left? There’s an excellent bumper crop of faceless straw men in Centerville this time of year.
The unruly mob seems to be awfully well organized. Were they waiting patiently across the street for the firemen to leave? Did they spend time making those signs at home, or did they create them on the spot while the firetruck was there?
Fireman: Hunh. I wonder what those people with the protest signs are up to? Oh, well. You folks have a nice night!
Lillian’s bookstore is in Centerville. Best Actress Award Winner Les Moore teaches his class in Westview. Did the protesters organize a caravan of volunteer drivers in Westview, or did they charter a bus?
A sign posted in Westview: There will be an arson at The Village Booksmith in Centerville tomorrow night to protest their possession of the book ‘Fahrenheit 451.’ There will be a protest to follow. Don’t forget to bring your signs and a nasty demeanor. Refreshments will be served after the protest.
Perhaps I’m wrong to assume these people are from Westview. Do the people of Centerville hate Fahrenheit 451 as much as the people of Westview? Just what is written in the Batiukverse version of Fahrenheit 451 to make it so universally reviled?
Does Ray Bradbury have the same reputation as Adolph Hitler in the Batiukverse?
—————————————
Meanwhile, Best Actress Award Winner Les Moore is snug in his bed in Westview. Miles away from this situation. It seems he knew what he was doing when he had the books moved to Lillian’s bookstore. His choices have put someone else in peril, while he’s far removed from any danger. How cunning. How reprehensible.
Don’t worry, though. He’ll be back to take the spotlight and the credit when everything turns out well.
Oh, how I hate him.
I created this avatar some time ago. It seems somewhat appropriate in light of recent events in Crankshaft.
BAN LILLAIN!!!
I’m assuming that the police dont give a damn about Lillian and just want the burners to set Lillian ablaze
Amusing that despite everything, including two flat-tone-serious quotations about the seriousness of things presented as profound new info (See also Jff saying he got educated at KSU to learn FDR’s “fear itself” line), Les ultimately didn’t get all of what he wanted in the school magazine incident, and that it’s made into a punchline that it requires parental permission to be bought, even if it’s maintained. But beyond that, yeah, it’s certainly a little more evident that Tom has had the edge in wanting to stick it to the naysayers with a well-barraged snark of his own. Guess he’s not too different from us that way, but he seems to have learned enough self-control to not make this blog or Comics Curmudgeon or the rest a regular target; might’ve gotten used to the heat as the melodramatic years went on.
So back to Funkyshaft and my god the reuse! Literally the exact same panel recycled between yesterday and today; I’m going to give Davis the benefit of the doubt and felt it easy to squeeze in today’s panel into what was yesterday’s (I’m wondering if the script direction was to show the crowd assembling and that was the answer he came up with), which isn’t the best strategy but I could at least see the logic of it. Also I tried to check but if that silhouette of a crowd is a stock photo trace I can’t find a sign of it immediately, but there could be a lot of words that may’ve been used to Google it. Anyone want to take on the challenge for an in-depth check?
Also; “Ban the Booksmith”? I guess it’s a little catchy but “ban” feels like a very lukewarm word for an angry mob with arsonists in their midst, on top of being vague on jurisdiction (do the want the government to ban the whole store now?). Using the store name seems somewhat too respectful too, given the tone of things overall. On top of assembling in the middle of the night at an active scene they’re so oddly formal about it? Like a literal can of paint instead of a spray can? Plus writing out “No Fahrenheit 451| in full? I highly doubt they’d go the full way with that when it’s quicker and snazzier to say “NO F451”.
So that’s a wrap for the all-Burnings September month of Cranky! How many more weeks will we linger on for October? I have a generous guess of two myself.
“Ban the Booksmith” doesn’t even match what they want! Their original problem was that the book was made available to students, and they didn’t want their kids reading it. It already is “banned”! Les violated the ban to teach it! And now they’ve committed two arsons, plus harassment in the middle of the night, aimed at entirely the wrong people, for something that exceeds their desires – when their desires are already enforced by the School Board! If they didn’t want the book taught, all they had to do was complain the school board, or maybe even just principal Nate Green.
The problem would be solved if they were to set Dick Facey on fire.
it really would. The entire story – the protestors, the principal, the school board – are all ignoring the obvious source of the problem. Because Les Moore cannot be wrong in any way whatsoever. Especially when he’s clearly in the wrong.
He was told not do something and why not to but that just made him want to do it more. This is because he’s an author insert.
I assume that when the protestors scream “BAN THE BOOKSMITH” they are telling Lillian she really needs to start using deodorant.
I was sitting in the breakfast nook, eating my Shredded Wheat and reading the funnies, when I started wondering, out of all the books to protest, why are these folks so adamant about “Fahrenheit 451,” when it suddenly came to me. They’re not upset about language or themes; they’re all fervent proponents of the Metric System and want the book’s titled changed to “Celsius 232.778.” While they’re at it, they’d also change the TV series about morticians to “1.83 Meters Under” and Eminem’s movie to “Twelvepointeightsevenkilometer.” Problem solved.
So the story starts with a statement that the Supreme Court has ruled that high school newspapers aren’t protected by the Constitution, and ends with Monroe quoting the First Amendment. Which, of course, is irrelevant given the first part. Even if the point is that the First Amendment SHOULD apply, it’s kind of undercut by having already pointed out it DOESN’T.
(It is, of course, entirely possible that Batiuk forgot the earlier reference when writing the later strip; it would certainly be on brand.)
“Monroe Madison” gives a very high school response. Yes, we all know what the First Amendment says. But there are restrictions on speech that have been found constitutional. I gave the example of Frisby v Madison, which helpfully lists the three standards such a restriction must meet:
a. The restriction must be content-neutral.
b. The restriction must leave open alternative methods of communicating one’s objection (be “narrowly tailored”).
c. The ordinance must serve a relevant government interest.
And protecting minors from adult content qualifies as a relevant government interest. So the student is just speaking out of ignorance. And some adult should have told him this.
I’d like to think that Act I Batiuk was canny enough to realize that high schoolers often have unnuanced views of things, and will take stands like this. But since this simple proclamation ended the story, I now think that Batiuk himself has these unnuanced, sophomoric views. The current story certainly doesn’t prove otherwise.
I just noticed that in last panel of the first strip above, John Darling, Who Hasn’t Yet Been Murdered, has both his eyes looking out of the same glasses lens.
Yes, it’s not very “good” art, but I confess I kind of find TB’s own drawing style kind of endearing. In some ways I like it better than Ayers’ art. It’s primitive and cartoony, and suits the simple, gag-a-day style he was pretty good at.
It looks like a real cartoonist with a real style drew it. Imperfections can make something more endearing. Modern-day Batiuk looks to stamp out individuality, like a corporate fast food chain measuring a hamburger patty with a calipers to make sure they’re all the same size nationally.
It’s also notable that Funky is pictured wearing Nine Inch Nails and Green Day shirts. These were bands that were actually popular in high schools at the time. So there was a time when TB was actually at least slightly aware of contemporary high school life.
Les is portrayed as a bit of a clueless schmuck, and Susan’s crush — barfworthy as it is — is not that unrealistic. High school kids often get dumb crushes like this. Blame it on hormones, social awkwardness, and immaturity.
And also we can assume that Susan’s glasses prescription was way out of date.
I don’t think Susan’s problem was her vision. Les wouldn’t be attractive even if he looked like Brad Pitt. Even in his less psychopathic Act II days, his spinelessness wouldn’t endear him to anyone. Least of all someone who’s a doormat herself. Someone like Susan is more likely to get an awkward crush on a man who is forceful, or at least uninhibited.
The Frankie-Lisa hookup makes more sense. Lisa was a mousy reject who saw someone with status, and Frankie saw an easy target no one would stick up for. They met each others’ needs for a short time, as is often the case in high school.
Les is likely the first person who ever praised mousy Susan’s creative efforts or noticed that she was in any way special. She probably thinks he “gets her” in a way that the rest of the cruel, unfeeling world doesn’t.
Also remember that girls’ brains, at this age, are maturing more quickly than boys’, and you can see why they often fall for “older men.”
It’s actually not that different from the non-retconned version of the Lisa/Frankie story: Attention-starved mousy girl makes poor choices in men, film at 11.
It’s interesting that TB used to be able to write somewhat realistic characters/motivations — but not only did he lose that talent, he went out of his way to retcon the once-realistic situations into totally ridiculous, contrived tripe.
And of course, Susan (after a glow up where she got contact lenses and Act III Cindy’s hair) eventually wound up dating Westview’s “star” football player, Matt Miller, who was pretty much the Act II take on Frankie.
Even as a teenager, Susan’s mental instability was always there
Batiuk will do anything he can to slow down this storyline, it seems.
An angry mob is in front of Lillian’s store in the middle of the night, vandalizing the sign, on the same night when someone attempted to set fire to the store.
Will Lillian go outside and confront the protesters?
Will she call the police?
Or will she stay inside and stare at the cover of Fahrenheit 451 while Ed stares at her?
Will Lillian go outside and confront the protesters?
Will she call the police?
Or will she stay inside and stare at the cover of Fahrenheit 451 while Ed stares at her?
This sounds like the world’s worst Telltale game.
“You snored through ‘Mrs Bushka Spends a Week Opening an Envelope’! You constantly looked at your watch during ‘Funky Spends a Week Walking Through Lorain County’! You stared baffled and confused during ‘Summer Spends a Week Walking Through Lorain County’! Do you DARE–to see–‘LILLIAN STARES AT A BOOK FOR A DANG WEEK’?!”
Sacrelige! This pulse-pounding, Hitchcockian tension reminds me more of celebrated arcs such as “Wally Stares at the Curb” and “Adeela Approaches a Dark Building.”
Yes! And totally new information is being revealed in this latest installment! The information being that people are yelling “BAN THE BOOKSMITH” and that the book Fahrenheit 451 is a book that Lillian is selling!*
*This information is not new to readers, of course, but IS new to Tom Batiuk, who frequently forgets things and needs constant reminders. Tune in tomorrow, when Tom will remind himself that Lillian is a bookstore owner, and that her name is Lillian.
Tomorrow… er, Monday, Lillian finally leans out the window and goes full Jim Morrison “you’re all a bunch of slaves!” on the crowd. Oh, if only…
I won’t be happy till she does a G.G. Allin.
Today’s Funky Crankerbean
Day Thirty Seven of the Byrnings
Burner: YOU THINK SHOWING US A COPY OF FAHRENHEIT 451 WILL DRIVE US AWAY!? THINK AGAIN!
Hey, what happened to the almighty, inviolable dictum (that Bats pulled out of his posterior)?
NO ARC SHALL LAST MORE THAN THREE WEEKS
If ever there were a time to use it, it would be now, since nothing is happening and the story has meandered from “Down with Bradbury” to “Burn the Witch.”
Some arcs are more equal than others…
As Crankshaft watched in curiosity, Lillian turned from the window and picked up one of the books. Her face an unreadable, inflexible mask, she pulled a small can of Aqua Net from her purse and sprayed the tome liberally.
Returning to the window, Lillian took a lighter from her purse, lit a corner of the saturated book and hurled it toward the protestors. Like a lightning bolt hurled by Zeus, the book hit the ground amidst the crowd and exploded. The man who had defaced the store’s sign went down immediately, engulfed in flames. Others ran screaming, trying to free themselves from the bits of burning book, bits that clung to them like napalm. A woman remembered “stop, drop and roll” but even as she extinguished the flames consuming her blouse a burning man tripped and fell on her.
Crankshaft turned away from the carnage and looked at Lillian. Her expression, or lack thereof, had not changed. “T-those people…” Crankshaft stated in a trembling voice. “They… they’re burning. You did that…”
“Fight fire with fire,” she said impassively.
Slowly a smile crept across Crankshaft’s weathered face. “My God, Lillian! I love you!”
I figure the main reason the mob’s not equipped with torches is that straw men catch fire really easily.
Classic Funkyverse writing: Just as things shift a gear from 5 to 88 mph, we immediately slam the breaks back to dramatic slow crawl. Was this all actually meant to be on the same night or did communication break down between writer and artist again and someone just ran with it thinking it was dramatic enough?
Oh god, there’s a theory floating in the GC comments that Lillian’s just going to open the book and start reading the crowd, and THAT’s what’s going to defuse the protest fury. The implications that these people are so “afraid of the unknown” that they’ve never read this book in their lives and only think it’s bad because of what other people say about it.
I’ll save my tongue to wait and see if this actually happens but if it does we’re going to go into the same territory of writing about ICE deportation and saying “oh just call Bill Clinton he’ll solve it!”
Not many people know this, but nowadays, when riot squads need to disperse a crowd, they don’t bother with hoses and pepper spray. Instead, the squad leader climbs atop one of their trucks and with a bullhorn in one hand and a copy of Lisa’s Story: The Last Leaf in the other.
“Foreword by the author,” he begins, enunciating clearly into the bullhorn, and the crowd is gone before the first paragraph is finished.
Perhaps Lillian is pondering the same tactic.
“Lillian defuses a screaming mob with a book quote” is very likely, as it’s as trite and anodyne an ending as picking F451 as causing the trouble. “Gee,” say the raging, fire-eyed lunatics, “we have seen the error of our ways! We’ll just peacefully disperse, and never speak of this again!”
“Gosh, kids!” cries a rabid madman with a baseball bat covered in barbed wire. “Let’s all celebrate with a pizza while singing Kum-by-yah!”
“It’s 1AM. Montoni’s is closed.”
Mob: “MURDER MONTONI’S! PLASTER THE PIZZA PLACE!!” and they storm off, hastily repainting their signs.
Ha ha, No. That won’t happen. Except the part where everyone forgets this ever happened, and it’s never mentioned again, not even by Tom, who’s forgotten that this is supposed to explain how the world ends. Everything will reset back to zero. 11/1/24: COMICAL BOOKS!
Lillian: “You tried to KILL ME!” “Oh, ha ha ha! Ze fun ve have!”–Heinreich Bimmler, the “North Minehead Bye-Election” sketch
I think opening Fahrenheit 451 and reading it to the crowd would have the potential to be a bad strategy for Lillian. The very first sentence of the book is, “It was a pleasure to burn.” That’s not the message you want to send to the people who endorse burning down your store.
There’s a review of a Chuck Berry concert in which the reviewer reflects on early rock ‘n’ roll movies in a stream-of-consciousness fashion.
The gist of it is that the kids wants to put on a rock ‘n’ roll show, and they’ve somehow gotten all these great rock stars to perform for free (yeah right, says the writer), but the adults won’t let it go on because the music is bad or something, and mayhem ensues. Eventually, of course, things get sorted out, and we end at the show, where we’re aware of some feet awkwardly tapping to the beat of the music, and we realize that they belong to the no-longer-up-in-arm parents, who deliver the moral of the story:
“Gee, this music isn’t so bad, after all. Kinda catchy…”
Yessiree, hearing Lillian read *Fahrenheit 451* will be so powerful that the mob will buy all of the Bradbury books at the Village Booksmith, and then ask:
“What else do you have like that?”
I knew a man that I did not care for
And then one day this man gave me a call
We sat and talked about things on our mind
And now this man, he is a friend of mine
Reach out in the darkness
Reach out in the darkness
Reach out in the darkness
And you may find a friend…
— Friend and Lover. “Reach Out of the Darkness”
Similarly, in the 1941 movie “One Foot in Heaven,” one of the minister’s congregation comes to the minister with concern over a recent moving picture featuring William S. Hart, 1917’s “Silent Man.” The minister goes to see what his parishioner is upset about, and the following week, he preaches a sermon…about how good the movie is!
The Anonymous Sparrow is currently rereading Philip K. Dick. I don’t think Westview will ever be ready for *The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch.*
Today’s Funky Crankerbean
Day Thirty Eight of the Byrnings
I wish that Lillian would meet her end at the Byrners, but she’s a Batiuk avatar, which means that nothing bad can happen to her (puke)
Related to the Batiukverse: More sketches I made
Mickey Lopez-Bushka meets up with Rat from Pearls Before Swine
Wally Winkerbean and Jon Arbuckle
Rachel Winkerbean
A parody of Weezer’s blue album
Hey, you ever wonder what Ed Crankshaft smells like?
I imagine your reactions will be “No, I’m actually sane” and “THANKS, now I can never not think about it!”
(it’s spilled diesel, Slim Jims, his filled Depends, and blackheads)
I bet Crankshaft smells like ashes, urine and death