Thank the Lord and Pass the Pepto Bismol.

Funky Winkerbean’s First Thanksgiving, 1972.

A list of all the things I’m thankful for?

I’m thankful my mom bribed me with 200 dollars cash to bleach wash my older brother’s warcrime of a bathroom ahead of my sister and her ever expanding army of giggling, tripping-hazards from arriving.

I’m thankful for the stubborn resiliency of 80’s era plastics that allow my fat ass to crouch sit with my nephew on the vintage Little Tikes picnic table we hoarded in an old hog shed for thirty years for just this occasion.

I’m thankful for the current grocery store price war going on in my town that made it so I could transform ten cans of green beans and this pile of processed dairy:

Into this glorious tapestry of saturated fat:

All without mortgaging my action figure collection.

I’m thankful for this wonderful blog. And all the readers and commenters who have supported the SOSF crew in the last two years as we transitioned into a new form. I’m thankful for your patience. Your enthusiasm. Your passion to deep dive, discuss, and dissect, and snark.

I’m thankful that Batiuk has let slip that the abysmal horror of modern Crankshaft will be continuing for at least another year, so I have another year to spend here with you.

And I’m so thankful that Batiuk has promised that soon the full Funky and Cranky archives will be on GoComics so I can stop emailing myself photos of physical comic book pages.

And yet, I’m also thankful for those bulky, overpriced monuments to one man’s hubris. And also so thankful for that silly old coot himself, whatever his ignoble fall from the dizzying heights of average.

1973

1974
1974
1975

25 thoughts on “Thank the Lord and Pass the Pepto Bismol.”

  1. Today’s Funky Crankerbean

    Ha ha it’s funny because Crankshaft is too stupid to put the turkey in the oven (then again, he’s Ed Crankshaft)

    Things I’m thankful for

    • Tom Batiuk for creating Funky Winkerbean and Crankshaft
    • That I can celebrate Thanksgiving at all
    • when my newspaper replaced Redeye with Beetle Bailey in late 2019, because without it, I would’ve never found out that Funky Winkerbean exists and therefore never discovered this website

    Happy Thanksgiving to SOSF

  4. Me, I’m thankful for CBH’s insights on farm life, family, and Funky. I’m thankful for BJr6K’s scholarly rants. I’m thankful for the Old Gods, TFH and Epicus. I’m thankful for my fellow commenters.

    And I’m thankful that Tom perseveres, giving us a place to escape the woes of the real world for at least a few minutes each day, to focus on the woefulness of Funkytown.

    And I’m thankful that today, Friday, he actually came up with a perfectly cromulent pun and pulled a good strip out of his hat! Huzzah! I’m still rooting for him despite it all.

    1. Yeah, today’s Crankshaft is legit funny. Ed’s extreme malaproping is probably the best thing in Crankshaft right now, and one of the best things on the comics page (though that’s a low bar anymore). Tom Batiuk has an ear for the rhythm and tempo of words, if not for meaning. I wish the strip had more of this, and less Act III-style Author Appeal wankery.

      I’m thankful for everyone here, and that you and others have said so many kind things to me. I’m just happy to be part of the team. Cheers to you all.

  5. Today’s Funky Crankerbean

    I think this is the first time in a long time where Jfff and Crankshaft watch football and complain about how the Browns get their shit fucked up in the strip

  6. I love the phrase “glorious tapestry of saturated fat.” I intend to use it the next time my doctor asks what I’ve been eating recently.

  7. CS, 11/30:

    “So, is this young guy who’ll be the coach of something no one has any idea what we’re talking about that I’m talking about going to be the most inept exposition dump in history that young guy me talks about?” “YEP. Chopping block, shopping parking lot, pooping duck, is we having strokes?!”

    I like that Tombo has progressed past his “mild smirk in last panel means JOKE!” to “Jeff wishes he was dead.”

    1. I like that Tombo has progressed past his “mild smirk in last panel means JOKE!” to “Jeff wishes he was dead.”

      “I wish I was dead” means JOKE!

  8. I’m thankful for the hosts who kept the website going after Funky Winkerbean ended. I’m grateful for CBH and BJr6000, who continue to find things to blog about and separate from the increasingly dreadful Crankshaft. I’m thankful for the friendly commenters who make this discussion informative and fun.

    I’m thankful for the friends who shared our feast on Thanksgiving. I’m thankful for my loving family. I’m thankful for all the wonderful people in my life who make it meaningful.

    1. Today’s Crankshaft:

      If Enormous Midwest University is supposed to be T̷H̷E̷ Ohio State University, Enormous Midwest University does indeed need a new coach. The current coach can’t beat a subpar University of Michigan team at home. Coach Day should have been fired the moment the clock struck zero. You have one job. Beat Michigan. Anything else is gravy. Coach day has failed four years in a row. Unbelievable.

      To make me totally thankful this holiday, Ohio State, please fire Ryan Day. The bum.

      Day ruined. Sports suck. I think I’m going to lie down for a while. I want to be alone. I’m kind of depressed. 😞😖

      Disclaimer: The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this comment are solely mine and do not purport to reflect the opinions or views of SoSF or the SoSF commenting community.

        1. Good God, no. John Cooper was as bad as Ryan Day against Michigan, and worse than Day in bowl games. Thirteen years was way too long for Cooper to coach the Buckeyes. I often wondered what hold he had on school administration.

          Me in the Late 1990s: What does John Copper have to do to lose his job as Buckeye head coach? Die?

          FYI, John Cooper is still alive. I’m happy for him.

          Mr. bwoeh calls Ryan Day ‘Sweet Cheeks’ because his cheeks are often flushed.

          I’m starting to think Jim Harbaugh was right by saying about Day,”Some people are born on third base and act like they’ve hit a triple.” There’s no question Ryan Day inherited an excellent program from Urban Meyer.

          Coach Day was unaware of the fracas after the game. You find footage of him saying, “What happened?” Way to control your team coach. A real great look.

          FWIW, Ohio State went 3-1 against Michigan the four years I attended school there. Earle Bruce may have received a lot of criticism for having the record of 9-3 a lot, but least he had a winning record against Michigan and in bowl games.

          I’d like to see the Bucks hire Dan Lanning away from Oregon. Give him whatever the hell he wants. Hire Mike Vrable! Hell, I’d take Urban Meyer back in a heartbeat.

          Ohio State is going to make the playoff and go out in the first round. YaY. /s

          Oh, well, I shouldn’t complain too much. Tom Batiuk’s Kent State Flashes didn’t win a single game this season. Were blown out by their arch rival, The University of Akron Zips.

          BTW, the Kent State Flashes football team should change their team name to the Kamikazes. Losing 71-0 to Tennessee and 56-0 to Penn State. Yikes!

          Where did you play your college ball, Banana Jr. 6000?

          1. As a PhD grad from Ohio University—Ohio’s First University—and a former faculty member at another Ohio university, with all Funky love and respect BWEOH—tough cucanoonies

          4. Since about 2019, the Bucks have played at least one Ohio team a year. Ohio State started this season with the University of Akron Zips. They’ve also played Youngstown State, Toledo, Cincinnati, and Miami of Ohio. I’m not sure the last time Kent State was on the schedule. KSU is too busy taking on Tennessee and Penn State in the same year.

          5. Gabby says, thanks for the update BWEOH. I left Ohio in 1985 so not up on tOSU’s recent schedule. Acronmonious and Youngstown State are pretty meh, but Miami (hated rival of Ohio U) is slightly less meh

          6. i’m a South Florida Bull. I was even a USF fan blogger for many years. I love the school and am proud of it (AAU baby!) But at my age i’m a lot less rabid about all my fandoms.

            But I’m still bitter about USF not getting to be #1 in the polls for a week in 2007. We were #2 to Ohio State, which was complete horseshit considering who we’d beaten (Auburn, Rich Rodriguez-era West Virginia) and who tOSU had played at the time

  11. 😭🤬 A little help, please. I hate it when I write a couple hundred word long response, and it gets stuck in the torso chute. Thanks in advance.

    Did I violate the site’s “Stay ‘on topic’ rule”?

    2. I am so sorry I didn’t get this pushed out sooner! I was stuck under a pile of toddlers all day today at my parents, away from my computer that has the admin set up. ❤

      1. Ah, that’s okay. Stuff happens. If it wasn’t a Sunday, I wouldn’t have posted the torso chute request. I figured a new blog would come out Sunday night (sho ’nuff). I thought BJr6000 would have gotten a kick out of that Kent State Kamikaze statement.

        Count me as envious about the youngins. My two grandkids live thirteen hours away by automobile. I revel in the time we get to spend together. I only had one son, and my brothers fathered one child between the two of them. She’s fortyish now with no kids. We’re doing our best for zero population growth.

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