The Crankshaft Awards! Day 6!

Despite today’s original strip having what a dedicated mortician of humor could classify as a recognizable joke, I can almost guarantee it won’t make next year’s shortlist for today’s award.

It would take either a superhuman feat of hilarity, or the sudden and violent death of a hated character, for any strip set in Komix Korner get a nomination for Best Strip.

There were some strips to choose from in 2024, and there were even some decent enough strips left on the chopping block that didn’t make the cut.

Here they are, the best of the meh-est, the nominees for…

The Best Crankshaft Strip of 2024

1.) Pretty Normal

2.) Longing for Contact

3.) Intrusive Thoughts

4.) Getting Comfy

5.) Sexism

6.) No Child Left Behind

7.) Lol Fat

8.) Money Laundering

And the winner for Best Crankshaft strip of 2024:

Money Laundering

There were two strips that, the moment I read them, I knew would be on the shortlist for this award. And those two strips were in a neck and neck race the entire week of voting, though neither ran away with a majority. And if I had felt like putting my finger on the scales in favor of my pick, a fully clothed Cranky wincing into his pillow would have won out.

20 thoughts on “The Crankshaft Awards! Day 6!”

  1. “Getting Comfy” actual gave me a genuine chuckle when I read it, so it was an easy choice to get my vote.

    (Not that I didn’t find some of the others amusing, but that one was just… right.) (And, y’know, it had Ed going for some kind of medical treatment and he didn’t show off his junk this time around. Bonus points for that.)

  2. I actually enjoyed most of these. If I had to guess, Bathack was on vacation and someone else wrote them, but because they all had a semblance of humor. The wrong kid one was actually one of the wittier writings ever seen in a Bathack comic.

  3. Just like the panel of the year, fewer words in dialogue = more votes.

    The Drake of Life’s analysis on this topic from yesterday definitely holds up!

  4. My favorite was “No Child Left Behind.” Solid joke, solid execution. I also like “LOL Fat.”

  5. Today’s Funky Crankerbean

    (suddenly, somebody starts banging on the door violently)

    William Alan “Bill” Dickey: OPEN THE FUCK UP IF YOU WANT THIS SHITTY STORE TO NOT BE BURNED TO ASHES LIKE I DID TO THE ONE IN ELTINGVILLE!!

    1. Don’t worry — all award winners are expected to turn over their trophy, statue, or bobblehead to Les Moore, the rightful recipient of all praise and awards within the Funkyverse.

  8. ‘Shaft tipping after a pleasant and quiet retail transaction? No way that is the real Ed Crankshaft in “Money Laundering”.

    And for that reason, it got my vote.

  10. I had to give the nod to the wordless one. Not having words forces TB to tell an actual story, not fall back on the “blather and smirk” schtick.

  13. I agree with some of you that the combined Funky Winkerbean/Crankshaft (a.k.a. Cranky Funkershaft) has gotten so lame it’s hard to snark upon. There’s no edge to it. It’s Crankshaft Lite. Why? I have no idea. I’m certain Andrews McMeel Universal didn’t tell TB to tone it down when he swapped syndicates. The strip is now on cruise control. It’s just another zombie comic strip like Marvin or Hi and Lois. The only difference is it’s still the same writer.

    I discovered yesterday evening that Crankshaft had disappeared from my daily GoComics feed. I must have inadvertently hit the “Unfollow” button. The strip has gotten so dull it took me a week and a half to notice.

    I’ve always been impressed by how the GoComics snarkers have the wit and dedication to post something every morning, regardless of the content. BTW, welcome back from moderator imposed purgatory @billsplut.

    Ed: Hey, Pam. What happens when I pour milk into my hat?

    Pam: I don’t know, Dad. What happens?

    Ed: It gets wet!

    God help us.

    1. Crankshaft has been zombie for awhile, but it stands out more now that the strip has been annexed by Funky Winkerbean Act III. When you notice how much effort Batiuk is putting into to pretending this is still Crankshaft, you can see how little effort he’s putting into actually writing Crankshaft strips. I think this is week 3 of “boy, that bus drivers shortage sure exists!”

      1. You say, “Crankshaft has been zombie for awhile?” Interesting. At what point in the strip’s history would you identify as the beginning of the “Zombification of Crankshaft“?

        1. At some point, Crankshaft became what Funky Winkerbean did: the comic strip that stands around and exists at you. It loves to name-drop its greatest hits, without ever actually playing them. “Boy, that bus drivers shortage sure exists!” “Boy, that Ed Crankshaft sure blows things up!” “Boy, that Lena sure is bad at baking!” “Boy, I sure like comic books!” “Boy, that Dinkle sure is a band director!”

          I noticed it when I saw three days of Ed hanging from a roof, and then three days of Ed standing around after hanging from a roof. Without any kind of conflict or resolution, or even an explanation of what happened. Even Cindy’s miraculous pregnancy refuses to hint at having any kind of narrative purpose. Every strip exists to fill space, until Batiuk can go back to the things he wants to talk about. Which are all basically “himself.”

  14. Today’s Crankshaft

    I think this is the first time in over a year that bowling was mentioned

    Today’s Past Batiukverse Strips: A 1980 FW storyline where Holtron decides to fuck around with it’s teleportation powers

    Harley would later be retconned to be a time-traveling janitor

    Duplicate!Stropp: I WANNA LIIIIIIIIIVE!

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