“Got the Reference!”

I went on a little reference search tonight, just as a treat.

First, the Prince Store at Minneapolis/St Paul Airport.

This one may have come from a Batiuk provided reference picture. I found out that the dangly ceiling garlands are how the store looked as of August of last year.

I’m guessing most of the obviously traced stadium panels were similarly from Batiuk’s private stash of vacation photos. But I did manage to pull in some good ol’ Google slop. Some are only possibly the reference.

Some are a shoe-in.

Statue of Louis Riel.

The Provencher Bridge with Cityscape.

And now, for my favorite.

Blue Bombers head coach Mike O’Shea

And last of all, I believe the lady Mountie was supposed to be a cameo of this poor sweet law enforcement officer, who most definitely didn’t deserve the shame.

Boy Mountie looks OLD by comparison. I mean in art style. Guessing he’s pulled from some ancient Ayers arc of yesteryear.

87 thoughts on ““Got the Reference!””

  1. Day 23: What Ed and Jeff don’t get is that if they were going to arrest anyone, they wouldn’t be in ceremonial uniforms. Usually, on duty constables look an awful lot like state troopers.

    1. They’re probably escorting him to get his award. Of course, the officers would tell him this. But, it’s called writing.

      1. It’s called bad writing. This is because it’s obvious that Jeff will try to stop the constables because he misread the situation.

        1. Ugh, you’re right. As if the police would detain Ed, release him, then detain him again without any explanation.

          1. Jeff has been afraid that the police will haul him or Ed away most of his adult life. Neil Young sang about why.

          2. Is Jeff really that paranoid about smoking some weed in the 70s? (Or worse, skipping class to go buy a Lovin’ Spoonfuls album.) The police finally hauling Ed away, and charging him for his many crimes against humanity, should be Jeff’s fondest dream. Ditto for Pam, Lillian, Lena, all his bus passengers, and pretty much every other sentient human being.

          4. They might as well call it Funky Winkerbean again anyway. I bet next week is back to the Batton Thomas interview.

    2. Next you’ll tell us they don’t always ride horses. Sorry, but “mounted” is right there in the name.

      1. Only for the tourists. They drive the same police cruisers you see on anything by Dick Wolf. (Dick Wolf before he dicks you.)

  2. Also, all Batiuk sees is Statue, Bridge, Sporto and Woman Cosplaying As Dudley Doright…..

  3. Today’s Crankshaft

    Day 23 of Canadian Football Week

    The joke is that Crankshaft thinks that the Canadian police is arresting him for presumably shitting himself, when in fact he’s getting arrested for disrupting a football game

  4. The dialog from the August 3 Sunday strip is re-used from November 7, 2009. (HT: Horace Broon on Comics Curmudgeon.)

    1. For those of us who grew up in the snow belt, I don’t remember having all these names for what are essentially blizzards.

      1. As I understand it, the Eskimo language is like German, in that you can stick words together to make other words. So there aren’t really more words for snow, just a lot of different descriptors you can attach to the word “snow.” Living in a snowy clime myself, I can appreciate the need for words to precisely categorize different types of snow, as they can present different hazards.

  5. I must respect how Davis cleverly used trees to cover up the Alamy logos in the cityscape panel.

  6. Day 24: As has been said, an experience is not valuable in and of itself. An award to make people jealous and to prove Mommy wrong is required.

  7. Yes. That’s what’s happening. It’s as if they mashed together snow and a whole lot of or snow and just a trace.

      1. Oh, let’s play “quarter inch from reality”!

        1. Jeff can watch a damned football game on TV without his special shirt. Or someone can tell him he needs to grow up.
        2. Spilling bleach on a shirt does not imediately destroy it. At worst, it would damage the color. It would still be perfectly wearable.
        3. If bleach did damage the shirt to the point it needed replacing, this can be done through a simple online purchase. (Which we know is possible in this world, because of Crankshaft’s addiction to Bean’s End.)
        4. If the offending party did feel compelled to buy the shirt owner an extravagant gift, it would not be football tickets to a game in another country.
        5. If the offending party did buy the shirt owner football tickets to a game in another country, it would be for the aggrieved party only, not for him and an uninvolved person.
        6. If the offending party did buy the shirt owner football tickets to a game in another country, this would create a new problem of someone having to pay a lot of travel expenses.
        7. Ed and Jeff would absolutely hate each other, if only because of the incident where Ed’s gardening idiocy damaged Jeff’s comic books. (Come on, Batiuk, you should have figured this one out.)
        8. After the plane door opening incident, Ed Crankshaft would never be allowed on an airplane again. He’d probably still be in federal prison.
        9. After the plane door opening incident, and pretty much everything else he’s done in his life, Ed Crankshaft would never be allowed to enter Canada.
        10. Anyone, even a former illiterate, would be able to figure out that “toilette” means toilet. And if they didn’t, the sign would also include the English word, and/or an accompanying graphic. Or they’d figure it out by noticing which room people of the same gender are entering, and then leaving quickly after.
        11. Ed Crankshaft would have been seen French-language stadium signage before, because one of his 1940 Toledo Mud Hens opponents was the Montreal Royals. (He was illiterate then, but he still had to figure out where to pee. Maybe he had his teammate read the sign for him.)
        12. To the extent French-only signage exists in Canada, most of it is in Quebec or the Maritimes, not Manitoba.
        13. If someone did get lost looking for the toilet at a football stadium, they would not wander into the players’ area, because that area would be secured by locked doors and probably security guards also.
        14. If someone did get into the players’ area somehow, they would be treated as a serious threat. Especially in light of the rise of legal sports gambling in most of North America.
        15. If someone did get onto the sideline, and had to be removed by police, they would not be allowed to give an asinine playcalling suggestion to the head coach. (See also #14.)
        16. If someone did give an asinine playcalling suggestion to the head coach, and the head coach decided it was actually good and called that play, and it was were successful, the coach would simply take credit for it and plausibly deny the intruder’s involvement. Acknowledging it raises all kinds of “integrity of the game” questions. (See also #14.)
        17. If someone did yell an asinine playcalling suggestion at the head coach, and the head coach decided it was actually good and called that play, the players would only be able to run that play if it was already in the team playbook, and they had practiced it.
        18. Above all else, the team WOULD NOT GIVE THE INTRUDER A FUCKING GAME BALL.

        This whole story is so stupid it’s insulting.

        1. It’s that damn movie arc all over again: just aseverybody bends over backwards because Dick Facey says they’re telling a story he remembers wrong inaccurately and he won’t say why, Batiuk takes a creamy dump on plausibility because he wants to show us how he thinks the world should work. .

        2. Also, actual reality would have seen Ed and the other bus drivers sued into a ball of dirt ages ago.

        3. Finally:

          0. The whole damn thing could have been prevented had the offending party said “Here are some napkins. Use them to keep yourself from getting salsa on that Bombers T-shirt you need three of.”

  9. Day 25: Crankshaft doesn’t make history after all. He is thus bullied by the biggest, meanest bully Batiuk knows: REALITY.

  10. And thus, do we need end another exercise in implausible bullshit that does violence to reality because of Batiuk’s issues. It’s called bad writing if the army sends home a random cadaver. It’s called misogyny if Becky shows Wally the door because a woman told Batiuk that a person cannot run at more than five miles an hour without killing himself. It’s called stupidity if Les never explained what people were getting wrong about Lisa’s Story.

    1. Which is to be expected. They’re not going to give Rando McOldfart credit lest they be told to forfeit.

      1. Today’s strip broke the story beyond repair. It implies that the team called a play that wasn’t even in their playbook. And this was a long, complex trick play, that depended on timing, and had multiple ball exchanges. To put it mildly, pro football does not work that way. (Maybe they could have had an option play that was adaptible to Crankshaft’s scheme. But that play would already be in the playbook.)

        But Batiuk gonna Batiuk. Getting to call a real live play and being rewarded for it ISN’T ENOUGH for the mighty Ed Crankshaft. He demands a permanent place in the team’s gameplan. Fuck, these people are insufferable.

        2. And as long as we’re talking about being insufferable, let’s remind ourselves that Dodo Bird always confuses the competence of others as being bullied. When the idiots at Batom Comics whined that they should be allowed to plagiarize competent people so they wouldn’t feel bad, Batiuk was stupid enough to think that made them sympathetic.

        3. Also, there is the insufferable need to crow about trivia. People wouldn’t mind Batiuk’s niche interests so much if he weren’t such a smug asshole.

          1. Or if he had any ability to make it relatable. It says a lot about Funky Winkerbean that it never attracted a following among comic book afficionados. Batiuk’s fandom is so overspecialized that other comic book fans aren’t even interested.

          2. If you don’t like something exactly the way he does, you’re a bully who wants him to be miserable. This is because he deserves something wanted by a fictional Ohioan: a Section Eight discharge from the 4077.

    1. Oh, yeah. You can just imagine these zombies whimper about being bullied when questioned about airway management or not paralyzing the person they think they’re saving too.

      1. And both Olive and Les are celebrated as heroes, even though their actions were selfish, and detrimental to the injured party. Not that I expect a comic strip to be medically realistic. But it seems like the writers went out of their way to make heroes out of characters who did nothing to earn it, and in fact were actually an obstacle to someone getting treatment they needed.

        1. One wonders why the drones fear the trained and the competent. A first responder isn’t doing what he does to be an ass to a Dick Facey, despite what Batiuk thinks.

  13. Day 26: I’d like to declare that I think he’ll never shut up about this implausible fluke.

  14. And what does this lead to? I know: Pam dumbGORLing her way into having to replace something else she can’t know is precious because she pees sitting down….

  15. Earlier, someone mentioned that Batiuk doesn’t understand the McGuffin. It would be closer to the truth to say he’s terrible at explaining why we should like things. Take the bandbox toy that keeps time with the jukebox. If he explained why he likes seeing it, we could see his point.

  16. Today’s Crankshaft

    Day 26 of Canadian Football Week

    Jeff: What happened?

    Ed: Neither of us are allowed back in Canada after I disrupted the football game with the Blue Bombers.

    Jeff: YOU SON OF A BITCH!

    (Jeff shoves Crankshaft to the ground and beats the shit out of him)

    2. Here’s what would happen a quarter inch from reality: the game would be flagged for suspicious activity; every player, coach, and security person involved would be called on the carpet by the CFL; and Crankshaft wouldn’t be allowed near a sporting event ever again. John Mateer (University of Oklahoma’s current quarterback) is in deep shit right now for joking about sports gambling in a tweet three years ago. This is way worse than that.

      1. I would like to see that…..because doing something like that would finally get Batiuk that Pulitzer he thinks will fill the hole in his soul.

    1. Hopefully. It’s possible Crankhole might need another week to gloat about his game ball.

    2. Thus ends THIS year’s irritating fanboying. He’ll do it again next summer because now, there’s precedent.

      1. Yep, winter is OMEA, and summer will be Winnipeg. Ugh. 😩

        But Batty was beaten by MoyBrigman for worst story. That Olive girl is almost worse than Les, I can see why her schoolmates hate her.

        1. Olive has a bad case of what I call Overlooked Genius Syndrome. I’ve had a lot of coworkers like this. They have no idea why they keep getting passed over for promotions and other recognition, when (1) they’re not nearly as smart as they think they are, and (2) they’re so full of themselves they repel anyone who might give them a chance.

      2. Based on his blog, I’m pretty sure next summer will be a visit to the Grand Ole Opry.

  18. Crankshaft 7/21/25–8/17/25. Here we have a four-week buddy tale about two men attending a football game. We know Jff and Ed were rooting for the Winnipeg Blue Bombers, and they allegedly won “the game” on a play Ed suggested.

    Aside from @Banana Jr. 6000’s extensive list, certain fundamental details appear to be irrelevant to the cartoonist. Important details such as what team were the Blue Bombers playing? We never saw the other team, or any on field action for that matter. What was the final score? It was never mentioned. For all we know, this was just a public intersquad scrimmage. YaY! Blue squad beat Gold! /s

    Does Batty record the Super Bowl just to fast-forward to the post-game celebration to see the hoisting of the Lombardi Trophy?

    It’s a good thing Batty never tried his hand at sportswriting.

    1. This is a recurring problem with this dunderhead. A competent man would have an idea of what the stakes are. Do they need to win to keep playoff hopes alive? Is Winnipeg down by five points? Are they up against their rivals the Saskatchewan Rough Riders? You’re bullying Tom Batiuk if you think any of those questions should be asked. All that matters is that Crankshaft is an unsung hero.

      1. That’s a good point. You mention several scenarios that could bring certain levels of excitement to the story, and you just mentioned them off the top of your head. Sadly, to Batty, any stakes that could result in drama are irrelevant. The only important thing to him is ensuring his characters receive the rewards he believes they deserve.

        What good is a story that doesn’t have any stakes? It’s not. The story is dull and predictable. Everybody knew Ed was going to end up on the field. Everybody knew Ed was going to affect the outcome of the game. Everybody knew there weren’t going to be any consequences for Ed’s interference. He’ll throw coherence and common sense out the window, just to make sure his characters stay on the path to gratification.

        Several years ago, in a puff piece interview, Batty exclaimed, “I’m a storyteller.” Who told him this? His wife, Cathy? Himself in the mirror? The squirrel playfully romping on the lawn outside his studio window? It sure as hell wasn’t a reader.

        1. That’s a dumb kid’s idea of what telling a story is. We’ll see another exercise in risk-avoidant puffery next year at the Ryman Auditorium when Harry Dinkle gets inducted into the Grand Ole Opry.

          1. When I read that blog, my first thought was that either the St. Spires church choir or the Bedside Manorisms would get a gig to perform at the Grand Ole Opry and win a competition of some sort. It never occurred to me that a Sousa-style band director would be inducted into the Grand Ole Opry.🤦‍♀️

            Rules and common sense have no place in a Batty puffery piece.

            Whether Harry is inducted into the Grand Ole Opry or one of the groups he directs wins an award, we know there is some kind of reward involved. At this stage of his career, Batty has a one-track mind.

          2. His other hobby horse is whining that women don’t like joy or fun…….because he has no idea of what it’s like to live with an award-hungry eight year old.

    2. Maybe Batiuk could take over writing Gil Thorp. It couldn’t possibly get any more incomprehensible than it already is.

      1. The Funkyverse is incomprehensible, but there are some consistent underlying themes to it all. Gil Thorp is just plain incomprehensible. The stories are all over the place, and the art looks like the rough draft of itself.

  19. Is it just me, or does Batty’s Blue Bomber jersey, in the photo of CBH’s blog, seem a bit too large? Like it belongs on a much larger person or something. As Mom used to say, “It’s so big, he’s swimming in it.”

    Winnipeg Blue Bombers PR Employee: Some guy named Tom Batiuk would like a team jersey because he featured us in his comic strip.

    Employee’s Boss: Oh. That’s nice. He wants a jersey? For free? There are a ton of XXLs we can’t get rid of. Send him one of those.

    1. That would explain why it has the wrong damned number on it. The Toledo Mud Hens actually retired 13 in Crankshaft’s honor, and that’s the number he’s always been depicted as wearing in the comic strips. So why the hell is the jersey number 16? The name “Crankshaft” was on the back, so that’s who the jersey was intended to honor. (The name wasn’t “Batiuk” or something else where he might have had a reason for wanting a different number.)

      1. The #16 jersey the size Batiuk is wearing looks like it should belong to a lineman, rather than a quarterback (an exception being Jared Lorenzen, R.I.P.) A number like #66 would be more appropriate.

        FWIW, the current #16 on the Blue Bombers roster is a DB Jake Kelly.

        I almost wrote a comment criticizing Dan Davis for drawing the Blue Bomber uniforms with a huge “W” in the chest where the player’s number should be. A quick web search demonstrated that was accurate. The number appears above and to the right of the “W”. Kudos to Dan Davis for getting the uniforms right.

    2. I’m guessing they asked him his size over the phone, he told them a size that he thought would give the normal extra roomy football jersey look that is typical, and massively overestimated it.

      1. That’s a fair point, but if he knew he was going to run onto the field with the team, you’d think he’d wear a smaller size to reduce the drag.😆

        Seriously, in an earlier Batty blog, TB said the jersey was a gift from the team. I wonder if the Canadians assumed Tom was the cliché fat American.

        Out of curiosity, I discovered sizes between Canada and the U.S. run the same. An “XL” in the United States is the same size shirt in Canada.

        In some cases, sizes run differently in different countries. When visiting relatives in Sweden, I took an interest in their clog shoes. They insisted on buying me a pair. I almost fainted when they told me my shoe size was a 42.🤯 I have big feet, but they’re not that big.

  20. Hi, everyone, I’m back. Did I miss anything?

    As far as Monday 8/18’s strip goes: So Pmm–who went with Jfff to a Peter and Gordon concert in the late ’60s; who was attending Kent State during the 1970 shootings, 55 years ago; who has two grown children and a grandson of at least pre-school age; and who should be aware that many businesses offer senior discounts to folks as young as 60 years old–is shocked to find out that she’s considered a senior citizen? Sure, makes perfect sense.

    1. Batiuk doesn’t like or trust women. Of course he’s going to play up how vain she is.

    2. Furthermore, we have to contend with an aggressive refusal to be curious about what motivates the women he encounters.

    3. 60? I’ve seen 55 some places. Also, they don’t exactly ID you. If you look the part and ask nicely, the underpaid cashier will probably give you the discount. It’s easier than buying alcohol when you’re 20.

      1. A normal woman living in the real world wouldn’t be in any great hurry to correct anyone saving her money. Too flipping bad Batiuk doesn’t understand women or he’d see this.

  21. Today’s Pam freaks out because she finally realized that most people see her as a senior citizen hits kinda hard. That’s because zoning out that much is a warning sign that I wished that I noticed when they diagnosed my sister Donna with Alzheimer’s. Here, Batiuk is probably going for a dumb, vain GORL joke because he’s still that scary-ass little kid way too into what its own writers called light entertainment.

    1. Because every adult on the comics page acts at least a generation younger than they actually are. Pam would have gotten her first senior discount before she learned who Barack Obama was.

  23. Crankshaft 8/19:

    Ed: What’s that?

    Jeff: Carnival food designed to beat people over the head with my festering mommy issues.

    Ed: Genius.

Comments are closed.