If any of you are wondering where the heck the Cranky Awards are, blame the ghost of WP Sullivan who died in my bedroom in 1929. He hexed the boiler in my elderly house causing a total meltdown in subzero temperatures. The freezing cold fallout left my roommate and I playing musical chairs with the circuits on our fuse boxes to see how many heaters we could plug in before the finest electrical wiring provided by the post-war, pre-moon landing era completely exploded.
See children…this…this is called a fuse box. Our ancient ancestors used to slot pennies in these to burn their houses down…
In that shuffle, computers took a back seat to more pedestrian concerns. Like making sure our toilet didn’t freeze.
But now we have a boiler again. And I have a vicious head cold! So Cranky Awards should be appearing shortly!
Just as soon as I get done cuddling my cast iron radiator like a recently resurrected lover.
I’m hard at work narrowing down the best, worst, and slappable of 2025, don’t you worry my nitters. But in the meantime a comment by my co-captain sent me down a little rabbit hole.
Indeed BJ6K, this George Keesterman
Is the same George Keesterman who appeared on the cover of the very first Crankshaft collection published in 1992.
Gosh the last few weeks have been for the birds, eh? Though the feeder box titmouse measuring contest between Lillian and Ed does go way back.
Many of you in the comments on the last post noted that ol Ed Crankshaft really padded out his appearance scores this year. In comparison to last year’s paltry 167 appearances, or 2023’s 206, Ed’s 240 appearances in 2025 almost get him back to pre Funkypocalypse levels such as 2021’s 266 strips.
When I dug into the Panels Speaking numbers, the reason for this bounce back became clear.
Ed Crankshaft
333
Pam Murdoch
144
Batton Thomas
98
Jeff Murdoch
81
Lillian McKenzie
74
Andy Clark
35
Harry Dinkle
26
Lena
25
Ralph Meckler
24
Skip Rawlings
23
Mindy Murdoch
23
Rocky Rhodes
21
Pizza Box Monster
15
Pete Reynolds Roberts
15
Emily Mathews Reynolds
15
Amelia Mathews Reynolds
12
George Keesterman
11
God (Dinkle)
8
Chris Crankshaft
8
Mary Marzipan
6
Eugene Roberts
6
Crazy Harry Klinghorn
6
Pat (Choir)
4
Angie
4
DSH John Howard
3
Curt Cameron
3
Walt (BM)
3
Mrs. Johnson
2
Mayor Bob Kane
1
Nate Green
1
Mary Jane (Choir)
1
Batton Thomas blathered on for 98 EXCRUCIATING PANELS. We got five weeks of Batton and Skip interviews, as well as a week of Akron Comic Con nonsense on top of a week of Batton smirking his way through Ed Crankshaft’s complaints.
Yesterday, in response to Dinkle’s meagre 16 strips in 2025, our dearly beloved be ware of eve hill commented, “Could this be a case of Batty reading the comments and giving the audience what they want? Nah.”
But I think there IS something to this.
Driven by his impending mortality and neurodivergent obsession with being completely known and understood Batiuk is bound and determined to let his author avatar spend weeks spouting out a self-aggrandizing autobiography as thinly veiled as Sydney Sweeney’s tits in a sheer, red-carpet special.
But he knows this isn’t what a large portion of his audience expects or wants. We know he knows because he put their complaints in a character’s mouth for his avatar to respond to.
His audience demanded ‘Where’s Crankshaft?” and he gave us Crankshaft. Batiuk made him join the church choir so he could be there. Batiuk made him go with Jeff to the Bombers game. Batiuk wasn’t willing to concede his most precious darling of Batton, but he did toss nearly every single other toy out of the pram to lighten the burden of outrage Batton would bring. A look at the spreadsheet of Where Strips Took Place proves it.
Number of Strips by Location 2025
Crankshaft’s House
130
Outside
48
Kitchen
29
Living room
28
Cranky’s Room
14
Computer
5
Bus Barn
41
Montoni’s
32
Dale Evans
27
Village Booksmith
20
Canada
18
St Spires
12
Doctor’s Office
7
New York
7
Margo Lanes
7
County Fair
7
Ohioana
6
Akron Comiccon
6
Batton’s House
6
Centerview Historical Soc
6
Dinkle’s House
4
Westview High
4
Komix Korner
4
Bedside Manor
4
Lilian’s House
1
The Valentine
1
Ralph’s House
1
Channel 1
1
(Some Cranky’s house strips aren’t included in one of the sub categories.)
The Valentine? One strip. Hannah and Max never speak this entire year. Komix Korner? Four strips. No Atomik Komix. Montoni’s number is padded by the stupid interview, if not for that it would have had like 12 strips. Pete and Mindy’s numbers are way down. Bus Barn crew numbers are through the roof.
Like a petulant child who washes his hands while insisting the entire time he doesn’t need to. Like a game developer insisting they’re right and have never been wrong when confronted, only to quickly change the subject and never willingly bring the conversation up again. Batiuk changed his behavior this year while pretending he didn’t need to.
It’s a New Year, so you all know what that means right?
No, not CIA sponsored regime change in South America! That can happen any time! Just ask General Manuel Noriega of Panama who was deposed in 1990… in January…
Hmm…
Oh right! No politics! Only amazing fanart by New Commenter of the Year: Narshe!
Narshe, you have provided over the last months one of the most interesting and insightful journeys into the Funkyverse I’ve ever read. Thank you for finding us, and thank you for sharing!
But all the old school nitters still hanging around know that January means CBH spreadsheets! And…soon…awards season mayhaps?
So BEHOLD Recurring Named Crankshaft Characters by Number of Strips Appearing In for 2025!
As always flashbacks and people talking on TV count. Photographs do not.
Ed Crankshaft
240
Pam Murdoch
107
Jeff Murdoch
77
Lillian McKenzie
57
Batton Thomas
43
Skip Rawlings
41
Andy Clark
40
Ralph Meckler
28
Rocky Rhodes
25
George Keesterman
22
Emily Mathews Reynolds
21
Mindy Murdoch
21
Mary Marzipan Cummings
19
Lena
19
Harry Dinkle
16
Pizza Box Monster
15
Pete Reynolds Roberts
14
Amelia Mathews Reynolds
13
Angie
10
Chris Crankshaft
7
Pat (Choir)
7
Mary Jane (Choir)
6
Bonnie (Choir)
6
Lois (Choir)
5
Nancy (Choir)
5
Eugene Roberts
5
Pickles
5
Max Murdoch
4
Hannah Murdoch
4
Crazy Harry Klinghorn
4
Walt (BM)
4
Connie (BM)
4
DSH John Howard
3
Ricca (Choir)
3
Peggy And/Or Lee
2
Curt Cameron
2
Mitch Murdoch
2
Cindy Johnson
2
Lucy McKenzie
2
Nate Green
1
Mayor Bob Kane
1
Mrs. Johnson
1
Madam Marie
1
Max Axelrod
1
Bingo
1
Larry Dinkle
1
Mrs. Lee
1
Mary Crankshaft
1
This year was thin on Funky Winkerbean refugees. Last year we had Masone Jarre, Cindy Summers Jarre, CauCayla, Boy Lisa, Jess (whose father John Darling was murdered), Flash Freeman, Phil Holt, Funky Winkerbean himself, and who can forget HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED.
Heck even refugees that have earned permanent residency status, such as Dinkle, Mopey Pete, and the Komix Korner turned in significantly less appearances.
If I had to venture a guess, I’d say this was to balance out the multiple, multiple, interminable weeks of Batton and Skip blathering on.
This years entry in the, ‘WAIT HE HAS A NAME?” club included the black Channel 1 News Anchor.
He’s been around forever, but I hadn’t caught a name for him until this dumb strip.
An old Crankshaft regular appearing for the first time in few years was Mayor Bob Kane, the sleazy eternally elected parasite that in 2015 narrowly beat out challenger Ralph Meckler on a coin toss, and Ralph never ever tried again.
Mayor Kane was discussed by the Dale Evans crew for being a drunk driver for a few strips too, but mentions don’t equal appearances. Otherwise little Mitchy would have a couple more tallies in his column.
Appearing in flashback this year was Madam Marie, the county fair Fortune Teller and Hypnotist who has made appearances in both old Crankshaft baseball stories as well as Funky Winkerbean.
And if you’re wondering who the frick Mrs. Lee is, she’s this vaguely Asian looking school teacher.
Her biggest arc I can remember is getting snowed in at the Valentine with an entire schoolbus load of kids back in 2017.
But for some inexplicable reason (diversity?) she scored a seat in the grand finale Christmas panel, beating out characters like Harriet Dinkle and Ann and Fred Fairgood.
Did Sunday’s strip ring a few recognition bells in long time Crankshaft readers?
Well, it should have.
The Crankshaft/Murdoch family has flip flopped on real vs artificial trees a few times over the last couple decades.
The late aughts were an era of live trees at great cost.
2007
2009
2010
2011
2012
2013
Then…in 2014, an arc on an artificial tree.
This all ended with a strip with some VERY FAMILIAR artwork.
I guess a couple years later, in 2016, they’d reinvested in fake.
And early in the Davis era, in 2018, another new artificial tree. And Pam is the one who throws a fit over fakery, despite a few years earlier championing the idea. I’ll let the continuity error slide this time, as the jokes in the arc are at least smirk worthy.
But I guess nostalgia won out again by 2020.
I’ve gotten a real tree ever since I moved out on my own, usually white pine, though I’ve also paid top dollar for some frasier furs. My mom has a three piece artificial tree she’s used ever since my sister scored a husband allergic to pine.
Son of Stuck Funky 