Epicus Doomus

Unbearable

Thanks Jan Murdoch John Darling for reminding us that this isn’t one of those “gag-a-day” strips she’s normally associated with. No, this is Funky Winkerbean, the comic strip with a dark sense of loss, heartbreak and dread that hangs over absolutely everything all the time, every day. Note how Jessica, a true Westviewian, is actually amused by her mother’s ongoing pain, cracking a weary and knowing smirk because after living in Les Moore’s house for those few years, she gets it. As we all do.

When I titled my post last Saturday I never thought he’d actually feature a “dream house”. Color me mildly amused. Something appears to be taking shape here and if it holds true to form it’ll be every bit as lame as anyone imagined. Video tapes…the perfect way to keep those long dead characters alive after you’ve bumped them off for spite or easy attention. Watching Jessica trying to piece together a “mystery” that every single FW reader solved within a hundredth of a second is still sort of funny but increasingly less so with each passing panel.

And speaking of panels…a two paneler on a Tuesday? For shame, Tombat, for shame. Too little story for six full days again, eh? Always a bad sign when he’s resorting to padding this early in the week.

Rudeness IS Hereditary

jess

Link To Today’s Strip

Ah yes, the attic (they pronounce that as “bat-ick” in the mid-central Ohio valley, BTW)…where a Westviewian goes when they need to solve a mystery about or shed light upon a character who died many years ago. Of course John Darling didn’t expect to die so soon so his archives are probably a lot less thorough than Lisa’s were, but in any event it’s a safe bet that he left an explanation for his moronic last words in some sort of easily readable or watchable form.

Pretty classless how Jessica blithely shoves aside the widow John Darling (still in deep mourning if the black flowers are any indication) in her zeal to crack the mystery she’s been pondering for an hour or so now. Boy, is she easily distracted or what? I hope we get to see Boy Lisa’s reaction when Jessica reveals how she shot zero minutes of footage and spent the day fooling around in her parent’s attic while he slaved over a hot pizza app all day AND took care of that undeniably doomed baby while she was running around trying to solve rather obvious mysteries. He’ll probably be so angry he’ll barely able to break a smirk.

I could help but laugh at Batom’s helpful panel one recap, as if we needed a refresher after watching Funky take a three AM leak. We remember, Tom, even if you do not.

Thought Provoking AND Sensitive

Link To Today’s Strip

FUNKY WINKERBEAN IS A REALITY-BASED COMIC STRIP THAT DEPICTS CONTEMPORARY ISSUES AFFECTING YOUNG ADULTS IN A THOUGHT-PROVOKING AND SENSITIVE MANNER.

I guess TheAuthor needed a break after all that Plantman “action”. Thus a Sunday strip featuring Funky waking up in the middle of the night to urinate. That’s just swell.

FUNKY WINKERBEAN IS A REALITY-BASED COMIC STRIP THAT DEPICTS CONTEMPORARY ISSUES AFFECTING YOUNG ADULTS IN A THOUGHT-PROVOKING AND SENSITIVE MANNER.

These Sunday strips are all so drab and gloomy-looking, which fits the subject matter I suppose. He really outdid himself with capturing Funky’s all-around sad-sackishness though. He’s the world’s youngest elderly man, a fifty year old trapped inside a ninety year old body.

FUNKY WINKERBEAN IS A REALITY-BASED COMIC STRIP THAT DEPICTS CONTEMPORARY ISSUES AFFECTING YOUNG ADULTS IN A THOUGHT-PROVOKING AND SENSITIVE MANNER.

Sure it is, sure it is.

Barbie’s Scheme Louse

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“I love Barbie forever”…hmmmm, I wonder what THAT could possibly mean? We can rule out the possibility that JD was an avid Barbie collector, as everyone knows that Ohioians only collect comic books. There is no “Barbie” anywhere in FW lore as far as I know and the only character that even remotely resembles Barbie is…oh, I get it now. Pretty lame.

So will Jessica figure this out on her own or will someone have to explain it to her? I’m guessing the latter, as he’s going to have to drag this out for another week (at least) somehow. Plus it’d be very much in character considering that she’s a documentary film maker who left her equipment in a bag during the most compelling conversation she’s had with anyone in decades. He’ll likely have Boy Lisa or her mother John Darling’s wife Jan explain things to her while burying that “documentary” idea under so much sap and schmaltz it’ll never be heard from again. Then they will no doubt celebrate over some pizza while saying “John Darling” many times.

Still, all in all those are some pretty sorry last words. Pretty sorry “plot twist” too, but that’s to be expected. If he wanted to do a story about JD’s mysterious last words, why didn’t he just start with that instead of hacking away for two weeks establishing a premise he then just ignored? I mean last Saturday he did a whole silent strip featuring a nervous Jessica unloading equipment from her car, equipment she never even used. So why bother with the film premise at all? He could have just had Plantman send her a letter or something. It’s just so confounding and baffling (and stupid).

He Who Must Not Be Named (And He Who Always Must Be)

Link To Today’s Strip

I think I know who Plantman is talking about here. He’s referring to that smug, annoying, destestable and loathsome bearded dick with ears who first made it fashionable to use John Darling’s entire name every single time John Darling gets a mention. I f*cking hate that guy and his f*cking books.

So finally we’re almost maybe possibly almost near the “big reveal” where we find out what John Darling’s long-lost last words were. Even though this arc was orginally about something else entirely, but hey, something’s possibly about to happen and that in and of itself is noteworthy. If it’s anything like the rest of this arc (and the entire strip in general) I’m sure it’ll be absolutely gripping and emotionally devastating. And by that I mean cripplingly stupid and woefully unfunny. But you all already knew that.

And here’s hoping that after Plantman shreds Jessica’s remaining ~~delusions about~~ belief in her father (?) perhaps she could drop by Batom Inc. World HQ and shred any remaining arcs that involve John Darling. That would be a far more worthy waste of her time, unlike this idiotic film scheme of hers which is clearly going nowhere. After this arc, I feel she owes us at least that much.