Author: oddnoc

Jarrnalism

I don’t know how to break this to you, but in today’s strip, nobody smirks. Les, however, spills the beans, lets the cat out of the bag, and otherwise squeals like a stoolpigeon, revealing his ethical depths in a single panel. BanTom’s star journalist loses her composure, because Mason Jarr ZOMG!!!!! Her only question is “WHAT!!?” I’ll try to help Cindy out with this:

A refresher on the W questions for Cindy.
A refresher on the W questions for Cindy.

Because you’d think a former national news anchor, who presumably has interviewed stars, presidents, prime ministers, and kings, wouldn’t be overawed by the mere mention of a B-grade movie actor. “Wimmen, amirite?” thinks BanTom, as he imagines himself rounding the bases of a tiny baseball diamond.

Cindy’s ambush interview

In today’s strip, the background has been transformed into a wall of generalised human flesh.

And theres no sign of Sniffy the Homunculus from yesterday.
And there’s no sign of Sniffy the Homunculus from yesterday.

One can only assume that the background has just awoken from uneasy dreams. “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” screams the background as it awakes with a start. “I’ve been transformed into a featureless wall of flesh.”

As for the action, Cindy channels some amalgam of Edward R. Murrow and Mike Wallace—who am I kidding?—she reaches deep into her rich background as a journalist, and pulls out a legalistic trick right out of the 4th grade playground. Oh? You promised not to say anything? That’s fine; just write it on this napkin. As Les demurs, I tried to come up with other techniques for her to suggest:

  • tweet it
  • sing it like a Broadway show tune
  • jungle drums
  • tap it out in Morse code on the table
  • smoke signals
  • semaphore!
  • let’s play charades
  • perform it as interpretive dance
  • send me a singing telegram
  • something… Hey, wait a minute!

Why is Cindy in Westview—in Montoni’s of all places—on a weekday? Shouldn’t she be in Cleveland anchoring the news? Why is Les not at work? Shouldn’t he be at the high school making teenagers hate literature? It’s like BanTom is the issue of some unholy DNA experiment involving The Two Eds: Bulwer-Lytton and Wood.

The one with a homunculus

Take a close look at Les in panel 3 of today’s strip!

Les winces as a homunculus sniffs his hair
Les winces as a homunculus sniffs his hair

Turning guy-in-the-background into homonculus-in-the-foreground is my contribution to the writing in this week’s arc. I’ve foreseen the future, and—let me tell you—it’s going to be a slog this week. Brace yourselves, because we’re spending the whole week inside Montoni’s.

On the other hand, this will almost happen:

Cindy: Les, why are you always such a douche? Les: Eh, it suits me.
Cindy: Les, why are you always such a douche? Les: Eh, it suits me.

We’ll also dig deep into Cindy’s journalistic bag of tricks, and the depth of Les’s moral integrity. But that’s all for the future of this slow, slow week. Because—don’t get me wrong!—it won’t be interesting, and there will be disappointment a-plenty for us, the reading audience.