$$$Westview Oncologist$$$
April 10, 2013 at 9:09 am
Let’s play “The Price is Right”. How much do you think the dollar amount is on this douchebag’s check?
Well, if it’s enough to pay a year’s tuition at Kent times two, it’s gotta be at least $18,692. “Ann also says I get to write the first script.” I’m pretty sure that Ann says that just to mollify your massive ego, which will then be crushed once “the producers in Hollywood” bring in some real scriptwriters to do the job.
Son of Stuck Funky 
Um, Division I basketball scholarship, anyone?
I foresee an interminable arc wherein Less annoys the Evil Hollywood Types with his endless “helpful” suggestions: “No, Lisa didn’t make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich like THAT!”
Oh boy, Les gets to write a movie script! Now to find some actors and actresses who can do “wry” and who aren’t afraid of a little wordplay here and there. I can’t wait to see how this all turns out…oh yeah, she dies at the end. Never mind.
Jimmy – I think Kayla is talking about hormone therapy before the girls’ transformation is complete.
“Last [script] I wrote was about Okies in the Dust Bowl…When it reached the screen, the whole thing played on a torpedo boat.” ~William Holden in Sunset Boulevard
Here’s hoping when Lisa’s Story: The Movie finally makes it to film, it’s been transformed into something much more palatable.
Maybe the girls are walk-ons for the Lady Golden Flashes? This makes no sense at all considering how they were jonesing for a scholarship offer last year.
KSU is $18,848 per year per student with room and board…..BUT supergirls did get BB scholarships….right?
Batyuck has a mega-ego being displayed through his Avatar…more or less.
Thinking about the girls is nice, but Les has an idea for spending the money that pales in comparison.
Cayla: “Wow! So you already have a completed showcase script registered with the Writer’s Guild of America? And you’ve contacted the Copyright Office, right?”
Les: “…the what of WHAT now?”
Cayla: “…um, Les, you DO have several…even just a few correctly formatted, completed, polished works to submit to the studio right away, right? To establish your credentials and protect your work?”
Les: “….b-but…I WROTE A BOOK ABOUT JOHN DARLING!”
Cayla: “….Les….”
Les: “Lisa would have supported me WITHOUT questioning me! How dare you undermine me! WAAAAAAHHHH! Why couldn’t you have just been HAPPY about the MONEY?!? WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”
(Les sobs brokenly, gobs of tears. )
Cayla: *face palm*
We all know Tom Batiuk reads the site. That’s why we had the Fairgoods touring the old neighborhood following Les’ wedding–Mr. Batiuk’s plans for Lisa’s role fell victim to the snark generated here.
I myself made the particularly nauseating suggestion that Cayla turn to Les and say, “You know who should get the first dance.” Then Les would be off on the dancefloor, twirling around with Lisa, while everyone in the wedding party beamed with pleasure at this bittersweet sight.
Sorry for the revolting image, but if I had anything to do with stopping it, it brings my accomplishments in this life up to one.
If I may make a second, sickening prediction, regarding the present arc…
It is decided to shoot the movie in Westview, for authenticity. Les is hired as adviser. While they quickly find their Lisa, a suitable actor for Les is difficult to find. It seems that none of the candidates have the sufficient selfless regard for Lisa that is so vital to the story.
And then, the director and producers approach Les: how would he feel about assuming the role? After some consideration (perhaps a visit to the park bench), Les accepts.
We then see the movie being shot, with Les and the actress duplicated in the next frame with Les and Lisa re-enacting their lives. At the end of production, Les is applauded and asked if he’d like to consider acting as a career. He’d say something witty, like “Film is a wonderful art. It helps us make old memories young again.”
Sorry for the above. If my presenting it here helps to keep it from coming to pass, it may have just been worth it.
If you’ll excuse me, I have to wash my hands.
As others have suggested, Slumber and Karnaleesha are on full scholarship to K*nt State. So that means the tuition is paid for, right? So what will that check really pay for? D batteries!
Hey-oh!
@BeckoningChasm – I really do wonder if he reads this site. Sometimes it feels like he does. To be honest, it would shock me if he did… it would take a very strong stomach.
Unrelated, but panels 1 and 2 show that it’s been so long since Cayla truly smiled that even trying BREAKS HER FACE.
No. Just. No.
Les battling against the Evil Hollywood Types to keep the screenplay clean and pure to preserve his pristine verbiage regarding Lisa’s horrific decline into death at the hands of Masky McDeath of the Small Town Dinner Theater?
I predict: Hurting. Deep Hurting. Deep, Deep Hurting.
Seriously. Gird thy loins, stout snarkers. Seriously.
He gets to write the first script! Woo hoo! Non-ironic Flunky Fans high fiving each other! He should also audition the cast and direct! Woo hoo! Because any cartoonist writer douchebag who has never written or directed a movie can do it, amiright?
Money! Glory! Fame! BatSuck never had it, but his character will. He can carry a briefcase full of Hollywood Les strips wherever he goes, on those rare occasions when he leaves his mom’s attic, and say, “See this handsome, successful guy? I created him. I’d say he’s doing pretty darn well, huh?”
So Keishter and Scummer only got scholarships that lasted one year? Man, KSU really does suck.
So, I guess next week’s High School English class assignment will be “read this book and adapt it into a screenplay”.
The day after I give TB some credit for remembering continuity (no US mail since the Post Office closure) he revokes Summer and/or Keisha’s scholarships.
Talk about living up to expectations.
Great, the most hated man in the history of comics gets a story line where he gets even more full of himself.
The only reason Les gets to write the script is because even the hacky interns down at CME turned down the assignment as being beneath them.
I might be wrong, but …
I believe that TB has a strip running in the Daily Kent Stater, called Kent Staite, which is sort of like Gil Thorp, but not really of course because that might be infringing. Kent Staite is the saga of the all-sport head coach at Kent State, the students who play for him, and their lives and troubles. The current supercouple in the strip are the aptly named hot baskeball prospects, Keisha and Summer. The big storyline of the winter saw them, frustrated by their team’s lack of success, decide to cash in on their shortcomings and work with some gamblers to shave points. They were caught and very, very quietly had their scholarships pulled, lest the scandal mar the school’s reputation. You are all reading this spin-off strip, right?
(Honestly, am I the last one to notice that Keisha and Summer went to Kent State?)
“Ann says I get to write the FIRST script”
Key word: FIRST.
These producers already know this turkey will need to passed from writer to writer in a desperate attempt to make sense of Les’ god-awful prose.
When it reaches it’s 56th re-write the only thing familiar will be that the main protagonists name will be Lisa.
Right, because Hollywood studios always have someone who has zero experience in writing movie scripts writing the first draft. That always happens.
Beanie Wanker, they don’t need D batteries: they have each other.
I love Cayla’s expression in panel 1. We gone stack paper off that bitch’s death!!!
Khan!! Thanks TFH. Love the WOW, too.
You know, one might begin to suspect that there’s a reason for this, that recent events in the high school where both characters work–levy failure, (invisible, nameless) colleagues laid off–would be followed by a big windfall for a jerk whose kids already possess full-ride scholarships, would be leading to some sort of conflict when Les needs to donate his profits, or realizes how much taxes he now owes, or at the least would have gotten this after it’s been established that the kids have lost their scholarships.
One would suspect that if one had not read FW long enough to know there is no possible connection between story lines.
This is bad. This is awful. Already his Afro-whatever wife is spending his royalty and ordering him about. Maybe that’s SOP for TB. But not in my world view! Feh!
This storyline would be better if Lifetime or Hallmark actually were making a “Lisa’s Story” movie. A weepy love story bookend-ed by the “third act” husband and father might actually work on the mope-and-sob circuit.
But after a week of jokes about why the screenplay hasn’t been written yet, we’ll be moving on to funky getting summer air in his tires.
S.P. Charles sez: “Beanie Wanker, they don’t need D batteries: they have each other.”
Two words: Power Strap-ons.
Beanie, on one hand I’m tempted to ask if those really exist, while on the other hand I don’t think I really want to know.
“Or, it could put just Summer through her sophomore and junior years! What? Why are you looking at me like that?”