“Yeah, John really supports me during marching band season.” Bullshit. Unless by “supports me” you mean “complains to our friends about our nonexistent sex life“. When have we ever seen John lift a finger to “support” her, during marching band season or any other time? He can barely support himself: he runs a business that discourages casual shoppers and is not accessible by the disabled, he turned down a chance to acquire valuable inventory, and his store serves as a clubhouse for local misfits.
Tag: Christmas
Bells are Ring-ing
Wishing a Merry Christmas and a Funky New Year to my readers and especially to my guest authors: DavidO, Epicus Doomus, Beckoning Chasm and Oddnoc!
Oh, Wally, you romantic fool. As if presenting Rachel with an I.O.U. for an engagement ring last summer near the gazebo wasn’t sweet enough…On Christmas Day , handing the ring in its box to your intended with a “Here you go”…instead of getting on one knee, or putting the ring on her finger. And then grinning like a dope at the prospect of never having to buy another thing for Rachel for the rest of your lives together.
Principals of Pizza
Here’s a rather unusual Christmas Eve tradition that comes out of nowhere: serving Westview’s homeless a sumptuous Christmas dinner…of pizza. Yellow pizza, pepperoni not optional. Would it kill Funky to put out a tray of eggplant parm, and maybe a nice salad?
May I ask my veterans and service people in the audience: does Cory have to wear his uniform while he’s home on leave? Did he leave any civilian clothes in his bedroom, or just his comic book collection?
Holly for Nothing and Your Smirks for Free
Just how far did they go to get that Christmas tree? It was nighttime when Cory surprised his ‘rents at the tree lot. Now as they bring the tree inside it appears to be daytime. I’m also wondering if this is the first time in forty-one Funky years that Holly’s name has been used in a Christmas-y pun.
When What to My Wondering Eyes Should Appear
So Batiuk’s annual e-card showing Funky and Ed Crankshaft fighting over the last tree in the lot was just a mere bit o’ whimsy. While I’m a sucker for those heartwarming “Soldier on leave surprises family” videos, all I keep thinking about when I see today’s strip is camo-clad Cory, newly minted killing machine, stealthily stalking his parents between rows of Douglas firs, waiting, just waiting for the right moment to make his presence known…
Son of Stuck Funky 
