Westview High School – Page 107

Think Globally, Act Not at All

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In a town full of miserable schmucks, there is no one who despises his lot in life more than science teacher Jim Kablichnik. Back in Act II, Jim seemed to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I can recall some strips with him sharing some theories with fellow faculty members that made him sound like he was ready for a tinfoil hat. Batiuk seems to have taken him off that track (although Jim occasionally presents some OCD traits), and instead uses Jim as a vehicle to express his own opinions on intelligent design and climate change. Lately however, Mr. Kablichnik just lives for snow days. He is frankly the best argument I’ve heard against tenure.

Date-Les

See: Les was so used to rejection that he didn’t even hear Lisa accept his invitation to the prom. We liked nerdy, self-conscious, pocket-protector totin’ Les back then. These days, he’s so full of himself that he regales rooms full of strangers with his boring and tragic life story. These days, Les is an insufferable prick.

Strictly Personal

Why must Cayla answer Nate’s question with one of her own? Is she covering for Les? Is Nate supposed to not know that Les is out flogging his book? Could it be that last time Nate inquired of Cayla about Les’ whereabouts, she caught hell from the Grounded One for spilling the beans?

Awe-Sum'

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The She-Goats take practice in the dimly lit gym. Keisha, who of course must be double-covered, passes the ball to her bestie. Smilin’ Summer goes to the net a-a-a-a-n-n-n-nd…cut to the gobsmacked expressions on the faces of everyone in the room. Coach Bushka spits out his whistle. Summer, who less than two years ago was moaning that her game *@#s, has dunked the ball! And she’s only a ~~sophomore~~ ~~junior~~ white girl! Coach: how about splitting up your two superstars when you scrimmage? Better yet: just play Summer and Keisha against the other teams. With their mad skills, the two of them alone could easily make Our Lady of the Cedars look like the Washington Generals.

ADHD A.D.

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Oh thank God we are out of that pizza parlor. Would that we could get away from The Grounded One as well. His star trip on hold for the moment, Les has time for a koffee klatch with his dysfunctionally-married co-workers Linda and Bull Bushka. Les’ casual greeting to Bull is met with a disjointed string of coachspeak non-sequiturs; it’s like those creepy Bing “search overload” commercials. Having tasted the spotlight after the Scapegoats ended their 20-year football losing streak vs. Big Walnut Tech, Bull wants to be ready for the media swarm that’s sure to accompany the defending state champs of girls’ basketball. He really should just concentrate on sitting at the table without spilling coffee all over himself.