Christmas Eve of Destruction

Well, readers, here at last is the payoff: Les ignored her pleas, so Lisa’s Ghost escalated matters and violated laws that would land a living person in federal prison. I haven’t flown in years, but I’m wondering, in the event of an “anonymous phony bomb threat,” if:

  • passengers would remain on the plane “for a couple of hours“, and
  • mechanics would be dispatched to look for explosives outside the plane.

(…maybe it was a very explicit threat: “…there’s a bomb on the plane…next to the trunnion mount on the left engine…”)

And file under “quarter inch removed from real life”: the guy with the clipboard can’t grasp how some nut would threaten the safety of airline passengers on Christmas Eve? Unthinkable! I guess we can blame TB’s fatuousness on his year-in-advance production schedule: the world hadn’t yet heard of the Undie Bomber when this strip was drawn.

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0 responses to “Christmas Eve of Destruction

  1. la gata loca

    On the first day of Christmas,
    Tom Batiuk gave to me,

    A Zombie Lisa by the Christmas Tree,

    On the second day of Christmas,
    Tom Batiuk gave to me,

    Two Minivans,

    On the third day of Christmas,
    Tom Batiuk gave to me,

    Three mugs of chocolate,

    On the fourth day of Christmas,
    Tom Batiuk gave to me,

    Four comic books,

    On the fifth day of Christmas,
    Tom Batiuk gave to me,


    On the sixth day of Christmas,
    Tom Batiuk gave to me,

    Six cheesy pizzas,

    On the seventh day of Christmas,
    Tom Batiuk gave to me,

    Seven Lester-groupies,

    On the eigth day of Christmas,
    Tom Batiuk gave to me,

    Eight missing characters,

    On the nineth day of Christmas,
    Tom Batiuk gave to me,

    Nine Scapegoat Ladies,

    On the tenth day of Christmas,
    Tom Batiuk gave to me,

    Ten Funky snivelings,

    On the eleventh day of Christmas,
    Tom Batiuk gave to me,

    Eleven prison puppies,

    On the twelfth day of Christmas,
    Tom Batiuk gave to me,

    Twelve Snarkers Snarking!

    Merry Christmas to all you fine snarkers out there! May your holidays be much, much more than a quarter inch removed from that of the Funkyverse.

  2. Epicus Doomus

    Wow-wee, what a pile of Christmas suck-i-tude. Lisa has all these afterlife powers and a “phony bomb threat” was the best solution she could come up with here? I guess she dialed *67 before she called, right? Or maybe she used a pre-paid cell? If she can place all these phone calls from beyond the grave, could she just have directly spoken to a crew member or a mechanic about the problem?

    Oh, silly me. That wouldn’t have been very “realistic”, like the gritty realism on display back when TB killed Lisa in the first place. But whatever, as long as her powers allow her to pop up in the park for chats with “Spanky” or to place prank phone calls and wander around airports inspecting planes, she’ll continue to live on in all our hearts. Or at least in the hearts of the two people (one fictional) who keep digging her up.

  3. David O

    Why would terrorists want to disrupt airline travel on one of the busiest travel days of the year!? Is that seriously a question? Is Terry Gross from NPR helping write this comic?

    This line of thought is so incredibly stupid that I almost can’t read the comic anymore. It’s like talking to someone at a party that you think might be somewhat intelligent and engaging until they suddenly start spouting about how much better America was before the Jews and Arabs and blacks took over; every thing they say past that point and the stuff that pops out of my dog’s butt bear strong resemblances to each other.

  4. S. P. Charles

    So… if Les had listened to Lisa and not boarded the plane, Lisa would have been okay with the plane blowing coming apart in mid-air and killing over a hundred people?

  5. Epicus Doomus

    You could fly ten zeppelins through the holes in this one-ply-thin story, but that’s not important. What mattered here was finding an excuse to get a little more mileage out of Lisa’s corpse and milk it for some cheap Christmas sentimentality before we move on to (hopefully) another arc. But she’ll be back, Lisa never really dies. She’s still the central character of the whole strip. Just call the goddamned thing “Les N’ Lisa” and have Les run around smugly solving the world’s problems with the help of his dead magical wife. Couldn’t be any more pointless than “Crankshaft”, right?

    Hope everyone has a great holiday! Hope you haven’t been naughty or Santa might leave a copy of “Lisa’s Story” in your stocking. And that would be worse than coal for many reasons.

  6. O.B. Dan

    …Look for an unspoken explanation that wraps it all up and answers the questions, and does it all on or before Christmas day. And it’s going to suck.
    Sometimes, I wish I was wrong…the “unspoken explanation” here answers the big question – was that The Ghost Who talks? Apparently, it was. The circumstance necessitating the breach from the beyond is, of course, the cracked trunnion mount. And while she had a working phone -unlike most Funkytown folk – she called in the bomb threat, too, which answers the question of how The Grounded One was, well, grounded, at least for one flight. And it was indeed accomplished in a cliche-burdened story the wrapped it all up before we gather to wish each other Merry Clicheday over a special seasonal pizza done up by Holly (thereby making it seasonal…get it?).

    Story over. Saturday, Funkytown will wish themselves and each other a Merry Christmas, maybe even in one of those one-panel strips so commonly seen on holidays. Sunday, eight panels about cleaning up the post-holiday clutter. And if we’re lucky, next Friday The CW throws another Party From Hell with a scene where Sum’ Mo’ is either finally outed, or knocked up.

    Remember, you heard it here first…


  7. seanman

    OK…why would ZL need to concoct a “phony bomb threat” story?

    How about: “Your mechanics should really check those flimsy trunnion bolts…I’d hate to see the engine fall off and then be required to spend eternity with Spanky…”

  8. And we have closure. Apparently, TB, at some point, watched the Twilight Zone Episode, “Long Distance Call,” and decided that Lisa will now call Les whenever he is in danger. I guess Summer should expect a call before she goes to the prom and Les will get a call just before Susan embarks on her murder-suicide ritual.

  9. sorry guys, but it’s not quite over yet; i have seen the future. one more step down into lameness at least. please let it be the last [for this story arc].

  10. davidorth

    Riffy, I don’t see how tomorrow could possibly be as lame as today– but I’ll take your word for it.

    Wow, I guess Lisa wasn’t feelin’ any love for Funky when he took that final ride in the PT Cruiser. Ya’d think so could give a LITTLE call.

  11. O.B. Dan

    I have als9 tasted the casserole and seen that my call for tomorrow’s “Adventures in Funkyland” overlooked the obvious…hopefully, the annual smarminess will be the end of this story.

  12. Miskatonic Sophomore

    Anonymous phony bomb threat. As opposed to all the phony bomb threats where the bomb threat deliverers give their names and addresses. Or the anonymous genuine bomb threats. Or the…ah, to hell with it.

    Epicus, I would gladly take your “Les’n’Lisa” over what “Funky Winkerbean” has become, or perhaps I should say “decayed into”. “Les’n’Lisa” might actually be kind of fun, you know…kind of like “Hart to Hart” or something, except that the husband is incredibly pompous and smarmy and the wife is a ghost who lives in a telephone.

  13. Sean D.

    The FBI eventually was able to get a trace and piece together the plot by the late Lisa Moore. The authorities dug her up and shipped the body to GitMo where she awaits posthumous trial.

  14. Sgt Saunders

    So it’s been Christmas eve all week. OK, then. Also, someone’s in for a very long investigation. Nevertheless, Merry Christmas and Happy Xdays to all the usual suspects.

  15. billytheskink

    “Holeeee”? What does that mean? I’m familiar with Gomer Pyle but was not aware that he was an airplane mechanic in Houston…

    Also, TB was aware of the Undie Bomber a full year and a half before anyone else was.

  16. John

    Personally, I’m wondering if the TZ episode being ripped off is “Ring-A-Ding Girl”.