Infinit-Les-imal

File today’s strip under Pisses Me Off: a whole stupid week of Les fretting over what “that Hollywood producer” might do to his masterpiece. When at last Les grudgingly concedes to allow his book to be optioned, Ann tells him what many of you have been pointing out all week…that just because your book’s been optioned, doesn’t mean the movie will ever see the light of day.

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  1. i actually have to say, i’m pretty happy this week was capped off this way.

    Apple Annie boxed his ears with a smattering of reality. Les is left with an utterly deflated smirk.

    yup, all things considered, this was pretty satisfactory for me.

  2. And Apple Annie wouldn’t have explained this to him in the first place, why? I guess she’s as crappy an agent as he is an author.

  3. S.P. Charles

    KarMann, Annie might have just assumed that Les wasn’t a total moron and wouldn’t need to have this explained to him. Would any professional writer not know this?

  4. Epicus Doomus

    Remember, Les didn’t even bother to get any details from his agent about this “option” deal. He IMMEDIATELY scampered off to the park to cry to Lisa about his weird, stupid delusions. In his warped mind, “Hollywood” was already fully planning on taking a huge dump all over “Lisa’s Story”, that was his only “reservation” or “thought”. What a detestable little sap.

    So all this was just another cheesy infomercial to remind us that “Lisa’s F’n Story” is still a thing. What a load of sheer wankery. Like Les, Batom considers “Lisa’s F’n Story” to be the absolute pinnacle of his life and/or art and he’ll never, ever let us forget it. He does this all the time: he takes a premise that actually has some mild comedic potential and pointlessly lets it die on the vine. All that just to pump that goddamned book again.

  5. Jeffcoat Wayne

    Don’t hold back, Ann — tell Les what you’re really thinking.

  6. Of course, considering that LISA’S STORY was published by a rinky-dink university publisher, and Les went on a tour to promote it, I have to consider the chance of the book becoming a movie are pretty darn good.

  7. sourbelly

    Les, here’s a suggestion. Tell “Holl[y]wood” to go eff itself. Have Jessica film “Lisa’s Story.” I mean, who the hell cares about her dead dad anyway? That book never got any traction. So, Les, obviously you’ll play the lead role as yourself. Get Sue-icide girl to play Lisa. (That way, there will be all sorts of wacky love triangle sexual tension between Sue and Cayla, focusing on you and your artsy studliness). As for the extras, Montoni’s has all you’d ever need and far more! And, yeah, have Summer get her AV Club geek friends to shoot it in 3-D, to sort of justify her weak wordplay from a week or so ago! Come on, Les, you can do it! And do not ever stop rocking the red zipper-jacket thing and the yellow shirt!

  8. Confuzzled by Funky

    Wow anticlimactic. Ok…let’s jump ahead a month or two and here is the next phone and park bench montage.

    Phone rings…
    Les: Hello
    Cayla: Hi it’s me, I’m late.
    L: Huh, what do you mean late?
    Cay: Les I’m pregnant and your the father.
    L: (silence) o.k., I must go now. (hangs phone up)
    Darrin: What’s up?
    Jessica: Why so glum?
    L: I must go now and clear my head.
    Les is now in park talking with Lisa…
    Les: Lisa, Cayla’s late, would should I do?
    Lisa: Les, I’m so over you, afterlife is great, man up and congrats.
    Les: Noooo, don’t go…
    Lisa: Honesty I’m surprised, I know the experience for her was not great, now she’s carrying your child! Great job Les!
    Les: (mutters incoherently) I must go now…

  9. O.B. Dan

    This is a classic Batiuk “The End, To Be Continued.”

    The past week was a nice way to bring The Ghost Who Talks back into the picture, lest we lose our focus on who’s really the only woman in Les’ life. And it gave us a little mini-chapter in “Tales of Funkytown, starring Les Moore” that can stand pretty well by itself.

    And that’s what it’s going to do, until it’s time to revisit this street on the way to The Grand Finale. Remember, Apple annie fluffed off any chance of there ever actually being a movie called “Lisa’s Story” with a sneering remark about the possibility of such thing being “infinitesimal.”

    You know what that means. It’s a done deal. Remember, this is the same strip where, ironically enough, the same woman who made the remark sat on the lost manuscript we thought we’d never see again (assuming we remembered it at all).

    One step closer…

  10. Jeffcoat Wayne

    The chances of Les’s book being turned into a movie: infinitesimal.

    The stomach disease you’ll develop after watching such a movie: intestinal.

  11. John

    My own guess: Tom had already written about two week’s worth of strips for this arc before he bothered to do any research. And, upon finding out that an “option” is far, FAR from a guarantee that a film adaptation will be made, did he decide to go back and revise his strips?

    HECK NO. He decided to go head and making it the capping “gag”, in his own mind it’s the final, DEVASTATING indictment of how MORALLY BANKRUPT “Hollywood” is compared to the brilliance and honesty that is Les Moore, the Wise Author ™.

    Meanwhile, to those of us in the real world, it’s just another shaggy dog story.

  12. John

    By the way, if any last panel ever needed a “Loser Horns” soundtrack….

    “Les, an option only means they might want to consider putting it into development and don’t want someone else to buy it. Ya dummy.”

    Horns: *WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAAH*

  13. Dr. D.

    @Doug Puthoff, goo is all good in the Funkyverse 🙂

  14. Andrew

    I at least hope Bautik does something more with this story, otherwise this whole week becomes pointless and is essencially a big lipped alligator moment:

  15. Sgt Saunders

    Alright, then, if the chances of “Hollywood” making this “Story of L” movie are, in fact < infinitesimal, then why did anyone even bother to pick up the phone to make the option offer? Why did we spend a week with Les in his own special limbo agonizing over the prospect? And how do I make my voice do this?

  16. Epicus Doomus

    I assume the point was to remind us that “Cancer Book” is still available via Amazon or at a fine book retailer near you. Hurry, supplies are limited.

  17. S. P. Charles

    Well, as stupid as this week’s story is, at least Batiuk brought a storyline to a logical conclusion.

  18. Jeffcoat Wayne

    Epicus Doomus: “I assume the point was to remind us that “Cancer Book” is still available via Amazon or at a fine book retailer near you. Hurry, supplies are limited.”

    Note the special URL that appeared in this week’s strips. I didn’t see it in last week’s strips, I don’t see it in next week’s strips. A crummy commercial! Sonofabitch!

  19. Epicus Doomus

    Ahhh-HA! The ol’ “hide the URL in the margins” trick. This snark brought to you by “Cancer Book”…the book where she dies at the end!

  20. Jeffcoat Wayne

    Batiuk will be displeased. An Amazon book search for “funky cancer” yields 3 results, and only 2 are his.

  21. Well, 6 PM has passed here. And it was all true; I’ve been caught up by the Rapture. I didn’t know they had the Internet here in Heaven!

    Oh, and Lisa says “hi everybody, except for that loony guy I married, what did I ever see in him?”

    (Yes, I dragged the Rapture business into this thread just so I could make a “Lisa says” joke. Deal with it, or go listen some Lou Reed. 😉

  22. David O

    Wow, Annie’s reply was almost Jeffcoat Waynish all by itself! TB *can* be funny!

  23. Jeffcoat Wayne

    Thanks, David, Batiuk must be paying attention and picking up tips on how to do his job correctly!