Tag Archives: Ann Apple

Break BOTH Legs. And the Neck.

Link to today’s childish whim.

“Okay, so like there’s this guy, Les Moore, who’s like totally awesome and cool, but he’s like real sensitive and stuff, and he wrote a book that, like, didn’t have any explosions in it but was still like the best book ever, and everyone thought it was great.  And a bunch of people wanted to make a movie of it, but they didn’t do it right and Les got sad and stopped them.  But then this good guy named Mason, he was a super cool actor and stuff, and he wanted to make the movie, and Les was like, I don’t like this.  But Mason said he’d make sure it was, like, all done the way Les wanted, and he would let Les double make sure so it was all fine, but Les was like, it’s a perfect book, a movie won’t be good at all.   But they let Mason try it, and he made sure it was all just like Les said it should be, and Les would be there the whole time so he could make sure it was done right and there wouldn’t be any mistakes ever.  And everyone like applauded–all the moms, and the dads, the grandpas and mas, all the rotten older brothers and all of the babies and pets, too.”

I’ve said on a number of occasions that this strip is childish.  Well, it’s more than that.  It’s childish in the extreme, but it is plowing headfirst into infantile territory.

Yesterday, Charles said this (excerpted)

[Batiuk is] so desperate for affirmation, for praise, that he devotes strip after strip pleading with his audience to accept his assessment of his own genius.

I agree completely.  Which is why Batiuk has given us panel three, here–it’s an attempt at deflection.  Oh, gee, I’m so humble and I’m really not worthy of all this attention.  I’m…I’m…I’m flawed just like a regular human.  It rings just as falsely now as it did years ago, when Les asked the CME staff for a “cup of hemlock.”

Would that they had given it to him.   What might have been.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

When Time Stands Still

Is this today’s strip or the October 26 strip?! No, it is today’s… and it leaves us in the exact same place we were in October. THE. EXACT. SAME. PLACE.

Masone promises a “shopping agreement”, explains that he has to sell Lisa’s Story to some powers-that-be, assures him of his good intentions and that he is making the right decision by letting Masone pursue this stupid movie thing, Les prepares to wait for the shopping agreement in a snit… scene. It’s the exact same thing we got in October with two exceptions:

One, this week of Masone-wants-to-make-a-Lisa’s-Story-movie strips was preceded by a week of Les and Cayla arguing about whether or not they should fly to California to discuss with Masone the fact that he wants to make a Lisa’s Story movie. We wasted this week on repeating the October scenario PLUS the week of Les and Cayla debating whether to take the stupid trip… the trip that could have been resolved with a 15-minute telephone call!!!

Two, this week ends with the unfortunate promise of future strips in which Les takes Masone around New York for some unbearable Lisa reminiscence, undoubtedly griping all the way.

Misery. Sheer misery.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

How Ya Like Me WOW

I can only imagine how “Wow!” sounds any different from WOW!

Therefore, I imagine Cayla’s “WOW” sounding like the famous sound effect from the Little Rascals:


Filed under Uncategorized

Option is Not a Failure

It’s your agent…” …Ann Apple, whom we’ve not heard from in over a year and a half, which time Les has apparently spent preparing himself for a letdown. Before Apple Annie can even give the reason for her call, he launches into his concession speech. Silly Les!

I’m pleased to announce that this Tuesday, April 9th is Son of Stuck Funky’s third anniversary! Let’s give away a book! Be sure to check back here Tuesday for a chance to win a copy of The Complete Funky Winkerbean, Volume II!


Filed under Uncategorized

Lawyers, Puns and Buddies

Riff Chick
August 2, 2011 at 4:23 pm

so now we can add “Attorney” to the title of Agent/Publicist/Formerly Homeless Woman Apple Annie?

Not so fast there, Riff Chick! TB reserves that honor for real-life New York lawyer Peter Shukat, whose clients include Yoko Ono and the estate of Miles Davis, and whose firm once fired off a very testy Cease and Desist order on behalf of a certain beloved cartoonist.

Comments Off on Lawyers, Puns and Buddies

Filed under Uncategorized

I Am the Eggman

Les has dispensed with the jerky questions and now proceeds to his list of demands: “I want to be able to write the screenplay.” Sure. And maybe you’d like to portray yourself while you’re at it, you egomanic? Ann has no doubt heard such highfalutin’ assumptions before, and quickly puts Les’ formidable ego in check by equating his masterwork with mere henfruit.

Comments Off on I Am the Eggman

Filed under Uncategorized

Lester of the Universe

Today Les continues to waste his agent’s time, asking asinine questions about language that appears in every contract ever written, then capping it off by looking disdainfully at his phone.

Comments Off on Lester of the Universe

Filed under Uncategorized

It's Called "Right" -ing

S.P. Charles
August 1, 2011 at 12:09 am

So we’re going to spend a day on each of Les’s (probably stupid) questions?

If he “gets” the part about movie, TV and theater rights, what’s not to get about electronic media? If you think that we, the readers are in for a rough week, query how Ann Apple must feel, having to entertain Les’ doucheball questions. I, for one, would love to see Lisa’s Story: The Video Game…in 3-D!

Comments Off on It's Called "Right" -ing

Filed under Uncategorized

Legal Padding

Dear snarkers, I’m still out of town today, returning tomorrow…can’t wait to hear your expressions of joy over another week of Les. Have at it!

Comments Off on Legal Padding

Filed under Uncategorized


File today’s strip under Pisses Me Off: a whole stupid week of Les fretting over what “that Hollywood producer” might do to his masterpiece. When at last Les grudgingly concedes to allow his book to be optioned, Ann tells him what many of you have been pointing out all week…that just because your book’s been optioned, doesn’t mean the movie will ever see the light of day.

Comments Off on Infinit-Les-imal

Filed under Uncategorized