Option is Not a Failure

It’s your agent…” …Ann Apple, whom we’ve not heard from in over a year and a half, which time Les has apparently spent preparing himself for a letdown. Before Apple Annie can even give the reason for her call, he launches into his concession speech. Silly Les!

I’m pleased to announce that this Tuesday, April 9th is Son of Stuck Funky’s third anniversary! Let’s give away a book! Be sure to check back here Tuesday for a chance to win a copy of The Complete Funky Winkerbean, Volume II!

28 Comments

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28 responses to “Option is Not a Failure

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Wow, he’s finally re-visiting the movie-book-option arc, the one where Les and Lisa pondered and debated the merits and drawbacks of allowing those sin-peddling Hollywood smut merchants to soil Les’ masterpiece. As I recall, after weeks of aimless, ponderous chatter they came to no decision at all and the arc was quietly dropped…until today!

    So here we are, on the cusp of finding out exactly how long Les can whimper and whine about being conflicted about having to make a decision about his goddamned f*cking cancer book. Again, I have no idea where this is going (although my guess would rhyme with “dark wench”) but I do know there’s no way Les will allow those Beverly Hills sodomites to exploit Her Story for the sake of mere profit, heavens no.

    Ugh, but seriously, now I’m beginning to remember the whole book-tour-signing-publicity arc from a few years back…it was a brutal few months. All Les, all the time, all centering around that f*cking book. See, this is why you never, ever question why Les hasn’t been around or why it seems as if he’s not featured as much anymore…he’s always there, lurking, ready to strike at any time with one of his interminable Lisa stories. What a dick.

  2. Yaoi Huntress Earth

    I’m calling for Lisa’s Story being made into a film. Here’s some potential ideas…

    -Susan makes a comeback by auditioning and winning the role of Lisa.
    -Les get partial/full creative control and turns into a diva/control freak.
    -The arc becomes a rant about Hollywood phoniness and their hate of “serious art.”

  3. Jimmy

    Michael Patterson called and said this storyline is hackneyed.

  4. Jeffcoat Wayne

    As we’ve asked many times before: Who answers a phone call like this? “What up, Bitch?”, while certainly douchebaggery in its own right, is apparently not long-winded enough for Les, who must make sure anyone who calls him instantly regrets doing so. No wonder we never see Annie make a house call. Oh yeah — and it’s been so long since the subject of Les’s movie option was brought up, I forgot I was supposed to care it was ever a thing.

  5. Señor Tortilla

    “We like it, but think it’s too schmaltzy. It’s going to be an action-comedy flick starring Sylvester Stallone and Halle Berry!”

  6. DOlz

    @Yaoi Huntress Earth, “-Les get partial/full creative control and turns into a diva/control freak.”

    Turns into a diva/control freak?!?! When has he been anything else since TB made him a chronological adult.

  7. O.B. Dan

    Happy third anniversary, everybody,and thanks, TFH, for keeping this going as well as you have.

    I’m calling for Lisa’s Story being made into a film. Here’s some potential ideas…

    -Susan makes a comeback by auditioning and winning the role of Lisa.
    -Les get partial/full creative control and turns into a diva/control freak.
    -The arc becomes a rant about Hollywood phoniness and their hate of “serious art.”

    Three out of four ain’t bad. Yes, it’s going to be a movie, as the call indicates; yes, Les is going to be a genuine diva and control freak, and become a real mangina; and the rant kinda goes with the diva.

    But SWS in the lead role? Nope. Unless there is a Grand Finale that Batiuk found I had predicted, and after denying it would happen, finally makes it happen, she is gone. She had, and still has, the potential to be the one to wrap it all up (remember, there was a time when skanky knocked-up Lisa was all but forgotten), but not in “Lisa’s Story,” which was written by the same anal retentive who wrote a book about John Darling.

  8. J.R. Clark

    Why can’t Les’ creepy stalker (looking at you, Susan) show the same kind of initiative as John Darling’s? Now THAT’S a movie I would pay to see, Batiuk, you son of a bitch!!!

  9. Sgt Saunders

    Yes, Lisa’s Story…with a very special guest appearance by Ron Jeremy as Tony, the Van Man….

  10. Helskor

    Wait, last week one of Crankshaft’s alter kaker friends said there was a movie director scouting for locations in Centerville. Is this the beginning of the long-threatened Lisa’s Story II FW-Crankshaft crossover arc?

  11. Panel two is like a master class in how not to write exposition.

  12. Flummoxicated

    I know someone whose book was recently turned into a movie. I can’t wait to see how wrong Batiuk is going to get this.

    Happy anniversary, SOSF! The banner image illustrates perfectly why we come together to snark.

  13. $$$Westview Oncologist$$$

    Batiuk..you really need to keep up with events…..April Fool’s was last week!!

  14. BeckoningChasm

    So, I guess it really was the power of smugness that stopped all that bullying, yes? Once again Tom Batiuk just drops a storyline when it ceases to interest him, well before it even begins to interest any of us.

    I’ve seen archives of the previous book-into-movie arc, and they contain some of the most asinine writing I’ve ever seen in Funky Winkerbean. For this strip, that’s really an accomplishment. Is it wrong for me to say I’m actually looking forward to this new arc, solely because I know it will inspire the SOSF to new heights?

  15. Professor Fate

    AHHHHHHHH!!!!! The Movie!!!!
    Of all the fantasy Mary Sue aspects of Les’s literary carreer that anybody would make a movie out of “whiny self absorbed professional married to even whiner and more self absorbed professional gets cancer and dies oh yes she finds lost son she gave up for adoption.” unless they were going to make a black comedy, it simply beggers the imagination that this plot line even exists.

    as a side note – while Batuik thinks Les expecting the worst all the time is somehow an endearing trait – at this stage it’s anoying as since Lisa died life has done nothing but scatter rose pedals at Les’s feet (and that’s assuming Lisa dying was a bad thing for Les) – book publishied, new wife, daughter wins champoinship, and now movie option picked up, it’s all been high times for Les. So his expecting life whup him upside the head is there days simply the whine of an completely self absorbed crybaby who will never get enough. Endearing this ain’t. Batuik just a hint – Chaplin’s little tramp was always the optomist even when things were at their worst (as in eating his shoe in the Gold Rush)- Charlie Brown was always tying to kick the football, his continual attempts to suceed in the face of constant failure made him funny and sad and endearing. Les’s woe is me act in the face of constant sucess makes you want to slap him.

  16. The Dreamer

    Its a low budget studio picking up the option on Lisa’s Story, because Lindsay Lohan is desperate for a starring role and is going to play Lisa.

    Les is going to hate it when he finds the script has been re-written by Lohan’s management to include sex scenes, and to change the ending. The new ending has Lisa beating cancer and lives, and she dumps Les for some young stud. Then it is Les that dies in the ending when he gets hit by a bus.

  17. Duane

    Perhaps the movie will have a helicopter crash on to the set, a la “Twilight Zone”, and kill Les.

  18. Andrew

    Oh boy, I was wondering with trepidation if The Other Shoe was going to drop anytime for this arc (you see what I did there?).

    I can’t wait to see what Tom knows about the production of books into films, after his treatment of book tours.

  19. Jim C

    Maybe it’s a thing in Westview, but most people put the phone against their ear to hear, not against the parietal bone in their skull. No wonder he began having a conversation with himself.

  20. bad wolf

    Still waiting on Les’ next book, Roses in December (as seen on the KSU mural). I used to think–ha,ha–that it would be about finding a second chance at love with Cayla. Oh my sides…

  21. Brazos

    I’m hoping it’s porn studio that’s picking up the option. That’s the only way anything Les writes could be interesting.

  22. John

    Today’s strip makes no sense at all.

    1) Les was TERRIFIED that Hollywood would ruin his perfect, precious book. Them dropping the option would then most likely PLEASE him, eh Tom?

    2) Les got paid a lot of money for the option. Now, if they had allowed the option to lapse, there’s nothing to say they might not renew it in the future, or that Anne couldn’t shop it around to other studios and production companies. And, all it would mean is that Les GETS MORE MONEY, no matter WHAT they decide!

    This is a win-win scenario! There’s no WAY Les could or should be depressed about this! Tom isn’t paying attention to his own stories! Again!

  23. John

    By the way, in said year and a half, we have yet to have an actual name for the mysterious “Hollywood Buyer”…neither a person nor a company name.

    Tom -really- doesn’t want to create new characters, does he?

  24. Señor Tortilla

    Oh please don’t let this be the “coda” BatHead’s been hinting at. The only way it could better from this point is it’s Cayla yanking Goatee Boy’s chain.

  25. Epicus Doomus

    For those of you who may have missed it, here’s a brief recap of the legendary movie-book-option-launch arc (as I remember it):

    Les threw a big book-launch party at Montoni’s to celebrate the publication of his fictional book that’s based on the real-life book of the same name. Then he went on a book signing tour, where he was forced to deal with the unwashed public, as well as insensitive radio talk show hosts. Then he was stuck at the airport before the holidays and would have died in a plane crash if Lisa hadn’t called him on the white courtesy phone to warn him. Then Hollywood made him an offer. He couldn’t decide what to do so he scooted off to the park to see what Lisa thought about the whole thing. Then he couldn’t “get over” Lisa for a while, but after Cayla had some rainy day sex with him the whole matter was quietly dropped. This sounds like a very busy FW arc; however bear in mind this all took place over the course of like five months or so. Which brings you completely up to date. You’re welcome.

  26. Epicus, outstanding job! That’s what I’d call, to paraphrase the late Mets announcer Bob Murphy, an “unhappy recap”!

  27. Epicus Doomus

    Thanks TF. The UN-happiest recap, actually.

  28. Beanie Wanker

    What “option?”

    What’s “Lisa’s Story?” And which one is Lisa?

    Has any of this ever come up before?