Tag Archives: Ann Apple

Could Be a Movie Deal Here. Or Not.

May 10, 2011 at 5:50 pm

…See, an option (despite what Tom [Batiuk] thinks and is depicting in-strip this week) does NOT mean the studio plans to actually make the darn movie! All it does is make sure one can’t sell the story to anyone else while they decide whether or not they want to put it into development.

Les (and TB) are a little slow on the uptake regarding what “optioned” means, and Apple Annie’s explanation clears things up not one bit. I guess “straight-to-cell-phone” is one notch below “straight-to-DVD”? Who knows? Even if the movie never gets made, though, Les does stand to see a nice chunk of change (and his agent slash publicist will get her cut). Maybe he’ll be able to afford one of those newfangled cordless phones.

Comments Off on Could Be a Movie Deal Here. Or Not.

Filed under Uncategorized

You Got Optioned

Annie has actually insisted that Les sit down before she tells him the news, and Les dutifully complies. Since Les is new to the literary biz (remember, this is only his first second book), he doesn’t understand what “optioned” means. His glib reference to the Cleveland Indians is intended to be funny, see, because Les is so terrible at sports. Or maybe he’s confused: Les hasn’t been optioned, his book has been optioned. By Hollywood!


Filed under Uncategorized

Tales of the Unlikely

Jeffcoat Wayne
May 6, 2011 at 12:17 pm

…[S]ince Funky has become such a non-entity in this strip, I’d like it if Batiuk just renamed the damn thing “Tales of the Unlikely”. If this week wasn’t bad enough, next week is as good a time as ever to rename the strip once and for all.

You said it! What’s worse than another week of more Les? More of Les’ friggin’ book tour! I don’t have the time or inclination to research bottle feeding’s link to adult insecurity (and neither does Batiuk), but if one exists, then Les is the poster boy for LaLeche League.

Comments Off on Tales of the Unlikely

Filed under Uncategorized

I’m Bad, I’m Nationwide

Les is in mad demand. The Widow Darling has heard of Les’ success and wants him for the “Today” Show. Les’ friends are beside themselves with glee. Susan appears to slip her hand into the back of Les’ skull and work him like a ventriloquist’s dummy.

If it’s any consolation, the Puppies Behind Bars arc should kick in after next week. ‘Til then I’m sure we can look forward to more gritty, true-to-life New York street scenes, and maybe cameos by Matt Lauer and Meredith Viera, drawn so you can’t tell them apart.

Comments Off on I’m Bad, I’m Nationwide

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Everybody Loves Les


The reviews are starting to come in, and naturally, they’re “good wow”. Kent State University Press may have to add a second shift to keep up with demand.


Comments Off on Everybody Loves Les

Filed under Uncategorized

Moore: No Mas


Even a putz like Les Moore gets tired after awhile of having sunshine blown up his ass. All he wants now is to get out of the pizza joint and back to the office slash garage to start writing Lisa’s Story II: The Other Other Shoe. But his agent slash publicist has got other plans: the organ grinder bids the monkey dance some Mo’.

Comments Off on Moore: No Mas

Filed under Uncategorized

Humble Bumble


A humbling experience? Could there be anything humble about Little Lord Les? He did nothing but roll his eyes any time one of his fans tried to relate to their author-hero. Funky, however, is right on the money about it being “pretty hard to take”.

Comments Off on Humble Bumble

Filed under Uncategorized

A Toast to a Ghost


Click to view larger

As LesFest mercifully draws to a close, Funky lets the Cold Duck flow like champagne. As an alcoholic, he probably should delegate that task to someone else, but I guess since Funky was able to walk away from that vodka and orange, he is officially immune. Someone goes over to the Wurlitzer and fires up a sweet old Hank Williams song.

Darling let’s turn back the years
And go back to yesterday

Let’s go back even further: to the nerdiest wedding in history, the nuptial of Lisa (aka Robin the Boy Wonder) and Les (aka Batman) Moore.

Let’s pretend that time has stopped
And I didn’t go away

But honey, if you didn’t “go away”, I’d have nothing to write about, and I wouldn’t have all of northeastern Ohio lining up to kiss my ass.

We had our love to make us happy

I’m assuming that’s a younger, more svelte Funky dressed as gay Spiderman, deftly deflecting the bridal bouquet towards future first wife Cindy Summers (shown here still sporting her narwhal-like hairstyle).

It wasn’t meant to bring us tears

Of course, this being the Funkiverse, everything brings us tears. But I’m not going to waste time crying over Crazy Harry’s awful Fat Elvis “impersonation”, or the fact that Ann Apple’s pink jacket has turned blue.

Love like ours should never die
So darling let’s turn back the years

Let’s all raise a can of ginger ale to Les. And for the love of God, can we move on to a different plotline?

Wishing everybody a Halloween that is much less lame than the one depicted here!


Comments Off on A Toast to a Ghost

Filed under Uncategorized

It’s Called Bullshit


Baby Hands Lady provides another allusion to Les’ Book that Somehow Got Published, as, out on the rainy sidewalk, Funky and Rachel distribute loaves and fishes coffee to the multitude. Meanwhile, today Apple Annie is tapped to serve as TB’s mouthpiece, spewing a profundity that no doubt Batiuk picked up from a mentor or a bumper sticker.

Comments Off on It’s Called Bullshit

Filed under Uncategorized

Retcon Artist


When I just don’t know where to begin snarking, I resort to a bulleted-list format. There’s so much wrong here that this will be one of those times.

  • Les is “still not sure about having a book signing in a pizzeria”. If you weren’t such a pussy you wouldn’t have been browbeaten by Funky into having your event at Montoni’s. And is it a book signing or a launch party? Oh, who gives a damn.
  • “Meet LES MOORE author of ‘LISA’S STORY'”. Uh, I’m pretty sure that everyone in Westview already knows who LES MOORE is. And it looks like Funky went all out promoting the book signing with that huge, lavish sign. Looks like it’s handwritten on the back of a placemat.
  • “[M]y book, ‘Fallen Star’“…Are you talking about your manuscript that you lost in the city? The one that was retrieved by a bag lady who went on to become a literary agent who returned it to you years later? When did it become a book? I promised myself I wouldn’t waste any more time researching Funky Winkerbean history. The “unofficial” FW site cites Les as “author of a novel about the murder of John Darling”. TV Tropes says “In the later 90s, Batiuk returned to the storyline when Les wrote a book about the murder and through the writing process solved the mystery.” The web archives I’ve found only go back to 2004, and I’m not going to go to the microfilm. My assumption was: Les wrote the book, took the only copy of the manuscript with him to New York, lost said manuscript, had it handed back to him years later, and that Lisa’s Story is his first published work, which is why it’s such a big damn deal.
  • And if the book did come out around ’97, well, Les was not rocking the goatee and widow’s peak back then. He still had the helmet hair and goggles.
  • I hope those Cub Scouts go easy on Les. He does not interview well.

Comments Off on Retcon Artist

Filed under Uncategorized