Legal Padding

Dear snarkers, I’m still out of town today, returning tomorrow…can’t wait to hear your expressions of joy over another week of Les. Have at it!

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0 responses to “Legal Padding

  1. S.P. Charles

    So we’re going to spend a day on each of Les’s (probably stupid) questions? That should take us through the remainder of 2011.

  2. Just shoot me now.
    Please make it a clean shot…I can’t take this any longer.

  3. Epicus Doomus

    And the movie-launch-option arc finally arrives in all its annoying, boring glory. Pray tell, how’s “Hollywood” looking to ruin Les’ magnum opus? What kind of wacky, demeaning clauses lie within the bowels of that terrible, terrible contract? Why would a man who was once married to an attorney not have one review this document? What DOESN’T super-agent Annie do? Will Summer interject with some useless, obnoxious, harrowingly idiotic comment? Will Cayla bring Les some lemonade and, if so, will we recognize her this time? Will Les crack under all this pressure and run to the park to ask Lisa what to do again? Can those extra legal pads Les is filling with his thoughts be considered another part of “Lisa’s Legacy”, or did he swipe them from the school?

    So many questions. Fortunately for FW readers everywhere, it shouldn’t take too long to get these answers because all the other important pending stuff, like Les’ old “profs” and where he hung out in college, were already answered. He’ll have this movie business all settled by December, January at the latest.

  4. AM

    So, um, does Les think that because he used to sleep with an attorney that her ability to translate legal documents was sexually transmitted to him?
    Maybe I should have taken my friend’s advice many years ago and gone to law school after all…:)

  5. John

    Hands up, those who think Tom did in-depth research with an actual production company about the optioning process!

    *crickets chirping*

    Hands up, those who think Tom skimmed a wikipedia article or two, then went off on a rant about how evil and stupid “Hollywood” is for not green-lighting his “Les Moore: The Movie” pitch.

    Wow. Raise your hands if you’re sure, eh?

  6. sourbelly

    I weep tears of BLOOD and PUS for this poor, misunderstood, misunderestimated (Copyright, GWB) artiste! O! The horrors of paperwork! If only he could have been a mere soldier in Iraq or Afghanistan! Losing a limb or a sanity or two is nothing next to the torment of pouring over an options contract for a movie based on a novel!

    Hang in there, Les! We’re all pullin’ for ya! Pullin’ as though you were at the wrong end of a noose!

  7. I can’t take Les… It’s awful. I’ll see ya next week when this is over. Blech…

  8. Confuzzled by Funky

    As I join my fellow snarkers, I sighed like the rest of you all. Is it bad that a comic strip creates such an emotive response. I thought a good comic strip is supposed to bring a smile to my face, laughter to my soul, or a little sunshine. Nevertheless, I feel depressed and leave with a general expression of “oh my”. Well my fellow snarkers maybe there will be an angel of mercy that will put this week’s arc out of its misery. Three legal pads full of questions and Batiuk is going to attempt to unpack them all. Why do I feel a sudden chill and dred coming…

  9. davidorth

    Remember when Les went to visit Wally, his co-worker and cusphew of his best friend, Funky, to see how he was getting along with the PTSD?

    Yah, me either.

  10. Confuzzled by Funky

    To be honest I forgot about the option arc, because we were sucked into the sappy love arc. In the words of Boondocks, “I’m going to Canada!”

  11. Jimmy

    can’t wait to hear your expressions of joy over another week of Les
    I did cartwheels. By the end of the week, evil Hollywood will have completely changed his script until it can’t be recognized.

  12. Connie

    As someone who’s worked in feature films for the past 15 years, I can’t wait to see how this week’s story plays out in TB’s world.
    In the real world, Apple Annie would not-so-politely tell Les what to do with his three pages of notes if he had any interest in this option actually happening.

  13. Jeffcoat Wayne

    Three full Legal Pads worth of questions sound like a lot, but keep in mind the first Legal Pad is just a bunch of questions about to deal with two women being in love with him at the same time.

  14. John

    And the third is just “Did you know that -I- wrote a book about JOHN DARLING?”, repeated over and over again.

  15. dollyllama

    Tarrget: It’s never over.

  16. First the bad news: Les has returned. And now the good news: Buddy lives for another week.

  17. davidorth

    Connie, so far TB has made veterans, doctors, application programmers, publishers, food industry workers and TSA agents cringe at the innacurate portrayal of their professions. It’s your turn. 🙂

  18. billytheskink

    After questions, will Les move on to demands? He’d probably demand that Woody Allen produce the film, and then get pissy when Woody takes him up on the offer and starts changing things… because Hollywood corrupts people you know.

  19. S.P. Charles

    Jeffcoat Wayne, Les was never really asking questions about two women being in love with him (though personally I’d have a lot of questions about it): it was more that he was complaining about the situation, seeking sympathy from Funky and Crazy.

  20. The plain fact of the matter is that Les does not want to trust his story to the Hollywood machine. Yet a simple “no” is just not dramatic and attention-grabbing enough for him, therefore he has to make a big production out of detailing every possible way in which The Man is going to ruin his Writing, and poor Ann Apple is just the hapless bystander stuck in the middle of his harangue. But then, what do you expect out of a man who thinks that harassing innocent service-industry personnel makes him “clever?”

  21. Flummoxicated

    Strap in, folks, it’s another week of The Ever Wise and Clever Les.

  22. Jimmy

    @ davidorth: Don’t forget what TB has done for writers.

  23. davidorth

    Les. Can we talk?

    Hollywood is offering you probably 2 million bucks for your tedious, overblown cancer melodrama. Then they have to somehow turn that into a movie that won’t ending up matching Delgo‘s box-office reciepts.

    Your book is bland narcassistic garbage at best. The fact that anyone is going to turn it into a movie, much less pay you for it, should have you own your hands and knees thanking the Hollywood Gods above. For the kind of money you’re getting, you better shut up. If they turn your book into an animated musical with singing dinosaurs just smile and nod at the premiere and STFU.