It took me a moment or two, but then I remembered. Sigh…I remembered. In case you weren’t around for THAT whole thing, Ann Apple is Les f*cking Moore’s literary agent, who was instrumental in getting Les’ various masterpieces published. At first, I was so stunned by her inexplicable return that I failed to realize this is supposed to be another pandemic-centric strip. He’s always had that sort of weird like/dislike take on NYC, but why he chose to go there now is anyone’s guess. This is as random as it gets.
Hopefully he stays the hell away from New Jersey, though, as I guarantee he’s one of those guys who does 55 in the left lane, and we really, really hate those people here. And on that note, everyone slide over, we have new SoSF blood coming in! Stay tuned for a brand new SoSF guest host! Check in tomorrow to find out who!
Son of Stuck Funky 
At first it looked like Holly was wandering New York City for some odd reason–visiting the site of the NYC Montoni’s franchise? But if that’s Ann Apple, she must be looking at something even more nauseating, and that can only mean Les Moore.
Agreed. If it weren’t for the title of this post I would have been wondering why Holly was in NYC.
I wish the syndicate would make history by being the first to fire one of their cartoonists for incompetence.
Get off the stage Batty!
Ok, I just saw today’s Crankshaft. Batty has lost it. He needs to go now.
Someone keep him away from reading 9 Chickweed Lane!
Huh. So about a year ago, Batiuk came up with a generic, dull, already out-of-date COVID gag that isn’t specific to any character. But which of his extraordinary stable of beloved cast members to give it to?
Then he spied an apple on the table.
Another day’s work completed!
It was nice of Batiuk/Ayers to include the shot of the apartment buzzers with the owner names, to tell us who the hell we’re looking at. What’s with all the obscure characters cropping up lately?
I thought the joy at returning from lockdowns and social isolation was a global sentiment. Apparently it can only be properly appreciated in New York City. Seems shallow and dismissive to me. But I don’t even have one Pulitzer nomination, so what do I know?
Batty does have a strange fascination with NYC. One would have thought this bit would be used by showing the kids coming back to school for in-person learning.
I’m not Pulitzer nominated either so perhaps that’s why I just don’t get it.
Especially compared to his disdain for Los Angeles. It’s probably another one of his ego things, where New York is the “correct” place to become famous and successful.
Right. He hates Hollywood but loves his snobby NY Publishers. It’s so childish.
So the concept is: Pandemic/George Floyd/Shared Bicycles/Some entrance to some park or cemetery – It’s all over now and everything is back in color! Yay!
Is that it? Or am I missing something/everything? Is it something only New Yorkers would understand?
Then weird thing is that Ann Apple is as obscure as FW characters get. Only longtime, die-hard FW readers would remember who she is, much less that she resides in NYC. Which begs the question: who was this written for? There’s no one…in the entire world…who ever found themselves wondering “whatever became of that Ann Apple?”. Just baffling.
No, I think that’s it. Loneliness is solved; racism is solved; the, uh, bicycle glut is solved; we’re back in colour now, COVID is absolutely over and everything’s keen! Huzzah!
Yeah it’s pretty rich of Batty to pretend like it’s all over now. Covid did a lot of damage and we are still recovering from it.
Batty missed a chance though to kill someone off by having them get Covid. Would have been great to see Les on a respirator.
I’m glad you brought this up. Ann Apple could have prevented countless atrocities had she just let Crankshaft wander into a Bronx alleyway, never to be heard from again, like any reasonable person would.
But no, she had to go find the daughter that managed to escape Crankshaft and was probably actively trying to avoid him when she tracked her down. And now we have engagement tigers and Bean’s End catalog story arcs…
Ugh. Apple Annie the whimsical homeless lady is on my list of top 10 most offensive Funkyverse characters. Pretending that the mentally ill have some kind of soothsayer wisdom, and that the desperately destitute have some kind of pulse point on the soul of a city. Barf.
If AA was a struggling actress in ’64, then she’s pushing 80.
Ann Apple most likely subscribes to the same beauty regimen as Cindy Summers-Jarre. I think it has something to do with the blood of virgins.
DeadSkunkHead John better watch his back.
These are absolutely horrible, and that says a lot since Batty puts out a lot of crap. Oh man those cheap platitudes and straw men…Con-Ed is always screwing people right?
But it’s all ok cause look, I’m on TV!
“She gives me no knowledge, I don’t buy her some shoes.”
Wait, she sued David Merrick? In 1964 when he was the most fearsome and successful producer on Broadway? Over an electric bill? Was the “Hello, Dolly!” marquee getting billed to her apartment?
Why is a policeman delivering the mail to Annie?
Gee, here I had nearly forgotten that Mary Worth isn’t the most insufferable comics character to have, or have had, “Apple” as part of their name.
Moy/Brigman have a similar talent for creating unlikeable characters. Take the current storyline for example, every character is a complete moron.
From a commentor on CK:
“ Hackneyed writing can reach a plot only contrivance can heal.” –Karen Moy
The “I Am Legend” re-make no one asked for.
My first thought about Batty’s NYC fixation was that the head office of Marvel Comics is on 150th Street. But in that case, why does he so hate LA (well, Burbank), the home of DC Comics?
In any case, “if he can make it there, he’ll make it anywhere…”
But he can’t, so he stays in Ahia.
He would probably argue that DC’s move to LA from NYC accelerated its decline.
Both Batiuk’s failed comic book interviews were in New York City. A 2017 blog post says he was “back in the city where way back when I went to make my stand.” And he still wonders why he wasn’t immediately promoted to head writer of Spider-Man.
Unfortunately for him, there are absolutely no comic book publishers other than Marvel or DC. And there is no means for independent artists to publish anything on their own. Sigh.
Of course Batty could self publish since he doesn’t need the income and he has the time and means to create whatever he wants.
Go ahead and do it already instead of complaining that you aren’t getting respect. Make them respect you.
Stay tuned for a brand new SoSF guest host! Check in tomorrow to find out who!
Teaberry Blue?
Seriously, the identity of the brand new SoSF guest host is much more interesting to me than today’s milquetoast offering from Waltzing Batilda. Is it a longtime contributor to this discussion who has earned his stripes? A past guest host returning to the helm? The original Stuck Funky blogger? Oooo! Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!
🤐 I’m going to stop guessing and set my alarm clock for 10:30 PM EDT.
As always, our newest guest host was selected via an extremely complex system of numbered ping-pong balls, astrology, phrenology and ancient Mayan texts. Then we flew our other guest hosts to the home office in Ho-Ho-Kus, NJ via our SoSF Gulfstream jet, Snark 2, and convened a meeting, where voting commenced and dissent was not tolerated. Fortunately, everyone was cool with it.
Was there white smoke coming out of the chimney when the choice was made?
I had to look up Ho-Ho-Kus, NJ. Oh, those Native Americans and their wacky names. My favorite is Lake Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg in Massachusetts.