Today we’re hearkening back to the days when this used to be a “comic” strip. Les borrows one of Bull’s fractured sports metaphors to illustrate his lack of success with the ladies. In TB’s latest round of retconning, Teenage Funky sports a turtleneck, and is full of worldly advice on how to score, whereas we longtime FW readers know that despite his “cool” name, Funky was only a shade less uncool than Les.
Jump to the present, where the lifelong friends are so out of touch with one another that Funky is shocked, shocked to learn of this long-simmering love triangle.
0 responses to “Those Old Chestnuts”
Funky: “Okay, I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around this…dude, Cayla broke up with you just a couple of days ago! You were the reason why the break-up happened, because you were scared to death of the word “love”. And Susan’s been following you around for the past three years like she was tied to you by a piece of string! She’s an obsessed stalker who thought the fact that you broke up with your girlfriend meant you guys were a COUPLE! And then, SHE gave up the moment you raised your eyebrows funny! You’re honestly telling me that you consider your ex-girlfriend and an emotionally troubled, mentally unstable young woman to be actively pursuing you still?!?”
Les: “Well, yes. After all, I -did- write a book about John Darling.”
I think Funky speaks for the entire FW audience in the last panel.
At first I didn’t even realize it WAS Funky in the last panel. Trying to identify is difference between Funky and Bull is a beast- -especially since Funky’s absence from this strip has been almost as long as Cory’s. And in the flashbacks, Funky and Les look like they’re in the fourth grade. Now we’re probably going to get two weeks’ worth of Les’s self-pity, when all I really want to see is Cory pop a cap in him.
I’m shocked. This strip is actually…funny
How could they let this happen? Heads will roll!!
The Funky Fade Out continues to its inexorable conclusion. “Funky” looks like a pretty sure bet for Maskey McDeath’s short list this summer. The dark rings under his eyes, the sallow complexion, the white and fast receding hair, how old is he now? 70?
And where’s Klinghorn? I never thought I miss that crackhead more than in the last few years- oops, I mean months- oops again! I mean weeks. Whatever.
I think we finally have evidence that Funky died in that car accident last year, as it’s widely known that Les only seeks out personal advice from among the deceased.
Uh, no Funky, not quite. Regardless of what the “delusional one” may have told you, Les actually has zero women “in love” with him. He HAD a regular girlfriend who was all over him, but he drove her away by sitting there with a stupid, disinterested look on his face while she was (desperately) fishing for affection. Then he had a psycho stalker who suddenly started making out with him at work after she heard he might be coming into some money, but she turned tail and ran away like a mental patient when he didn’t instantly respond the way she wanted him to. That isn’t exactly having “two women in love” with him. But at least those two women are alive, which is admittedly a step in the right direction for Les. So there is that.
And yes, it’s true. Asking Funky for advice on women back then would be like asking him for diet tips now. I remember nothing of this “Kelly” girl either, although it was a long time ago (in a strip far, far away).
Retro Funky doesn’t look anything like 1972 Funky. Not even close. Batiuk’s attempt at recapturing Funky’s tall, slim coolly nonchalant falls more along the lines of Mopey Pete.
Next week we find out that Kelly still lives in Westview (nobody ever leaves; it’s like a Roach Motel) and she’s been secretly in love with Les all these years.
Even in the 1970s, what teenager used a phrase like “old chestnuts” to describe anything? Has Funky always been old, and now his body just matches his old soul?
Well actually Les has had two women walk out on him because he’s a colossal self absorbed dick. That’s the real problem. He had two women (past tense). Right now they are both working out their feelings their own way Cayla by moping about, Susan by deciding what font her suicide note should be.
@Professor Fate: Well, if I might crib from a Comics Curmudgeon Comment of the Week, I’m pretty sure Susan will go with Script Westview, a.k.a. Comic Sans Happiness.
Funky: “Here’s an idea, Les. I’m not sure how you pronounce it or anything, but I, uh, I believe it’s Ménage à Trois?”
As if the photo album corners weren’t enough of a “this is a flashback” hint, today we also get Zipatone dots to evoke the newspaper “funnies” (e.g., way back when FW actually was funny). Unfortunately, since this is the retconned Tragicall History of the Life and Death of Lester Moore, or, Portrait of the Artist As a Young Asshole, the incidents are merely pathetic.
“Spirit!” said Scrooge in a broken voice, “remove me from this place.”
“I told you these were shadows of the things that have been,” said the Ghost. “That they are what they are, do not blame me!”
In the final panel, Funky’s secret Mayan parentage is revealed. A bit too tight on the headband to cradleboard though, Mom.
In Les’ defense, Kelly’s all-khaki outfit is a pith helmet short of a halloween store Dr. Livingstone costume.
Between RevisionistHistory Funky’s Ernest Hemingway sweater and current Funky expressing what readers have been thinking for about 3 years, this has got to be the best FW strip of 2011, 2010, 2009, 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005…
Let’s take a moment to applaud Les for going to Live Funky in the Pizza Joint rather than Dead Lisa on the Park Bench for advice. Although I fear Dead Lisa may be the wiser of the two.
Doug Puthoff: At first I didn’t even realize it WAS Funky in the last panel. Trying to identify is difference between Funky and Bull is a beast…
Funky’s dramatically sloping brow distinguishes him from Bull…
Dr. D.: In the final panel, Funky’s secret Mayan parentage is revealed. A bit too tight on the headband to cradleboard though, Mom.
And all this time I thought Funky was from France.
KarMann, that was my favorite comment of the week of all time. absolute brilliance.
I always love it when Earl Camembert pays a visit to FW.
How the screaming blue Hell did TB pass up the chance to inject Les into a DC Romance comic cover?