Kelly's Zero

Listen: Les Moore has come unstuck in time (to paraphrase a line from Slaughterhouse-Five). The widower Moore flashes back to his nerdy high school days, where once again he’s striking out, even worse than yesterday, with “Kelly”. Back in the present day, Funky still can’t believe his best friend’s predicament. Maybe since Les hasn’t named the “two women” he’s talking about, Funky thinks there are two more women  besides Susan and Cayla who are attracted to Les?

Never mind that: Les’s blue shirt from yesterday has morphed into its customary yellow!

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0 responses to “Kelly's Zero

  1. “I’m not kidding. Two women said they were in love with me.”

    You WISH this actually happened to you, TomBat.

  2. Epicus Doomus

    “Les’s blue shirt from yesterday has morphed into its customary yellow!”….LOL!

    Somewhat rare Les profile in panel two! Blech. That beard is making me nauseous.

    No one’s disputing that Act I Les was a world-class dweeb. But the girl’s name scrawled all over his notebook? That’s not dweeb-ish, that’s creepy. Susan-like creepy. More Act I revisionism? Can’t resist digging up and defiling the corpse, eh Batom? Oh, excuse me, that should read “another corpse”. Thanks for adding those little corner “goin’ retro” thingies too, by the way, otherwise I might have been confused by the sepia tone.

  3. billytheskink

    Does Les’ perpetual yellow shirt make him the banana in the “Splitsville” “joke” Bull cracked last week?

  4. More Act I revisionism? Can’t resist digging up and defiling the corpse, eh Batom? Oh, excuse me, that should read “another corpse”.

    Brills. And apt.

  5. Please put an end to this lame arc. The last one where two women disappeared for no good reason was bad enough…but now, given past experience with this strip, we stand to endure a couple of weeks of:
    “Two…as in one more than one, or, stated somewhat differently, one less than three…women in love with me”
    For about 22 days in some form or another. No kidding, it has been two days to date and no end in sight.
    In the name of humanity, make it stop!

  6. sourbelly

    Despite the various flaws pointed out by the posters before me (especially writing “Kelly” all over his notebook, something not even the dweebiest of dweebs woud do), I have to admit this:

    I actually found Sunday’s and Monday’s strips to be sort of funny.


  7. Jeffcoat Wayne

    Nice analogy with the aquarium in the background — there really aren’t a lot of other women in the sea for Les.

  8. Epicus Doomus

    sourbelly: No doubt it’s “funnier” in a more conventional way than the usual FW stuff. Not really “ha ha” funny, but even a little step is a step nonetheless. Of course, staring wistfully while sitting on a park bench talking to your dead wife about how lost and confused you feel makes most things appear funnier in comparison. Like, for example, if he used actual old strips instead of re-inventing stupid new ones, we’d see those old ones next to the current ones and think, “yikes, what the hell happened?”. But by doing it this way, he manages to make the rape of our Act I memories seem tolerable by framing those defiled memories within the Act III template of suckitude. I call it the “it could be worse, someone had their arm cut off in this thing once” theory. And, yes, it could indeed.

    I was in high school while Les was (a.k.a. when FW was funny) and I can safely say that writing some hot girl’s name all over your notebook (especially while being a class-A nerd) would have been an invitation to a severe (and immediate) mocking/beating. Mr. Batom is remembering this wrong, high school boys would never do that. Unless he’s remembering his OWN youth, in which case much about his depictions of women have just been explained. Zing! It’s a minor point, but then again, this IS a minor comic strip. Zing 2X!

  9. bayoustu

    Did Funky’s father bust outta Malignant Acres retirement home in order to work the counter at Montoni’s?

  10. I agree with coronation53. This storyline is going nowhere. If Les is TB’s author avatar, then TB needs professional help. He is turning into Lester Gooch of FEARLESS FOSDICK fame. Of course, Gooch didn’t really exist.

  11. Jimmy

    I think I may just skip this week. It seems to be all “woe is me. I’m super hot and women love me.” @Epicus Doomus: you’re right; that nerd would have been whomped, and you know the tales of his stalker tendencies would have spread to neighboring communities.

    On a side note, was there a sale on yellow markers at Costco that TB just couldn’t pass up? Even the girl in panel 1 is wearing yellow. I know, I know, it’s symbolic of her pending cancer or something.

  12. Jimmy

    I just noticed the title of today’s post. Very well played!

  13. Professor Fate

    as has been pointed out Les writing Kelly’s name all over his notebooks is stalker style creepy and kills the joke in the first panel (which is kind of cute really) but the author can’t seem to help himself. Les is just creepy.

  14. John

    Les: “I’m not kidding! Two women are totally in love with me!”

    Funky: “The one who just broke up with you and the one who needs serious therapy?”

    Les: “Why aren’t you taking me seriously? Don’t you understand how difficult this is for ME? I can’t deal with THAT WORD!”

    Funky: “Heh. Dude. Your girlfriend broke up with you. Maybe you’ll date again someday. If that’s what you want, reconcile with her! Do you want to reconcile? Keep in mind, accepting the reconciliation will still be Cayla’s choice, not yours Les.”


    Funky: *sigh* “Les…Susan is troubled. I really think you should leave her alone, but definitely contact your mutual supervisors that an inappropriate situation has developed and that you’re worried about her health. You do care about Susan’s health, right?”


    Funky: “I’m positive that you’ll survive such a trial.”

  15. Epicus Doomus

    “What’s a-matta with-a Les, Fonk-ee?”

    “Oh, he’s depressed because two women are in love with him.”

    “WHAT?? I-a don’ta believe-a that for a second. Whatta kinda woman’s gonna be-a in love-a with a mamaluk-a like-a that? I-a guarantee it, he’ll-a screw it-a alla up!”

    “He already did, Tony.”

    ‘I-a told ya, that-a one is a-no-a good. Tell him-a to-a buy something or-a getta outta my-a store. His-a moping will-a scare away the paying customers!”

  16. Funky: “And then you half-heartedly rejected them? Oh well, here’s a shovel. Go get yourself a new girlfriend or three. Lord knows there’re enough of them in the graveyard over by Our Lady of Blessed Cancer.”