Daddy, Daddy, What Did You Bring Me?

My Dad went on a book tour and all I got was this lousy worthless key card…Les’ thoughtfulness knows no bounds, folks. What a prince.

Your humble scribe is off to Boy Scout camp for a week, with sporadic access to the web. I’m turning over the reins for the next seven days to Assistant Snarkmaster “David O”!

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0 responses to “Daddy, Daddy, What Did You Bring Me?

  1. Who the fark uses hotel keycards as pan scrapes?? This makes no stinking sense whatsoever. Of course, that’s about par for the course in the Funkyverse.

  2. mrvy

    Nothing like Boy Scout Camp! Enjoy! The moccasins my son made me at
    boy scout camp were a much more thoughtful and useful gift than a crummy key card. Plus he earned the Leatherworks merit badge. Nobody’s getting a badge for the key card.

  3. Epicus Doomus

    Remind me to never eat at the Moore’s (as if I needed another reason). Pan scrapers??? WTF? This HAD to have been the last “joke” he tried to write before the warm milk kicked in.

    Airport confusion! Rabid fans! Long lines! Wacky questions! Many hotel keycards! Oh, the trials and tribulations of a best-selling writer on the road! Talk about thinly-veiled wish fulfillment, eh? Subtle as always.

  4. sourbelly

    Well, perfect timing, TFH! I’ll be “out of pocket” (as they say in the biz world) next week myself. I hope you and your son (I’m presuming) have a great time.

    As for Saturday’s strip: Maybe I’m just an old “goody two shoes” type, but I always thought you were supposed to return those key cards, or at least leave them in the room. It’s never occurred to me to just keep them. Then again, unlike Lester Moore, I’ve never written books about dead people.

  5. John

    Summer: “Um, hey! Welcome home! You, um, didn’t call.”

    Les: ‘Why would I need to call?”

    Summer: “Never mind.” *sigh*

    Les: “Here are some more hotel room keys.” *Les stuffs them abruptly into Summer’s hand, the smiles the Mild Smirk o’ Perfect Smugness*

    Summer: “Uh…”

    Les: “Aren’t you going to thank me? You can use them in the kitchen! As pan-scrapers!”

    Summer: “Great…we’re not going to need pan-scrapers for the REST OF OUR ****ING LIVES! Because you barely stay here, eh Pop? And when you do deign to visit Castle Moore, you seem to think that I’m so desperate for your attention and affection that you can just hand me any old CRAP and have me be happy! Who do you think I am, Cayla? Susan? No dice, Dad. You’ve…you’ve got to start…” *begins sobbing angrily, runs out of the room*

    Les: ‘Ah, tears of joy. I should go on another book tour next week and bring her back more cards! Or should that be…MOORE CARDS? BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!” *Les waddles off, still chuckling*

  6. Epicus Doomus

    OMG! Plastic shavings in the food = possible cancer link?

    Sour: I always keep them (as long as I liked the hotel, that is). Never occurred to me to put them to work in the kitchen, though.

  7. I’d use it as an ink scraper for etching plates (any of you printmakers out there will know what I’m talking about).

    But not anything food-related. Nope.

  8. Jeffcoat Wayne

    Today’s strip is just pitiful beyond expectation (should be a shoo-in for that monthly top 10), in illustrating that Les is so cheap that he steals hotel key cards to offer his daughter as a souvenier, and she’s such a neglected urchin that she accepts this morsel graciously. I’ve seen dogs accept t-bones with less enthusiasm.

    Doesn’t it snow regularly in Ohio during the winter? Seems to me those stolen key cards would be more handy for scraping ice off the windshield than for scraping dried mac-and-cheese off of Les’s pots and pans. No way Les is making money selling these books — not if he’s stealing hotel key cards, wearing old clothes, and taking his women for hot dates on the sunporch. This shit has “vanity press” written all over it.

  9. Who sez they’re HIS hotel key cards?

    Key cards have the customer’s vital info — inc. credit card # — embedded on them. This is why Les keeps going on tour — they’re hacking other people’s accounts in order to fund their meth habits.

  10. Sgt. Saunders

    Boy, TB is really scraping the bottom of the pan now! HAW HAW HAW! Well, it’s at least as clever as anything we’ve seen all week.

  11. Sgt. Saunders

    I need to clarify. “Well, it’s at least as clever as anything we’ve seen all week.” – from TB. There has been some Boss Snark going on.

  12. Charles

    To address a side issue people have been ignoring:

    Man, Summer’s sporting some major fug in that last panel. I thought TB intended her to be a pretty athletic girl, but instead she looks like a refugee from the old Dondi comic.

  13. billytheskink

    Les gets more satisfaction than one would think out of keeping hotel key cards and making everyone else’s stay just a little more expensive. Because why confine his toolery to the airport? and the book tour? and his place of work? and every other aspect of his life?

    Also, panel 1 guest star: Creepty Pete’s nose

  14. If Summer is using those things to clean the pots and pans, it is evident that she learned her kitchen skills from Lisa on “Green Acres” not Lisa of “Funky Wilteredbean.”

    At least Lisa was funny, of course…that show was absolutely hilarious…which this “comic creation” definitely IS NOT.

  15. Connie

    I’m getting the distinct impression that everyone in town has chipped in to send Les to “Author Fantasy Camp” – where counselors line up pretending to be adoring fans at “signings” and hacks (I mean, geniuses) like Les are never bumped for an appearance by Snooki or a Kardashian.
    All of Westview came together to do this because, unbeknownst to Les, he is dying of seven different types of cancer.

  16. David

    How does TB do it? I was impressed when he took a young woman and made her old in the space of three frames.
    But she was in her 20s or something and had been exposed to Les in an intimate kiss that no doubt started the process of dying.

    But look what TB did today to Summer in P3; old, haggard, washed up 1t 17.

  17. ummmm I’ve been at hotels where they encourage you to keep the keys as a souvenir – like the pens. They change out the pictures on them regularly and even offer you several with different pictures when you’re the only person in the room. As far as I can tell, the only thing on the key is the room info, and they can cancel and reprogram a lost keycard in less than a minute.

    Now, using them on your cooking pans? Brain damage.

  18. MKay

    Huh? What? In my family, we always bring home gifts when we travel, but even the cheapest of us has never done THIS.

  19. Jeff

    So for the entire week, Les has been wearing the same clothes. This would imply to me that this whole thing was just a day trip. So where in the world did he get so many key cards?

  20. @Jeff: I think Les has multiples of the same things, like a cartoon character in cheap animation or the men in black. Only cheaper and not as cool.