Goodbye, Columbus

Today’s strip, I guess, is for the benefit of those who don’t pick up a newspaper on Saturday or Sunday. Hence, TB hastily whips up a couple more generic Channel One reporters to provide a “wrapup”. Apparently the lady reporter was a forceps baby, judging from her distorted head, while the male reporter—Westview really does need its own Marty Moon—sports an intriguing pinky ring. He also calls the AnnieGoats “the state division one champions”, although the trophy seen in Sunday’s strip clearly says “Division III”. Just sayin’.

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0 responses to “Goodbye, Columbus

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Yesterday they were Division III champs, at least according to their trophy. Now they’re division I champs with zero explanation. Well, there is one explanation: the guy who writes this piece of shit is a hack. The ridiculous “flu” subplot, the missing 12 seconds, the flagrant rules violation and now this. What a crock of horseshit. Pretty sad that a bunch of people who loathe FW pay more attention to detail than the ass clown that writes the f*cking thing.

  2. Beanie Wanker

    Epicus, my family wants to know why I’m laughing at my iPhone. Anyway, I just wanna know one thing — This shit was on TV????

    Hate to keep spoilin’, but this pseudo-self-congratulation goes on all week. I suggest a light, bland diet with a lot of clear fluids.

  3. Louder

    I love how the dots under St. Summer’s eyes are supposed to tell us she’s still sick, why not just put a freaking halo around her head. I predict a Emergency Room visit this week, to keep us in “suspense” for next week.

  4. Sgt. Saunders

    This just in to Channel One Weather Master News Hog: It has come to light that the Westview High Girls basketball team has been under investigation for the past seven weeks based on an allegation of “private funding”. The OSHSAA has determined that, due to an influx of private donations, culminating in a country club soiree, the Westview Lady Goats held an unfair monetary advantage throughout the majority of the season and, as a result will forfeit the Championship, lock, stock, and fucking barrel.

  5. Jeffcoat Wayne

    You guys are all mistaken. The girls won the Division III championship, just the way Batiuk said yesterday. The goofball sports reporter, however, got it wrong in calling it Division I. See, Batiuk is simply portraying this guy as an idiot, much the same way he portrays Bull as a blathering idiot. THerefore, it’s not a continuity lapse at all. No, no. Batiuk did it that way to make US look stupid for noticing. That’s the kind of demented writing genius he is.

  6. flappy

    i’m glad this tourny is over,i just hope NCAA tournament can be half as exciting as this

  7. Jimmy

    Great, a whole week of this. At least one of the reporters was smart enough to dull the pain with a spliff.

  8. DOlz

    It’s gotten to the point most days I don’t read FW anymore. Just reading the comments here is a lot more enjoyable and they are better written.

  9. Beanie Wanker

    By the end of this week, you’ll be convinced that BatBoy imagines his readers wearing “Lady Scapegoats” sweaters, holding Lady Scapegoats victory parties, hanging “Westview Number One” banners in their houses, and walking about with an extra spring in their step after the stirring victory. (Well, maybe Ralphie will.)

    Enjoy your weeklong victory lap, Tomboy. You earned it. YOU built this winner. Maybe Ahia will give you some kind of jiveass award, like Canaduh gave Lynn Johnston some kind of recognition.

  10. billytheskink

    At first glance, I thought that blonde to the left of the trophy was Bull with mis-colored hair. Yikes.

    Also, Gil Thorp fans and detractors alike often complain about how Milford never seems to make the playdowns anymore. However, after reading this story arc in FW, you can’t help but wonder if the Thorp team is on to something…

  11. Merry Pookster

    The appearance of these 2 reporters makes me wonder what ever happened to Cindy Summers?
    Oh ya …. she got imbedded.

  12. Flummoxicated

    I think Jeffcoat Wayne is right – the division discrepancy is TomBat dissing television reporters, something he’s done before.

  13. TFHackett

    Just a heads-up to fans of Comics I Don’t Understand: CIDU Bill’s mistreatment at the hands of a certain hosting provider (Hint: think the opposite of “”) has prompted Bill to change his address. It’s

    Another heads-up: tomorrow is Thomas Martin Batiuk’s 65th birthday. Just putting it out there; I got nothing special planned.

  14. Helskor

    So Batiuk’s a Pisces (probably working for scale):

    “Pisceans tend to withdraw into a dream world where their qualities can bring mental satisfaction and sometimes, fame and financial reward for they are extremely gifted artistically. ”

    Are you sure Batiuk was born this month, TF?

  15. $$$Westview Oncologist$$$$$

    That damn pinky ring is the most interesting thing in this strip.
    Which makes me think this whole Westview championship is an illuminati plot devised by Funky Winkerbean( himself a illuminati member).

  16. TheDiva

    The Nannygoats have won the Division III and the Division I titles. Summer is just so special that all the other academic athletics divisions in the state just decided to award her team their trophies on general principle.

  17. Dreamer

    What if this ends up shades of Bobby Ewing on Dallas. That its all a dream. Summer wakes up in the hospital with her knee re-injured and realized she’d been dreaming they won the game, and how it would have felt, when really they lost it when blew out her knee on the play that set up the last foul shot.

  18. Charles

    Holy crap, Tom Batiuk and I share a birthday. I guess it had to be somebody.

    Speaking of birthdays, I think some of these ostensibly high school girls in this strip have had a few too many for high school girls. Farthest left and farthest right appear to be in their 30s.

    And Summer’s expression demands that a tongue be hanging out. It reminds me of that smile Calvin did for his family’s Christmas picture in order to chap his dad’s ass.

  19. John

    (Meanwhile, back at the Channel One offices…)

    “So, are you -sure- that this switch to being an all-Westview high sports coverage network will help us lift the ratings and attract advertisors?”

    “Yes. Yes, I am totally sure.”


    “….*SOB* Okay, okay! I admit it! I have no idea what I’m doing! I kept sending those reporters to Westview because I was desperate to cover SOMETHING no one else was! …*sigh*….at least the coverage of their becoming champions has vindicated me, right?”



    “Actually, Sir, Channel 9’s “Small Wonder” marathon murdered us.”



    “Curse their superior syndication package buying skills!”

    “On that note, someone named “Les Moore” tells us that he’s the father of a girl who’s apparently Westview High’s star player.”

    “Yeah, so?”

    “So he wants to know if we’d be interested in an interview with him.”

    “Why would we be interested in him?”

    “He wrote a book about John Darling.”

    “Oh! Call him up! That’ll kill twenty two minutes.”

  20. sourbelly

    Wow, the spectators cleared out of that arena with a quickness! Given Summer’s mutant, virulent strain of influenza, who can blame them?

    Either that, or the two reporters are just now signing off after a three-hour postgame show/retrospective of the Anniegoats’ season.

  21. Dreamer

    Les’s life is going so well now– he’s engaged to be married, he won a free trip to Kilimanjaro, his book got optioned by hollywood for a movie, Summer won the state championship. How is he supposed to stay depressed?

    With the roll he’s on, its probably going to come out that fellow Ohio native Tom Cruise has agreed to play Les in “Lisa’s Legacy: The Movie” opposite Anjelina Jolie as Lisa.

    This strip is turning into a fairy tale!