Crazy Is As Crazy Does

Feb. 19, 2012

Oh, Donna Klinghorn, you poor, poor woman. I stopped feeling sorry for Cayla a long time ago: there were plenty of warning signs that she was marrying a jerk. But I truly pity Donna: today she throws herself at Crazy Harry, trying her wifely best to take his mind off of having (deservedly, though improbably) lost his job. But once again, Crazy denies her, the better to tend to his beloved goddamn books, and once again she just takes it in stride.

“We could use some extra money…” “Extra” money, Harry? You just lost the only job you ever had. Is getting another job not an option for you? Sure, you look and act like a septuagenarian, but you have a wife, a house, and one or three children. I really doubt that selling a few books, or imagining that you’re a CEO, is gonna supplant your lost income.



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36 responses to “Crazy Is As Crazy Does

  1. Epicus Doomus

    “Friskiness”??? In keeping with this week’s “Sitcom Tropes” theme, ladies and gents, the obese Carol Brady.

    Act III Harry has always sorted of lingered around the periphery of the Funkyverse. We didn’t know a lot about him. We didn’t want to know a lot about him.

    Then suddenly, in the course of one week, Harry’s entire identity (goofy, nonsense-spouting lazy mailman) was totally shattered. Now we know Harry is actually a sexless comic book nostalgia-wallower who talks to his books as if they’re people. The complete and total castration of the “Crazy Harry” character is now complete. He’s no longer that fun-loving, freewheeling kind of “crazy”…he’s clinically insane. And as much as I dislike it, it’s well within the parameters of Act III FW, thus not unexpected or surprising at all.

    Coming next week: Funky has fun at Tony’s expense when Tony learns he needs a quadruple bypass operation to continue living.

  2. BeckoningChasm

    Well, Crazy seems to be up on the latest technology at least…though he still seems to have no idea what “funny” means. Also, who is the woman? At first I thought it was the daughter of John Darling (whom Les wrote about about) but that made no sense. I hope.

  3. S. P. Charles

    Epicus, as I recall, “friskiness” was the preferred euphemism of the Cunningham parents.

  4. …as I recall, “friskiness” was the preferred euphemism of the Cunningham parents.

    And don’t forget these two!

  5. S. P. Charles

    Thanks for nothing, TF! I’ve been TRYING to forget these two!

  6. Beanie Wanker

    Years of drug abuse have left Crazy delusional. Imagines he’s a CEO? Of comic books?? Yeah, that WOULD be a step up from Ex-Lazy Postal Worker.

    Amazingly, Fat Donna looks about 100 pounds lighter than the last time we saw her. Consistent much, Tommeh? It’s called “drawing.” Take an art class. Maybe your pet bear, Ayrhead, will sign up with you.

    A whole week of this elderly putz, his fuckin’ comic books, and his “coming layoff.” Are we getting yet another week of this pathetic loser? And poor Donna Holly Donna. She’s willing to overlook his OBVIOUS “old man smell” to get a little sexual tending-to, but Beardo isn’t giving it up.

    Maybe Asshole needs to call a meeting of the Comic Book Board of Directors to request a raise in salary as Comic Book CEO. He’s going to need it after the USPS boots his lazy ass out.

  7. flappy

    this must be what batshits home life is like ? hard to believe tbatack has wife

  8. Inkwell

    Today’s comic has a man talking to books for several panels with no punchline.

    How come he’s syndicated and I’m not?

  9. Charles

    C’mon Harry! Donna lost 60 pounds so you’d have sex with her! Oblige her just this once.

    Dude should take advantages of his opportunities when he can. When he’s unemployed months from now because he’s a lazy man in his 50s with no marketable skills, his wife’s not going to let him touch her.

    What am I saying? She’s a Batiuk woman. She’d never assert herself like that. Instead, she’ll just stand there blankly watching him as he acts like a damned asshole each day.

  10. Sgt. Saunders

    I don’t think these are comic books he’s fondling – they contain such esoteric subject matter as “data” and “information.” Probably old texts from a Westview Community College course in “Comic Books – Friend or Super-Foe?”. But his whole talking-to-books diatribe is just pathetic – it seems to be a desperate attempt to sort of hum Lady Crusty out of his perceived higher consciousness to avoid the inevitable failure at the sexual congress she so earnestly seeks. Note that his name is “Crazy,” not “Nuts.”

  11. Rembrandt36

    Holy cow – I called it a few days ago! Nothing like being predictable eh Tom?

  12. bad wolf

    Good call Rembrandt! The only question is whether this is the end of the line as he sells the only things he loved (growing ever more desperate) or this is some new storyline with Harry starting a second career re-opening the second hand bookstore and finding some new joy in life. Ha ha, just kidding, it’s Westview.

  13. Merry Pookster

    Didn,t that old second bookstore go out of business a few months ago?

    Well there ya go Westview…..second hand books, second hand comics and second hand pizza….BUT no second hand band director.

  14. The librarian in me would like to point out that what Crazy Harry is doing is called “weeding” and is a normal part of keeping a collection relevant and useful (although projecting layoff bitterness by playing a callous CEO tossing his loyal employees to the curb isn’t). The rest of me just wants to focus on anything that doesn’t involve the prospect of the Crazies getting “frisky.”

  15. John

    Oh, women! Always trying to lure men into filthy, dirty, no-holds-barred S-E-X, disrupting the menfolk from their cerebral, naturally celibacy-loving ways!

    Tom Batiuk, he’s in the know about the Temptations of those Seductresses!

    *face palms*

    Tom, you’re making the TWILIGHT series look nuanced and realistic. I hope you realize that.

  16. John

    I should add that the back issue collector’s market isn’t really as strong as it was in 1992, which seems to be the last time Tom updated his info on the world o’ comics.

  17. bad wolf

    This would have worked just fine without the layoff BS too. I mean, he does have at least one daughter, who might for all we know have gone to college. So even with his regular job he could have been trying to raise some “extra money” by thinning his herd. But of course Batiuk has to have disaster heaped upon disaster for ol’ Job there.

  18. John

    It occurs to me that this All New, All Different Harry arc was probably a desperation measure. Think about it. What other choice did Tom have? Lisa’s Story Part 3: The Final Dimension probably isn’t anywhere near ready, yet. He blew his wad on the CW arc prematurely. The Weddingpocalypse is already a fading memory, and we won’t see the Gay Castle Hand again until those ungrateful Human Rights Groups wise up and give him the awards and accolades he so richly deserves!

    With no ideas, no desire to create new characters, and deadlines to fill, he reached into the ol’ fishbowl. Out popped Harry’s name. At the same moment he saw some item on TV about USPS troubles.

    “Say, doesn’t Harry -WORK FOR- them?!?! SHAZAM!!!! IT”S BR(ILLLIANTTTT!!!!111!!!!11111ONE”

  19. Jimmy

    It’s OK for Harry to admit why he reads Tarzan and won’t touch his wife. Being closeted really can wear a man down. This is not the 1950s anymore, Harry.

  20. Epicus Doomus

    S. P. Charles: I stand corrected! I wanted to mix it up a bit, as I’ve already used my “Happy Days” reference for the week.

  21. Señor Tortilla

    Crazy Harry would get a pension and a good severance package, no need to sell off his beloved comic books (unless that’s where the “extra” comes from).

    Of course, he had gotten FIRED for hanging out at Montoni’s instead on the “company dime” as someone pointed earlier, you bet he should be let go.

  22. Beanie Wanker

    Inkwell sez:

    Today’s comic has a man talking to books for several panels with no punchline.

    How come he’s syndicated and I’m not?

    What’s left of him is in decline. My local paper and the one in Washington DC dropped him ages ago when his material turned to horseshit. He’s getting by on past reputation alone.

    But he’ll always be popular in Ahia, no matter what. For obvious reasons. Which I won’t get into. Because I said I wouldn’t.

  23. Epicus Doomus

    God forbid something GOOD should happen to Harry, for example: his comic collection turns out to be worth a small fortune and he retires happily or etc. It’d be a refreshing change of pace for FW, which is why it’ll never happen. No, every time we see Harry from here on out it’ll be “times are tough these days….” with nary a light at the end of the rainbow in sight.

  24. Beanie Wanker

    Anyway, this dreck he’s pulling off the shelf — Does all of it together even break $100 on eBay? Yeah, forget about getting another job. Jobs are for losers. He can retire on his comic book collection alone, right?

    I know TomBarf wants us to feel sympathy for the old codger, but it’s just too (unintentionally) hilarious watching him play-act the “cruel, unfeeling” people who decided he wasn’t worth keeping on the gubmint payroll. Honestly, it makes him look a little psycho, which has lately not been a desirable attribute of Postal employees.

    I know some people say they like the Crazy character, but I can’t stand his beardy old ass. BatCrap tries to make him sound so sophisticated when he speaks, yet all he (Crazy Harry) has ever been in life is a jerkoff druggie, a comic book collector, and a mailman — and not a very good mailman at that, since he just got canned! To hell with that prissy, pseudointellectual dipshit. And while we’re at it, to hell with Crazy Harry too.

  25. sourbelly

    It seems that in Westview, once a male graduates from high school, his libido crashes an sinks into oblivion. The only adult woman getting any action in Westview over the past few years has been Lisa. (Does dead count as being an adult?)

  26. They say the average age in Glendale, CA (home of the first Forest Lawn cemetery) is deceased. If I can figure out the average of ghost Lisa, cancer, sexless, traumatized, and unemployed, we’ll know the average age in Westview. “One foot in the grave,” maybe? “¼ inch from despair”?

  27. Señor Tortilla

    I wish Tom Batiuk would go either go for comedy (you know, something funny) or go with the Act II melodrama. Unfortunately, comedy is not Tom’s strong suit, and I think that he’s too chicken to do a real “serious issues” storyline unless he’s fishing for awards. I could almost imagine Batiuk doing a storyline how Summer gets sexually assaulted, but that won’t happen because not only Summer is his favorite character, but he’ll get run out of town by angry, real victims when he tries to take a serious issue and ruin it with crappy writing.

    Speaking of which, just how many plots have been totally unresolved? I can think of at least two off the type of my head (the girl who actually liked Owen, if Becky killed her mother or not).

  28. Y’know, I actually thought today’s strip was funny in a “Dilbert” sort of black humor way. But why do I get the feeling Harry is going to destroy himself in a John Belushi-Lindsay Lohan sort of way? Because this is FUNKY WINKERBEAN, damnit! I’d like to see a series wherein Crazy–or somebody else–triumphs over their adversity. Well, it does happen in this strip–once for about every time jump.

  29. I wonder who starts delivering mail in Worstview tomorrow. Or do they have to go to a post–waitaminut! The post office is closed. They may have to go somewhere else.

  30. davidorth

    Wow, Crazy H looks like he’s on the verge of standing on the street corner and yelling at traffic while reeking of gin all day. Not sure how this arc can go anywhere happy, unless there’s a convenient Act of Batuik and he’s got a couple dozen Starbucks Jones first editions laying around.

  31. Jason

    Amazingly, Fat Donna looks about 100 pounds lighter than the last time we saw her

    She’s obviously starving to death since her husband and provider is now unemployed. Unemployed! Except for the fact that, you know, they haven’t actually close the post office yet, and I assume he is still going to work each day. Plus he’ll get a severance, most likely some sort of early retirement. Yeah, it’s time to push the panic button and sell your 1978 Encyclopedia Britannica.

  32. Señor Tortilla

    Man, if the whole “selling off the comic books” premise hadn’t been set up, I’d love for a storyline where Crazy Harry “goes postal” at Montoni’s. See, Batiuk, there’s a pun for you! You can even cut extraneous characters that way!

  33. Duane

    My greatest fantasy about FW involves a “High Plains Drifter” like scenario where someone comes to Westview and destroys it.

  34. bad wolf

    Speaking of which, just how many plots have been totally unresolved?

    I’m just going to go ahead and say “all of them.” That’s got to be within 10% of actual.

  35. Jimmy

    “He’s getting by on past reputation alone.” So, Tom Batiuk = the Texas Longhorns.

  36. O.B. Dan

    I tale a little time off from the pointlessness and banality, and I come back to find Crazy Harry turning down a chance to get laid? Isn’t he second in unlaidness only to The Grounded One?

    See you next month…