Smotherly Love

Ann hears the nurse’s footsteps coming down the hall. She has just enough time to remove the pillow from Fred’s face and fix his glasses and hair, to hide the telltale signs of the fierce struggle that has taken place just moments before the nurse enters the room. Composing herself, Ann mutters some nonsense to Fred about the stroke being “God’s way of telling him to slow down a little.” Fred, enfeebled by the stroke, and near exhaustion from fighting off the murderous Ann, tries vainly to alert the nurse that his wife has just tried to smother him, but is horrified to hear his own voice sounding like Mimi from Rose is Rose. Thinking quickly, Ann helpfully “translates” Fred’s garbled speech for the nurse, who continues on her rounds, never suspecting Ann’s cruel plans for her husband…

32 Comments

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32 responses to “Smotherly Love

  1. Jimmy

    I’ll buy your explanation, TFH. An alternative may be that the God of Westview must surely be an evil god, so of course he would use evil technology like email.

  2. I’d only buy the “email” excuse if he had been smirking.

  3. Epicus Doomus

    Ha, ha ha ha! The poor elderly stroke victim talks funny now!! Man oh man, this BatKnob guy can turn most anything into sheer comedy gold. FW hasn’t been this funny since Lisa’s chemo sessions!

    “God’s way of telling you to slow down a little”…and a decapitation is commonly known as “God’s way of telling you there’s too much on your mind”. I seem to recall that Fred was stricken while using the toilet. Yeah, that “go-go” lifestyle of his was just out of control. The sad thing here is that it appears that this entire unfortunate series of events could have been prevented with a simple laxative.

  4. Merry Pookster

    Fred slow down?
    Any slower a life style and he’d already been buried.
    His life has been slower then this story arch.

  5. sourbelly

    This could have been a one-panel strip, given that no real new information was provided in the second panel. However, we do get the gut-blasting comedy of Fred talking like a retard in the first panel!

    It just keeps getting worse.

  6. S.P.. Charles

    Gotta be honest: I didn’t entirely hate this.

  7. Why on Earth would the dark god of Westview send someone a peaceful email? Trauma is the language spoken by gods in the Funkyverse.

  8. Helskor

    Fred’s white-knuckled, no holds barred lifestyle would have taken a toll eventually even on a much younger man. Watching Lisa videos! Driving past his old apartment!! Helping with the delivery!!! It was just a matter of time.

    This arc is obviously the raw material for another book like the one Batiuk did for Hazelden about Drunky Funky, so we’re stuck with Fred for at least the next two months.

  9. Beanie Wanker

    BatHump has more issues than National Geographic. Listen to talk radio? You’ll HAVE to bomb a post office. Need to “slow down” a little? Have a stroke. So not only do bad things happen, they HAVE to happen. They NEED to happen.

    “Ee brooooga fltzzz mmm mehh bammama drrrrrrr!”

    “He said, ‘one small stroke for Man, one giant poop for Mankind”

    “That’s a good sign.” *dimply smirk*

  10. billytheskink

    Given that this is TB’s idea of God, the e-mail would no doubt come with malware and viruses attached… actual human body-infecting viruses.
    *smirk*
    A little smallpox in your inbox…

  11. Yes, bad things happen because God’s trying to teach you a lesson. What’s stroke-ese for “Get bent, Anne”?

  12. jp

    What a family. Not one person has responded to Fred’s stroke with anything like real compassion. Fishstick Annie ruminates on how “Yes, marrying your dad ruined my life,” and Boy Lisa shows that the imminent death or permanent mental disablement of the man who raised him will never get in the way of an awful joke, or, for that matter, dinner. And this latest, “God’s way of telling you to slow down” has a distinct ring of “You brought this on yourself.” With extra smirking.

  13. Richard Dawkins, of course, would disagree with Fishstick Annie.

  14. John

    Doug, I’m a devout Christian and -I- disagree with Fishstick Annie’s fortune cookie and bumper sticker brand of theology.

    For that matter, Jesus himself had very harsh words for those who put forth claims that all suffering must be caused by hidden wickedness.

    Good grief, Tom. Do you have no compassion for the sick and in pain at ALL if they aren’t your Holy Saint Lisa the Perfect?!?

  15. $$$Westview Oncologist$$$

    How the hell did Annie get “He could have sent an email from ” — EEE COODEN SEN EMALL” ???!!

    Man, the real horror of Fred’s predicament is that Annie will have to be his mouthpiece for the rest of his agonizing days.

    Think about it. Anytime Fred wants to say something profound and important…Annie will voice it as some horrible pun filled non-sequitor.

    It’s like having Les Moore as your translator.

  16. John

    It’s not like anyone has ever devised ways helping stroke victims communicate.

    At least, not in comic strip land. It’s just SO much “funnier” to watch them murmur and struggle. -_-

  17. Charles

    Yeah, as if anyone in Westview would believe in God, certainly a God who was looking out for you, rather than the one who smites you for expressing happiness.

    Apparently as a favor to you, God will also give you a debilitating, permanent disability when he thinks you’re taking on too much.

  18. Duane

    Fishstick Annie is remembering to portray a loving and caring wife, instead of a wench who despises and resents her husband.

  19. Bayoustu

    Seriously- what’s next in Batboy’s Cavalcade of “Comedy”?
    He’s already treated us to acts of terrorism, dementia, rape, dismemberment, cancer (and more cancer), death, debilitating illness, and Les. That pretty much leaves ritualistic cannibalism and genocide.

  20. Jimmy

    That pretty much leaves ritualistic cannibalism and genocide.

    The cannibalism is just God’s way of telling you that you need to lose a few pounds.

  21. OK, you can rseet the “Dyas Sicne Fred Fargooid’s Last Acenaarppe” ctunoer to zreo. Looks like Khan is in no daegnr of lonisg his ictttnnmieery corwn.

    Sorry, that was the aphasia kicking in! What a hoot!

    I kid! I kid the Batominc Bathos Machine! I know this is a Very Serious Serial Art Form discussing Very Serious Issues.

    Look at the anoetttin to diaetl! That wood garin! Toshe Vainteen bnldis! Eiiqutxse!

    BOXCAR!

    In case you’re wondering, no, I didn’t scramble all those words by hand. I used this perl program by jwz.

  22. Duane

    Westview is “Sinners in the hands of angry cartoonist God.”

  23. Merry Pookster

    …Old Business: But I was in a small rural community yesterday population under 400…and yes they had a Post Office

  24. That may be, Pookster, “…but USPS still teeters at the edge of ruin

    “We are currently losing $25 million per day,” Postmaster General Patrick Donahoe warned earlier this month. The agency lost nearly $16 billion in its last fiscal year, and its line of credit with the U.S. Treasury is tapped out.

  25. Beanie Wanker

    A stroke is God’s way of saying he’s still saving up for that cancer he’s gonna get ya with.

  26. @John: The entire Book of Job also dispels this attitude, too– Job’s friends believe his suffering is punishment for his sin, even though he’s blameless. IIRC God himself rebukes them for it.

    Not that it matters in the FW world, where Batuik is their merciless god.

  27. Epicus Doomus

    Coming Friday: Unable to feed himself, Fred dribbles food all over his face as his wife remarks that it’s “God’s way of telling you to quit stuffing your fat face, you selfish, thoughtless life-ruiner, you!”.

  28. Señor Tortilla

    Remember, kids, there is no loving God you may have heard about in a church somewhere. In Westview, there is only one god…the Dark Lord of Medina!

  29. @Bayoustu: I’m still waiting for the child molestation arc featuring DSH John.

  30. $$$Westview Oncologist$$$$$

    —That pretty much leaves ritualistic cannibalism and genocide.–

    sssshh!!!! Quiet!!! Don’t give Batiuk any ideas!!!!!

  31. Charles

    Btw TFH, what is that ominous little countdown display at the bottom of the page in reference to?

  32. Just a reminder to myself…pay it no mind…