Ya hear that? Kerry’s “going to be around for a while…” (take that, Epicus!), at least long enough to contest Fred’s will. Psst, Kerry, your dad’s right behind you: stop talking about him in past tense.
24 thoughts on “Thish Shtrip Shucks”
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Son of Stuck Funky 
A bit early, but MAN is his face on the second panel creepy!
“And I could learn a little more about what my dad was like.”
“Because, you know, I’m getting nothing from that gibbering mush-brain in the rollaway chair over there in the corner.
“But I’m not totally heartless… so… are you sure the old fellow is entirely safe around Anne? She seems… I dunno… conflicted.”
Well color me humbled…but this is the Funkyverse, TFH: Kerry claiming that she’ll “be around for a while” doesn’t necessarily mean she actually WILL be. I mean hell, a few months back it appeared that the inevitable showdown between Becky and Roberta was nigh and here we are, still waiting for that epic conclusion. I can’t believe he’s seriously going to do ANOTHER Fairgood-centric week featuring these charmless idiots talking over dinner, but I obviously wouldn’t put it (or anything else provided it was really boring and stupid) past TheAuthor.
F*ck Boy Lisa and his idiotic corn-pone bullshit and f*ck Batom for including that shot of poor Fred wasting away there way in the distance. The guy doesn’t bother with any background at all but he nonetheless feels compelled to add that little detail, just to bring his little “everyone dies” story around full-circle. Sick bastard. And f*ck this Kerry person too, she’s been in town for a few days and already she’s annoying the shit out of everyone with her odd face, weird hair and brainless patter. The (male) village idiot already HAS a half-sister he never sees, he needs another one about as much as FW needs another poorly-drawn female character with a dreary back story. F*ck the Fairgoods too, at this point I’d almost welcome a “Pete has a deadline” arc or something to break the monotony.
Around for a while? Where the hell did Kerry from in the first place, then? I just assumed a remote, yet still walkable area of Westview, but now it’s anyone’s guess. I don’t suppose Fred is a Vietnam war veteran who mistakenly thought what happens overseas stays overseas? Speaking of which, it sounds like we’ll be eyewitnesses to a very tasty menage-a-trois in next week’s strips. This is sure to be hot in the most uncomfortably awkward way possible.
These characters look completely different from the two who appeared in yesterday’s strip. Has Tom Batiuck ever heard of a model sheet?
Rick: he’s heard of one, that’s about it: http://funkywinkerbean.com/cast.html
You know, I’m not sure how to put this, but I’m starting to think these characters are really, really boring. I mean, I don’t think I’m wrong here, but I don’t want to jump to any conclusions. Has anybody else noticed this? Or am I missing something?
TFH – Wow! Thanks for the link. Those model sheets are actually very nice and appear to be drawn by John Byrne. Apparently Batiuk has never glanced at them.
And the confusingly inappropriate flirtation escalates. OK, then. It looks like Kerry and Dongwart are going to be bumping uglies sooner than later. Perhaps on a rug, right in front of Fred in his wheelchair as he watches in utter horror, unable to communicate his disgust in any way! Ha! Serves him right for, um…something. Thank gawd one comic artist is taking on this unspoken issue: Unrelated, adopted, ESTRANGED children of a profoundly crippled father figure, who fall in love with each other instantly!
“I’m going to be around for a while” = dead within a week in the Batiukverse. The long-lost character who makes a return is cell phone girl, who finishes off grown-up Marcie from Peanuts.
Does anyone else think of this scene from “European Vacation” when reading the past few days?
I think he’s gonna pork her
Darin: “Hey, guess who I met today, Jess?”
Jess: “You finally worked up some compassion and actually visited with Fred, rather than just drank coffee while you mother pretended she was a trained, certified speech therapist?”
Darin: “What? NO! Fred’s a vegetable! And teaching stroke victims to talk can’t be any harder than bouncing a basketball! I don’t see why everyone keeps thinking it’s WEIRD that Mom’s doing it! Hmmph! I guess there w-”
Jess: “TELL ME WHO YOU MET TODAY, OKAY?!?”
Darin: “Too much caffeine, Jess? Anyway, I met my sister!” *superior smirk*
Jess: “Oh, you mean Kerry?”
Darin: “…yes, I have a….HUH?!?”
Jess: “…was that supposed to surprise me? *chuckle* Oh, Darin. EVERYONE in town knows Kerry! She has her own public access sex show on channel 2! I watch it every Saturday at 2 AM.”
Darin : “…uh…buh…whu…you…*…”
Jess: “It’s called DANGEROUS TOYS. Come to think of it, you should watch it! Ten years married and would you believe you have yet to satisfy me even once? HAW!”
Darin: *weeps*
********************************************
…sorry. This arc has me ticked off and I’m lashing out.
Please….. put Fred & me out of our collective misery and end this arch.
right now I’d rater be hearing FW talking to his car Snowball about the winter weather
Am I the only one who wants Kerry to turn out to be Cell Phone Girl?
(And don’t tell me that Kerry looks nothing like her and decades older, because physical appearance and apparent age are both alarmingly fluid in this strip)
Since Les thinks of Darin as a step-son, I’m wondering how he’ll decide he’s related to Kerry.
to recap this arc to date:
1. Darin pisses off God. Fred has stroke.
2. Fred is in the hospital either one hour or one week or one month. That part is unclear.
3. No one visits with Fred. Instead they sit in the waiting room sharing stories of how awful he was and unfinished dreams. And vendos.
4. Darin confides to Jess that he and his Dad didn’t communicate well, alluding to a very strained relationship. Again, Fred sucks.
5. Ding-Dong. Who ordered the estranged daughter?
6. Fred was so awful to his first wife that he was not allowed any contact whatsoever with Kerry/Chien/Connie Chung. And apparently, he was more than happy to oblige. Fred really sucks.
7. Inappropriate touching and allusion to a three-way. Major ewww.
8. Compliment about Fred in the past tense, when he is sitting 5 feet away, still apparently alive, graciously accepted by the loving son. We were just kidding those other times, Fred WAS awesome.
WTF. Again, Pulitzer Committee, please stand down.
….We’re never going to see Kerry again, are we?
“Must have been a pretty good one?” Good WHAT? Good Dad? Oh, she can tell that because Dillweed’s making her all hot and bothered. Check. Is she flirting with him AGAIN? Creepy comic from a creepy cartoonist. Again. She’s not married, huh? Right… Was that be because her mama kept he locked in the house to make sure she stayed away from Fredgetable?
Could be, assuming the above, Dillweed is the first guy she’s ever seen, accounting for the suddenly moist panties.
Kerry: “I want to find out what my biological father and your adoptive father was like. Bet he was a good guy and a great father!”
“AHM THLTLL HIRR AN CN HIRR EVVY WRRED YU SEHH YA FUGGN LILL BCHHH!!!”
Ann: He said…
Kerry: I KNOW WHAT HE SAID!
Dill Hole: *Superior Smirk*
Hey, you two, rent a room!
Rick Brooks–Thank you, i have also thought that those model sheets look like (Batiuk’s friend and neighbor) John Byrne’s work.
bad wolf – I know that Byrne has ghosted for Tom Batiuk in the past, but I didn’t realize they were neighbors. If fanboy Batiuk turned the art over to Byrne and the writing over to his other buddy (and sometime ghost) Tony Isabella, the strip would be improved immeasurably.
I was wrong when I said that there was only one way this could end well a couple days ago. There’s another way. They would need to recreate the scene from 3:03 on this video.
I’m sure Fishstick, Kerry or Needlenose would be willing to do the honors.
Anyone, else think that this is Batiuk getting back at critics for carping at his depressing storylines?
I can just imagine Tommy Boy saying ” OK, you jerks!! You don’t like depressing story lines??. Well , here!” Fred doesn’t die!!. In fact it leads to a family reunion!!!” There!!. How’s that for heartwarming endings!!!!. Now, go out and buy my books you effing ingrates!!!!!!!!
Rick-I may have been mistaken or gotten him mixed up with Isabella; can’t find any support for “neighbors” online, just “longtime friends”. But yeah, an Isabella/Byrne strip covering the same territory would probably be a better strip in both dimensions (except in the thin-skinned to criticism department–there, about the same). Franchise, Batiuk, franchise!
@Westview Oncologist: I could just imagine Batiuk rubbing his hands together and laughing maniacally while dreaming up the scenario.