Bore Stories

To me, “shop talk” consists of discussing shared experiences and common aspects of one’s profession with others in that same profession. This, this is just a bunch of old men, not just pissing and moaning but trying to outdo one another’s tale of woe. Similar to, though not one iota as funny as, Monty Python’s “Four Yorkshiremen” sketch:

First Yorkshireman: In them days we was glad to have the price of a cup o’ tea.
Second Yorkshireman: A cup o’ cold tea.
Fourth Yorkshireman: Without milk or sugar.
Third Yorkshireman: Or tea.
First Yorkshireman: In a cracked cup, an’ all.
Fourth Yorkshireman: Oh, we never had a cup. We used to have to drink out of a rolled up newspaper…

30 thoughts on “Bore Stories”

  2. In today’s single-panel arc-filler (the third or fourth one in this arc BTW), The Ponderous Mr. Dinkle (w/brutal hatchet-face) makes an absolutely awful and staggeringly unimaginative joke ABOUT an old, musty gag FW hasn’t used in years. If BatHack is so low on material that he actually has to mine his old jokes for new ones, this strip will be dropped from syndication by Monday at the latest. Furthermore, the set-up to this “joke” totally proves that not only is Dinkle not the “world’s greatest band director” but that he’s merely one of many dimwits too stupid to come in out of the rain.

    Look at Becky’s totally unnecessary sleeve-shot today. Just gratuitous. And this has been mentioned before but why the f*ck does Harriet look exactly like Dinkle? And isn’t Becky supposedly the actual “band director” here? Why is she just standing around grinning moronically through this whole convention? This arc is creating more questions than it answers, the number one question being, “why?”.

  3. The fat guy in the middle with the “I Dare You To Try To Eat Spaghetti” beard looks a lot like Batboy’s pet bear/boyfriend/associate/God-knows-what, Ayrhead. And the “it rained on the band” gag is no longer just stale, it’s moldy and decaying.

    So do any of Ahia’s current, music educators go to these conventions? Or just tedious, retired old geezers who never replaced their work life with other activities and interests?

    Lefty is in this shot because, um, uh, because somebody had to smirk so that we knew how hilarious this scene was?

    Tomorrow, Dinkleberry cracks a Nixon joke. Wear your rubber pants!

  4. And isn’t Becky supposedly the actual “band director” here?

    Yeah, you’d think if Becky was the one who was supposed to be doing something here, as in learning about things that would make her better at her job and making connections with other people in the industry, she’d actually be doing that, rather than following around the stupid retired schlub and watching him do whatever it is he’s doing. She’s not a band director; she’s Harry’s nursemaid.

    As for the joke, I’ve got nothing. This week and last have really worn me down such that I’m simply dumbfounded by this piffle. Pretty soon we’ll have a single panel with one line and a bunch of smirking douches, that line being:

    “BAND! AMIRITE??”

  5. “Yeah, well my comic strip is nothing but filler! It’s so boring, it makes strokes, cancer, alcoholism and death just symptoms of narcolepsy!”

  6. Gentlemen, can you please stop arguing and just agree that you all wasted years of your lives working for shitty schools?

  7. Let’s get this over and move on to some REAL tragedy.

    I thought Buddy was going to get it a few weeks ago at the fair……….

  10. Dinkleberry: “It rained so hard, the football field was under 7 feet of water. The whole band drowned, and so did 20 parents who tried to save them. It was great! Amazingly, nobody sued! Great seeing you guys again! See you next year, unless we all have strokes.”

    Becky/Summer/Lisa/Pete/Gigantic Head: “Waaaah! I’m a woman, so nobody takes me seriously as a band director! And because I’m a woman, I haven’t been allowed to say two words since we got here. Everybody just assumes either Harry or Harrywithawig is the band director and I’m just a… just a woman who came here to hang around and smirk. But I’m glad to see more women band directors here every year, each silently following their elderly male predecessor around. Hey, check out the pinned up sleeve. Got just the one arm.”

    Harrywithawig: “That’s shop talk over there. That’s what that is.” *superior smirk*

  11. This “might” even be a new record for Batyuck…..8 solid weeks of misery & aged depression…..Let’s keep it going Tom..pour it on.

  12. Someone here guessed that maybe this year is a “farewell tour” for the strip, so Batiuk is taking all of his old jokes out of the garage to push around the neighborhood. Good luck with Harry playing frozen pizzas on a turntable.

  13. Becky: “Two years ago, the flash floods at our battle of the bands were so bad that while conducting I had to build an ark, left-handed, and load the band members tuba two. Also, the battery ran out on my father’s Betacam and he forgot to bring a spare.”

  16. I won’t even read Batiuk’s dreck today, but I must say, why the HELL is the Armless One bitching about not being respected as a band leader when she’s letting Dinkhead talk all the time while she stands to the side and smirks? I mean, he’s the one who brought the spouse!

  17. For Britcom fans, here’s the original version of the Four Yorkshiremen, from At Last the 1948 Show (1967), with Tim Brooke-Taylor, John Cleese, Graham Chapman, and Marty Feldman. “There were over 150 of us living in a small shoebox in the middle of the road!”

  19. —My penance for Lent is to read Funky Winkerbean on a daily basis. It is sure to cause suffering.—

    You don’t really READ Funker Winkerbean, as much as you SUFFER through the experience of Funky Winkerbean.

  20. I saw that sketch many years ago on something called the Marty Feldman comedy machine – then years later saw the Pythons doing it live in New York it was like meeting an old dear friend you handn’t seen in years.

    and in the spirit of the strip:
    “it rained so hard that the entire band was swept out to sea. Before we were rescued we were forced to eat the Trombone players.”
    “the Trombone players.”
    “they were mighty good with mustard.”

    and you really is just might occour to them mabye the weather just sucks in Ohio.

  21. Tom Batiuk: “Precipitation is something that exists!”

    Reader: “Um, yup. Sure does.”

    Tom Batiuk: “Things existing are funny!”

    Reader: “…..”

    Tom Batiuk: “Therefore, showing old men reminding each other that precipitation exists will be HILARIOUS!”

    Reader: “…..um…sssssso….do Becky and Harriet have no topics of their own? They don’t look like they’re being included in this…um….discussion.”

    Tom Batiuk: “Hmmph. They’re women! MEN are talking! As women, their wifely duty is to PAY ATTENTION.”

    Reader: “…wow. Um…”

    Tom Batiuk: “Tomorrow I’ll reveal that preciptation makes you WET! HAW!”

    Reader: *sigh*

  22. I think I realized that Tom Batiuk’s personality is shining through the characters of his strip.

    The asshole who thinks he’s a laugh riot? Les. A bitter old hack who has a terrible outlook on life? Becky. The overinflated ego who believes he’s God’s Mother Nature’s gift to humanity? Summer. A pseudo-intellectual creep? John. A shambling hollow shell of what he used to be, realizing his glory years are behind him? Funky.

    …anyone else?

  28. For my “comparisons”, I meant to put a tag on God, since in the Funkiverse, God as we know it doesn’t really exist at all (God = Tom Batiuk in the Funkiverse).

  30. To me, he appears to be doing his Google search while evacuating a particularly querulous stool.

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