Dale Ar-dumb

And so, 400 miles from the few friends he has, and unable to find companionship in the big city, Pete succumbs to his curiously outdated, retro fantasy. Flash and Dale have come to enlist the Pro-Crasturbator’s help against the Lord of the Late. Since LotL is known as the nemesis of comics writers on deadline, it’s unclear why Flash Gordon would have a beef with him.


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23 responses to “Dale Ar-dumb

  1. BeckoningChasm

    “Try saying that ten times really fast”?

    I’ve got a better challenge: try finding ten laughs in the last five years of Funky Winkerbean.

  2. $$$Westview Oncologist$$$$$

    *try saying that ten times really fast*

    I would Tommy, but I’ve already wasted precious seconds of my life reading this idiotic strip in the first place.

  3. bayoustu

    Completely off topic: As we all know, Batboy “crafts” Funky Winkerbean 1 year in advance… it occurred to me today that this means Batboy could die- and still torment humanity with this dreck FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE! It’s diabolical and oh-so-fitting!

  4. Jeffcoat Wayne

    To borrow a quote from Albert Einstein: “Huh?”

  5. Epicus Doomus

    Tepid Tom takes time telling troubling terrible tales. Woeful Winkerbean wanks weakly while wandering wildly. Ridiculous retro re-hash really reeks rancidly. Pathetic Pete pitifully panders poorly, puzzles people. Annoying author always alienates all again and again.

  6. DOlz

    I know at this point I shouldn’t try to make sense of TB’s stories, but this one annoys me. Lord of the Late and Pro-crastinator would be allies not enemies, since they both preventing things from getting done. Besides that wouldn’t Pro-crastinator just find some excuse not to go after Lord of the Late right now anyway?

  7. DOlz

    @Epicus Doomus, you are my alliterative hero!

  8. God, even Flash Gordon has succumbed to the snide contempt for everyone else that infects every single character in this strip.

  9. sourbelly

    “Queen of the kilowatts”? No, Flash, I don’t get your drift. What does a measurement of output power have to do with you, her, Pro-Crasturbator, or her ability to identify “superheroes” in disguise? And, like, are you confiding this information to Mopey Pete because you actually think he’s intelligent?

    In fairness, forget Flash. This is Mopey Pete’s fugue-state hallucination. Seek immediate psychiatric help, Pete, and request immediate drug therapy. Same goes for you, Mr. Batiuk.

  10. Beanie Wanker

    Oh, I get it. Summer/Becky/Mopey Pete is dreaming about being a comic book character. And that’s great, because EVERYBODY loves comic books and finds Mopey Pete to be a fascinating character.

  11. Saturnino

    “Tepid Tom takes time telling troubling terrible tales.”


    The improbable tree tale continues in CRANKSHAFT.

    I know!

    1) Ed attaches the chain to his car and lifts the tree back to a standing condition. This does not take into account that the tree probably weighs over 10000 pounds, and that the leverage advantage is probably nil as he has it set up. In addition, it doesn’t take into account that the attachment point on the car will likely fail before the tree moves.

    2) In spite of the violations of the laws of physics, the tree rises to its former majesty and survives another 50 years, even given the fact that it has no root system to nourish it or fasten it to the ground. The car survives, too.

    3) Ed is a hero…………………………

    4) Which leads to a segue with the Funky strip.

    5) Buddy the dog comes along and tries to take a pi55 on the tree which destabilizes it. The tree falls cutting the main power feed to Westview and crushing buddy.

  12. Wow…how about that. TB is using someone else’s copyrighted characters to make a point (and profit) in his own strip. And shockingly, he’s even holding those characters up to ridicule, shame and mocking. Oh, the horror of it all. I, the poor comic consumer, might even become confused and not realize that Funky Winkerbean is not my source for Flash Gordon comics. What is the world coming to?

    Sadly, TB probably won’t get a C&D from anyone because he’s only writing what amounts to fan fiction anyway…and poorly at that.

  13. jp

    Plus, chicks are dumb, ammirite? Oh, the hilarity.

  14. billytheskink

    Man, I’d love to get paid for writing about my writer’s block.

    “As the figures above illustrate, commercial development in the market area waged a fierce battle with the Tsar of the Tardy. Only when Angel and the Ape showed up, was the Tsar defeated, and all of the square footage absorbed. Dale Evans.”

  15. So, Batiuk is paying homage to Alex Raymond…by treating Raymond’s characters like idiots. Sounds about right.

    Seconding DOLz’ annoyance with the “Pro-Crastinator” as a heroic identity. I think Batiuk initially created that name as a gag to mock Pete…but then, when he decided that Pete, like all AUTHORS, was really an unappreciated genius, he was stuck with that name for Pete’s “heroic” identity. And he could have easily ditched the name by calling on the common trope of a hero changing their identity: “The Pro-Crastinator is no more! Now stands before you…the PLOTTER!” (See how easy that was?)

  16. Another point: As TFHackett states, it makes no sense for Flash Gordon to be calling for help against the Lord of the Late. It would make more sense for the Pro-Crastinator to seek out the aid of his old heroes…this could even serve as a metaphor for a creator drawing inspiration from the works of the past.

    Come to think of it, maybe that’s why Batiuk reversed the roles: He doesn’t see his “tributes” as the comics greats of the past saving HIM from a deadline, he sees himself saving THEM from obscurity by acknowledging their existence (never mind that they were, and still are, more widely appreciated than Funky has ever been).

  17. Jimmy

    @tp: That’s the same misogynistic tone I got. I guess everyone who buys the Clark Kent/Superman identities is the height of brilliance, though.

  18. Jimmy

    jp, not tp. I was thinking of a better use for Batiuk’s screeds, perhaps.

  19. Duane

    when even “Momma” is funnier than your strip, you suck.

  20. bad wolf

    Bill A–even sadder, Flash Gordon is apparently still a Sunday-only strip syndicated by… yes, Comics Kingdom. So he is ‘free’ to ‘homage’ them all he wants.

  21. A HREF

    “GORDON’S ALIVE?! Really? DC doesn’t even publish Flash Gordon. What about the Flash?

  22. Tom

    Hey TB, if I am Lord of the Late, I get fired. How about you?

  23. John

    Remember those brilliantly funny, beautifully drawn Flash Gordon pastiches Bill Watterson used to do in Calvin & Hobbes? To the point that “Spaceman Spiff” strips became something many fans eagerly anticipated and cherished?

    Just wanted to point out this whole “affectionate parody” thing -can- be done well.

    *sigh* 😦