Frankie, My Beer, I Don't Give a Can

46 thoughts on “Frankie, My Beer, I Don't Give a Can”

1. Is Batiuk about to pull another John Darling here and have Les Moore offed by Stubble McBeerdrinker, here?I would forgive Tom Batiuk for all his trespasses, if he gives us that shinning moment of Les Moore being gunned down!!!!!!

   Who am I kidding..this thing will probably devolve into a long winded idiotic sermon on date rape.

2. Please… please tell me Bunky (that is my nickname for him, I know he wants a woman to call him that) isn’t going to write about rape. I wouldn’t even trust a great comic with this subject! But… 3 panels a day… smirking… rape… in front of millions of readers daily! NOT COOL NOT COOL NOT COOL.

3. Whoever he is, the presence of the wifebeater, stubble, and beer can indicate that he’s clearly supposed to be a strawman opponent for Les the Specialest Snowflake. All I ask is for one scene in which he punches Les in the face with those disturbingly large hands. (Seriously, I don’t care if you are a cartoon, fingers should NOT be the same size as your wrist.)

4. Beer:Funky Winkerbean
   Sideburns:Mark Trail

5. Yeah, yeah, yeah… He’ll find out he’s mentioned in the story and will demand his piece of the action. Zzzzzzz… BFD. Not at ALL predictable.

   The stubble, the beater, the beer can. Dammit, Tommy Trite — you forgot the chipped plaster and the peeling paint. Still we get the idea. Frankie’s a lowlife. Probably one of those right wing talk show fan mad bombers. And now he’s here to piss on Goatee Boy’s parade.

   You go, Frankie!

   Next week – Frankie’s Dastardly Dick of Death finds its way into Crayola, impregnating her. And we start all over again. Lisa 2.0, baybee!!

6. For one thing, BatCrazy forgot to draw a trailer-park out the window, so -10 points for that. Of course, you could be afraid about a big date-rape lecture on this, but I think what’s really going on is the BatHack wants to draw (hey! a pun, how about that!) between the creepy-loser-in-a-wife beater, and St. Less. Batty will drive home the point how wonderful Less is, and gee, wasn’t Lisa, and now Cayla, waren’t they so blessed that Less deigned to be a part of their lives? Never forget this one rule of Funkytown — all roads let to, and revolve around, the Great One, Less.

7. Frankie will take the credit for giving Lisa Cancer.
   He will threaten to sell his “tell-all” version of Lisa to TMZ or the Natural Inquirer and then Less will withdraw the whole screen play to preserve Sainted Lisa’s hallowed image….Cayla will get pissed not getting the big pay-off… but Less will not tell her why and they she kills him in a fit of disgust…and writes a book about it…. which gets optioned by evil Hollywood and turns into an actual movie: ” In Cold Pizza”…..and I’ll be the first in line at the midnight showing!

8. What if, since Les is becoming too successful for the “lovable loser” role, the strip is shifting focus to everyman Frankie? We’re starting off with him unwashed, drunk, and talking to his television– something Tom Batuik everyone can relate to!

9. “Deepen the teen pregnancy arc”…f*ck you, BatFraud. How about trying to “deepen” an arc or a character that ISN’T Lisa for a change? After all. you DID kill the character off six years ago, did you not? She’s dead, dude, the time to “deepen” her storylines has kinda passed now…especially those 3o year old ones. I know it isn’t what you want to hear but seriously, you gotta let that whole thing go. Constantly re-hashing and retconning just for the purpose of putting another coat of gold paint on Lisa’s halo merely draws (more) attention to how boring and pointless Act III really is.

   That Frankie the Rapist drawing is priceless, though, the funniest thing FW has done in quite a while IMO. The t-shirt, the chair, the generic “beer”, the crummy TV, the ratty house, the ominous, grammatically odd comment…classic. Even if you don’t remember Frankie (and honestly, who the hell would?) you know instantly that he’s a “bad guy”, thanks to those painstakingly-crafted little details.

   That old strip featuring Frankie is pretty damn funny too. I’m assuming she’s preggers with Summer there, as that’s clearly an Act II strip all the way, I’m assuming 98-99 due to the very timely “Millionaire” TV game show gag which was all the rage back then. Why were those two interacting at all, class reunion? Was she “representing” him in some sort of criminal case? In any event, thanks for posting that, fun to see someone talk to the sainted one that way.

10. they need that check Caylas been wearing that purple shirt with black pants like forever

11. I’m curious to see how, with his understanding of the law being equal to his understanding of everything else — Batiuk explains how Frankie has the slightest connection to the novel about Lisa’s cancer.

    Of course Batiuk really just wants to take the daring position that Rape is Bad, just as several years ago he bravely wrote that Cancer is Bad.

12. wwwwhhhhaaaAAATTT???

    [honestly, the last thing I expected.]

13. I’ve been mulling over this, and I figured out why I take issue with it. I don’t hate the idea of revisiting Lisa after killing her. If Batuik can actually reveal something new about her, develop her posthumously, and make it relevant to her loved ones, yippee. But now? He’s been using her drugged, smirking ghost as a sideline Sue forever now, constantly reminding us “oh how sweet”.

    It’s cool to build an arc around a dead person. But make sure she’s actually dead first.

14. Oh, wait. The sofa has a little rip and the window blinds are all crapped up. There we go. NOW do you see he’s a lowlife? (I mean Frankie.) That’s in case the beater, stubble, and beer were too subtle.

    By the way something, why is Frankie watching Hollywood gossip instead of Moonshiners or Hillbilly Hand Fishing?? Anybody else wondering this? And unless Goatee Boy’s stupid ass movie news is on every channel like the Kennedy assassination, how utterly contrived is it that Frankie just happened to catch the blurb about Leslie’s Excellent Cancer Adventure??

15. ” we deepen the teen pregnancy story and say that it was a little more than just youthful indiscretion on Lisa’s part. There was some coercion involved”

    Wasn’t this retconned to have been date rape several years ago?

16. S.P. Charles: I’m still trying to find out where I had heard that, but I certainly remember hearing about that years ago, so it’s not something he just came up with last November. I remember thinking that he did that because if Lisa gave it up to Freddie willingly, Batiuk would see her as a slut and damaged goods for Les when he married her.

    I love his crappy, broken Venetian blinds. It’s laughable to think that Batiuk’s so naive that he thinks that rapists end up with a squalid existence forevermore. Make sure to let all the women know that any nice, clean polite men could never possibly be rapists. You can just tell by looking at them, after all. I’ll have to make sure to shave tomorrow so I don’t terrify all the women who come into contact with me.

17. Had Lisa moved out of skankiness before Darin was born, or are we looking at Lisa carrying Sum’ Mo’?

    In the real world, lawyers would have worked out a way to keep Frankie out of the royalties, if that was an issue at all. In Funkytown, though, chances are good this guy is about to rain some shit down on the whole damned thing, and get both a storyline and re-entry into the cast.

    And I don’t recall him raping Lisa…more like the skank got used for a quickie in the van. Sounds kinda harsh, but that’s how high school is, was, and always will be.

18. So in panel 2 of the act II comic Lisa is pregnant with Octuplets? She is huge! And Batiuk is going to get Crankshaft involved in this story? Whoopity doo. And finally we are getting a date rape arc to deepen character development? Fuck off Batiuk and retire. You are sick.

19. Did you notice that the intro no longer says that FW started as a gag a day?

    Now it says:
    “Funky Winkerbean is a reality-based comic strip that depicts contemporary issues affecting young adults in a thought-provoking and sensitive manner.”

20. Only in a fictional universe like Batiuk’s, populated by bland, enervated wimps who never really do anything except smirk at each other, where a pompous Poindexter like Les is the closest thing to an alpha male, is drinking cheap beer in his underwear an indicator that someone is e-e-vil. Mitt DSH Frankie just became my favorite FW character. I hope he rolls into Westview in his bitchin’ van, beats the crap out of Les, buys Montoni’s with his meth lab profits, and turns it into a strip club.

21. I think there’s also the subtext of Frankie having been some sort of high-school jock BMOC, so he gets extra comeuppance for that with his adult skid-row life. Again, Batiuk being slightly less subtle than Tyler Perry.

22. I want this beer simply called “Beer”.

23. I don’t care what Frankie did to Lisa or how bad it affected her life or Les’s life or however else we’re supposed to react to his presence. My beef with Frankie is that his bodily fluids helped create a goofball who plays with pizza apps for a living and takes two weeks to open an envelope. But I’ll overlook that if he ends up raping Les in this arc.

24. Come to think of it, if Darren’s father is a football hero, and Summer’s father is… Les, why is Darren a spaz and Summer the white LeBron? Hmm, almost as if someone didn’t think this one through…

25. Señor Tortilla:I want this beer simply called “Beer”.

    Here ya go!

    [img]http://t1.ftcdn.net/jpg/00/31/82/50/400_F_31825071_DjaYUi7hEa75C5SCDg5zJL4wrnvJT4AX.jpg[/img]

26. Oh, man. I so want to write a spinoff comic called “Frankie the Rapist”.

27. Interesting twists this story could take:
    – Lisa’s cancer really was in remission and Les killed her as a Munchausen-by-proxy thing. This guy will solve the murder, just like Les solved John Darling’s murder (or DID he?)
    – All of Act I and Act II was Lisa’s Story in comic format, and Act III is set in the “real” world where Les just stole a the story of a high school classmate and embellished it with him as her husband instead of Frankie.
    – Les made up Lisa’s Story out of whole cloth, but now the fiction is bleeding over into reality, like in a Satoshi Kon movie.

    Uninteresting twists this story could take:
    – WHATEVER THE FUCK TOM BATIUK COMES UP WITH

28. Why would Lisa even care about Frankie anymore?

    UNLESS!

    Lisa and Les were married, and upon finding out that Les was impotent, she and Frankie agreed to meet at some sleazy motel somewhere, and ended up having a second child. This time Lisa and Les would raise her as their own.

29. So… the Lisa’s Story novel book was a big enough deal to spawn a national book tour and several television interviews, yet Frankie is just hearing about it now. This is my favorite indicator of Frankie’s evilness (even over the bent-up blinds), that he cannot or does not read.

    But of course he knows who Lisa’s Story is about… There is only one Lisa with a story to have ever existed on this planet.

30. In all seriousness, what’s Batiuk’s hangup with alcohol? No one in this strip is every depicted enjoying a drink or two responsibly. Anyone who drinks must be the height of evil and/or an alcoholic.

31. *ever*, not every. Wish we had an edit function.

32. Jimmy: Wish we had an edit function.

    You can always use the button before clicking Post Comment. Just sayin’.

33. My absolute favorite thing: Frankie’s shoulder stubble is identical to his chin stubble.

34. Anyone who dares to go against Les Moore is my hero.

35. Okay, seriously. Lisa was not the saint that Batiuk likes to make her as now but ‘skank’ is crossing the line.

    As for this guy, Batiuk could use him well. It could be showing someone’s life falling to pieces as a result of never moving past a consequence free life. Now his every moment just reminds him how great it all seemed and just how pathetic he really is and he just wants to somehow do something good for once. A rare nice piece in present Funky about looking for something like redemption and trying to atone. Do I think Batiuk will do that? To be honest, no. Would be nice though.

36. I’ll be honest, that one surprised me a bit.

    And yet, it still seems like Frankie’s aged better than Old Man Funky ever did.

37. I dunno… I think that can might be Beet Juice or Beef Broth. It’s badly drawn.

    The best thing about this strip is the return of the War on Limbs. How does Frankie even grip a can of beet juice with that tiny, atrophied forearm? And there’s no way his upper arm (sporting awesome shoulder stubble) is connected at that angle to the elbow.

    This is a guy consuming 2000 calories a day in just beer (the can does not say anything about being lite), but he’s rail thin, while sober Funky is fat as Peter Griffin.

    Meanwhile, poor downtrodden Les can’t even stand up straight under the heavy burden of a Montoni’s supreme with double cheese.

    Also, Batominc forgot to draw the thought balloons filled with $ signs over Cayla’s head.

    Yesterday, I got this comment from a friend on Facebook: “Tell me again why funky winkerbean matters?”

38. I just saw that acilius over at Comics Curmudgeon beat me to the beef! LOL.

39. (With apologies to “The Simpsons”)

    Frankie: “Lisa Moore? That’s funny, I was just thinking about Lisa Moore…”

    *The camera pans back swiftly and dramatically, revealing that Frankie has a life-size copy of the “Bald Lisa and Les on the Bench” sculpture. Reproduced in lipstick!*

    “….for the past THIRTY YEARS!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!1111ONE!”

40. It’s a sad statement on FW when my first thought on any new arc is “how badly is TB going to &%$ this up?”

41. Well, he could have taken a different tack with this arc and maybe portrayed Frankie the Rapist (henceforth FTR) as being a vastly changed guy who deeply regrets his sordid and shady past. But I think the wife-beater, the broken blinds and the generic can of BEER pretty much safely rules that possibility out. Surprised he skipped adding devil’s horns to the guy’s head, just in case anyone missed the implications here.

    Re: alcohol use…booze is always bad, bad news in Westview. Just ask Wally & Becky & Funky & Cayla…wait, she DOESN’T have a serious drinking problem? And she STILL married Les?? OK, now I’m confused.

    I don’t actually remember the rape retcon, although I do remember the original “Lisa is pregnant” arc a little. As I recall it, the story was that he was an “older boy” who essentially “smooth-talked” her and went full-on cad as soon as she gave him the news re: baby makes three. Sleazy…yes, but hardly rape. But that was a little before Lisa was given her golden halo (and that f*cking haircut) and became Little Miss Flawless, which was really more of an Act II trope. But hey, he’s gotta retcon that story now, if word ever got out that Lisa ever intentionally climbed into some scuzzbag’s van her veneer of womanly perfection and wholesome goodness might take a hit and those remaining copies of the cancer book might remain unsold, you know? Remember, she didn’t exist just to provide Les with a nerdish mate, she existed to provide Les with the ULTIMATE woman, one so perfect she might as well have been a weird hallucination and…oh, never mind.

42. So I guess we’re in a bit of confusion whether or not Frankie’s actions were young adults at play or an actual horrible crime. I guess with our snarking over the years and limited access to any archive of the strip, that’ll happen.

    Let’s look at it this way. If it was previously established or implied that the incident was rape, Tom’s simply retreading old ground here that is needless to tell, something we can snark on. If this is the first actual confirmation of the incident being rape, then we can remark how Bautik’s more miserable intrepetations and reintrepetations of his stories are predictable enough to know where he’s going when he gives us his latest “daramatic turn of events.”

    Either way, we win and get to mock this strip further.

43. Seriously, where is this going except for ‘rape is bad (and Lisa is a perfect saint who never put a foot wrong in her entire blessed existence) ‘?

    This could be redeemed from total predictability and might have a chance of being vaguely socially relevant if it turned out that Lisa, not Frankie, had been the one doing the ‘coercing’. Too bad that would tarnish her halo and might actually be vaguely interesting too, meaning that of course it’ll never happen.

44. You can always use the button before clicking Post Comment. Just sayin’.

    Thanks, you beady-eyed nitpicker.

45. I give TB credit. We complain about his writing, but he did actually do the one thing they tell people who want to write but the more Hack-ish refuse to go through with. “Kill Your Darlings.” He did that with Lisa.

    Unfortunately, it has led to the comics equivalent of necrophilia. (Also known as “Act III.”)

46. I care less about Les and Darin finally telling the hateful jerk off and a lot more about finally getting Lisa’s worthless parents to admit that they did a lot of damage cutting her outta their life because that skeeze couldn’t keep it in his pants. Were Batiuk to finally have Old Man Crawford express his depth of feeling via the healing process called murder-suicide, I could forgive Batiuk a lot of stilted phraseology and pointless angst.

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