Charles
May 9, 2013 at 3:23 pm
So we’re to conclude from this that Dying Lisa never told Darin anything about his biodad, so when Darin called “Frank Pierce”, he had no idea who that was or why he was trying to contact him.
Well, maybe Lisa shared with Darin the circumstances of his conception, which would explain why a young man who obsessed over finding his biological mother would be so scornful of a man claiming to be his “Dad”. But hey, since his adoptive dad Fred is now damaged goods, you think Darin would opt for the upgrade.
Great punchline today from an author who knows a lot about “coming a long way for nothing”!
Son of Stuck Funky 
Where was that panel from?
TFH sez: 10/10/2007…Les dumps Lisa’s ashes in Central Park.
That’s the funniest panel in the history of Funky Winkerbean! I can’t help but chortle uproariously every time I see it!
Don’t worry, it was lame.
“You’ve come a long way for nothing!!
“My mom already made a tape of you spliced from your sober moments during your sex videos and your old football highlight reels. She even provided detailed audio commentary about how you besmirched her angelic innocent martyrdom and how you are not the paragon of manhood that douchebag Les is!
“So why don’t you just save your time and go back to watching E! News and drinking Duffs Beer and stop eating up precious panel space. There’s only so many crappy plotlines we can churn out in a given month!!”
I imagine the strip, when it appears, will feature space aliens slaughtering the entire cast before enslaving the entire Earth.
I a, so looking forward to it!
If Batiuk ever decides to branch out into the ceramic garden statue business, Les kneeling and crying in the rain would be the perfect kitsch item. It might even be more tacky than the sleeping Mexican collection.
Oh.
Oh.
Oregonlive.com has the new one.
Well….damn
I suppose he’d want to make the aliens one into a Sunday strip, anyway.
nothing to say about todays strip but was wandering if anybody knows if Les has parents ??
Panel 1. Arm. War on Limbs. Bam! This is why I keep the screen name Withering Heights. It’s like Popeye got rickets.
You are KILLING me with those placeholder panels, TFH, well done again.
“Real dad”…a sure-fire way to piss off an adoptee. Nice work, Frankie. I have to admit, it’s actually nice to see Boy Lisa show an emotion other than “wry smirk” or “blank stare” for once. Look at the anger in those eyes: FTR is just too “real” for these losers.
Now I’d expect FTR to win Boy Lisa over with a tale of woe about how Les “stole” Lisa away while persuading her to give up her baby against his wishes, which will of course be refuted when Les “finds” Lisa’s long-lost secret Frankie diary. And that will probably be it, whatever FTR’s original motive (or the point of it all) was will be forgotten in a sea of nauseating Lisa retconning. TeeBee knows no one’s really paying any attention anyway so he’s not going to put a lot of effort into making this debacle make any sense. Nope, it’ll just be another excuse to use his beloved Lisa again which he could have been doing all along if only he hadn’t decided to kill her off in agonizingly slow fashion all those years ago.
So Frankenberry came a long way. This means the TV story about Goatee Boy’s dumbass movie was aired somewhere outside of Wankerview, Ahia. Just when you think BatNutz has hit rock bottom credibility-wise, someone hands him a jackhammer and a steam shovel. And a few sticks of dynamite.
Having said that, what’s Corey Wankerbean doing back from the Army??
The only way Frankie can be Darin’s ‘real dad’ is if he wheels Fred into the attic so as to seduce Darin’s adoptive mom.
Sheer horror has caused Darin to simultaneously age rapidly and forget how humans hold their phones.
Darin’s curtains don’t match the drapes.*
*This statement makes sense in the Funkyverse
Since the comic was not at the link I read the description of FW there.
“Funky Winkerbean is a reality-based comic strip that depicts contemporary issues affecting young adults in a thought-provoking and sensitive manner.”
All I can say is that Comics Kingdom must not have a drug testing policy.
“Listen, buddy, my REAL parents are Ann and What’s-his-face Fairgood, and also my biological mother who gave me up for adoption, and maybe her husband, I guess. BUT THAT’S WHERE I DRAW THE LINE!”
I think Batyulch should show people holding cell phones the same weird ass way he shows them holding a pizza slice.
@flappy, Les’s parents AFAIK have never been seen nor even mentioned in all three Acts. Just one more aspect of the strip that made sense in the gag-a-day version but became creepy when it continued into the “reality-based” soap opera version.
With the face Durwood is showing us today, I would have guessed his biological father was either Funky, Ed Crankshaft, or Watto.
Anyone else reminded of Les’s expression when Lisa called from beyond the grave to warn Les not to get on the plane? (December 2010) I am.
Besides, has Darrin already forgotten that his other father deserted/wasn’t allowed to visit his other daughter (half-step-sister to him) and that his parents’ whole marriage was basically a fake? We haven’t.
Frankie: “Son, I heard you struck it rich in the breakfast pizza app business, and I definitely want a PIZZA that action!”
Darrin: “Get SAUCED, old man! My real dad’s a vegetable!”
Que the Lisa tape no. 2,352: “When your biological father comes calling.” That’s how BatHack will retcon the story. I know, it makes no sense to make a tape instead of telling anyone, but that how BatStupid rolls.
Wow, Darin’s eye bags are getting a workout today!
I think when Darrin says “You’ve come a long way for nothing!” he’s actually referring to himself.
How did Darin’s nose get so round and bulbous all of a sudden? Didn’t he used to have that Jughead Jones thing going?
S.P. Charles: Yup, but a few years ago TB decided that everyone in town would have the exact same nose (the Winkerbean), so there you go.
Again, I think it’s looking pretty obvious that FTR will fake-retcon the “teen pregnancy” story, only to have Les (with an assist from Lisa) ret-retcon it again. Then FTR will be run out of town in shame. My question is: will FTR’s motivation for doing this in the first place ever be revealed, or, like with the SSC, will that part of the story be conveniently overlooked?
I am definitely liking the “triumphant Frankie” in the masthead. He is easily the best character Tom Batiuk has. I hope his “thumbs up!” is in response to the police bulletin announcing that he has finally killed everyone in Westview.
He can then start killing their ghosts.
LOVE Duron’s expression in the 2nd panel:
I have seen more than one Viagra, Cialis, or some other Boner Juice ad where the man is making that “MMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!” manic expression, presumably as he feels his dong get rigid for the first time in 6 months.
It’s bizarre what makes Wankerview men horney — Les gets wood from a movie deal check. Durrhey got a stiffy from finding out who his mom was. “My mom is Mrs Moore. MMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!”
The only thing that gets TomButt up is blotting spaghetti sauce out of Ayrhead’s sloppy white beard.
Of, course this is not a joke, Darrin! The caller didn’t end with a terrible pun.
Rapped to the tune of “Biological Didn’t Bother,” by Shaquille O’Neal (as performed by the Harry Dinkle Orchestra):
Yo, yo, I want to dedicate this song to Fred Fairgood
Word up, ’cause he was the one who brought me to his hood
So as far as I’m concerned, he’s my father
‘Cause my biological didn’t bother
Biological father, left me in the cold, when a few months old
A father’s child was greater than gold but I guess not
You brought me into the world but you’re not my dad
Mess around with dem rapes makes my moms mad
So we left you with no remorsal pity, took the first bus
From Walnut Tech to Westview, women and child alone
Now that’s pressure, mom’s got to go to work, drop me off
By Ann my momma, unca Montoni, Les Moore, unca Funky
We stuck together, a year went by and y’all walked me
Moms got that good ol’ job at the school
She probably didn’t trust men or think they cool
Until Fred Fairgood walk though the door
Went out a few times but what about Dagwood
Les’s offered him a million dollar Hollywood
He said, “You want Lisa, you gotta take my stepson”
Or else it’s like a hot dog but without the bun
Guess what he accepted, responsibility he never left it
He kept it, he kept it he took me from a boy to a man
So Fred is my father, ’cause my biological didn’t bother
He took me from a boy to a man
So Fred is my father ’cause my biological didn’t bother
He took me from a boy to a man
So Fred is my father ’cause my biological didn’t bother
He took me from a boy to a man
So Fred is my father ’cause my biological didn’t bother
He took me from a boy to a man
So Fred is my father ’cause my biological didn’t bother
January fifth, Fred made a promise, what’s that fool?
He taught subjects, we moved to Westview High School
He disciplined me right from the get go
Age two bottle and my mom Dagwood let go
Actin’ spoiled, rotten, trippin’
Got a butt whippin’ because I didn’t listen
Back then you see teachers made no bucks
Had to get another job drivin pizza trucks
Workin’ hard as hell didn’t satisfy him
Ann got another job working in the gym
They wasn’t gone with the wind like Clark Gable
Work all them jobs to put food on the table
Fred’s my father, daddy and that’s the scoop
Can I go to the gym with momma Ann and shoot some hoops
Come on she, put me under her wing
Was the ball boy for her lady Scapegoats team
Sometimes Fred even made me mad but it didn’t matter
‘Cause I still wanted to be like dad but a little bit better
Encouraged me to stay in school and to get then good letters
I wasn’t a brainiac but I tried hard
Got to log on the computer, play if I had a good report card
All types, all sorts, disobeyed my dad and I couldn’t make apps
I learned to mouse-click from right to left, I couldn’t do a damn thang
With all them F’s, age fifteen father and son confrontation
That’s nothin’ but father and son trials and tribulation
Back then I could understand but I’m glad you did it
‘Cause now I’m a man, he took me from a boy to a man
So Fred is my father ’cause my biological didn’t bother
He took me from a boy to a man
So Fred is my father ’cause my biological didn’t bother
Look at me now successful for sure
Fred raised me well to be an entrepeneur
And if your making big dope be materialistic
‘Cause you’ll end up another statistic
Everything’s going well following my dreams
I making pizza apps living large as Funky Winkerbean
Oh, what do you know? Biological one’s on the John Darling show
What does he want, does he want money? What people do for money
It’s kinda funny to me, he ain’t gettin’ no check from me, check it
He can go on all the talk shows he want Fred is my dad
So don’t even front, he took me from a boy to a man
So Fred is my father ’cause my biological didn’t bother
Exeunt.
Re: the Frankie pic in the header…man, Westview really ages a person quickly, doesn’t it?