Mo' Tell

Act III’s most confounding, incomprehensible story arc continues apace. Back at the motel, Frankie discusses with the mysterious Lenny his sinister plot to… to do what, exactly? Help out Fred and Ann Fairgood with their expenses? Assist Jessica in completing the documentary about her father, John Darling? And where does Frankie, who apparently lives in squalor, get the money for an extended stay at a motel (albeit one that still uses actual metal room keys), let alone to fly his partner in for “some back-up”?

34 thoughts on “Mo' Tell”

  1. Okayy… what is it that Frankie wants? Its obvious he doesn’t really care about Darin’s feelings. He wants something from them8/. Cause all he do is point out the flaws, money problems and weaknesses. Whatever his partner has to do with it, they both must want something.

  3. What am I missing here? This sounds like it’s going for Evil, but to what purpose? If Frankie’s going to use money as a persuasion tool, then what else could he possibly be seeking? Maybe he’s planning to kill Lisa’s corpse, that would at least have the potential for high comedy. And just where did Frankie pull the phrase “documentaries that nobody watches”? That couldn’t have been in Les’s book. How does Frankie know about that? How long before he heard about “Lisa’s Story: The TV-Movie” has Frankie been stalking Darin?

  4. I made Frankie nicer and Darrin smarter. Yes, both major offenses in the ‘Verse.

  5. So FTR is looking to GIVE Darin some money and/or help Jessica make her shitty documentaries? What kind of f*cking scam is that? You’re doing it wrong, Frankie. At least maybe we’ll finally see this mysterious “Lenny” guy, so there’s that. And yet another “killer shark” reference…the rehashing here is just endless. It’s like he took all his favorite old arcs and wadded them up into one big nonsensical ball here.

    Wasn’t Lisa cremated and her ashes scatttered in the park, or am I incorrect about this? Why isn’t Boy Lisa at home WITH HIS MOTHER instead of fawning all over Lisa’s grave? Why can’t Mother’s Day in the Funkyverse EVER center around someone’s still-living mother instead of goddamned Lisa? Why was it necessary AT ALL to include that weird bit of morbidity in today’s strip? What a nauseating display.

  6. Story arc sucks. Nothing makes sense, unless this turns into a Hardy Boys kind of “hook” that becomes clear when the mystery is solved.

    The last panel of today’s strip (the real one, not Becko’s) is a nice touch and tribute (you all caught the wreath-laying at the tomb of Our Lady of Perpetual Visitations for Mothers’ Day, right?)

  7. Seems there’s a variation of “killer shark issues” (2010) here.

  8. Mrs. Dolphin “makes documentaries that nobody watches”. Now that’s closer that 1/4 inch from reality. This Frankie cat is keepin’ it real.

  9. “Killer Shark” must be some special Ohio expression (like “vote for O’Bama” and “Union – YES!”). Still, I nominate that clunky nonsense about killer sharks swimming in your gene pool for the BatDicktionary. Never heard an actual human being utter that phrase, but since Batdope thinks diabolical villains talk that way, in it goes.

    Maybe Frankiebeans and Lenny are really retarded, backward villains who don’t realize you’re supposed to TAKE things from your victims. Not give them free money and jobs. Only from the mind of BatYuck, amirite?

    Looking more and more like Frankfurter is trying to write and produce his own competing version of Lisa’s Story, and can’t do it unless he gets some actual Wankerviewans on staff. And… Oh, shit. This whole premise so far is so jacked up, even my own explanations of it make no damn sense.

  10. Les buried only some of Lisa’s ashes in Central Park and put the rest in the green pitcher at Montoni’s so he could talk to her while he’s at work. The headstone is just a stopgap until the Lisa’s Legacy 10K FunRun 2000 raises enough money for a bronze statue of Lisa next to the Lisa Moore Memorial Gazebo in downtown Lisaview, formerly Westview.

  12. People, it’s all about Step 8 and beer. I know that doesn’t make any sense, but neither does this storyline.

  13. This is typical Batyuck plot development. It goes something like this: HERP…DERP…something is about to happen…DERP A DERP…I tell you something is about to happen…HERP DERP…something underwhelming happened…repeat.

  14. Sung to the tune of “Ashes To Ashes”, by David Bowie (music by the Harry Dinkle Orchestra):

    Do you remember a guy that’s been
    In such an early strip
    I’ve heard a rumour from Dagwood
    Oh no, don’t say it’s true

    They got a message
    from the Rapist Man
    “I’m happy, hope you’re happy too
    I’ve loved
    all I’ve needed to love
    Sordid details following”

    Tom Batyuck the artist is drawing
    Just pictures of “Plant” girls
    in photosynthesis and I
    Just got some money but I ain’t got no video
    But I’m hoping to kick but the comic it’s glowing

    [CHORUS]
    Ashes to ashes, fuck ole Funky
    We know Les Moore’s really
    Batyuck’s flunky
    Strung out in comic plots
    Hitting an all-time low

    Time and again I tell myself
    I won’t read the strip tonight
    But the little comic kings are following me
    Oh no, not again
    I’m stuck with a valuable Son
    “I’m happy, hope you’re happy too”
    One flash of light
    but no smoking pistol

    Tom never writes good things
    Tom never writes bad things
    Tom never did anything out of the blue,
    Tom wants Frank to break the ice
    Wanna come down right now

    [CHORUS]

    Dagwood’s mother said
    to get things done
    You’d better not mess
    with Batyuck Tom

  15. Meanwhile, Anne’s sitting at home, quietly ignoring the shell that used to be her husband. “I’m sure they didn’t forget it’s Mother’s Day,” she says to herself, quietly eyeing the clock. It’s not too late, she tells herself desperately, they could still visit…

  16. “You must have killer sharks in the gene pool”?? What, so the gene pool is a bloody mess of hungry predators and spare body parts? What effect would that have on genetics, exactly?

  17. I completely missed the Mother’s Day connection in that last panel. I just figured some evil deed or postmortem violation with Lisa’s remains was afoot, and I’m definitely down with that.

  18. Maybe Frankiebeans and Lenny are really retarded, backward villains who don’t realize you’re supposed to TAKE things from your victims. Not give them free money and jobs. Only from the mind of BatYuck, amirite?

    Actually, I think that was one of the Piranha Brothers’ “Operations”…perhaps the Other Other Operation.

  19. Much has been made of the fact that Frankie is not Durwood’s “real father” – that role was filled by Fred Fairgood. So, on mother’s day, wouldn’t we expect Durwood and blondie to be honoring his “real mother” Ann? And “killer sharks swimming in your gene pool” must be the most incomprehensible line I’ve seen in Funky Winkerbean, especially in context of their earlier conversation.

  20. MEANWHILE, AT KSU:

    Summer: “So, ready to put on our white hoodies, head out to creepily lurk around the card store, purchase cards, then place them upon the grave of Lisa, my mother (Les’ wife!) who died of cancer?”

    Keisha: “Um, I sort of had plans to take MY mother (your step mom) Cayla out to lunch and a movie. Want to join us?”

    Summer: “N-no! WHAT is -wrong- with you?!? Don’t you have an effin’ HEART?!? Just for that, I’m leaving you OUT of the ritual watching of the VHS tape my sainted mother made for this occasion! Hmmph! I guess there WERE some children left behind!”

    **SLAM**

  21. And how, exactly, does FTR know all of this? Was the info about Fred & Jessica also in “Lisa’s Story”? What, did Les do a “revised edition” or something? There’s NO WAY he could POSSIBLY know all of that unless he hired a detective or something and there’s been NO indication that was the case. Just bizarre. These aren’t plot holes, they’re plot canyons.

  22. There’s a real Yin-Yang thing going on here – a sinister, no-goodnik of a date-rapin’ birth father with extremely bad intent plots untold evil – with Mama stone cold dead in her grave and Les on the verge of finally turning a profit on dead Mama’s lingering demise – but Happy Mother’s Day!

  23. You know maybe this is just a short con in order for Frankie to get father’s gifts from Darrin. This being Mother’s day, the timing was well planned. Not a bad plan either. Cologne, ties and sweaters are getting expensive these days.

  24. Also, does it make sense to conspire over a cell phone that can be tapped. I mean where the hell is Lenny? Even the Watergate conspirators met in the same frigging hotel room.

  25. There’s a real Yin-Yang thing going on here – a sinister, no-goodnik of a date-rapin’ birth father with extremely bad intent plots untold evil – with Mama stone cold dead in her grave and Les on the verge of finally turning a profit on dead Mama’s lingering demise – but Happy Mother’s Day!

    Maybe Frankie is trying to get Darrin onboard with his plan to use hired hitman Lenny (who is going to wear a very stylish hat and no doubt be the coolest FW character ever) to kill Les. Les is trying to make tons of money on Lisa’s death, who (surprise surprise) Frankie still cares for!

    In the end, Frankie and Lenny end up in jail for the murder of Les (Frankie is a hero to us all, though), Ann is imprisoned for the murder of Fred, and it ends with Darrin walking into the sunset with Kerry in one arm and Jessica in the other, with the same suggestive eyebrow wiggling from Act II.

    It would be a great way to neatly tie up the fates of eight FW characters in preparation for the strip ending.

  26. Wheels are spinning in Westview…which would explain why everyone in a rut.

    The only thing I can figure is he wants to get his hands on some of Les’ option money and needs Darrin on his side to pull off his threat to sue. Or he legit has some connections and want’s to get Darrin’s life rights to make his own quick and cheap version of Lisa’s story to beat Les’ into production and confining the schlub into development hell.

  27. Also, does it make sense to conspire over a cell phone that can be tapped
    They’ve watched “The Wire” and know about burner phones.

  29. I think I’m getting. FTR going to sue Les for libel, and is trying to is trying to bribe Durwood to get him on his side. Doesn’t make sense, but when has anything in the Funkyverse made sense?

  30. Note to self: SoSF congregation does not care for snarks about Ohio’s deep affection for O’Bama and Leg Breakers Labor Unions.

    Taking a dump on their crappy football and baseball teams is still okay, right?

  31. Something tells me this is all going to culminate in a couple of weeks with Frankie asking Les to sign the copy of Lisa’s Story he’s been tooling around with in his car.

  32. —Also, does it make sense to conspire over a cell phone that can be tapped
    They’ve watched “The Wire” and know about burner phones.—

    True, besides..Westview police seems to consist only of refugees from a YMCA cover band.

  33. Saw this theory on NJ.com’s website:

    ‘no wonder lisa gave darrin up for adoption it saved him from being married by a gold digger shark like his bio dad sounds like he is working with some shaddy hollywood mob types’

    Ignoring the apparent inability of that person to spell or capitalize (and ignoring the fact that this person seems to consider this a major plot twist or something) that actually sounds like something Batiuk would consider important. Batiuk already had a strip where Les starting to WRITE the FIRST script was something important enough to be mentioned on television. No doubt Batiuk’s decided that this made-for-TV movie is big enough that someone in Hollywood would actually bother to work with Frank to get it derailed. And apparently this Hollywood person is willing to spend the thousands for the old man’s medical bills.

  34. My guess: Frankie’s production company is the Batiuk-universe equivalent of The Asylum, a notorious low-budget schlockhouse that cranks out straight-to-DVD product designed to cash in on major studio releases with similar names (“Transmorphers,” “Snakes on a Train,” etc.). In the Winkerworld, “Lisa’s Story” is important enough that somebody would actually try to rip it off.

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