Lisa’s Address book?

Ignoring the plot contrivances in today’s strip, such as the idea of someone finding a box while painting (Huh?) or the fact that Lisa had a journal should be well-known to anyone who lives in that household, why is Lisa’s Journal the size of one of those tiny stocking-stuffer address books that we all got at one point in our lives but never used?

28 Comments

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28 responses to “Lisa’s Address book?

  1. Sean D.

    Y’know, when I made the comment a while back about Summer coming home to break out the “What to do when your half-brother’s d-bag of a biological father turns up like a bad penny” videotape…I was JOKING.

    #FUTB

  2. Yup, just like I said, the magic book is in the bedroom and all will be revealed in the next 6-7 weeks.

  3. billytheskink

    Everytime something happens in this storyline, I play the brief scene from the 1977 animated Hobbit movie where Bilbo first puts on the ring and exclaims “How Convenient!” in my head.

    What’s funny about today’s strip is that what Cayla pulled out of the shoebox is actually a Gideon Bible, which the Moore-Fairgoods are convinced that Lisa wrote.

  4. beckoningchasm

    It wouldn’t surprise me if the next arc (coming some time in 2021, if pacing is anything to go by) is Les divorcing Cayla. Imagine, finding a holy relic of Ste Lisa and NOT immediately informing Les. Cayla will be lucky if she’s just burnt at the stake.

  5. Smirks 'R Us

    Sure, Cayla, you found the journal while painting. More likely while looking for your weed stash. How baked does she look in p3?

  6. Contrived and unbelievable don’t even begin to describe how bad this plot development is. I’ve seen better storytelling in high school composition classes.

    That is the closet in one of the bedrooms—one that they painted when Summer moved out for college, so either Summer had no curiosity about her own closet or Les, who is obsessed with his dead wife to the point of dancing with her “ghost” on New Year’s Eve, never bothered to open the obvious Lisa box in his own closet.

    The diary’s “hiding” place could not have been more obvious without Lisa putting up a neon sign reading “Lisa’s Diary” with one of those big yellow arrows with the flashing lights pointing directly at that box and making one of those infinite VHS tapes, this one entitled “How to Find, Read, and Understand My Diary When Frankie Shows Up.”

    These characters are the most incurious, indolent, feckless individuals ever to have polluted the realm of fiction. I need to check out a copy of DSM-V, to see if “delusions of writerhood” is a recognized mental disorder.

  7. It has happened. Cayla has been sucked into the Cult of Lisa, from which she will never escape!

  8. “That is the closet in one of the bedrooms—one that they painted when Summer moved out for college, so either Summer had no curiosity about her own closet…” – oddnoc

    Let’s just let that one sit there for a moment and go through the jokes in our heads before diving back into how contrived this storyline is.

  9. Jeffcoat Wayne

    Look at Cayla trying to play off this discovery as casually as possible, trying to steer their thinking away from the idea that she has spent many lonely nights poring through this secret journal. I guess Batiuk wanted to speed this story up, so that’s why he didn’t hide the journal in the banister: “I noticed one of these steps creaks differently than the others. I wonder if we can kill a couple of extra weeks by pulling all these boards loose and taking a peek?”

  10. Calling this a contrivance would be an insult to plot contrivances, which can work if you spin them just right or play them for the inherent “where the hell did THAT come from?” humor. This is shamelessly lazy plotting, pure and simple.

  11. Not only is this lazy and contrived, it’s all in service to an absurd conclusion. Bathack would have us believe that despite the statute of limitations having expired, the victim also having expired AND the journal that they might as well have pulled out of Elly Patterson’s crawl space being inadmissible in a court of law, they can still get the State to set up a meeting between Big Frankie and Tuxedo Mask.

  12. Epicus Doomus

    I remember when we here at SoSF would joke around about Moore Manor being a Lisa shrine/museum of sorts. But it turns out it’s more like a huge Lisa-centric archeological dig, where a priceless Lisa relic might turn up at any time, in any place. Oh, some VHS tapes! A diary! Oh, wow, a life-sized, anatomically correct sculpture, carved out of a nine ton slab of pristine Italian marble, depicting Darin’s moment of conception! She must have done that for us right before she died! Awww! And it’s all so very convenient for the plot too, you know? Such a terrific, wonderful, profoundly moving lady…I just wish we knew more ABOUT her, dammit! She was written out of the strip for attention….er, I mean taken from us way, way too soon.

    “Yep, just as I suspected…it IS the same Lisa!”. Brilliant work, Cayla, but good thing you had that time-traveling dimwit from Crankshaft to jog your “memory” for you, or we might be right back at square one instead of being at square one and one-sixteenth like we are now. And look at the rest of them, gawking in slack-jawed disbelief as their afternoon gets even creepier and less plausible.

    You gotta admire the way he doesn’t shy away from depicting Summer as being the least-cool college kid in the history of college kids, though. Home on her first ever college summer break, sporting a hoodie in mid-June, hanging with the parents, thumbing through her dead mother’s long-lost diary featuring lurid, depressing tales of abuse and hopelessness…yeah, she’s living the life alright. Les Moore may have been a hopeless tool in high school but at least he had friends.

  13. J.R. Clark

    Bela Lugosi (as Doctor Zorka in “The Phantom Creeps”): “How forrrtunate! Dees simplifies EVERRRYTING!”

  14. Señor Tortilla

    Les: “You found this while painting last year and you NEVER TOLD ME?!”

    Cayla: “Hey, at least I didn’t burn it! I was hoping it might gain me some–”

    Les: “GIVE ME THAT NOW! I MUST READ THE PAGES!!!”

    Wait, why does Jessica look 10?

  15. Like I noted back with the Saturday strip…Wasn’t Cayla a jock at Big Walnut Tech? Even if you say there’s an age difference between her and Les, I’m sure rumors of the QB with anger issues knocking up the new girl in class would’ve lingered. Not to mention there might have been some BWT faculty members who might remember something (say, a guidance counselor or school nurse Lisa could’ve talked to?)

    Be careful around the plot holes. A semi could breeze through at any time.

  16. I’m surprised there wasn’t a couple more issues of “Starbucks Jones” laying around in that box to help out with the lawyer fees to block Frankie.

  17. Merry Pookster

    “Funky Winkerbean is a reality-based comic strip that depicts contemporary issues affecting young adults in a thought-provoking and sensitive manner.”

    As long as this statement is in print.. all is fair game. You suck Tom

  18. Professor Fate

    “Dear diary, what a day it’s been.
    Dear diary, it’s been just like a dream.
    Woke up too late. Wasn’t where I should have been.
    For goodness sake what’s happening to me.
    Write lightly, yours truly, dear diary” – The moody blues.
    And You have to wonder just how bad the Journal is gong to read – May 15th: “Got new sweater, was raped by Frankie, they ran out of tater tots at the lunch room again. “

  19. laila

    One of the things that’s really been annoying me about this arc? In one of the original teen pregnancy strips, Lisa wonders how she could have been so stupid – except she never gets that far. Instead, Les jumps in with ‘human’.

    Yes. Humanity. Apparently we’re going to be retconning all that out of the Blessed Saint Lisa of Westview as well.

  20. Louder

    How can I snark when this is so bad? What kind of writer comes up with kind of crap, and expects to be taken seriously? Truly, truly, terrible writing right now.

  21. Connie

    That’s a pretty slim looking book. Lisa must have had tiny handwriting if the entries in that journal go all the way back to 1978.

  22. John

    Cayla: “Something your uncle said reminded me of this box I found when we were painting the bedroom. Yep, that’s what I thought…a dead mouse and sixteen droppings.”

    Les: “…”

    Jess: “…”

    Summer: “Oh, wow! Obviously, Lisa meant to let us know that Frankie is a dirty, smelly rodent!”

    Cayla: (thinking) “Wow. They really -will- swallow anything. Hmmm. Wait, didn’t I have a daughter who also came home tonight? Haven’t seen what’s-her-face around for hours…oh, well.”

  23. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    Wow! There hasn’t been so much anticipation of a journal reading since the lost Hitler diaries!!!

  24. Connie

    I’m confused by Panel 1, when Cayla uses the word “uncle” instead of “Jeff Murdoch, who is the cousin of the woman who was the wife of Jess’s father, John Darling the television personality.”

  25. beckoningchasm

    By the way, I should note that the picture here can’t be an entry from Lisa’s real diary. Just look at those lower-case “L”s. Les Moore would spot that as a fake in a minute (after he was done fapping).

  26. Epicus Doomus

    I just love the idea that a) Les ignored a mystery box that was sitting in his bedroom for fifteen years and b) Cayla, upon seeing this box and its contents, blithely tossed it into the back of the closet like it was trash. Batom gives his readers no credit for intelligence whatsoever if he thinks anyone would swallow this completely ridiculous turn of events.

  27. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

    —By the way, I should note that the picture here can’t be an entry from Lisa’s real diary. —

    Actually when I saw the page, I was wondering if Sherwood Morrill cleared Lisa.

    Snark pts to anyone who can figure out that reference without the benefit of google!!

  28. MKay

    No more sympathy, Cayla. You could’ve pitched the journal, but OH, NOOOOO. Don’t expect me to feel sorry for you when Les goes back to swapping imaginary spit with his invisible dead wife.