Anni-worse-ary

Congratulations to Harry and Harriet Dinkle on their fiftieth wedding anniversary! Say, Harry: between your teacher’s pension, the proceeds from your multi-volume autobiography, and the royalties from your compositions, I bet you’re planning a really special surprise for the Mrs. Maybe a cruise, or a trip to Europe, or a…a party at Montoni’s. Yes, Harriet will be surprised, all right: surprised at what a cheap bastard she’s been married to for fifty years.

27 thoughts on “Anni-worse-ary”

  1. The world effectively revolves around Montoni’s. If a scene has to happen at a specific place, it will be that store.

  2. Ugh, New Old Dinkle is so annoying with his feeble “jokes” that are always based on how his character was portrayed way, way in the past. Now he just comes across as another wildly smirking idiot…a selfish and very cheap idiot, I might add. Look at him there, cackling to himself about how his wife perceives him as being a selfish dick…ha f*cking ha.

    And he seriously wants to host his golden wedding anniversary gala at that horrible pizza place? What the hell is wrong with these people? Isn’t there anyone in town capable of telling the guy how awful and inappropriate that is? Most women (and men, for that matter) that I know would be planning the murder/suicide before they even settled into their booth. What a dick.

  3. 50th?
    That’s a really Big Deal.
    I’ll bet that “everyone” will be there…..everyone except for their very own Daughter.
    TB has this knack for just eliminating any character that might involve him following any sense of continuity or direction.
    Westview is like that city in European folklore where all the kids were lead away into the mountains.

  4. Goddammit, Dinkle, is it worth the risk of cracking the front of your dentures just so you can do your idiot-savant smirk in profile? If your fat beast of a wife has stuck by your side for 50 years, then, yeah, she probably won’t have a problem with another meal at Montoni’s. That being said, you might want to ask the Funkman to keep his shoes on while serving your dinner.

  5. My wife and I both were blessed with parents reaching their 50th anniversaries. Their children planned the respective celebrations. No pizza involved, which I guess was an oversight. (And neither party was super expensive, just not this low-rent and stupid).

  6. Since Wally is a band alumnus, maybe he won’t have to wash the dishes that night.

  7. Man, I would hate to live in a town that only had one restaurant and zero other suitable places for holding social events (except for, I imagine, the high school gym).

  9. Suck it, beady-eyed nitpickers. I celebrate all my milestones at the local pizzeria. Why would anyone do it differently. They even give us a break on catering if we order the breakfast pizza.

    Man, Montoni’s my local pizza place is awesome.

  10. Well, Harry can’t afford a big fancy celebration, what with the surgery to fix whatever the Hell that is going on with his mouth. Did someone try to give him a Glasgow smile and get interrupted halfway through?

  11. Batom is just so lazy and uninspired. Why not have it wherever that big auction for the girl’s basketball program was held? Or perhaps at the performing arts center that bears Dinkle’s name? Oh yeah, that’s right, that would require having to draw an unfamiliar setting with some consistency, which just isn’t going to happen in the Funkyverse. So crappy old Montoni’s it is, regardless of how colossally tacky and bafflingly stupid it may be, just because it’s within Batty’s ever-shrinking comfort zone. Such a hack: no imagination, no motivation, just the same endless tropes, familiar settings and moronic gags over and over again. He can take any scenario and turn it into a steaming pile of boredom faster than any “writer” alive today. Doesn’t his employer ever notice the glaringly obvious lack of effort here?

  12. From the Gospel of Batiuk, 15:34…

    And when the centurion, who stood there in front of the comic strip, and saw how poorly it was conceived, he said, “Surely this is a reality-based comic strip that depicts contemporary issues affecting young adults in a thought-provoking and sensitive manner!”

  13. Funky: “Don’t forget to make it special, Harry! Pile up greasy dishes and used napkins HIGH on the table before dancing around it to a seventy five cent selection on the jukebox! Class, Harry. You need to show her CLASS.”

    Harry: “Hmmm. Should I buy decorations from a place more pricey than the dollar store?”

    Funky: “Cripes! Don’t go overboard, either! We don’t want this dame getting ideas!”

    Harry: “True, true.”

    **********************

    Does Harriet even LIKE pizza?

  14. “Oh, Harry! I was so sure you’d forgotten! I’m so happy that you thought our 50th was so special that we would go to–”

    Car parks at one of the parking meters in front of Montoni’s. Harry begins searching for nickles. Harriet’s face falls so hard there is an actual sound effect.

    “–Montoni’s. Oh. Oh….how…special.”

    Hey Tom Batiuk, if you want to see how an anniversary episode can be funny, check out the one from Fawlty Towers. In fact, watch all of Fawlty Towers and think of Les as Basil without any power.

  15. So…this is another story about nothing that should probably run about three weeks…and it’s about the Funkytown character I despise most – Dingleberry.

    I need a vacation from this place. See you in August.

  16. Don’t you do it, Dan! That’s just what Batyuck wants you to do…he wants to bore the snarketariat so we just give up and he wins. Think of Batyuck as Lou Gossett Jr. in “An Officer And A Gentleman”: HE WANTS YOUR D.O.R. You have to be Richard Gere and shout back, “DON’T YOU DO IT, SIR! I GOT NOWHERE TO GO!”

  17. Ha! It’s funny because Harriet has low expectations.

    Actually, I can’t think of a more appropriate topic for this comic strip to cover than low expectations.

  18. Speaking of anniversaries, the TB/40th anniversary of Funky Winkerbean panel at San Diego is set for Sunday the 21st. I lost the bet that Tony Isabella would moderate, but that may be due to “That 70s Panel” still going on and he’ll be in the middle of the “DC screwed me by not using Black Lightning on the SuperFriends series” rant.

    “Comic-Con special guest Tom Batiuk will be taking you on a humorous and informative journey through the Funkyverse as he delves into the origin and history of his syndicated comic strip Funky Winkerbean. Joining him is DC Comics colorist Alex Sinclair, whose current credits include Superman: Unchained, Green Lantern, Astro City, and Teen Titans, and the talented guy who was the colorist on Batiuk’s Pulitzer Finalist book Lisa’s Story.
    Sunday July 21, 2013 10:30am – 11:30am”

  19. Gad, when I first the masthead, I thought this week’s strip would bee about Mr. Fishstick Annie trying to recover from his stroke.

  20. This is nothing. Wait until we get to the actual party, which will happen in about three weeks, after 18-21 days of strips starting with Funky saying “I’m pleased you decided to hold your fiftieth anniversary here at Montoni’s, Harry.” At the party, Harry will give Harriet a gift for their fiftieth, and it will be… a comic book.

  21. Re: the above post.

    I’ve totally lost my mind. Funky will introduce each strip with the phrase “fiftieth wedding anniversary” because of course if you didn’t indicate that it was celebrating the anniversary of the day they were married, people might think it was the anniversary of Harry cracking his first stupid band-related pun or something.

  22. HAHAHA! It is funny cause Harry’s deaf. And Funky’s word balloon is not what Funky REALLY said but what Harry thinks Funky says cause Harry is deaf! HAHAHA! What Funky really said is “So Harry you’re such a cheap @#**! that you’re planning a surprise 50th wedding anniversary here for Harriet?” HAHAHA! That is what Funky REALLY said. That explains Funky’s side long glance at the audience in panel two!HAHAHA! And Harry’s half smile in panel three is explained by his having had a stroke just like Dagwood’s non-bio-dad! HAHAHAHA! Tom Batuik gave us two jokes for the price of one! HAHAHAHA! HA! Its funny, see! HA!

    ^^^ ^^Posted it here in case it doesn’t get pass moderation over there on Comics Kingdom. ^^^^^

  23. To anyone attending the Comic Con Panel: Please be sure to hold up banners with “IT’S CALLED WRITING” and “I GUESS SOME CHILDREN -WERE- LEFT BEHIND” whenever Tom makes a pithy remark.

  25. “it helps that I won’t be having her here. She doesn’t like pizza”

  26. “…or she’s in the early stages of Alzheimer’s. Either way It’s going to be a hell of a surprise on that old weathered byyeeotch!.”

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