I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift,
nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet
riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but
time and chance happeneth to them all.—Ecclesiastes 9:11
We returned, and saw that the race was not to the fat and sweaty, nor
does the colorist know what color to make the cheeks of an overheated
fat guy. Yea, verily, we returned, and—what? The race is already
over‽ I told you you’d be incredulous about how this ends.
Time and chance happeneth to them all, but it would have been nice to
see some of the action. Now I know our favorite auteur is all about
telling and not showing, but this is ridiculous. Talk about cutting to
the chase: Batominc cuts past the chase.
Worst of all, Funky didn’t die.
Now let’s do Funky’s biblical scorecard:
| Virtue | Funky’s score |
|---|---|
| Swiftness | NO |
| Strength | NO |
| Wisdom | NO |
| Understanding | NO |
| Skill | NO |
| Quick or Dead | Quick, but suffering |
On Westview’s curve, that’s an A+.
Son of Stuck Funky 
Funky didn’t train quite enough? He and Les are the only two characters we ever see jogging in this strip. It would make more sense to have one of the other characters collapse from overdoing it. It would be more fun and satisfying to let Les die from overdoing it. (Can smirking be fatal?)
Just how much do you have to train to do a 5K charity/fun run anyway? The Mayo Clinic suggests a seven-week schedule; surely Les and Funky have been hauling themselves around Blessed Saint Dead Lisa Memorial Park for at least that long….
Another killer title today, Oddnoc! Man, you gotta love FW, playing a character’s collapse for chuckles. Ha freaking ha. At least it didn’t feature Summer heroically saving Funky’s life with perfectly performed (and gritty) CPR or something. I likewise love the complete lack of concern by Mrs. Bean, who’s snidely wisecracking away as her husband sits there dying. A class act all the way. She acts like she’s fairly used to these episodes, a little TOO used to them. Only in the Funkyverse.
Always with smirks in Westview.
I likewise love the complete lack of concern by Mrs. Bean, who’s snidely wisecracking away as her husband sits there dying. A class act all the way. She acts like she’s fairly used to these episodes, a little TOO used to them.
Well, it’s possible that she recognizes that it’s all Funky histrionics rather than anything serious. It wouldn’t be completely out of the realm of possibility that Funky throws himself to the ground convulsing rather than merely stopping and walking for parts of the 5k when he doesn’t feel up to running any further. After all, the guy collapsed but even he himself admits that it wasn’t serious.
Because let’s look at how the men react to crises in this universe. Crazy gets fired from his job of loafing for the USPS, immediately loses his mind and concocts an elaborate, over-the-top scheme in response just to show to everyone how unjust it all is. When Les receives an offer to option his book for a film, he has to scurry away from everyone to talk to his dead wife’s ghost on their park bench. And while she’s not really a man, Becky spends an entire week agonizing and moping about how her mom’s intruding on band camp.
So Funky’s health dramatics really fit in fine in this environment.
Damn, that Holly is one big . . . you know, like she is drawn huge! Like a giantess. Maybe Funky is into that sort of thing. But Holly should hold her tongue. All she’s ever achieved is one incorrigible brat and apparently somewhat superior cardiovascular conditioning. Gosh, Funky’s too cooked to even talk straight.
The plump blonde seems to be wearing her shirt backwards in the first panel, but gets it turned around by the third panel.
Funky must eat three extra large, extra pepperoni pizzas a day to counteract the jogging he’s shown doing on a regular basis.
This never would have happened if the Westview Fire Department had been there hosing the runners down like they have in prior years (including monsoons!). Nice planning Cayla!!!
@apauled: “The plump blonde seems to be wearing her shirt backwards in the first panel, but gets it turned around by the third panel.”
Yikes! How did I miss that? How did Batominc miss that? QA at its finest, as usual.
Also, now that I can see the large image, I see that I was unfair to the colorist. Funky’s cheeks are shaded with a pattern. Batominc didn’t trust the colorist to get it right. I haven’t read physical newspapers in years bordering on decades. Do a lot of them still print the funnies only in black & white?
You know when Pee Wee Herman is your EMT, you really should count your blessings, Funky.
In a world where passive smirking is considered a worthwhile effort, any physical activity is “overdo[ing] it.” Funky’s lucky he didn’t explode.
Whether it’s over yet or not, this was one really f*cked up arc IMO. It started out looking like it’d be a week-long Lisa wankfest featuring Summer and her abominable cheeriness. Then Boy Lisa and whatshername popped up out of nowhere to remind us that even though they couldn’t run, Batom didn’t forget that Blondie was pregnant. Then again, completely out of nowhere, Funky collapsed and somehow ended up as the butt of more cruel, mean and somewhat sadistic mockery. It’s almsot as if he couldn’t think up a way to finish up the LL arc, got angry at himself and took it out on Funky.
Or perhaps he’s angry because other than basketball and Lisa he has no idea what to do with Summer anymore. Not that I’m complaining or anything, but since the big championship arc a while back Summer has been a real bit player. She pops up here and there but almost always in an arc about something else. Like the SSC arc or the one where (shudder) Cody & Owen “like” her. That’s what happens, though, when you have a huge stable of one-note characters that you have to shoehorn in a few times a year for the sake of pretending to care about continuity, I suppose.
So Les is the avatar. Summer is the (blech) ideal. That would make Funky the punching bag. That sounds about right.