Greetings, fellow snarkers, BChasm back for another stint (I almost wrote “stink”) in the Funky Winkerbean guest-host-o-rama.
For a comic strip that continually confounds me, today’s episode is a grand-slam home run. I have no idea whatsoever what is supposed to be conveyed by Funky’s expression and dialogue in panel three. His words say “I’m astonished to the point of horror” but his face is swept with the bemusement that, aside from the smirk, is the most prevalent facial expression in Westview. Replace Holly’s dialogue with “I found a dozen pies” and his expression suddenly makes perfect sense.
Taking a wild stab here, I’m going to assume that Funky is a fan of Starbuck Jones (wasn’t that the comic he urged his younger self to buy?) and is amazed that Cory has even heard of such a thing. Perhaps the two of them actually share a characteristic, other than unending cynicism.
This is quite a surprise to me. The reason it’s surprising is that in all my recent reading of Funky Winkerbean (since the tail end of the Gay Promeggedon) I cannot recall a single area in which Funky expresses any interest at all. Well, there’s Steve Earle I suppose. But other than that, Funky seems to have no interests, hobbies or anything that distinguishes him from the pizza dough he endlessly kneads. Other than owning the only healthy business in Westview, he seems to have no purpose.
Well, okay, he does serve one function. But “He was one of Les Moore’s foils” is not going to be much of an epitaph.
Son of Stuck Funky 
BC: Several years ago, Funky sold his mint condition copy of SJ #1 in order to keep Montoni’s afloat. Then, after he put his dad in the Bedside Manor nursing home, he stopped off at a local bar and ordered a vodka and orange but he never drank it. On the way home a woman who was yapping on her cell phone ran Funky off the road and put him into a coma. During his coma episode he traveled back in time to the 1970’s where he ran into his young self. He then advised his young self to buy the then-new SJ #1, at which point he woke up and went through a few weeks of really boring therapy. Then a few years after that, TFH pulled an awesome SJ-related April Fools Day prank. That is pretty much everything I know re: SJ. So the “gag” here is that Funky knows so little about Cory that he’s shocked to learn that Cory loves SJ too. Hysterical, right?
So apparently the big Holly/Cory comic book mega-arc will consist of Holly mailing a box. Given how it once took a FW character like a month to open a single letter, this could conceivably fill out the remainder of 2013 easily.
I think Funky’s appalled that his wife would dare to send something so precious as a vintage Starbuck Jones to his unworthy stepson. After all, Cory might get it dirty or destroyed when an IED blows up in his face, and then where will Funky be?
Funky did rag on Les when Les complained about two women taking an interest in him, so that was useful. But then he had to go over and sit on the porch swing and apologize, so yeah, fuck him, he is worthless.
The items on the table in panel 1 make the food in Mary Worth look explicitly drawn. I hope Cory enjoys his “care package” of socks, manila envelope, 2 cans of beans, orange yo-yo, navy blue-handle jump rope, miniature tumbleweed, box of Cracker Barrel cheese, and Starbuck Jones #7.
Why did i ever think they could set up this “Starbuck Jones” schtick within only one week of strips? When Funky wandered off and started reading the racially insensitive pun collection, and the Sunday strip was in no way connected, i should have realized TB was doing what he does best–adding filler.
Anyway, i think he said that there are 6 or 8 (correction: 7) real artists lined up to do Sunday “Starbuck” covers, so that should hold us through the end of the year. Although they won’t just be copying old covers like good ol’ TB, so they might be entertaining.
Funky: Oh cool, I never knew Cory and I liked the same comic book! I still think he’s a little delinquent douchebag, though.”
Funky sure got hit with the ugly stick in the last panel.
Funky: “Don’t seal it once I’ve packed everything?”
Holly: “Yes.”
Funky: “What the hell am I supposed to do?!? Seal it when it’s full of NOTHING?!? That’s it, YOU handle the packing of care packages for for groin droppings from now on!”
**SLAM**
Holly: “Issue #7 of STARBUCK…*….Jones…Funky?”
*faint buzzing of room light*
Holly: “All things considered, I’m starting to suspect Funky might just possibly have issues regarding Cory. Just a wild hunch.”