Kahn’t Stand Losing You

Link to today’s strip

Little known factoid: Chapter 18 bankruptcy is only available to Westviewian business owners. You are forced to sell off any comic book assets you may have and you must sit there in court while your creditors point and laugh at you.

So the “going out of business” sign WAS correct…Citizen Kahn’s is no more. That leaves two active businesses on Main Street…not coincidentally the two key businesses in town. Actually, this dopey “chapter” gag probably would have worked better during the Mr. Booksmith arc a few years ago, but it’s way too late for that now I suppose, as I’m sure Mr. Booksmith is long dead by now.

I’m still kind of stunned to be snarking on an actual Kahn arc…it’s like being a bird watcher and spotting one of those ivory-billed woodpeckers or something. I do remember when Citizen Kahn’s opened…it was the final panel in a “grab-bag” arc from a few years back, and I remember he was in attendance at Les & Cayla’s super-trashy front yard wedding but all in all Kahn is one of the least-used characters in the entire FW canon. Other than all those missing children, of course, but there’s no proof that they even exist anymore.

Finally, let’s take a moment to give good old Kahn some credit where it’s due: for a non-native Westviewian who grew up in a far-off land, that is one hell of a hand-lettered sign. It’s kind of strange how a guy who was able to pick up on that aspect of the local culture so quickly was unable to realize that selling sandwiches in Westview was basically business suicide. I mean seriously, I don’t even see a comic book rack in that place either, what was he thinking? I’m picturing a Westviewian family sitting around the table, staring at one of Kahn’s sandwiches like it’s some sort of alien artifact…”so what do we DO with this thing? There’s no crust, no cheese, no sauce! Must be some sort of ethnic Afghani delicacy. Shang-wich….am I saying that right?”.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

18 responses to “Kahn’t Stand Losing You

  1. This would be a very sad moment in the strip, as we see how one of the characters is suffering…that is, it would be sad if I had any reason whatsoever to give a damn. It’s hard to feel sorry for a character when my only prior exposure to him is as a rumor.

    It’s also hard to feel sad for these characters when the main occupation of their creator seems to be inflicting endless suffering on them. And Les Moore. None of this is what I would call an unexpected turn of events, Mr. Batiuk; it’s entirely predictable and thus, not even slightly sad at all. Just another name on the roster.

  2. Khan has also quickly learned the Westview practice of making weak wordplay in the face of perpetual misery.

  3. Epicus Doomus

    When you think about it that “going out of business” sign is pretty stupid. I mean who is it directed at? No one went there, thus no one will notice or care that it’s gone. It’s not like he can have a “fire sale”, I would assume that his food deliveries stopped months ago. Or maybe he hung the sign to finally get Wally’s attention, which is just plain sad.

  4. Gyre

    Afghan BTW. Afghani is the currency.

  5. Rusty

    Evidently Montoni’s isn’t enough of a draw for Kahn to get some spillover business. Hardly surprising, but the Westview Restaurant District just lost half its size.

  6. Merry Pookster

    First the Chi-coms lost their foothold next to Montonis and now the Taliban.
    U.S.A.!!! U.S.A!!! U.S.A !!!!

  7. Saturnino

    Westview is probably the ONE place in the US that the Chi-coms did NOT want to make an investment.


    Jeez, Saddam Hussein after the found him in the hole, looks better than Khan does here.

    Given how things are in Westview, would Khan really be any worse off if he stayed in Afghanistan? A deli probably would do If given the choice between suffering from the Taliban or Les Moore, I would gladly choose the Taliban.

  9. billytheskink

    —–The Westview Chamber of Commerce Website—–
    Pizza. Love. Comics. Shop Westview Fisrt.

    Montoni’s Pizza
    Komix Korner
    Citizen Kahn’s Deli (Going out of Business!)
    Toxic Taco (pending)

    Former Members:
    United States Post Office
    Blue Nile Coffee Shop
    The Jade Dragon
    Lisa Moore, Attorney at Law
    The Village Booksmith
    Drugstore (Starbuck Jones #1 was purchased here, historical marker placed on vacant site in 2010)

    Status Unknown:
    Free Trips to Kilimanjaro Travel Agency


    Contact us!

    You are visitor number: 0003

  10. bad wolf

    BTW, according to the tags and old comments (the links to old strips are broken–thanks, Comics Kingdom), it was “k-H-A-n”, and is now repeatedly (yesterday and today, conversation and signage) “k-A-H-n”.

    TFH, i don’t see the Khan Counter on the page anymore. Do we have a number? I’m guessing… 820 days.

  11. Great call, @badwolf:

    April 23, 2011:

    January 7, 2014:

    Just more of Batiuk’s “Khan-tinuity”! Ah-HAHHhaahhh-haaaa!

    (RE: the “Days Since Khan’s Last Appearance” counter, it was powered by a WordPress plugin that isn’t available on their free hosting. I had to dis-Kahn-tinue it, tee hee.)

  12. Volume III of The Complete Funky Winkerbean drops Feb. 15th!!!

    “…fans are introduced to a host of new characters, including black cheerleader Junebug Jones [and] talk show host John Darling”!!!

  13. billytheskink

    For what it’s worth, Khan was spelled Kahn in the Act II Afghan land mine story.
    My theory, courtesy of TB speaking through Creepy Pete to gripe about nitpicking fans, is that Kahn was dreaming that his name was spelled “Khan”. Everything that happened between the first spelling of Khan and the most recent spelling of Kahn… all a nightmare brought on by Kahn eating some expired tuna salad.

  14. Rusty

    “Junebug Jones?” Oh dear god, that’s horrible, I don’t remember her.

  15. John

    Kahn: “Tom Batiuk’s popular Funky Winkerbean made its debut on the comics pages in 1972 and today, appears in more than 400 newspapers worldwide. The cartoonist not only entertains teenagers and adults alike with his portrayal of the students and faculty at Westview High but has earned high marks for his sensitive treatment of important social and educational issues. His groundbreaking series on teen pregnancy, reading impairment dyslexia, teen suicide, teen dating abuse and breast cancer earned Batiuk high marks from fans, educators and community leaders. And because of the popularity of the Harry L. Dinkle character, “The World’s Greatest Band Leader,” the Funky characters became the first comic-strip stars to march in the Rose Bowl Parade.”

    Wally: “Um, wow. Why am I only finding out about this now?”

    Funky: “When was the last time you payed attention to ANYTHING not named ‘Buddy’ or ‘Rachel’?”

    Wally: “…ouch.”

    Kahn: “I just can’t understand why my dirty mustard colored text on my store’s front window didn’t attract customers.”

    Funky: “Should have advertised with a sharpie-written message on a piece of scrap paper too, buddy.”

    Wally: “Where?!? Where!”

    Funky: *face palm*

  16. It’s too bad that no one in this series other than Les (to a lesser extent, Mopey Pete) can have some success in their lives. It’s almost always a big blow against them.

  17. DOlz

    @Rusty, that’s OK, neither does TB.

  18. Epicus Doomus

    Re: Khan vs. Kahn…good catch indeed. At first I was quite confused, as I remembered it as “Khan”. How utterly laughable. Next thing you know we’ll be revisiting Less, Kayla, Sumner, Funkie and Rachle too.