Well, Cindy, it might not smell so bad if you had the cab drop you off anywhere other than directly in front of that horrible pizza place, like the local dump or the fat rendering plant or the sewage treatment facility. But then again, without that hilarious Montoni’s backdrop her soul-crushing career and personal setbacks wouldn’t be quite as comical. RIGHT???
Speaking of comical, isn’t it funny how the good-looking popular girl from high school is now an old washed-up schlub who feels terrible about herself? And speaking of funny, isn’t it just SO WACKY how Cindy inexplicably visited her ex-husband’s awful pizzeria before she bothered with things like accommodations in the Cleveland area and visiting her new employer? The genius of it is that by the time whatever the premise is here finally unfolds, everyone will have forgotten that it began with a character doing something no sane, rational human being would ever do in “real life”. Welcome to the Funkyverse.
This has “bad sitcom premise” written all over it. I will tell you this: if it turns out that there’s another vacant apartment above Montoni’s that “no one’s using right now”, I am going to let the expletives fly, you can bank on that.
(Question for those of whom were paying attention at the time: what were the circumstances surrounding Funky and Cindy’s break-up? Was it Funky’s boozing or did she realize his dumb ass was holding her back or what? I believe it was semi-mutual, was it not? I sort of remember the original Funky & Cindy premise was “ordinary nobody (Funky) marries high school superstar (Cindy)” but I was ignoring huge chunks of Act II at the time so the rest of it is a blank to me. Fill us in if you remember, please.)
Son of Stuck Funky 
I believe there is room in Durrrwood’s bed, as the daughter of John Darling is up all night tending to the royal baby.
Funky left Cindy after she bought him a PT Cruiser for a present, and 3 years later he realized it was a shitbox.
Welcome to Montoni’s Pizzeria. You can check out any time you’d like, but you can never leave.
**I will tell you this: if it turns out that there’s another vacant apartment above Montoni’s that “no one’s using right now”, I am going to let the expletives fly**–that is where I think this is going.
Oh Boy… time to settle in and find a place to live in Cleveland that supports my being the News Anchor woman. Let’s see…a condo in The Flats?…how about a high rise near Public Square?….Neat old houses in East Cleveland?…Fashionable Shaker Heights?….a mansion along the shore?….Solon?…Aurora?….shit, Euclid?…Twinsburg?…..oh for gods sake not Westview!
There’s a great book out there, “My Name is Funky, and I’m an Alcoholic.” It’s a collection from the 90’s featuring all of the arcs which chronicle the demise of the marriage, as Cindy has media aspirations beyond Westview while Funky is focused on his burgeoning career of pizzeria manager. The low goals he has set for himself are mainly because of his rapid descent into alcoholism and he spends most evenings alone at Montoni’s slugging red wine. Some very heart wrenching scenes of Funky passed out in the street in the snow; brief periods of sobriety and tender make-up sex with his estranged wife; an unsuccessful intervention headed by his dear pal, Les, and, finally, acceptance by Funky. As we further read, we witness his dramatic, yet occasionally light-hearted, attendance at AA meetings, his temptations to fall off the wagon, his deep heartfelt conversations with his sponsor. But tis not enough to save the marriage and we are given a fly-on-the-wall view of the intimate details of the aggressively bitter final dissolution of the marriage between the big gal on campus and the ordinary Joe.
Did I say “great” book? I meant to type “insipid.”
“So, I lost my New York news anchor job, and I’ve got to work in Cleveland. First things first, though–time to drop in on the old gang in a city far away from Cleveland and tell them what a failure I’ve become. The smirks will sure fly tonight, boy.”
The same damn thing happened to me 25 years ago.
My family and I had moved away from our home town when I was in my early 20’s to another city about 600 miles away. Ten years later we moved back to our home town because everything just went to hell job-wise. When we arrived, we looked around and were shocked to see that absolutely NOTHING had changed except for the fact that there were more empty storefronts downtown.
I can identify with Cindy. Unfortunately.
Yeah, we’re definitely seeing the only reason this is happening. Well, the only reason besides remembering a secondary character just so Batiuk can write about how horrible their life is.
Cindy back in Westview. That is literally the only reason this is happening. We were kind of suspecting this, but this confirms it. Because if there was any other reason we’d probably see Cindy doing things like calling friends and associates, filing lawsuits, making living arrangements around Cleveland, things like that.
To quote Tony Montoni – “This make-a-no-fucking-sense”. Based on all the information that we’ve seen in this strip so far, Westview is a long day-trip away from Cleveland, and is not by any means considered a suburb of that city. So why did Cindy just pay a cab driver a couple thousand bucks to drive her from the airport to Montoni’s, when, as we’ve been advised by Baldy that she’s needed to start her anchor stint in Cleveland immediately (which also doesn’t make sense). If she somehow ends up living in Westview and commuting to Cleveland, for the sole purpose of banging Funky, I’m ready to lead a procession of rakes and torches straight to TB’s home studio.
I guess I’m echoing what everyone else has said. Why the heck is this woman in Westview when she’s supposed to be in Cleveland? Surely, she’s not commuting when she doesn’t have a car or even, apparently, a place to live yet. This confusing story line has really crippled what few brain cells I have left
You know, I bet the cab driver didn’t have to be told the location. That cab driver probably knows that there are only three locations that visitors to Westview want to go to. Montoni’s, Komix Korner and the Morgue.
Here, alternative strip that took me less than three minutes to think up and write:
Panel 1, Cindy in apartment on phone: So with an admission that this is because of my age, it looks like I stand a good chance of a decent settlement.
Panel 2, Cindy pulling book filled with notes: But I’m not sure I want to go the expense of a lawyer and the suit would burn a lot of bridges.
Panel 3, Cindy pulls out note: And I remembered that you mentioned an opening?
Panel 3 unseen person on phone with Cindy: I think this one might be a pleasant surprise…
TB has once again taken to his blog to share an interview he gave to a student from the Brunswick City (OH) Schools.
Intentional or not, this strip is actually a shot-for-shot remake of the end of the Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air theme sequence.
I whistled for a cab and when it came close
The cabbie looked depressed and had a comb under his nose
Then it hit me, “age discrimination, hey, I could sue!”
But I thought “Nah, forget it… I’ll go back to Westview.”
I pulled up to Montoni’s at 5, maybe 6
Let the cabbie keep the change while I visit my ex
I looked at my hometown, Batiuk what did I do…
To deserve being brought back to Westview?
Like a moth to a flame, salmon returning to spawn, the migration of the Monarch Butterfly, and Swallows returning to Capistrano when you’re defeated and thoroughly whipped by life nature intervenes with an ancient calling which cannot be ignored to return to Westview. One wonders if there is a secret world religion where deep anguish results in cries of despair and a bow in homage to Montoni’s. Maybe the town folk make a financial killing by erecting a forlorn Statue of Futility speaking of welcoming the downtrodden where eveyone would be at home in constant joy at their misery. What a thoroughly depressing strip.
**What a thoroughly depressing strip.**
Speaking of which–Chris Sims is up!
http://comicsalliance.com/tags/Funky-Winkerbean/
I bet we don’t see Cindy interact with anyone. We’ll just hear about it.
[The Scene: Funky and Les are jogging, because Les]
Panel 1: Funky: Cindy seemed pretty depressed about having to return to Westview after being a big-name television anchor in New York City.
Panel 2: Les: Well, Ernest Hemingway once wrote a book called “The Sun Also Rises”
Panel 3: Les: …but he left out the part about how the sun also sets.
Fin
The worst part is, that does not sound in any way different from what the actual FW is. Heck, it’s actually a bit better than most.