So: another week of “Holly gets a valuable comic book for free, because Cory.” Unless we’re going to be treated to s Super-special two-week storyline! You can tell it’s going to be special, because Fred Flintstone has put on his space helmet in panel two!
Also in today’s episode, Holly finally yields to the voices in her head (otherwise known as Son of Stuck Funky Commentators) and decides to try her luck on eBay.
And I’m going to say, there’s really no way this is going to be interesting.
Those of you who remember Peanuts might recall that one of the ongoing bits was Charlie Brown’s eternal quest to get a Joe Shlabotnik baseball card. Despite spending lots of time and money in the pursuit, he never got one. Others, Lucy in particular, got them with ease, and then refused to trade them, leaving Charlie Brown depressed once again.
It might shock Tom Batiuk to hear this, but the baseball card was never the point. It was simply a prop used to illustrate Charlie Brown’s character; despite Fate’s eternal campaign against him, he never gave up his quest. Determination in the face of adversity was one of Chuck’s fine qualities.
Notice how this storyline suffers by comparison. It is all about the comic book. Despite this arc’s eternally ongoing length, Holly’s quest has changed her not a whit. (I’m sure she would protest otherwise–after all, she’d say, she now uses terms like “geek.” Well, woo-hoo.)
No, Holly is always Holly. She remains a non-entity to whom Fate hands things, with never a drop of blood or an honest day’s sweat on her part.
Son of Stuck Funky 
I admit to a smidge of curiosity as to how an automated bidding system with no ticky-box for “my son is clearing landmines in Afghanistan” will end up giving Holly the comic for one dollar or less.
Technology + Holly taunting the vengeful gods of the Funkyverse…this will NOT end well, nor interestingly, nor entertainingly. And I see that FW’s flagrant trademark abuse continues unabated today. I seriously doubt he’ll be depicting Ebay in a favorable way, either.
EBay broke Jeff’s heart!
And this will end with another sermon on how technology is evil evil EVIL, because Holly just can’t bum a free comic book off eBay by telling the sob story of her dear son in Afghanistan.
His skills with expositional dialog have hit a new low. While normally Batiuk has his characters explain to each other what has been happening ad nauseum, this is the first time I can recall a character speaking aloud to herself in that nonsensical repetitive exposition.
Diva: Technology is evil evil EVIL because anyone can come along at the last second to make the winning bid, severely disappointing the Westviewian who placed their max bid earlier in the week. Luckily, Holly will have the second highest bid and can thus email her sob story to the winner so that he can withdraw his bid and turn the prize over to her. Unluckily, it will take until Flag Day to have this part of the arc resolved.
Of course Bat-HACK doesn’t understand what was really going on with the Shlabotnik arc. That requires an oblivious twinkie to reflect on the world instead of just going with whatever surface impression most appeals to the deluded little kid in him. It’s not about how the Round-headed kid never gave up despite the world taking a creamy dump on him just ’cause; it’s about his not getting the card.
Take this mess. It’s not about how some grinning lump of nothing the world hands crap to because they feel sorry for someone with no survival instincts, it’s about how the world of scary machines is scary because boomers are imbeciles who expect that everyone everywhere is supposed to drop everything and take care of them forever and ever because they’re lazy.
Alternate directions for the Holly Finds Starbuck Jones Comics arc to make the whole shenanigan less annoying:
1.) Batiuk could do a straight rip-off of the aforementioned Peanuts arc. Err. well, while he probably won’t get the underlying theme of determination in the face of adversity, he’s all over the laconic whining in the face of adversity part themes.
2.) Holly goes through a series of increasingly ludicrous tasks for a comic. For example, if she wants the rare issue #14, she has to win a rap battle against Kid DJ Quick and the Pizza Pastas. Or spend a night in a haunted mansion. Or win a costume design contest at a Sci-Fi convention.
3.) Holly gets taken to task by Corey or Wally about how she’s just wasting her time on neurotic feel-good gestures and if she really wants to make a difference she should be spending her time doing something with actual worth, like, oh, volunteering for the USO.
That last one requires a better and more intelligent writer. Best to stick to the safe channel of screaming about the devil computers that are the real reason that traditional comics are going away instead of scaring himself thinking that maybe he’s the problem.
Oh gods, not the comic book thing again!
The one way this could be interesting would be if Holly gets into an intense bidding war that deprives her of sleep and sanity, wins the auction, and then realizes her bid will prevent her and Funky from paying their mortgage for several months.
This would, of course, be negated next week by a nightmare story arc where Funky calls in a favor and the Winkerbeans move into the Taj-Moore-Hal…
To further add-on to your point, BC, Joe Shlabotnik was apparently a mediocre player. He wasn’t a Willie Mays or a Babe Ruth. Yet, he was Charlie Brown’s hero. Charlie Brown was devoted to him. That type of loyalty was also an endearing quality of Charlie Brown.
That’s the thing about Charlie Brown. As depressing as his stories may be…we liked him. We saw ourselves in him. I DO not see myself in Holly…well maybe we share the same build.. LOL!!!
That’s the thing about Charlie Brown. As depressing as his stories may be…we liked him. We saw ourselves in him. I DO not see myself in Holly…well maybe we share the same build.. LOL!!!
For those of you familiar with Blandthony, anyone else get the same sort of douche chills from Holly we get from that guy? Granted, Holly isn’t as horrible as Anthony but the feeling I get from these dreary, passive dullards wallowing in slimy earnestness and entitlement is the same.
Well, because TECHNOLOGY is involved, my best guess is that this will go in the usual technology-driven direction, that being “it’s all well and good but nothing will ever replace the thrill of going to a real brick & mortar comic book shop and dealing with the weirdos within” and so forth.
And as others have already mentioned, her “my son is in the army” schtick probably won’t work on Ebay, thus she’s finally going to have to actually BUY one of these “key issues” (apparently they ALL are) this time around. I’m still wondering how and if he’ll address the issue #1 paradox he’s written himself into, as it’s already been established that SJ #1 is worth a minimum of five figures. My best guess is that he’ll just ignore that inconsistency completely when and if the time ever comes.
Oh Joy. We return to the Starbuck Jones saga. The Artic ice sheet is retreating fast than this story arc.
@Epicus – Didn’t Holly enumerate all the missing issue numbers a few weeks ago? I don’t recall issue #1 being on the list. I don’t have the patience, time, or fortitude to go back and look for it.
I’ll go ahead and predict that Batominc doesn’t know anything about Ebay: not that online auctions are decided in the last few minutes (if not split seconds), nor that some items have a “buy it now” price that immediately ends the auction. Expect the substitution of glurge for any proximity (not even ¼ inch) to reality. Business as usual at Batominc Industries, really.
If and that’s a big if there’s a twist to this story, it probably involves Holly bidding against someone who is trying to help her out.
bobanero @Epicus – Didn’t Holly enumerate all the missing issue numbers a few weeks ago? I don’t recall issue #1 being on the list. I don’t have the patience, time, or fortitude to go back and look for it.
Good call! Though it looks like the issue she’s bidding on is #36. Which isn’t on that list either!
You’d think he could at least maintain some continuity over the course of a month. Whatever the case, I think it’s a sure bet that he’ll overlook the fact that issue number 1 was worth a fortune, and there is no way Cory could have it in his collection (unless he went and stole it from the guy that Funky sold his copy to), unless he pulls something really ridiculous and has the guy who Funky sold #1 to contribute it back to Cory, OR we find out that when Funky took the time machine trip back to see 70’s Funky he actually advised him to buy two copies of SJ #1 instead of one.
@bobanero – the “Cory stole the issue that Funky sold (and this begat his own love of comic books incidentally)” idea is actually a great one…which means it will never see the light of day here.
Holly: “No! The bidding keeps going higher and higher! Now there’s no possible was for me to obtain those issues for Cory!”
*****************************************************
Tom: “So, what do you think of the dramatic new arc?”
Reader: “….a woman is using an internet auction site. This woman has apparently never heard of collected archive editions and the option of buying the issue digitally.”
Tom: “EVIL TECHNOLOGY! And anyway, those collections cost as much as a college education!”
Reader: “Actually, most places offer them on a discount if ordered onl-”
Tom: “LA-LA-LA-LA I’M NOT LISTENING I’M NOT LISTENING LA-LA-LA-LA!”
I love the idea of Cory already having #1 via theft. I’d also love to see him come home and declare that’s he’s “over” SJ entirely and doesn’t care about the complete collection. Or maybe TB will have him sell the entire collection for pennies on the dollar so he can buy oxycontin or something. But probably not, it’ll all just boil down to annoying smirks and idiotic wordplay before fizzling out into nothingness…again.
It’s going down like this all ye fellow snarkers:
1) Holly is actually bidding against A. Funky B. DSH John C. Cory himself
2) The person selling the comic book is A. Les Moore (never got paid by evil Hollywood) B. Summer Moore (trying to earn money since she lost her BB scholarship for playing lousy or C. Cory himself.