I always thought the term was “poaching” and not “sandbagging,” but what do I know? I certainly don’t have a Pulitzer nomination on my shelf. I would also think that someone snatching a last-minute prize wouldn’t “snipe”* it, but now I’m just getting all beady-eyed.
Judging by Harry and John’s wild gesticulation, the Starbuck Jones saga is something they find quite engaging. And it serves as a good illustration of one of Funky Winkerbean‘s problems: telling and not showing. Stories about people in comic books can be very entertaining, since those people are usually doing things or plotting to do things. Stories about people collecting comic books are not interesting. At all. Especially when they consist entirely of “I’m looking for an issue,” “Oh, well, here you are, then” stretched out over a week. As pointed out some time ago by BillyTheSkink (thanks Billy!), it’s the reverse of Monty Python’s “Cheese Shop” sketch.
What would be funny (in a rather “meta” sense of course) would be if the object of Holly’s quest wasn’t Starbuck Jones but instead something more in keeping with the general tenor of Funky Winkerbean. To wit:
Holly: “Good morning, I’m looking for a particular comic for my son, who’s serving in Khahnistan.”
Wensleydale: “Certainly, ma’am, we’re a comic shop. What would you like?”
Holly: “Have you got volume nine of the complete newspaper Spider-Man?”
Wensleydale: “Ooo–that’s the one where he sits on the couch while his wife works, right? And the other Marvel heroes keep saving him? And there’s the special Sunday strip where he almost orders a pizza but stops himself at the last minute? That’s a fairly rare item, I’m afraid.”
Newspaper Spider-Man and Funky Winkerbean are made for each other.
Speaking of artwork, initially, it looks to me as though the colorist here got Tom Batiuk’s notes in the wrong order. You’d think the second panel would be the one shrouded in an all-encompassing darkness. That is how my favorite character, the Pouncing Darkness, rolls in this strip. On the other hand, we all know Holly’s going to get this issue no matter what, so perhaps Tom’s doing a bit of subtle foreshadowing by having panel two suddenly brighten.
Hey, it could happen.
*Seriously, check out definition 6 on that page.
Son of Stuck Funky 
If those two comic book-obsessed morons would stop babbling for a second and just help her locate the damned comics, the lengthy and highly self-indulgent SJ plot synopsis wouldn’t really be necessary. What a pair of assholes. I thought SJ was an obscure and somewhat unpopular title, so how come everyone is such a big expert on the topic? And “key issue” my ass, which ones haven’t been “keys” so far?
Then you have Holly. Note to TB: the “noob in a strange land” premise is for the beginning of the story, it isn’t supposed to be the whole f*cking thing. Then again, endless repetition in place of even the slightest bit of character development is this strip’s trademark move, so expecting Holly to maybe pick up a shred of comic book knowledge or savvy along the way is just wishful thinking.
Eighty-six words today. Those aren’t word balloons, they’re word airships. And he really makes comic book collecting look like FUN, doesn’t he? The endless babbling, the tedium, the uncertainty, the confusion, the stress…no wonder they love it so much in Westview, it has everything they’re looking for in a hobby.
So far Holly hasn’t had to break a sweat for the SJ issues… they were all simply given to her. Maybe this time some evil E-bidder will rob her of her sacred quest.
Isn’t it about time Cory be taken POW anyway?
Didn’t Holly already get a precious Octo-Shark issue from the Crankshaft crossover characters? I’d go back and look, but that would mean investing more energy in this arc than it really deserves.
@TheDiva, reading this drivel means investing more energy than this arc deserves. Does anyone know of a 12 step program for FW?
There is evidence of some very minimal research done here (maybe talking to someone with an eBay account?) as EZ Sniper is the name of a popular bidding app. Another is Bidnip.
Coming next week: After missing out on issue #36, Holly bids on issue #37, the one guest-written by Tom Batiuk where absolutely nothing happens to Starbuck Jones. It’s a “key issue” as it features the first appearance of Beardo and Basketball Girl, who are later killed by a runaway school bus in issue #62’s Crankshaft crossover.
What a shock! Batominc’s male characters are mansplaining auctions. What’s next? Will they ask her to “put out” to return the favor? Or will Harry Dinkle suddenly show up to snipe the output?
Beckoningchasm’s comments are as boring as this shitty strip.
Let’s see:
1) Being stupid being Holly’s ‘hat’ because she has ovaries: check.
2) Long-winded repetitious dialogue that gets the terminology wrong: check.
3) A story arc that makes us all into Sisyphus rollin’Batiuk’s ole debbil stone: Check and mate.
You know, if you’re going to criticize someone on this site, would it kill you to explain why you’re criticizing him? ‘Boring’ isn’t an explanation.
Harry: “You won’t realize this because you’re a WOMAN, Holly, and thus innately foolish and inferior, but some people in the world are dishonest and tricky. Because they have testicles, get it? It makes us guys wiser and better than you chicks.”
John: “Also, we’ve read lots of comical books. We know the CONTINUITY, get it? So that makes our money better than yours.”
Harry: “Also, the internet is an evil, filthy abomination that will taint whatever you obtain from it.”
John: “Yeah, we’ll have to accuse you of being a witch if you so much as mention it again.”
Harry: “Yeah.”
Holly: “….”
John: “What is it, WOMAN? You got something to say?”
Holly: “Eff you losers. I’m just going to buy the digital version from Comixology and warn everyone I know to never shop here again!”
**SLAM**
Harry: “….huh. Is it possible we handled that poorly?”
John: “Nah, women got hormones and stuff.”
Ah, yes. I’d forgotten Batiuk’s terror and hatred of the scary, scary interwebs and the terrible, terrible way it allows THE WRONG SORT to cross-check his output and see not a genius but a boring old hack who hammers away at the same old themes like a senile old goat’s school bus does another senile old goat’s mailbox.
You know, I like to think of myself as a fairly knowledgeable comic book afficianado and even I couldn’t tell you the key plotlines to some obscure comic character during the Bronze Age. Crazy Harry practically vomits out a friggin thesis on the subject!
*sigh*. As stupid as the John Darling documentary arc was…I certainly did not want to return to this idiotic Starbuck Jones quest arc!!
I think we have long been misinterpreting TB’s “it’s called writing” quote, it appears he meant it 100% literally. I’d actually give him some kudos if one day he has the chutzpah to skip the artwork for a strip or two and submit 2-3 panels of text to the syndicate.
and I remember the “cheese shop”/“comic shop” sketch comparison all too well…
Well, at least we don’t have to look at these people who look thirty years older than they actually are. That’s something, at least.
Three more days left of “Holly learns how to use ebay”, until the seller decides to call off the auction and just give the comic to the user with the handle “momofboyabouttodieinafghanistan”.
Aw, man, my critique got zapped!
This is it, DOlz. The first step is to admit you’re powerless. Now, let’s all recite the Serenity prayer:
God, grant me the Serenity to accept the awful story arcs that we cannot change, the Courage to snark on the things that we could change if it were only our comic strip, and the Wisdom to know that none of it makes a damn bit of difference in the Grand Scheme of Things.
@beckoning – It was a pretty lame critique, anyway. Probably came from Spider Man.
Dear beckoningchasam;
You are a bully jock and a small-minded literalist and a beady-eyed nitpicker and a poopyhead.
Yours truly,
Bom Tatiuk
Wall-o-Text. Manslaining geek stuff, No Bricks but well you can’t have everything
you know what would be intresting – Holly trying to find the writer/artiist of Starbuck jones to get a copy signed for Cory. I guess not, that would require too much oh …creativity and stretching the boundries of this stifling inclosed pizza addled universe that is Westville.
Holly put in a nuclear bid. It’s perfectly reasonable and no more of a trick than sniping. It doesn’t matter if someone waits to the last minute or not to bid, whoever has the highest bid at auction’s close wins.
Donna made an appearance a while back to explain that sometimes girls excel at “guy things.” We were all perplexed by the purported connection between video games and comic books. But think about it: Donna was formerly Donald, child video-game prodigy, later hot biker chick, ultimately standard blonde middle-aged frump. If any character in this strip should have internet knowledge, it should be Donna, or would be if she hadn’t been made into the default middle-aged female. If TB had shown Donna helping Holly on this quest, it would have made a real statement about women being good at things like the interwebs (Trudeau isn’t afraid to go there), and would have been much more true-to-life. Is there something wrong with me that I find myself thinking about how this strip could be fixed?