And here we are, almost at the end of the week…and perhaps, almost at the end of this chapter in the “Holly Buys Comics, Because Cory” saga? Not much room left for Holly to get what she wants, is there? All those pings!
My mutant super-power of being able to see future Funky Winkerbean strips–which is, trust me, the worst mutant super-power ever–is failing me at this point. So let’s speculate.
I see today’s strip leading to the following three possible conclusions.
1 – a bitter Holly lectures everyone how evil technology has ruined her quest (for the moment). She should have put her faith in people, and not processors. This scenario has the advantage of ending the arc with Saturday’s strip, allowing Sunday’s to be another comic cover with a smirk in the corner. Of course, we know Tom Batiuk is not a fan of short-and-to-the-point; the whole comic strip screams that.
2 – Holly receives an email from the winning bidder, which goes something like this. “I am sorry that my $11.54 bid meant that you did not get the comic. I did not know, at the time, that your son was in the service. I am therefore going to mail you the comic, free of charge, along with a personal check for $11.54.”
3 – Holly goes to the Komix Korner to, uh, drown her sorrows or something. And a smiling John Howard produces the comic! “I outbid everyone else, to a final cost of $15,011.54, just so I could give you the comic for free! Because Cory Winkerbean!”
Both 2 and 3 mean extending this by another week–which would be kind of difficult to do, since all it really needs is an extra couple of panels…D’oh! What am I saying? Funky Winkerbean specializes in stretching things way past the breaking point!
You know, I write these entries a year in advance (give or take 360-odd weeks) and I was a little surprised that everyone here already guessed all three of these outcomes. Of course, they’re all blindingly obvious. But maybe Tom Batiuk has a surprise for us! I guess we’ll see, together, how this flops across the finish line. In the meantime, I just gotta say this: Holly’s unborn clown face in panel one is terrifying.
Son of Stuck Funky 
If I didn’t know Batiuk wrote this a year ahead of schedule, I’d swear this was a direct response to criticisms of the Great Starbuck Jones Saga. “Well, obviously Holly can’t find these comics online like a normal person because…um…everybody online is a big meanie-pants who snipes people on eBay! Yeah!”
Fatty McBimbo looks as if she’s about to barf.
TheDiva: It really does read like that, doesn’t it? “See? She tried Ebay and it SUCKED! Brick & mortar shops, baby!”.
I think this SJ arc is going to go on for a while, probably the entire year. I also still believe he’s going for an “outpouring of support”-type ending here with Cindy figuring into it somehow as well. As far as just this part of the arc is concerned, I don’t know, maybe she spends too much accidentally or she gets “carried away” or something equally stupid which will eventually lead to her getting discouraged until someone or something “saves the day”. Only he’ll get the story there in some weird and unbelievably boring way like he always does. The Batom Twist: ice shavings over lukewarm unflavored gelatin in a big cup that’s only 1/3 full.
Since Holly has spent no money at all up to this point in getting the other issues, she should just blow her wad here and double the last bid she sees. It’s only fictional money, after all.
In my opinion, there’s no fucking way we’re not going to be turning our heads sideways this Sunday to read a comic strip that features the #36 cover and Holly in the corner holding the issue in her hot little hands, thus Beckoning’s first scenario is out, so the question is, what Deus Ex Machina is he going to pull out of his ass to give victory to Holly this time. Will it be an anonymous benefactor who outbid everyone so they could provide the comic to Holly for free? (scenario 3, but with somebody besides DSHJ doing the bidding). Maybe the person who actually won the bidding has to back out for some reason. I think that somehow it will have to be related to Cory’s military status whatever it is, because that has been the common thread in all the other miraculous comic acquisitions.
I’m guessing that Rocky bought it.
If she doesn’t have a reserve, which is the impression I’ve gotten from this week’s strips, why is she getting multiple email alerts that she’s been outbid? She could have it set up to alert her if anyone posts a bid to the auction, but that would contradict what she said in panel one.
Anyway, my guess is that one of the two guys who so lectured her on how to eBay will end up getting the item and giving it to her. He’ll do it because he couldn’t trust her to participate in the auction without screwing it up because she’s a silly woman who just doesn’t get these things and needed a man to step in and do it for her. Hooray for paternalism!
It doesn’t have to end like this to be Batiuk’s usual celebration of paternalism saving a silly woman, but it’d just be the cherry on top of the rancid sundae.
In the spirit of FW I’m going to pound into the ground TB’s lack of research. Holly would only get one ping since once her bid limit is reached, it’s been reached and it doesn’t matter how many bids there are above it. If eBay were an obscure part of the internet this might be excusable. However; eBay is almost 19 years old and as of the 3rd quarter of 2013 had over a 124 million worldwide users (see TB research isn’t hard, try it sometime). eBay is something a lot of FW readers are familiar with so getting it wrong just shows laziness and a lack of respect for the strip and readers.
he yet beeper big awe dosage Vogel gift
As if his vaunted year-long lead time didn’t already demonstrate pea-brained sloth and a complete disrespect for the unworthy vermin reading his True Art. Adding in Mansplaining Cancer and Luddite Malice Cancer just makes things worse.
If I didn’t know that Batomic Comic Obsessive thought that repeating the same old themes endlessly was better than character development AND that he thinks that computers are Stranger Danger on our desks AND that he thinks that women are stupid because they’re not mindless comic geeks, I’d expect tomorrow to have HOLLY save herself. That’s foolish because he needs to plod along witlessly and grimly down a dimly lit path of misogyny, fanboyism and jackassery. Also smirking. And mansplaining. And factual errors. And idiot nihilism.
Did I mention that he’d fit in great at DC now that they also act like a fourteen year old trying to brazen his way into buying cigarettes despite the fact that his voice is breaking?
Another batch of great Snarks…But we all know Tom typical MO…so this’ll end in an anti-climatic manner poured over with maple syrup
Meanwhile life at KSU is completely ignored, yet we suffered how many years of Summers sports prowess? Talk about someone with ADD.
Pookster–not only KSU; Westview High is presumably having prom and/or graduation around now (look, even Luann is doing it!): no sign of Owen, Cody, or the many whiny teachers that are the only characters Batiuk can still relate to.
Odds on whether Cody and Owen will still be fifth-year-pseudo-freshmen in the fall or whenever Batiuk remembers he does a high-school-life strip are about even.
That’s right, isn’t it? Right now, we should be watching Owen and Cody failing “hilariously” in a doomed campaign to scrounge themselves up some female companionship at their prom. Too bad we had to endure the unnecessary redemption of a vapid non-entity and this exercise in paternalism, poor research, condescension and Luddite malice.
Holly then barges into Komix Korner to tell DSH that, just before winning #36, she was besieged by more pings than a… uh… golf club catalog.
Holly trudges into the KOMIX KORNER, all downtrodden-like.
HOLLY BUDD WINKERBEAN: I got a hundred pings and no Starbuck Jones #36 (frowny face). [She actually says “frowny face.”]
DEAD SKUNK HEAD JOHN points to the back of the room. We SEE OWEN and CODY playing Pong on an ancient CRT television.
At BATOMINC WORLD HEADQUARTERS, the CEO leans back in his chair, and does the reverse-elbow knuckle crack maneuver.
CEO: Yup! Hit it out of my precious, tiny ballpark!