No One Mourns the Comics

Because today’s strip is about comical books, Mr. Oddnoc has enlisted perennial sophomores Owen and Cody to do the daily commentary. They will provide the puerile perspective and gravitas that Batominc bloviating about comic books warrants.

Note: the part of Holly in panel 2 will inexplicably be portrayed by Olympia Dukakis.

Owen: Mr. Oddnoc, do we have to do this one? It sucks!

Oddnoc: Oh, jeez, you’re right. Take the day off, boys! Go for a hike!

Cody: That’s what Batominc should do—take a hike!

Oddnoc: Haw! For sure. Anyway, here’s what Tubby McHagglesalot should have said:

Alternate-reality Chester the Chiseler: Ahhhhhhhhhhh! You cursed b——tch! Look what you’ve done! It’s decomposing and dropping in value. Ohhhhh, what a world, what a world! Who would have thought that some woman like you could destroy my beautiful comic book?

Owen: Good one, Mr. O! See ya!


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

13 responses to “No One Mourns the Comics

  1. DOlz

    Never again will I pledge to stop commenting on a story arc. The stupidity it burns.

  2. bad wolf

    Dammit, wasn’t this guy supposed to have two issues? The last thing i want is one more week of this arc. Just let it die, already.

    btw, did i complain that Mopey Pete is a writer, not one of the artists, and usually the original art is just divided and returned to the penciller and inker (to make extra $$$ on the original art market), not the plotter or scripter?

  3. Remember – collecting comics because of their market value is BAD! Unless you are Funky Winkerbean, then it’s good to have investment comics on hand to help pay the rent.

  4. Epicus Doomus

    Great stuff this week, Owen & Cody (and thanks to Oddnoc for transcribing/moderating those two nitwits)! Your check is “in the mail”, as they say in the comic book business (I guess).

    Time to throw Hagglemore on the pile with all the other one-off characters you’ll never see again: Act III Frankie, Lennie, the gay prom dudes, Art Teacher, Jarod Posey, Dr. Patella, Radio Ron, Closeted Gay Prom Rock, Mallory the Perfect Human Genome, Rachel’s kid, Kili the cat and that annoying Dan guy, Cell Phone Girl, that tall blonde girl that was always on whatever team Summer was playing against, Travel Agency Woman, Plantman and a bunch of other ones I’m forgetting. If you really want to see something decomposing, check out that pile of crappy characters but please, hold your nose. It’s for your own safety.

    Fat, whiny, no haggling skills to speak of and no chiseling to be had. This Hagglemore really sucked, you know? All that effort just to do a few awful gags about how stupid comic book collectors are, even though the protagonist of the story is collecting them herself. Only in the Funkyverse.

  5. …ugh. Too tired for this.

  6. Holy crap, he’s right about the comic decomposing! Look at it–It’s already turned an unhealthy brown color, like DEAD POOP or something! Holly will be lucky if the comic survives the trip back to her car, let alone all the way to Westview! Cory will have to read old toilet tissue for his thrills!

    –actually, Holly will be far luckier if she and the comic don’t survive the trip, if they both end up ashes in some tragic burning pileup on I95. Always the best scenario in Westview, always the best scenario.

  7. Okay, look, I can appreciate wanting the comic for its entertainment rather than collectible value, but isn’t this a bit like buying a first edition of Don Quixote for your world lit class?

  8. Charles

    isn’t this a bit like buying a first edition of Don Quixote for your world lit class?

    Yep. or buying a rookie Mickey Mantle card so you can have your kid put it in his bike spokes. Or Mike Trout, if we want to be a little more modest about Starbuck Jones.

    You know, yesterday I thought about making the joke that here Holly got this absurdly expensive item for her son who cares so little about it that he ends up trading it to his friend Rocky for a blow job, but this is even worse, and sexist to boot. Since Holly’s making these trades, she should at least have an idea of what it’s supposed to be worth. And Gross John and Crazy should have been telling her. Let’s just imagine the value of this item and assume that Holly just significantly devalued something worth as much as a new car. I wonder what Funky would think about this. Hell, I wonder what Cory would think. Betcha we won’t find out!

    Also, I doubt Batiuk’s a good enough writer to realize that he could spin this into showing the perils of Holly being given all of these expensive comics for free. Hell, he’s already blown it with the eBay sequence. Hey you guys who thought you were giving these expensive items to a fine boy fighting in Afghanistan: here’s exactly how much Holly values your gesture.

  9. Batiuk definitely isn’t good enough an author to do that. He’s just good enough an author to show a mother reaching out of her comfort zone to do something nice for her boy and willing to endure social misfits to prove it.

  10. OT/ICYMI: Bill Watterson collaborated with Stephan Pastis to produce three great Pearls Before Swine strips this week.

  11. Rusty

    i had seen people speculating on-line about Watterson this week, and couldn’t be bothered to pick up my paper Courant, which has the strips, to check. They are fantastic.

  12. I’m shocked—shocked, I tell you—that Bill Watterson chose Pastis over the world-famous one-time Pulitzer nominee who draws Funky Winkerbean. Let’s not forget: Stephan Pastis trained as a lawyer, whereas our Batominc stockholder went to art school.

    This Watterson fellow must be some kind of hack. Humph!

  13. Epicus Doomus

    Coming next week (SPOILERS): To obtain the final SJ issue, Holly is forced to visit Gary “The Giver” Givesaway, who lives in a slum in the “bad” part of town and who doesn’t take care of his collection at all, preferring to just throw them wherever so he can REALLY ENJOY them the way Stan Lee intended.