Link to today’s strip. (Vertically oriented version)
So at long last (and we do mean long) the Starbuck Jones project has been completed…we hope and pray, anyway.
Since Sunday’s strip was not available for preview, I’m assuming that we’re looking at a Starbuck Jones cover that has artwork far better than Funky Winkerbean has enjoyed since…well, the last strip not drawn by Tom Batiuk. I’m also assuming that Mr. Batiuk has junked up the cover with word balloons and his own uninteresting characters.
What little we could see of the cover last week showed Starbuck, gun at the ready, leaping through space while clutching a blonde, large-chested woman. Her gloved hand dragged over her forehead could either mean, “I’m getting the vapors!” or “Why do we always have to visit your friends?!” Either way, like the women of Funky Winkerbean, it appears that the women of Starbuck Jones are either clueless or hindrances.
And finally the saga (of collecting comics*) has drawn to a close (it is fervently hoped). Well, she still has to present the collection to Cory, who won’t appreciate it (having been shot dead the week before), but that shouldn’t take more than a Sunday strip.
And now, what have we learned? Well, I’ve learned that Tom Batiuk can take a subject which engages his interest and turn it into something utterly boring and uninvolving. Apparently his passion for comic books simply cannot be translated onto the page.
It would have been interesting to see Holly actively engaged in the search, to the point where she had to develop skills and strategies. Since she started to read the stories, and apparently enjoyed them, perhaps she could adopt some of Starbuck’s tactics to use in her quest. She could learn how to negotiate, how to evaluate a product, when to cut a deal, and so on.
But she didn’t. She didn’t do any of those things. With the exception of the issue bought off eBay, Holly was simply handed the damned things. She showed no growth as a character; like all Funky Winkerbean females, she remained utterly useless and unaccountably stupid. Most of the “heavy lifting” was done by Dead Comic Dick John, who could have steered her toward becoming a savvy collector, but instead just pointed her in a direction and said, “There’s a comic book you want, over that way.” Even the information he gave her about comic books was just trivia (when it wasn’t factually wrong, that is).
And now the project is done, and I’m left wondering what the point of it all is (other than filling newspaper space, I mean). In interviews, Tom Batiuk always comes across as enthusiastic and excited about his upcoming arcs, and then, when those arcs actually see the cold light of reality, they’re just…lazy and stupid and poorly thought out.
It makes me wonder if there are two Tom Batiuks out there. There’s the friendly, engaged guy who does the interviews and personal appearances, and then there’s Tim Batiuk, who writes and draws the actual strip, based on his brother’s boastful claims. (That actually sounds like an interesting story, doesn’t it? Someone should do a comic strip based on that premise. I’d read it, at least until one of the brothers got cancer.)
Ah well, such points to ponder shall have to wait, as the door is at last unlocked, and the warm sunlight filters into my dank, brick-walled cell. Yes, folks, it’s freedom time again! Please join me in welcoming back the fabulous DavidO, who will be locked in a tiny room serve as your host for the next two weeks!
*I have a feeling that the Starbuck Jones stories themselves could be quite interesting–the story elements hinted at are certainly there, after all. As long as someone else writes and draws them, they could be worth reading. Amazing, isn’t it?
Son of Stuck Funky 
I’m guessing Cory won’t receive the Starbuck Jones collection, not because he dies in combat, but because Holly (in her mind) has developed into a hardcore comic book nerd who would now prefer to treasure the collection for her own personal gain. Yeah, that’s pretty much it, a toss-up between death or pure selfishness.
All Starbuck Jones covers can be viewed here.
So, what would be the best way to cap off this misery? I know, with yet another bitter “my mom threw out my comic books” gag!
Well, it’s not over yet, as she still has to give the comics to the Corporal. My guess is he’ll act like he’s just too cool to care, then Holly will overhear him marveling about his awesome mom and such. Then it’ll all be forgotten and never mentioned again…unless he’s planning to do an arc about a SJ movie, that is. Sigh.
“Most moms throw them out”…hurr DUR HUR DUR! A creaky old trope that’s was tiresome thirty years ago, what a perfect capper to a big lazy intelligence-insulting pile of shit. TB sits there in his little fantasy world, dreaming up a whole fictional history behind his fictional comic book title and he wastes the material on his f*cking never-read blog. Meanwhile FW features week after ponderous week of fat morons acting moronically. He gets real comic book artists to create ambitious (by FW standards) covers for his fictional SJ comic. Meanwhile his strip features a bunch of idiots explaining boring irrelevant lingo and complaining about being involved with the hobby at all. It wasn’t “about” comic book collecting or doing something kind for the troops or Starbuck Jones, it was about a dull dimwit acquiring fictional comic books, that’s it. He may pretend otherwise during those demented puff-piece interviews he does a few times a year but we know the deal. He’s just a gutless hack who stopped trying after he needlessly killed off his favorite character to generate some cheap and short-lived attention. People who HATE his strip care about it more than he does. Back in his insane Act II days he had characters getting killed and blown up and amputated and suicided on the regular but look at him now, week after week of fat babbling dopes walking around complaining. It’s sad, it really is.
Coming next week: another annoying character acts annoyingly and I complain about it. As if I’d have it any other way.
My thoughts exactly TFHackett.
Seriously, with depictions of women like that, what the hell would ever make Holly compare it to Downton Abbey? Usually people prefer to at least have the people of their demographic treated with respect in the story.
And I’m not sure why, but on my screen at least my comment is covering yours. Sorry.
Now that the quest is over, we can proceed to making it all poignant and junk by either killing Cory and having the long-box be made into a shrine OR blinding him and making it all futile.
You think Starbuck Jones could be interesting? It looks like standard 50’s-60’s bad sci-fi to me. You’ve got your bubble space helmets, your chimp-in-a-spacesuit, your tentacle monster, and of course, interchangeable pin-up models who must be rescued. Nothing original there.
I bet a lot of Starbuck Jones fans “finished off” with this issue.
I disagree that female characters in Funky Winkerbean don’t grow. They do grow: their asses, hips, thighs and chins all show growth.
That’s a right bosomy space lady that Tom drew. Wait..so these comic book covers are maybe some sort of release for The Artist? Like a low-grade Funky WankerPorn. these things will have BatTom dancing with himself by New Year’s Eve.
@TFHackett, In the early days of the internet I commented at a blog run by John Byrne pointing out that his ladies were all drawn like that. He went ballistic.
Also if you would like to see a humorous look at comic books check the arc on “Mutts” https://muttscomics.com from 2014/07/21 – 2014/07/27.
I’m sure a lot of folks here also read “The Comics Curmudgeon”, but for those of you who don’t I now repost this comment by pugfuggly.
FW Fun fact: the “Funky Felt Tip” is Batiuk’s pet name for his dong.
All I can say is bravo!
Doesn’t the fact that Star Buck Jones is only 115 issues, mean that it was a terrible comic strip? So this was a quest to capture the entire collection of a shitty comic book? I’m gonna let this sink in for a while…
Also not to nitpick, but is wearing short sleeves and cargo pants in space a good idea?
@$$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$, actually 115 issues is a pretty decent run for a comic. At an issue a month that’s almost 10 years. Man I really hate defending TB, please don’t make me do it again.
@$$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$, 115 was not the last Starbuck Jones comic; it was just the last one that Holly found. One of the special covers was issue 216, so it continued for at least another 8 years (all at 10¢ a copy, which means that the latest that issue #1 could have come out would have been 1944, which Funky bought as a boy, which means that Funky is around 80 years old, which at least matches the way he is drawn if not the “continuity” of the strip [who are we kidding, Batiuk cares as much about continuity as he does about his characters]).
and we notice the whole ‘ashcan issue’ thing has vanished without a trace. Ed Wood was a more coherent plotter.
In the Batiuk interview what stood out for me was that Holly would be ‘schooled’ by John and Harry. Not that she would learn about comics, but be ‘schooled’. Doesn’t that have disciplinary or even punitive connotations?
Unrelatedly, I am well over 50, and I remember comic prices going from .12 to .15 (chocolate bars were still .10) Maybe Batom Comics went out of business because they stubbornly kept their comics at .10 and couldn’t pay for paper, printing, or artists.
Remember DOlz, this is supposed to be a series that no one thought was good in its time and had a troubled run. And somehow got over two hundred issues.
@TFH – Thanks for the page with the covers. Because of that we can see another example of “continuity be damned” as issue #104 (Neil Vokes) makes a second appearance as Friday’s “ashcan” issue…where it is clearly numbed #7.
The laziness of these “vintage” cover simulacra is just sad. Not even the vaguest attempt to make them even remotely period in style, lettering, coloring, etc.