The total drudgery of anniversary week continues today as Dickface wildly overcompensates for botching his first anniversary so badly. Clocks, kimonos, tasteless Asian-related gags…he’s really pulling out the stops this year. In panel one he presents his stupid clock like he’s proffering up the crown jewels or something, then he’s waving around a cheap cotton kimono or what ever that thing is supposed to be, then he follows THAT up with a full-profile bit of moronic wordplay so stupid that the felt-tip groaned when TB wrote it. And may I remind you that it’s only Wednesday, which means there’s at least three more days of this torture to endure.
I remember thinking earlier this year that given all the Winkerbean-centric arcs he was doing that a Les backlog had to be building up and damn if I wasn’t right. Les Moore is the single worst character in the entire history of fiction, hands down. He truly is the Most Annoying Man In The World, literally everything he says and does irritates me thoroughly. Doing Les arcs that go longer than one week should be considered assault. It’s difficult (if not downright impossible) to believe that TheAuthor thinks anyone, anywhere likes this character. Thus he has to be pulling our collective chain…unless he really IS that out of it.
Son of Stuck Funky 
I remember thinking earlier this year that given all the Winkerbean-centric arcs he was doing that a Les backlog had to be building up and damn if I wasn’t right.
I remember thinking the same thing, only I was thinking, Hey, maybe Tom Batiuk has come to the realization that no one likes Les, and that his appearances would be scaled back.
Yes, I know, that’s the funniest thing I’ve read in a while, too. Tom Batiuk is a lot like a supervillain (see what I did there) in that it doesn’t pay to underestimate him.
The thing with Les is that no matter what he’s doing, he acts like it’s the pinnacle of mankind’s achievement. He could making a really dumb pun, inappropriately freaking out over grammar, or belatedly giving a tacky gift, and his face is so contorted from smugness it should be causing him serious pain.
Who the hell gives their spouse a clock? You know he’s been dying to use that stupid Asian joke forever, which doesn’t work at all once you remove it from the realm of Chinese food.
Huh…okay, I guess if you squint, the clock looks vaguely like a torii gate, so I guess the joke doesn’t come completely out of nowhere. (Of course torii are Japanese, as is the kimono, but hey, never let it be said that Les allows cultural awareness or sensitivity to get in the way of a weak, overplayed joke.)
Does Cayla even like Asian design? How would we know? Her role in the strip has been mostly “smiling non-entity who supports her husband” with just the occasional dash of “former athlete, because isn’t it funny that she’s better at sports than Les is?,” so she could have a rock garden and a Shinto shrine in the backyard and nobody would notice, least of all Les.
TheDiva: “because isn’t it funny that she’s better at sports than Les is?”…Summer’s entire character. But other than that, no, Cayla has no character traits aside from “good-natured doormat”.
“Hey, look! A clock!”….it’s just so seemingly random, almost as if whoever (guffaw) wrote it was just glancing at whatever happened to be in the room at the time.
Oh yeah, Les, you douchenozzle, all the really good Kimonos are all-cotton. So they can breathe.
NOTE: Please don’t take this is as a Les defense. You can hate both sides at the same time.
Les is reprehensible, given. But what has Cayla done to show she appreciates their nuptials? Nada. Zip. Zilch. She has put in no effort to the marriage, so it’s doomed to succeed by Westview standards.
Maybe it’s just personal experience, but even when my wife and I haven’t been able to afford proper gifts, we’ve still BOTH gone out of way to show how much the day means to us. And yes, our college-basketball-playing stepdaughter is required to stand there in her underwear each year, beedy-eyed nitpickers.
You know how it is — You punch Les in the face, and a minute later you want to do it again.
Excellent point, SgtSaunders…I’ve never heard of a kimono (a real one, I mean, not a Westview one) that wasn’t made of silk. But who knows when “silk” is an anniversary gift? Cayla could be long dead before that milestone rolls around.
“Hey, look! A clock!”….it’s just so seemingly random, almost as if whoever (guffaw) wrote it was just glancing at whatever happened to be in the room at the time.
Cayla: I love lamp. I LOVE LAMP.
? Well, my friends, it’s official. If this strip had even a *shred* of sense left, it’s all gone now. Exterminated. Kaput.
After seven years of this worsening craziness, I’m growing more and more convinced that Les *has* to be dreaming. Or having a bad trip. Or hit his head playing touch football in 1999. Or something!
Clocks are a no-no as an anniversary present because they suggest time running out. Then again, Batiuk would fail to realize that. After all, he fails to realize that Japan isn’t China, he fails to realize why the Great Big Book O’Cancer really wound up in the Great Big Remainder Bin and he sure fails to realize that he’s made Les the Worst Person In The World. Complete failure is his thing. It’s what he does.
“Clocks are a no-no as an anniversary present because they suggest time running out.”
An hourglass would therefore be a perfect gift in Westview.
Okay, for a second there i thought this was leading into Les announcing a big trip to Asia for the two of them…. i’ll give it another day (Batiukian pacing) but really, why else would this make sense, if Cayla’s never shown to be interesting in Asia? Or.. good lord… maybe Batiuk completely forgot she’s black.
It makes sense though if the garment in panel 2 is what it looks like to me, an Ed Hardy shirt. That fits both of the stated requirements, being made of cotton and in China.
I appreciate Les’ refurbished joke there in panel 3, though. The more things Les buys that are covered in lead paint, the quicker his demise will probably come.
Uhh….so handing a black women a gift of “cotton”?? I’m going to say this is bad writing on Batiuk’s part and nothing else.
bad wolf: Even if this is leading up to something genuinely special like an exotic vacation*, it would still be annoying because Les is being such a smug self-satisfied asshat about it. “See how romantic and thoughtful I’m being? This proves that our marriage is wonderful and you’re so lucky to have me, doesn’t it?” I wouldn’t be surprised if this tops the proposal for skeezy pandering.
*I think this is a very likely possibility, because the “modern” gift for the second anniversary is china, and “giving China” is exactly the sort of lame-ass wordplay that Les/Batiuk would think is so clever.
Here’s the list, and sadly it provides Les with cover for the clock and the cotton. He won’t have to shell out for a silk gift for a decade.
But we have leather puns to look forward to next year!
“Westview Teacher Bludgeoned By Ersatz Asian Clock – Body Found Wrapped In Cheap Kimono
The headline was grotesque and profane – even for Westview. Yet it was somehow poetic and beautiful to my eyes.”
So begins Chapter One of “Les’ Story” by Cayla Williams Moore.
Sadly, so far Les hasn’t given Cayla anything that he can’t use when she dies. Therefore the gift (s) is “theirs” and not really hers (as an anniversary gift should be). I suspect we next get the trip to China because Les has always wanted to see the Great Wall and it’s Asian.
Is there a lead anniversary? If so, I want to give Les some–from a Colt .45.
Works every time…
After today’s episode I wanna drink a Coat .45. Or several.
*Colt*
Les is reprehensible, given. But what has Cayla done to show she appreciates their nuptials?
You know, you are absolutely right. I won’t deny this for a moment. But just about the only thing that would make this week more nauseating would be to have Cayla reverently documenting how wonderful Les is to her and for her.
She had a moment like that in the wedding strips, and it was disgusting. She is nothing, so appropriately, she has nothing.
IMO it’s pretty obvious that Batom wrote this arc after realizing he’d blown Cayla off for the entire summer. The idea that ANYONE’S spouse would just be OK with that Hollywood premise was preposterous. “Yeah hon, it sure does suck staying in the totally comped five-star luxury hotel filled with the wealthy and famous, I’m just so miserable. Have a good time getting that raccoon corpse out of the crawl space, dear! See you right before school starts!”. Then he comes home and she just falls into his arms…IMO even BatBrain had to realize how far-fetched that crap was. So now, like his avatar, he’s wildly overcompensating.
This is derailing a bit, but I can’t help thinking that once the art for the graphic novel is done, the first thing Cayla will say is: “Why am I white and called, Susan?”.