In today’s strip, we learn that Dominican University of Ignatius’ athletic director isn’t here to offer Boomhauer a football scholarship (because that’s not what athletic directors do). Bull makes up for his embarrassingly idiotic assumption be being a complete schmuck to not-Durwood.
16 thoughts on “These aren’t the maladroits you’re looking for”
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Son of Stuck Funky 
“Sorry about shattering your hopes and dreams there, kiddo, but yer not a regular. Beat it”. The idea that some college would hire Bull is even dumber than the execution of this arc. Remarkable.
How…
Why…
I’m speechless. The plot is unrealistic enough, made even more ludicrous by Bull acting as dumb as a boulder. And of course it hinges on a very inappropriate joke.
Coleman Francis Batiuk, you’ve done it again.
Suspension of reality is perfectly fine if the strip is funny. But literally all there is to the joke is “sportos are idiots”, day after day after day.
And I have a feeling that Batiuk gave “Travis Tanner” a name and he’ll never be shown or mentioned in this strip again. I wonder if someone won a really boring auction.
I would like to once again remind everyone present that it was made very clear in the comic strip from late August that a man from DUI had come out to interview Bull. The principal of FW himself said this. Based on Bull’s reaction now I can only assume the following: Bull is too stupid to realize that he is being interviewed. This would also explain why he thought it was a good idea to ask for football tips from the man considering hiring him to coach football, he was too dumb to realize that the guy wasn’t there to just chat.
And of course he’d be too stupid to realize that his empty head was being hunted because Batiuk is still angry at some long-forgotten slight that happened fifty years ago. It’s like Givethanksing at my house: ancient grudges no sane person should care about get rehashed there too.
@Nathan Orbal
Coleman Francis is such a perfect comparison for Batiuk that I’m embarrassed that I didn’t notice it before. Arcs that go nowhere, aborted attempts at character development, inane plot twists, long stretches of nothing happening, repulsive leads, and of course the sullen, passive nihilism of the strip. At least Coleman Francis is nice enough to spare us the atrocious wordplay.
I have noted in the past how TB envisions himself as some sort of great novelist is the Russian styling of Tolstoy and Dostoevsky. But making a comic strip version of War & Peace is beyond his ability. Compared to FW…”Brothers Karamazov” is a comic book
I thought the quaterback was that sullen kid with the rain coat who it turned out could really throw a football – did he get hit by a bus? I’d like to think he got hit by a bus – it’s in keeping with the overall tone of the strip.
It’s like one day TB was watching Dauber on an episode of Coach and said to himself “That, but dumber. That’s called writing…”
Essentially, this is how it works in this world.
Bull, a moron, pulls out of his ass the assumption that DUI was here to interview some player, so he takes the kid out of class, raises his hopes to non-Westview levels, then dashes those hopes and–worst of all–sends him back to Les’ class. (I’m guessing on the last bit but it fits.)
But…on the other hand, the DUI (played by Dan Aykroyd) guy apparently just called up and said he was going to “pop by for something” and neglected to tell anyone what that something was. Yes, Bull should have remembered the previous visit, but Bull is a moron.
DUI guy apparently also believes that when the previous DUI scout (played by Henry Mitchell) reported that the coach actually asked for playing advice, that meant Bull was a real catch and needed a second visit.
Everyone in this world is a moron.
Star QB??? But what happened to Jared??? What did he leave school and become the next Tim Tebow? Did he get busted for steroid use and have to quit sports? Did he set himself on fire lighting a cigarette in the bathroom? Did he finally decide to become Christian Bale? Please let us know, Batiuk!!! Please!!!!! Continuity!!!!
I was wondering about Jarod Posey too. He must have been banished to that comic strip purgatory where they kept Mickey for those eleven years.
How hiring a college football coach works in the real world:
1. Job candidate travels to college town, is put up in a nice hotel, and is also wined and dined extensively. All at the college’s expense.
2. Job candidate gets tours of athletic facilities, campus, town, etc.
3. Job candidate meets and/or is interviewed by those who have a saying in the hiring process (i.e. athletic director, college president, etc.).
The reason it’s done this way is because it gives the people who make the decision on who to hire some quality time to interact with the prospects, thus getting a much better sense of each one’s real temperament and personality. It also gives the prospects a better feel for the situation they could be stepping into and allows them to access whether or not they really want the job.
A scholarship offer to a senior quarterback wouldn’t have come without the same kind of vetting (bringing the kid to tour the campus and facilities, visiting him in his home, etc). It’s just lazy writing, basically. There isn’t even a joke today, unless you think that Bull’s incompetence and indifference to his players merits a chuckle.
I know I didn’t sleep in a Holiday Inn last night, but if I had, I’d almost put money that DUI want Bull to be scout for the college. Of course, he’s not certified, but he does have a proven track record of 20+ losing seasons. Yep, it’s easy to see why DUI wants a man of Bull’s reputation.
Knowing Tom Batiuk’s track record, I think I can predict the long arc of this story. Bull gets hired by Drunken State, but get fired after setting a new school record for longest losing streak. He then has to come crawling back to Worstview as an abject failure.
Think about it. Ol’ Bull has now tasted success twice – coached the girl’s basketball team to a state title and the football team to a conference title. And we all know that if anyone (other than Less More) experiences a little success, he or she (see Cindy Summers, as a previous example) must be utterly crushed. After all, only L’auteur Glorieux’s avatar is allowed to experience sustained and continuous success.