Wow, imagine how funny today’s reference to a Crankshaft Crossover that happened 11 years ago would be if anyone us could actually remember it! Today’s strip takes some pretty big assumptions in thinking anyone but the most obsessive compulsive Funky fans would have any idea of what John is talking about. From the sounds of it, it was epic though! Someone probably got tangled in the Christmas tree lights and dangled from the roof upside down, a cat probably knocked over a Christmas tree and Crankshaft probably gave some kid a piece of coal and reminded him that back in the depression they’d be THANKFUL for coal.
18 thoughts on “Blight Christmas”
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Son of Stuck Funky 
“I only mentioned it because you kind of look like him now. You even have the grumpy demeanor and fondness for terrible wordplay.”
You know, it’s funny, but whenever I start ranting about how inconceivable it is that FW even exists, I always forget that Batom actually has TWO daily comic strips. Betcha he gets two paychecks that way too. Is anyone anywhere a daily CS reader or even a (chortle) fan? FW is more than enough for me, I have zero interest in delving into the dark and annoying recesses of the Crankyverse. Ever.
The joke itself is lazy even by Batiukian standards. It’s as cheap as it gets too. Funky hired some deranged crackpot bus driver from a few towns over to play Santa in a pizzeria for some reason. Uh yeah, Tom, sure he did. No one reads that crappy comic strip, so get over yourself already and stop trying to be too cute.
Wow, Funky has the ultimate Rage Face in panel three…as much as these characters are allowed to express emotions that aren’t sympathy for Les, I mean.
Look at him…I’m sure glad he doesn’t have a kitten’s neck between thumb and forefinger, or this strip would be about to lose a couple of hundred papers.
“Montoni’s knows how to celebrate Christmas right.” Um. No. FW’s Christmas strips from the past few years will prove otherwise. Remember last year’s sauceless pizza?
I’m sure Ed Crankshaft remembers that incident quite well. To him, it was the time those punk kids from Westview High stiffed him by paying him in pizza coupons instead of real money.
“Wow, Funky has the ultimate Rage Face in panel three”
He just discovered that today’s Crankshaft actually contained a hint of humor………………………….
So how does George “Funky” Wilson try to block out memories of Crankshaft from his mind after Dennis “Dead Skunk Head” Mitchell brings it up?
By visiting his now-chain-smoking terminally ill dad at the same nursing home where a mute lump of a Crankshaft resides at!
Batom® couldn’t give two beefwits about continuity in either strip. Why he’s asking for us to now is baffling and a sign of desperation on his part.
Crazy seems confused here, and I don’t blame him. Hiring a really grouchy guy to play Santa Claus is celebrating Christmas wrong in Westview?
Also, are you looking for a truly funky Christmas gift?
I’ve linked to this before on SoSF, but it is shockingly still listed on eBay… and now on sale for 10% off! Yep, it’s the TOM BATIUK – TYPED LETTER SIGNED 07/26.
At $539.10, this letter is an absolute bargain. Consider the following:
– It’s signed by TB
– Contains vintage Act I artwork, including Dinkle, TWO depictions of Funky and NO depictions of Les
– Relevant to people named Andrew
– Dated July 26, 2990, documented proof that TB has access to a time machine and instead of going back and killing Hitler he used it to draw cryptic comics about tsunamis, hurricanes, explosions, and attempted underwear bombings soon to happen…
– Documented proof that someone once wanted TB’s autograph, and received it for the cost of postage instead of $539.10
I was reading the strip off and on back in 2003, don’t remember this storyline. Wow, it’s been 11 years since then? Yikes. Tempus fugit, indeed.
Nathan Obral – “By visiting his now-chain-smoking terminally ill dad at the same nursing home where a mute lump of a Crankshaft resides at!”
Is Crankshaft actually committed to a nursing home now or he just happens to occasionally visit the one Funky’s dad is at?
billytheskink: “Yep, it’s the TOM BATIUK – TYPED LETTER SIGNED 07/26. Contains vintage Act I artwork…”
What’s sad is the letter doesn’t even have original artwork drawn on it, it’s just an official letterhead with some generic, pre-exisiting promotional art from the late 70s/early ’80s era along with the FW logo. Only thing that’s seems to be original is Batiuk’s signature. But hey, it’s now “on sale” at 10% off so if you act fast, you can pay the low, low price of apprx $539 instead of at least $600 for this terribly dull non-souvenier!
“– Dated July 26, 2990”
Yeah, that’s double take worthy indeed, why did he date it like that?
captain, if it’s original artwork you want, check out Funky Winkerbean Original Drawing Showing the Steps to Draw Funky By Tom Batiuk.
TB was totally messing with whoever he drew this for, as his four steps to drawing Funky consist of:
1. eyes
2. nose
3. mouth
4. everything else
re the Letter: love the $19 that will be charged for shipping.
As for the strip it is somewhat realistic in that folks who have known each other for a long time will say things like ‘remember that guy when he did that thing? Yeah. Why did you remind me of that.” but to show that without the slightest attempt to show what they are talking about is going to leave the reader wondering what the heck is going on and not in a suspense building manner.
Also in the last panel Funkly looks like he’s ready to beat skunk head senseless with a pizza spatula. But why?
billytheskink – Haha, yeah pretty basic “tutorial.”
That’s actually pretty cool though. At least it’s original cartoonist art and a collectible with real artistic value and at 34.95 a much better deal than that insulting and laughable $600 letter auction.
@captaincab: “Is Crankshaft actually committed to a nursing home now or he just happens to occasionally visit the one Funky’s dad is at?”
Judging by this flash-forward (bizarre even by Batiuk standards) it looks like Ed Crankshaft is residing in Room 216 at Bedview Manor.
216, BTW, is the area code for metropolitan Cleveland, and the former area code for Elyria and Medina.
@Professor Fate: “Also in the last panel Funkly looks like he’s ready to beat skunk head senseless with a pizza spatula. But why?”
Even the characters are starting to rebel against Batom®. This can’t be good.
Heck, why no one has beaten Dead Skunk Head, Harry L. Dinkle and St. Les the Righteous Smirker senseless with a pizza spatula is one of the more profound mysteries of modern times.
Is that 11 years on our time? Wouldn’t that make it more like 21 years in Funkyverse time, since Crankshaft didn’t have the most recent FW time jump? (Wasn’t there a storyline relatively recently where they show the same character – Cayla? – during the same week in both strips, and she’s much younger in the Crankshaft strips?)
The only thing about “Crankshaft” I’ve ever pondered is whether or not the overwhelmingly contrived sitcom spinoff feel of the thing is a deliberate “homage” or just because, you know, it’s an unbelievably contrived and stupid spinoff. I don’t especially care either way, mind you, but the way that strip so perfectly captures the 1970s sitcom spinoff vibe of shows like “The Ropers” or “Hello Larry” is uncanny.